Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[gibson]

This is where we part as far as agreements.

 

The truth is, and this is something I've observed on these forums, many men seem to love to give out the "Karma" logic. In a nutshell, in response to women who may get upset about why certain men date women much younger than them, it's where some men get it into their minds that eventually older women who may have made mistakes in the past will suffer for it in the future, not only because that can happen to any man or woman who's made bad decisions, but specifically because they're older women and "men ultimately have it better as they age."

 

And while this may be true at times (that these women will have consequences for their lack of maturity among other reasons), it still isn't true for a great number of older women. I think some men like to think it gets better for them as they age, because if it didn't, well... then they'd be at the same perceived 'disadvantage' as women their own age. And if they feel they were at disadvantage when they were younger too, then things haven't gotten much better, have they? It sounds more like a way of evening things out, even if it's not how it is half of the time. What I don't get is how both genders seems to want to have a leg up on the other, as if they're always competing about who will have it better.

 

I have no axe to grind or agenda... I am just sharing with you what I have heard from my female friends that for good or bad reasons waited until their 30's to look for a life partner have shared.

 

1. Men in their 30s can and often marry women in their 20's and 30s.

 

2. It's not very common that you see a man in his 20's date and marry a women in her 30s.

 

3. Considering 1 & 2, men have more options and a larger pool to select from.

 

4. Men are generally more shallow when it comes to looks.

 

5. Most 30 something men are going to think a women is more attractive in her 20s than in her 30s.

 

6. Women generally are not as shallow as men when it comes to looks.

 

7. Younger women with older men is more common than an older women with a younger man.

 

8. If women in her 30s wants kids... she has to meet, date, get engaged, get married, get pregnant and that takes time. Assuming you grab the right guy out of the gate, you are not leaving yourself a lot of wiggle room before before health concerns for the women or the baby come into play.

 

9. Men don't have the issue with number 8.

 

10. Etc.

Edited March 30, 2012 by gibson

[123321]

Why does it matter? It's a principle that has worked wonderfully for me, so it's certainly not stupid on my behalf. As for those men, well, the posters above appear to believe that there are hordes of young women happy and eager to be with them, so surely it's no dent in their shell.

 

It always goes well for pretty slim young women, it's later that things sometimes stop going so well. If I read your posting history right you used to be a slim young Asian chick, and now you're a little older and put on a little weight, but still cute.

 

It's not always gonna be that way, just be aware.

[Dust]

Oh, Dusty, I'm pretty sure I got it from the start that you have a tiny little soft spot for younger women. You're one of my favorites too, love, you know that.

 

...So, how 'bout that massage?

 

Oh I have a soft spot for you olright and when I found out you were almost a decade younger then me at 20 years Old I decided to make it my mission to get my hands on you before 21... haha

 

Baby you want that massage you know what you have to do!

 

I have a fantasy that I would probably need BIG BUCKS to fulfill

 

"Making out with a young attractive female who is thin and 19-21 years old on a Friday night in the summer time"

 

LOL

 

I can dream can't I?

 

You're a sick man, please keep it up this stuff is great!

 

So if she's 22, you'll turn her away?

 

If I told you I'd turn you away when you turn 21 would that help sell a sense of urgency for us?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/98577-i-dont-trust-men

 

I am tired of arguing with you. If you look I said it was cool to vent. I never said don't talk about it. I just said after a certain point venting and stressing on something is stupid. Nowhere on this thread said don't even talk about it. You just dont respect men and this thread proves it and since you dont respect men you assume men do the same when it comes to women. You can have this pity party.

 

What have I done that proves I don't respect men?

 

This is the problem. Many people think if anything is said about negative behavior a particular gender engages in, that means that person can't possibly like men or women as a whole. Being able to point out negative mentalities men hold about women has nothing to do with not respecting men.

 

And you can demean and degrade my comments to repeatidly saying it's just me, or others, having a "pity party". Then attaching a snarky little "lmao" face. But that doesn't change any of the points in the discussion.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Most likely the age range is the age she was when they began.

 

From my observations attraction doesn't change often. To me you can love & be attracted to your partner but be attracted or more attracted to others as well.

 

A guy I know is attracted to thin gals and his partner who used to be thin is heavier than she was and he checks out gals that are thin.

 

I agree with the part about him probably checking out the age range of the girls that she was when they began dating. Which is why younger women really need to be aware of what mentalities their male partners hold about their aging. Because the reality is being with such men that view age a certain negative way when it comes to women proves that he really isn't a good long term partner material. He does not have what it takes to really value and appreciate her.

 

I do think attraction can change and evolve. But this sometimes requires work, self awareness, and sexual maturity. And I am not talking about if you like blondes, making yourself like brunetts or whatever. By sexual maturity I mean the state of where a person well into adulthood continues to grow and expand in their sexuality (again I don't mean the more shallow elements of sexuality such as positions and acts) and how they see sexuality. Just as we expect these things emotionally and phyiscally as we age. You don't have the same mentality at 25 that you did 20. You won't have the same mentality at 25 that you will at 40. It is fluid. As should our sexuality be. But men in most cases do not partake in sexuality in terms of growing and changing with their age. And that's really unfortunate for both me nand women. I find women more realistically accept and evolve with age then men do. There are two components of sex. There are the more shallow components and the deeper ones. By "shallow" I mean the things that we see on the surface such as what new positions a couple might want to do or games they want to play. But there are deeper elements to sexuality that I think largely go unexplored.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Also most men don't want a man hater who wants all men to pay for the crimes of other men no matter what age they are.

 

Women don't want that either Woggle. And women certainly don't want to be with men that say they are worthless after a certain age or whatever bs line certain men come up with to diminish women's worth. Even younger women shouldn't be with men that view their age like a commodity.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I have no axe to grind or agenda... I am just sharing with you what I have heard from my female friends that for good or bad reasons waited until their 30's to look for a life partner have shared.

 

1. Men in their 30s can and often marry women in their 20's and 30s.

 

2. It's not very common that you see a man in his 20's date and marry a women in her 30s.

 

3. Considering 1 & 2, men have more options and a larger pool to select from.

 

4. Men are generally more shallow when it comes to looks.

 

5. Most 30 something men are going to think a women is more attractive in her 20s than in her 30s.

 

6. Women generally are not as shallow as men when it comes to looks.

 

7. Younger women with older men is more common than an older women with a younger man.

 

8. If women in her 30s wants kids... she has to meet, date, get engaged, get married, get pregnant and that takes time. Assuming you grab the right guy out of the gate, you are not leaving yourself a lot of wiggle room before before health concerns for the women or the baby come into play.

 

9. Men don't have the issue with number 8.

 

10. Etc.

 

 

Out of all the people I know... my friends, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents and my parents...I only know of two couples that had significant age differences. My parents and a girlfriend of mine who is now divorced and married to a younger man.

 

Most people stick within their own age range.

 

Further, it's time you read about male fertility. Because number 8 isn't true. Men do not have as much wiggle room as they "wish" was the case. I have a lot of friends currently that are beginning to have babies and want not and talking to doctors and a number of gfs have talked to me about how the doctors have been strong about the fact that both women AND men should be having children sooner then later. No sincere honest good medical doctor is ever going to tell a man that he should wait to have kids. And by the track record of what these doctors are telling my friend's husbands, men shouldn't be waiting anymore to have kids then women should. Wake up. Because at the end of the day, the only people you have the potential to screw over are your own potential children. Everytime I see guys ignore their own fertility I just shake my head because it comes at the cost of that man's own children. He is so completely selfish he rather lie to himself about his fertility even if it means complications with his own children that his own children will have to live with for the rest of their lives. It's mind blowing.

[Els]

It always goes well for pretty slim young women, it's later that things sometimes stop going so well. If I read your posting history right you used to be a slim young Asian chick, and now you're a little older and put on a little weight, but still cute.

 

It's not always gonna be that way, just be aware.

 

I'm not entirely sure what your point is. Certainly I will age, but when that time comes, I am still not going to be interested in the men who are solely interested in pursuing women 10+ years their junior. The only difference is that this time, they will not be interested in me either. Surely the end result is the same, except it saves me some needless harassing?

 

I have generally had not much problem finding a like-minded man close to my age who appreciates me for my intellect and personality and passions. I would rather be happily single anyway, than be with the sort of man we're talking about, regardless of whether they want me or not.

[123321]

Women don't want that either Woggle. And women certainly don't want to be with men that say they are worthless after a certain age or whatever bs line certain men come up with to diminish women's worth. Even younger women shouldn't be with men that view their age like a commodity.

 

I see this line a lot, and it's either an accidental or unintentional misrepresentation of the way most guys feel about this. There is no "worthless after a certain age" line for anyone I know, but many guys I know would prefer to start a new relationship with a younger woman rather than an older one.

 

That says nothing about maintaining an ongoing relationship. The reduced baggage, reduced bitterness, and overall nicer attitude comes from not already being mistreated by a long line of bad choices in men. If we can be a good choice for her, she will continue to be baggage light and a delight to be with.

 

Some older women are cheerful and wonderful to be around, but if you eliminate the ones who are happily married a lot of those go away, and the pool of single women over 35 who are actively dating contains, in my experience, a disproportionate number of angry, man hating, jaded, and unlovable people.

[Els]

Some older women are cheerful and wonderful to be around, but if you eliminate the ones who are happily married a lot of those go away, and the pool of single women over 35 who are actively dating contains, in my experience, a disproportionate number of angry, man hating, jaded, and unlovable people.

 

I think this is probably true, that the viable single pool decreases with age. The bone of contention some people have to pick with this theory, is that it is true for men and women. There are also fewer men over 35 who have not had bad relationship experiences and allowed it to affect their views of women, compared to young men right out of college. This does not tie in with the logic of age being good for men and not for women. If this is your reasoning, surely it applies to both.

[Woggle]

The angry and bitter misandrists come in all ages and to be fair there are angry and bitter men as well. This society has a tendency to wear people down and that goes for anybody no matter what gender, race or background they are. One thing I love about my wife is that she still has that passion and energy for life that many lose once they have been out in the real world too long.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I see this line a lot, and it's either an accidental or unintentional misrepresentation of the way most guys feel about this. There is no "worthless after a certain age" line for anyone I know, but many guys I know would prefer to start a new relationship with a younger woman rather than an older one.

 

That says nothing about maintaining an ongoing relationship. The reduced baggage, reduced bitterness, and overall nicer attitude comes from not already being mistreated by a long line of bad choices in men. If we can be a good choice for her, she will continue to be baggage light and a delight to be with.

 

Some older women are cheerful and wonderful to be around, but if you eliminate the ones who are happily married a lot of those go away, and the pool of single women over 35 who are actively dating contains, in my experience, a disproportionate number of angry, man hating, jaded, and unlovable people.

 

You do see the irony in your comments though right? Complaining about how jaded and bitter women are makes one jaded themselves.

 

I'm sorry but the reality is that men that hold certain mentalities of their age vs women's do infact think women are worthless depending on their age. Which is why these men go for younger women specifically. They don't really respect women. NOt even that younger woman. They just want to use her age.

 

I have gone out on my fair of dates with men that have been bitter and jaded. This happens within both genders and it's sincerely not specific to age. It takes a lot in this world to not let life wear you down. For both men and women. So I don't really buy into your excuse or justification. If a man really wants to find a woman his own age, he will. If a man prizes a woman's age over his own, he will seek that out too. Unfortunetly, he is really not a good mate even for that younger woman since he is putting her worth and stock in her age. And one day, she will age as well. And when she sees him turning his head to once again look at the same age group of girls he always has, he will teach her something important and sad about the way he sees her and women in general. So the solution? For women to be aware and seek out men that really sincerely like women of all ages. That date and interact and are encouraging to women of all ages. Not just men that talk about how younger women are better, even as these men themselves are quite older. This is my advice to women younger then me. Be aware of what your partner thinks about your age and ask yourself if he would still be dating you if you were his same age.

[Els]

You do see the irony in your comments though right? Complaining about how jaded and bitter women are makes one jaded themselves.

 

I'm sorry but the reality is that men that hold certain mentalities of their age vs women's do infact think women are worthless depending on their age. Which is why these men go for younger women specifically. They don't really respect women. NOt even that younger woman. They just want to use her age.

 

I have gone out on my fair of dates with men that have been bitter and jaded. This happens within both genders and it's sincerely not specific to age. It takes a lot in this world to not let life wear you down. For both men and women. So I don't really buy into your excuse or justification. If a man really wants to find a woman his own age, he will. If a man prizes a woman's age over his own, he will seek that out too. Unfortunetly, he is really not a good mate even for that younger woman since he is putting her worth and stock in her age. And one day, she will age as well. And when she sees him turning his head to once again look at the same age group of girls he always has, he will teach her something important and sad about the way he sees her and women in general. So the solution? For women to be aware and seek out men that really sincerely like women of all ages. That date and interact and are encouraging to women of all ages. Not just men that talk about how younger women are better, even as these men themselves are quite older. This is my advice to women younger then me. Be aware of what your partner thinks about your age and ask yourself if he would still be dating you if you were his same age.

 

To be fair, DY, I don't think young women are all the naive, helpless children that they are made out to be. I'm sure some young women are easily fooled, but I think many of them go into those relationships with their eyes wide open. Even those who know that the man is specifically dating her for her youth and beauty (and those who know that he isn't, but just happened to fall in love with her, but this post isn't about those). She knows what the trade-off is, and she's fine with it. I mean, I don't believe for a second that Crystal was enamored by Hefner and thought that he was with her for her, say, personality. She knew what he wanted, but she also knew what SHE wanted.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

To be fair, DY, I don't think young women are all the naive, helpless children that they are made out to be. I'm sure some young women are easily fooled, but I think many of them go into those relationships with their eyes wide open. Even those who know that the man is specifically dating her for her youth and beauty (and those who know that he isn't, but just happened to fall in love with her, but this post isn't about those). She knows what the trade-off is, and she's fine with it. I mean, I don't believe for a second that Crystal was enamored by Hefner and thought that he was with her for her, say, personality. She knew what he wanted, but she also knew what SHE wanted.

 

I don't think young women are helpless naive children either Elswyth. But I do know that I know more now then when I was 21. That I am a different person. And there are some things I wish I had know sooner. I am also a firm believer that women need female mentors to help them. The same way men need to mentor younger generations of men too. I do think women a young woman is dating an older man, she isn't thinking about what this could possibly mean regarding his attitude toward women and age in general. I know when I was younger, I didn't think about that. i wish I had.

 

I also think there is a difference between the Crystal and Hefner thing vs just a regular younger woman in the real world working on figuring out life on a different scale dating regular men.

[123321]

I think this is probably true, that the viable single pool decreases with age. The bone of contention some people have to pick with this theory, is that it is true for men and women. There are also fewer men over 35 who have not had bad relationship experiences and allowed it to affect their views of women, compared to young men right out of college. This does not tie in with the logic of age being good for men and not for women. If this is your reasoning, surely it applies to both.

 

I agree, all I can do about myself is be as kind as I can, try to keep a positive attitude, be a good person, and get on with life. I can't control my age or many other things.

 

I can control who I date from within the pool of those willing to date me, and I do. As I noted but some seem to conveniently forget, that has included ages 26 years younger to 16 years older, but mostly younger as I have found that older women who are active in the dating market tend to be unpleasant to date.

 

 

 

I'm sorry but the reality is that men that hold certain mentalities of their age vs women's do infact think women are worthless depending on their age. Which is why these men go for younger women specifically. They don't really respect women.

 

Maybe, wouldn't know, all I can say is as I stated above, while I'e dated all ages (within reason) the women I ended up spending 3rd dates with or longer have tended to be younger. But not always. Some of the younger ones were a pain in my ass, and a few older ones have been a joy to spend time with.

[gibson]

This is my advice to women younger then me. Be aware of what your partner thinks about your age and ask yourself if he would still be dating you if you were his same age.

 

Hahahahaha!

 

I hate to break it to you, but you are going to have to step up your efforts if you plan on changing several generations of women minds who like and prefer being with older men.

 

I might also suggest, as you spread the "gospel" of how bad it is (even though there are many couples that have age gap relationships that work)... You might want to focus on more important things instead... Like only date men of quality, substance and who have character, values, morals, integrity, etc. instead of losers and "bad boys" that use them, mistreat them and some that even emotional and physically abused them.

 

From my experience I run into a lot more "damaged" women who date / dated losers and "bad boys" in their age group than I have women who were "damaged" by age gap relationships.

Edited March 30, 2012 by gibson

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Maybe, wouldn't know, all I can say is as I stated above, while I'e dated all ages (within reason) the women I ended up spending 3rd dates with or longer have tended to be younger. But not always. Some of the younger ones were a pain in my ass, and a few older ones have been a joy to spend time with.

 

I suspect that the reason you spent more time dating younger women had less to do with them and how they were and more to do with you and who you are 123. After all, you are the common denominator in this equation.

 

And if you really think about it, you're own thoughts on this topic have their fair amount of jadedness involved.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Hahahahaha!

 

I hate to break it to you, but you are going to have to step up your efforts if you plan on changing several generations of women minds who like and prefer being with older men.

 

I might also suggest, as you spread the "gospel" of how bad it is (even though there are many couples that have age gap relationships that work)... You might want to focus on more important things instead... Like only date men of quality, substance and who have character, values, morals, integrity, etc. instead of losers and "bad boys" that use them, mistreat them and some that even emotional and physically abused them.

 

From my experience I run into a lot more "damaged" women who date / dated losers and "bad boys" in their age group than I have women who were "damaged" by age gap relationships.

 

Again, most people I know are pretty much with people of the same age. I do think dating older men use to hold more sway then it does currently. Since women have more economic freedoms, less women are turning to men for financial support. Which means less women are hunting for older men.

 

I also don't see something all inclusively wrong with an older man dating a younger woman. I only see something wrong in men that only specifically date younger women or tout their virtues over women their own age.

 

Men of quality and character do not only come in older ages. Many younger men can have these qualities and many older men can still be quite immature. And it's my experience that men that specifically go for younger women only are still a bit immature in their own skin.

 

All I am saying is that it doesn't even benefit a younger woman to date the type of older man that sees her age as a commodity. And many men in this very thread clearly see age as a commodity.

[Negative Nancy]

I could have had a number of younger women who wanted a relationship with me but instead I chose to marry my wife.

 

you've mentioned several times on here how she did not look a day older than 25 when you met her. so even you go for the perceived younger ones.

[123321]

I suspect that the reason you spent more time dating younger women had less to do with them and how they were and more to do with you and who you are 123. After all, you are the common denominator in this equation.

 

Some people like pears, some prefer peaches.

 

I have gone on a lot of 1st dates with women of all ages but I tend to not go on 2nd or further dates with them as much. Now sure, it's obvious I'm the one choosing not to continue most of the time, however if it were a straight up age thing there wouldn't be a 1st date at all.

 

I just have very little tolerance for attitude, drama, and things like that. So yeah, that's me not tolerating a lot of bullcrap, but I don't care how old the package is, I'm discriminating based on it's content. I won't tolerate drama or BS from a 19 year old any longer than I will from a 45 year old, in fact respect might make me treat the 45 yer old with a little more patience.

[123321]

Again, most people I know are pretty much with people of the same age. I do think dating older men use to hold more sway then it does currently. Since women have more economic freedoms, less women are turning to men for financial support. Which means less women are hunting for older men.

 

That's not actually borne out by studies, the difference is quite small and showed no significant change, a small change to more women marrying older men was visible but not really significant.

[Els]

I don't think young women are helpless naive children either Elswyth. But I do know that I know more now then when I was 21. That I am a different person. And there are some things I wish I had know sooner. I am also a firm believer that women need female mentors to help them. The same way men need to mentor younger generations of men too. I do think women a young woman is dating an older man, she isn't thinking about what this could possibly mean regarding his attitude toward women and age in general. I know when I was younger, I didn't think about that. i wish I had.

 

I also think there is a difference between the Crystal and Hefner thing vs just a regular younger woman in the real world working on figuring out life on a different scale dating regular men.

 

Fair points. From my experience, though, younger women do generally know what they're getting into. I know ONE woman who constantly makes a point of dating older men (and even she stays in the 5-10 years older range), and she isn't terribly subtle about what she wants and likes about them.

[kaylan]

I agree with the first half of your response, since I think that if you do take care of yourself and generally have your sh*t together, then that's a good enough reason to want a partner who's similar. I'm not sure if these good older women are really almost impossible to find, though, as I used to think in that way myself when I had a certain preference in men. Sometimes we can be so set on our own preferences that we end up missing other good potential partners when they're presented to us.

 

 

 

This is where we part as far as agreements.

 

The truth is, and this is something I've observed on these forums, many men seem to love to give out the "Karma" logic. In a nutshell, in response to women who may get upset about why certain men date women much younger than them, it's where some men get it into their minds that eventually older women who may have made mistakes in the past will suffer for it in the future, not only because that can happen to any man or woman who's made bad decisions, but specifically because they're older women and "men ultimately have it better as they age."

 

And while this may be true at times (that these women will have consequences for their lack of maturity among other reasons), it still isn't true for a great number of older women. I think some men like to think it gets better for them as they age, because if it didn't, well... then they'd be at the same perceived 'disadvantage' as women their own age. And if they feel they were at disadvantage when they were younger too, then things haven't gotten much better, have they? It sounds more like a way of evening things out, even if it's not how it is half of the time. What I don't get is how both genders seems to want to have a leg up on the other, as if they're always competing about who will have it better.

This. This. This.

 

Guys really need to stop acting like women are always going to get their karmic comeuppance. Was their dating life that crappy in your 20s that they need to wish bad dating karma on all women in their 30s? Really bros? How do they know all these older women were the women who were bad to guys in their 20s?

 

And how in the world do you know if these women will get some karmic commuppance. If anything its simply wishful thinking, because like Thieves said, its better to wish they are doing better than their female counterparts then to acknowledge that maybe they are still having the same luck with women now, as they did in their younger days.

[Woggle]

you've mentioned several times on here how she did not look a day older than 25 when you met her. so even you go for the perceived younger ones.

 

Everybody and I mean everybody is attracted to people that look good on first impression. I had a casual sexual relationship with a woman that could have been a model and I never wanted to take it further so it is about more than just looks. Also I am in my early 30s and met her when I was 26 so it made sense for me to be into young women since I was that age.

[123321]

How do they know all these older women were the women who were bad to guys in their 20s?

 

I think what they said here was that many women have been treated poorly by the men they chose to date, not the other way around.