Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Women in the last fifty years, have acquired rights and advantages that are simply unprecedented in human history. Therefore to expect greater introspection and sensitivity to women's concerns from men is very unrealistic and you are dispensing a lot of energy into forcing a segment of men to express empathy. I understand it is frustrating, disheartening, and perhaps demoralizing, but you cannot change 5000 millennia of cultural programming especially when many men have enjoyed this advantage for a long time. I expect that after at least a century has passed, that male/female dynamics will have changed to reflect a more egalitarian mindset, but your best bet now is to focus on the type of men that appreciate women for who they are despite the wrinkles, the supposed "baggage", the cellulite and lack of luster of "youthful" good looks. Sure they are rare, but it they are not a statistical improbability.

 

Zed, I "liked" your post and I do agree with it. But the only way those things will change is we talk about the issues and are open about it. I know that sometimes I beat the dead horse and my passion for it flies out. And I am sure that it can be annoying for some. I understand that and I am not surprised if people sometimes get bent with me. But I want to hold tight to the values I want. And I want to keep talking about them because I think that's partly the way you get things to change. partly...

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think it is ok to vent now and then. If people get stuck in it, then that's a problem.

 

I stopped doing OLD because it didn't make me feel good about men and really don't need regular reminders of the run-of-the mill shallowness. Plus, I was also tired of being kind of the circus freak there. Not worth it. I'll stick to my own kind or find a place where women like me aren't 'freaks'

 

If I get desperate, I suppose I could go back there for a fling posing as a 'relationship'. Seems like that is what most people there are up to anyway.

 

Red, that's why I stopped doing online dating too. It also didn't make me feel good about men. It was discouraging.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Your post shows a complete lack of understanding of human nature and of how men work and how they are different from women.

 

The most attractive women to any mature adult attractive man is a woman who has tryed to understand how men work, realize and accept that men are different from women and that it is not something they choose, and who has actually tried to put herself in mens shoes and see things from their point of view.

 

Women like this are rare and hard to find. I have found one like this and that's one of the main reasons I'm marrying her and will stay with her into old age.

 

And how often do you return the favor? How often do you as a man try to understand how women work? Accept the different ways a woman can work? Put yourself in a woman's shoes?

 

I have no doubt that men want someone who wants to try and understand them! But so do women!

 

And you are giving advice to women about putting themselves in men's shoes in a thread that is dedicated to putting women down for getting older! Huh? What about men putting themselves in women's shoes?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I tell women to try and understand men and accept that they have no control over what they find attractive, but I also tell men the same thing.

 

I know for a fact that my GF finds tall guys, (taller than me) guys with six packs, (I don't have a six pack) muscular guys, (more muscular than me) attractive. She thinks the actor that played in the newest conan movie is hot. I don't look anything like that guy:laugh:.

 

My point is that I understand and accept that she finds certain guys attractive that have traits that I don't have.

 

I don't try to shame her and punish her for it. I don't tell her that it's " disgusting" that she finds certain men with certain traits attractive.

I try to understand women and what they find attractive so I know that there is nothing wrong her and that it's not a choice for her.

 

I also know that she loves me and thinks I'm hot

 

Well, attraction CAN be a choice. Because attraction is partially culturally swayed. You can choose to buy into certain stereotyped ideals of either gender or you can choose to go a different direction.

 

There is also a difference between finding certain things attractive and verbally punishing the other gender with comments about how they are old hags. There has been more negative talk toward women on this thread yet you seem to be giving advice to women to stop judging what men find attractive.

 

I think that a lot of men today do not let themselves or their sexuality grow. So men get older, but they stay in the same mindset they were when they were 20. Now when I was 15, I was attracted to 15 year old boys. When I was 20, I was no longer attracted to 15 year old boys. I am not saying that someone 30+ can't ever be attracted to soemone 20 (being attracted to a 15 year old would be gross). But there is no reason for men of the same age to look down so much on women their own age. And there is no reason for the vitrol and spite and meaness that comes from these men's mouths about women who are bascially their peers.

 

Further, there is a huge difference between being attracted to a younger man or woman and completely disparaging people your own age or having the inability to not be attracted to people your own age as well.

 

Men seem to want to shame women for the fact they get older.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm an old hag and proud! Nobody can shame me for it. If I were to take on shame for my age, I'd be a fool. We all have youth, we all get older, as long as we're alive. It's all fleeting, and it all has good and bad.

[123321]

I've always wondered why i've always gotten much more attention from guys at least a few years older than me, as opposed to guys around my own age. I've dated two much older guys before, one was 10/11 years older than me and the other was 7/8 years older. I found them much easier to get along with and way more mature, there was no BS games. But on the flipside they didn't want anything serious, but neither did i. I think guys just don't see themselves as 'old', even if they're 10 years older than you they still see themselves as a young guy.

 

I have always just "seen myself" as a guy, period. I've never been hung up on age at all, although there are realities to be faced if someone is dating with an intent to marry and start a family.

[Badsingularity]

And how often do you return the favor? How often do you as a man try to understand how women work? Accept the different ways a woman can work? Put yourself in a woman's shoes?

 

I have,I still do, and I'm not done.

 

I think it would be better to ask you this question because based on your posts you still have a long way to go before you understand men.

 

 

 

I have no doubt that men want someone who wants to try and understand them! But so do women!

 

That's why for the last several years I have been trying to do so with an open mind.

 

And you are giving advice to women about putting themselves in men's shoes in a thread that is dedicated to putting women down for getting older! Huh? What about men putting themselves in women's shoes?

 

I have never put any woman down for getting older.

 

I was responding to one womens post.

 

If you read many of my posts you would see that I offer the same type of advice I gave in this thread to men.

 

I give advice to men about how to better understand women so that they can have successful relationships with them.

 

I give advice to women about how to better understand men so that they can have successful relationships with them.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Badsingularity

I think it would be better to ask you this question because based on your posts you still have a long way to go before you understand men.

 

I agree that I still have a long way to go before I understand men.

 

It appears like everything men want out of women makes women disposable to them. Everything men want includes revolving around a woman's looks and age. I am not sure how I am to reconcile that with being more understanding toward men's "needs". It seems like men need to make women disposable and their worth based on our looks.

 

 

I give advice to women about how to better understand men so that they can have successful relationships with them.

 

How do you have more successful relationsihps with men when they see you as a depreciating value?

[123321]

I don't know any cougars who feel entitled to a younger man.

 

What guy feels entitled to a younger woman? We sometimes just get them, that's all.

[123321]

How do you have more successful relationsihps with men when they see you as a depreciating value?

 

I don't see a woman as depreciating in value, I see them as appreciating in value the longer we are together.

[Badsingularity]

I agree that I still have a long way to go before I understand men.

 

It appears like everything men want out of women makes women disposable to them. Everything men want includes revolving around a woman's looks and age. I am not sure how I am to reconcile that with being more understanding toward men's "needs". It seems like men need to make women disposable and their worth based on our looks.

 

 

 

 

How do you have more successful relationsihps with men when they see you as a depreciating value?

 

It has nothing to do with worth or value as a person. A women's value and worth does not go down with age.

 

Men and women are different. You need to come to terms with this if you want to have a deep trusting relationship with a man.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It has nothing to do with worth or value as a person. A women's value and worth does not go down with age.

 

Men and women are different. You need to come to terms with this if you want to have a deep trusting relationship with a man.

 

This doesn't answer my questions.

 

How do you ahve a deep and trusting relationship when men view you as a depreciating value?

 

Clearly a lot of men tie up women's worth and value in their age and looks. There are several male posters here that have pretty much summed up the worth of women to being young and pretty. I feel like you are ignoring this and instead you want women to look onto men with a kittens and rainbows attitude and smile when men tell them they like younger women.

 

Okay, men and women are different. But how do you even have relationships with a men if they see your worth in your age and looks and tell you how crappy and worthless you are as you get older?

[joystickd]

This doesn't answer my questions.

 

How do you ahve a deep and trusting relationship when men view you as a depreciating value?

 

Clearly a lot of men tie up women's worth and value in their age and looks. There are several male posters here that have pretty much summed up the worth of women to being young and pretty. I feel like you are ignoring this and instead you want women to look onto men with a kittens and rainbows attitude and smile when men tell them they like younger women.

 

Okay, men and women are different. But how do you even have relationships with a men if they see your worth in your age and looks and tell you how crappy and worthless you are as you get older?

 

How do you know the man you are with sees you that way? I understand why you would think that but not all men see women as depreciating value. There are men that treasure the women they are with and truly appreciate what they have to offer (not meaning sex). The guys on here that talk about young and pretty are not reflective of all men. I believe you can find someone that will appreciate you.

[123321]

There are men that treasure the women they are with and truly appreciate what they have to offer (not meaning sex). The guys on here that talk about young and pretty are not reflective of all men. I believe you can find someone that will appreciate you.

 

The two are not mutually exclusive, if i was looking to start a family, I would prefer to begin a relationship with a younger woman for a variety of reasons, but when I'm in an ongoing relationship with a woman I see her as appreciating in value and preciousness as time passes.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

123, you dating younger women has nothing to do with any of the questions I asked. We've all hearad a million times what a big stud you are and your self satisfaction with yourself and younger women. Seriously, we get it. You think you're a big stud. Congrats!

 

I've posed a question hoping for a serious answer. Not for more self congrats about the younger women you date. And certainly not to hear you reinforce the negative stereotypes that I already believe to be true about men. When you say you pick younger women for x,y and z reasons, you infact do see women younger then yourself as more valuable. And you are exactly the kind of man women should avoid.

[wilsonx]

This doesn't answer my questions.

 

How do you ahve a deep and trusting relationship when men view you as a depreciating value?

 

Clearly a lot of men tie up women's worth and value in their age and looks. There are several male posters here that have pretty much summed up the worth of women to being young and pretty. I feel like you are ignoring this and instead you want women to look onto men with a kittens and rainbows attitude and smile when men tell them they like younger women.

 

Okay, men and women are different. But how do you even have relationships with a men if they see your worth in your age and looks and tell you how crappy and worthless you are as you get older?

 

Very Simple Concept... You want to keep a man, its easy, dont be a douche, dont DISRESPECT him, and take care of yourself.

 

You disrespect a guy, you're toast. May not be immediately but down the road it will end for you

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Very Simple Concept... You want to keep a man, its easy, dont be a douche, dont DISRESPECT him, and take care of yourself.

 

You disrespect a guy, you're toast. May not be immediately but down the road it will end for you

 

Oh wow! Thanks that answers everything!

 

Don't be a douchebag! Wow, with that peril of wisdom I know exactly how to deal with men now! Because I usually always try to be douchebag.

 

I love how you guys say it's so "easy", yet you come on here and so many men complain about women and disrespect them.

[wilsonx]

Women dont want respect, they want security

 

Men want respect

 

This is a very simple concept to grasp.

 

Give us respect, we give you security, and vice versa

[123321]

I've posed a question hoping for a serious answer.

 

I've given serious answers. Why do I think the women I date should include younger women? Because they will date me if I ask. Why would I ask younger women? Because I don't discriminate based on age, much. I do discriminate based on other things like baggage and appearance, that maybe correlate somewhat with age but that's not the same thing.

 

I do not believe, as you repeatedly assert, that a woman I'm in a relationship with becomes less valuable in the relationship as we go on, in fact I believe the opposite. I do believe that as time goes on, a lot of women tend to start complaining about being able to get dates. Getting a date and maintaining a relationship are fundamentally different things, however.

[RedRobin]

Very Simple Concept... You want to keep a man, its easy, dont be a douche, dont DISRESPECT him, and take care of yourself.

 

You disrespect a guy, you're toast. May not be immediately but down the road it will end for you

 

"Respect" for alot of men comes in a form where we are supposed to believe he is naturally superior because he happened to be born with an outy instead of an inny.

 

Sorry. ain't happnin'

[joystickd]

"Respect" for alot of men comes in a form where we are supposed to believe he is naturally superior because he happened to be born with an outy instead of an inny.

 

Sorry. ain't happnin'

Some not a lot. Funny how the small minority of men end up representing all of men.

[joystickd]

"Respect" for alot of men comes in a form where we are supposed to believe he is naturally superior because he happened to be born with an outy instead of an inny.

 

Sorry. ain't happnin'

When I say this its for the men and women. If the opposite sex is so bad why don't you try the same sex. I wonder the same for the guys that talk about feminism

[RedRobin]

Some not a lot. Funny how the small minority of men end up representing all of men.

 

Having spent a good bit of my formative years in the South, it seems that viewpoint is pretty much indoctrinated down there (men are superior). The Southern Baptist Convention has it in their code. So have a couple of other major religions.

 

My point is not to derail the thread... but simply point out that I didn't dream this up.

[joystickd]

Having spent a good bit of my formative years in the South, it seems that viewpoint is pretty much indoctrinated down there (men are superior). The Southern Baptist Convention has it in their code. So have a couple of other major religions.

 

My point is not to derail the thread... but simply point out that I didn't dream this up.

I know but that notion is not reflective of men. It's like me saying all women want a man with money. Some do but its not reflective of all women. The only thing I say to the women on here is actually acknowledge there are good men out there. They may not be in the pool you like to pick your men from but they are out there. You can't let bad experiences limit the view of all men. Trust me I been through hell with women, but I know all of them are not bad. There are good women out there. I'm a Baptist but I don't subscribe to that belief.

[PinkInTheLimo]

What does the women being black have to do with it? Are they women from another country?

 

I am not in the USA, I am in Europe where black people are most of the time immigrants. Actually they are often political refugees. Nothing wrong with that. Just something wrong with a guy who has a fetish for a certain skin colour.