Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[RedRobin]

... Let's try this again.

 

In the cases when much younger men (more than 10 years) have hit on me, I assumed they were only interested in a fling. In a couple of the cases, I've had the misfortune of going some ways down the path of attraction without ever disclosing our mutual ages... only to see the look of disappointment on their face when I tell them. Well, it is probably mutual.

 

That 'disappointment' isn't because one of them wants kids or whatever. It is because I know what flack I'm going to get from everyone around me if I do pursue that relationship. Even one that is more than a few years younger (lets say -5) is going to get its share of raised eyebrows.

 

If the guy happens to be a rather high 'status' man... once I find out I'm older, I'll nix it. Yep. Self-selection. Why do I do that? Because of many of the things/ideas expressed on this board. I know that, despite my wonderful qualities and youthful 'spirit' and even my youthful appearing outsides... when it comes down to what they tell their family at Xmas time or over the dinner table, it won't be pretty... That I have an extra hurdle to jump simply because of our age difference... and it doesn't have to be much.

 

People don't really bat an eyelash if the man is +10 years older. But if the woman is, that is huge.

 

That is society. The question is then, why do I care?

 

I care because I really do think one is more compatible with someone close to their own age... and all things considered, ought to spend more of their time in that pool IF they are looking for long-term compatibility.

 

I also care because I'm not here to keep score and really just don't need other people's crap. I've got enough wierd things about me that people see the need to criticize. It just gets old after awhile. I just want some peace for a change.

 

At the end of the day though... I really just want someone I can love and who loves me back. I suppose I could try a little harder not to let other people's judgements get to me so much.

[xxoo]

It seems like a majority of men on LS infact are telling women how crappy they get as they get older. And it's really a miniority of men that like, ARE ATTRACTED to, women their own age. ANd yes, I think it's an issue of respect, and how you seey our own worth compared to women. I think these type of men think they are better with age. And they pick younger women because they think younger women are better. You can fancy it up anyway you want but it does not distract from that core message. And that is the core message. .

 

Not better. Just more physically attractive as a group.

 

It may be you that is associating beauty with "better", and loss of beauty with "crappy".

 

I don't think there is a 70 year old man or woman alive who looks at a group of 70 year olds (opposite gender) and thinks "hotties!" But 70 year old men and women can see a special "something" in one 70 year old of the opposite sex (often associated with a youthful energy), and be very attracted.

[Oxy Moronovich]

DY I want you to realy think about this.

 

XXOO is very happy in a loving LTR with a man.

 

I am very happy in a loving LTR with a women.

 

We are both telling you the same thing. Yet you still tell us we are wrong.

Yep. You notice its the women who aren't in happy relationships who are fueling this thread the most. mesmerized is trying to just xxoo by how much she's dating and saying xxoo isn't knowledgeable based on her habits. But she overlooks that her friend DY is just as bad, if not worse in dating, but mesmerized hasn't said a word...hmm.

 

Alotta people only listen to the words of those who agree with them. Not those who are right. xxoo's advice is good but it doesn't agree with the posts that wanna judge all men. That's why she's judged.

[RedRobin]

When you have as much money as I have you can get any women you want.

 

... and lets not forget... truckloads of PEPSI too.

 

Drink more Coke and support my alma-mater!. Hell, Donald. Buy PEPSI and run it into the ground like you've done with so many of your other business ventures.

 

Then people would have no choice but to buy Coca-cola... and you, Donald, would have to trade in your hot, young GF's for someone your own age.

 

ha ha

[Oxy Moronovich]

... and lets not forget... truckloads of PEPSI too.

 

Drink more Coke and support my alma-mater!. Hell, Donald. Buy PEPSI and run it into the ground like you've done with so many of your other business ventures.

 

Then people would have no choice but to buy Coca-cola... and you, Donald, would have to trade in your hot, young GF's for someone your own age.

 

ha ha

Why do you keep responding to these trolls? Are you a real poster or a troll yourself?

[RedRobin]

And if you can't learn to accept some realities of humanity (like the fact that youth is beautiful) without feeling desperately threatened.

 

I agree with this.

 

I also agree with the other posters who are confused, sad, afraid, angry... that they won't find someone who loves them for them.

 

That said, it is alot harder to love someone who is always angry over things they can't control.

 

We all have our personal insecurities. I've learned to avoid men (or women) who deal with their own insecurities by projecting onto other people... and am developing the personal resilience not to absorb their negativity in whatever form it takes. Am also learning to sit on my hands, and bite my tongue when I'm tempted to lash out myself.

 

It can be difficult sometimes. Humor helps. I appreciate the sense of humor you bring to these tough discussions.

[RedRobin]

Why do you keep responding to these trolls? Are you a real poster or a troll yourself?

 

I'm a real poster, silly.

 

Just trying to inject some humor. Sheesh.

 

Besides, I really like Coca-cola. What? You have a problem with 'dat?!!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

 

Bitch.

 

Really Phineas? Wow. That's your response to a thread where I make it clear that I don't think you hate women but I do think you got some issues. This response goes to prove me right.

[RedRobin]

 

Really Phineas? Wow. That's your response to a thread where I make it clear that I don't think you hate women but I do think you got some issues. This response goes to prove me right.

 

There is a little game my dad and I used to play when I was a kid.

 

It was called "Get the goat".

 

Some guys here really enjoy 'getting your goat' here DY. Can you find a way to laugh it off? Make a joke out of it? I know you can.

 

Look at all the negative sh*t thrown Mm. Chaucer's way. She just lets it roll off and lots of times makes a joke out of it. So can you.

 

TBH, there are times when I rather enjoy being a 'bitch'. Especially when it means I got something the 'bitch-er' didn't get. Mua ha ha!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

DY. Please read this post by xxoo over and over again.

 

Pay special attention to the last sentence.

 

Love a man for being a man and he will love you for being a woman.

 

DY I want you to realy think about this.

 

XXOO is very happy in a loving LTR with a man.

 

I am very happy in a loving LTR with a women.

 

We are both telling you the same thing. Yet you still tell us we are wrong

.

 

Bad, I have had happy loving LTR's with men. Just because I am not currently in one doesn't mean you and XXOO got it all going on in relationships.

 

XXOO and I are very different people. I don't think that everything men do is great just because they are men. Or "logical" or "natural". I am asking for advice to help resolve the hurtfulness that comes from men stacking your worth with your age and looks, looking to women younger themselves and making disparaging comments about not being able to be attracted to women their own age. It's hurtful! How do you ignore that hurt, that message about what men are telling your worth is and still get along with men?

 

And I haven't said you are "wrong". The basic message of your posts are fine. However, it is a little more complicated then just a basic message to me. On the surface, men and women should both appreciate each other for who they are and their differences. However, when the differences come to things that the other gender find shallow or not healthy and are infact negative (and men of a certain age continously chasing after younger women while writing off their own peers is infact negative), telling the other gender to love that gender for that is something I simply don't understand. I am trying to but you aren't giving me anything concrete and specific on how to do that.

 

I have never in the history of LS seen a thread where men where talking about issues they face with women and seen anyone come in and say, "just love women for who they are and they will love you back!". Yet that's exactly your answer in response. Love men despite the fact of how men judge and evaluate you and deem your worth to them based on youth and looks. Is that not your core message? Am I getting that right or no?

 

There is a point where each gender needs to understand that neither one is perfect. But there is also a point when each gender needs to own how those things might hurt or make relationships with them difficult or unappealing. Your advice is to love men uncondtionally despite the men in this thread telling women that all they have to offer is their youth and looks and that men older are pretty much more worthwhile then their aging female counterparts. I don't get it. And when I ask you how do you do that. How do you appreciate and respect men when they tell you they consider your age and looks the best thing about you, you can't ever seen to answer with specifics and give me a generic, "just love men!" Despite the fact that this does not reflect men loving women.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

 

Hmm, I would of though bitch would of been blocked by the forum.

Again, I don't like YOU and any woman who puts words in my mouth.

 

And every woman here i've flamed has done that to me in this thread & have done it to me in other threads.

I just troll them for luls because their just man bashers and not interested in dicsusing anything.

 

You are one of them.

 

If you'll notice i've been discussing things quite nicely with another female poster.

SHE hasn't resorted to calling me bitter or putting words in my mouth to toss out straw man arguments.

 

See how it works?

 

YOU are the problem.

Not women in general.

 

So stop trying to hide behind your gender & claiming i'm bashing women when i'm specifically bashing YOU.

 

You called me bitter first Phineas. Then I responded and said that I thought you were bitter too. Please tell me why it's okay for you to say such things but get bent out shape about thigns being returned to you?

 

See how what works? See how hypocrticalness works? yeah, I see how you are hypocritical. You've resorted to far worse name calling then I have when I referred to you as bitter. And that was only after you said I was. Save it. You could have talked just fine with me if you put the effort in to do so. Take responsiblity for your side in this.

 

You do bash women. You aren't simply not attracted to over weight women, which is fine. You make disparging comments about them. You talk about older women vs younger ones and pit them up againt each other. Making cute little "poke the monkey in the ribs" comments about young vs older women.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You fail to see or fail to acknowledge the context, again and again. The context is specifically, dating. Not cooking, not living with in marital bliss, not rock-climbing.

 

It's dating, and specifically the early part of dating.

 

I get the context fine. It's you who doesn't understand.

 

Clearly there are a lot of men out there that think younger women are better. Men can not be attracted or respect women that are their peers. With the option of a younger woman or older one, an older man will pick a younger one. Because he is a more worthwhile human being the any woman of any age. Yet as a woman men want you to love and respect them despite the clear message of their worth they are giving you. You rae suppose to smile and think me nare wonderful despite the message about what men consider a woman's worth is. And it doesn't matter how many ways you try to justify it, it comes down to older men thinking they are more worthwhile individuals that specifically go for younger women because they think younger women are better.

 

Men that appreciate women, date and think women of all ages are attractive. They do not pit young vs old against each other. They hold and have different conversations about women then men that think younger is automatically better. Mature men, men that let their sexuality develop with the rest of them might even thing younger women are too young. And while they can acknowledge someone is objectively attractive, are more attracted to their peers and counterparts.

 

At the end of teh day, men that pick women based on youth will always consider youth important in a woman. These are the type of men that might marry a younger woman, might love that woman, but as she ages will probably be turning his head for his daughter's friends or looking at porn of girls the same age as his daughter. Tell me one reason why any woman should or would want to be with a man like that? Tell me one reason why a woman should love or respect a man like that? Honestly, I want to know how men think and why men think they should be loved and respected when they are giving that message about womens' worth?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Mme. Chaucer

SO WHAT? Why are you so obsessed with what these guys do or don't think

?

 

Why are you so obsessed with what I think and what I choose to talk about Mme C.

 

 

Once again - SO WHAT???? Can't you just believe that guys who feel that way might be asshats, they might be superficial, living in fantasyland, they might just have very specific preferences, but the bottom line would be that they are NOT the type of men you'd be interested in, nor they in you?

 

I found myself in the dating world in my late 40's. What a mess. SO many men in my age range were only interested in younger women. I DID NOT CARE. I did not try to contact them (OLD), I did not try to pass for younger than I was. I just "nexted" them. I wonder if those guys have found someone right for them? I have.

 

Because I am sick of men thinking they are better then women. And I am sick of living in a world where a lot of men consider younger women better. I am sick of older men hitting on me and thinking I should respect them when they can't even respect women their own age. And I have heard too many comments from men, seen too many things that make it hard to think that men ever really care about women beyond their looks.

 

I always get the impression that you feel misunderstood not only if EVERYONE does not agree with you, but also if EVERYONE fails to change to fit your criteria.

 

I don't feel misunderstood at all. And I never have the expectation that people are going to change just because I say something.

 

What a losing proposition. You are going to be single for a long, long time if you can't learn to just pass by the people in dating that don't have comparable values to yours. And if you can't learn to accept some realities of humanity (like the fact that youth is beautiful) without feeling desperately threatened.

 

I have said a dozen times in this thread that youth is beautiful. In men and in women. Why do you care so much what I choose to talk about? You don't even know what goes on in my dating life. I pay very close to attention to how a man feels about his own age and a woman's age before I get serious about him. I actually think more women should do this.

[123321]

I get the context fine.

 

....

 

At the end of teh day, men that pick women based on youth will always consider youth important in a woman. These are the type of men that might marry a younger woman, might love that woman, but as she ages will probably be turning his head for his daughter's friends or looking at porn of girls the same age as his daughter. Tell me one reason why any woman should or would want to be with a man like that?

 

Because you just imagined it, no one said it. If you want to hear what men have to say about the woman they've been married to for 15+ years, start that thread and see what they say, don't take responses from a "why do many men date younger women" thread and make silly extrapolations.

[William]

Hi folks,

 

I missed out on all the fun so let's tone it down a bit. No need for name calling here. Such makes men and women of all ages appear immature. Stick to the topic, remain civil and the thread remains open and posters retain their posting privileges. Thanks so much!

[joystickd]

To all the women. How do you know the men don't respect women their own age? What evidence do you have of this when meeting them? The thing is these men have a preference and as a mature adult you have to respect that and if its not what you like then it shouldn't be a problem because its HIS preference not yours. There are plenty men out here not to get bent out of shape about this issue. None of you can honestly acknowledge that there are good men out here. Even if you did you don't act like it because you are so caught up in things like this. Its a preference get over it and if the situation were reverse and men had an issue like this you would be saying what I am saying.

[Mme. Chaucer]

?

 

Why are you so obsessed with what I think and what I choose to talk about Mme C.

 

I assure you, I am in no way obsessed with what you think or post. You do have a propensity to overtake many threads with your "message." Everyone here knows what it is, yet you repeat hundreds of times. It's hard to avoid.

 

Because I am sick of men thinking they are better then women. And I am sick of living in a world where a lot of men consider younger women better. I am sick of older men hitting on me and thinking I should respect them when they can't even respect women their own age. And I have heard too many comments from men, seen too many things that make it hard to think that men ever really care about women beyond their looks.

 

That's been well established!

 

I pay very close to attention to how a man feels about his own age and a woman's age before I get serious about him. I actually think more women should do this.

 

Kind of like that other guy thinks that all people should shun the fat ones so that they will get the message that the way they are is not acceptable to proper folks?

 

DY - I think your causes are negligible, and I am offended by your frequent disparaging outburst about "men." I think that the acceptance of sexism on LoveShack is way out of bounds, but that is my opinion. What you spend your energy on is your business. I will say, though, that I know people who are, and am myself passionate about some injustices in the world that I naturally think are important (and would probably be negligible to you). Regardless of the cause, though, I would take issue with anyone who dominated conversation by repeating themselves as much as you do. It's rude, actually.

[Mme. Chaucer]

XXOO have been out of the dating scene for a long time. From her posts it seems like she hasn't dated all that much at all. I tend to not take these people's advice seriously.

 

Depending upon what you are looking for, the perspective of a person who is functioning happily in a marriage or LTR would seem to have value.

[Mme. Chaucer]

To all the women. How do you know the men don't respect women their own age? What evidence do you have of this when meeting them? The thing is these men have a preference and as a mature adult you have to respect that and if its not what you like then it shouldn't be a problem because its HIS preference not yours. There are plenty men out here not to get bent out of shape about this issue. None of you can honestly acknowledge that there are good men out here. Even if you did you don't act like it because you are so caught up in things like this. Its a preference get over it and if the situation were reverse and men had an issue like this you would be saying what I am saying.

 

 

I'm a woman, and I'm saying it.

[Anela]

 

 

If you'll notice i've been discussing things quite nicely with another female poster.

SHE hasn't resorted to calling me bitter or putting words in my mouth to toss out straw man arguments.

 

We've tended to butt heads before, though. Last night, I felt like you were actually listening to me - you asked me a question again, and then indicated that you understood in another post. Some of the time, the questions being asked of DY - like why she cares so much about what these men think, what they do, etc - could be asked of me, as well. I get just as offended.

[Mme. Chaucer]

The men who are always turning their heads for women younger than their own wives do not love their wives the way I am describing.

 

I'd like to add that even guys who do this MIGHT love their wives the way you are describing, and just have atrocious behavior that they can change.

 

It is true that we worship youth and beauty in this culture, and tend to throw away the old. Guys have been socialized this way. Maybe their fathers oggled the young & pretty as if they were merchandise. Now we have certain mens' groups who are actively promoting behavior like this. It stinks.

 

The way to open peoples' minds to other ways of thinking, or to get them to empathize with our own is NOT to harangue them or to denigrate them along with everyone else of the same gender, race, political party, or whatever.

[xxoo]

I'd like to add that even guys who do this MIGHT love their wives the way you are describing, and just have atrocious behavior that they can change.

 

Possibly.

 

It is also possible that they put their wife in the same category of attractiveness as the young, pretty women who turn their heads.

 

Still, it is just inconsiderate to check out other women when with your wife.

 

One more possibility--sometimes women think men are checking them out, or other women out, and we're wrong. That happened to me a few weeks ago--I had a flash of jealousy when I saw my H's head turn as a pretty young woman step out of a big truck. But then I noticed that his head remained turned after we passed. He was checking out the damn truck

[AD1980]

This thread is awfully similliar to the threads complaining that most women dont want to date short Men which i admittedly have been apart of and ill give the same advice that some women complaining in here gave me and others about it..

 

Why focus on people who dont want to date you and focus on the ones who wil accept you for who and what you are?

 

Why spend so much energy on someone who doesnt want you?

[Els]

One more possibility--sometimes women think men are checking them out, or other women out, and we're wrong. That happened to me a few weeks ago--I had a flash of jealousy when I saw my H's head turn as a pretty young woman step out of a big truck. But then I noticed that his head remained turned after we passed. He was checking out the damn truck

 

Rofl, hilarious!!! :lmao:

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Mme. Chaucer;3915770] I assure you, I am in no way obsessed with what you think or post. You do have a propensity to overtake many threads with your "message." Everyone here knows what it is, yet you repeat hundreds of times. It's hard to avoid.

 

This thread is ON topic. Everyone has had a say and the thread is moving along just fine. Get over it Mme. You are currently the only one in danger of derailing the thread making *me* the topic instead of actual topic.

 

Kind of like that other guy thinks that all people should shun the fat ones so that they will get the message that the way they are is not acceptable to proper folks?

 

I didn't say people should "shun" men. All I said was it behoves a woman to pay attention to how a man feels about his own age and hers. Not exactly illogical advice.

 

DY - I think your causes are negligible, and I am offended by your frequent disparaging outburst about "men."

 

If you have an issue with me, deal with it in private. But don't act like you publically shunning posters with your razor sharp "fingers" is because you care about where the topic goes. You are part of the problem you complain about. If you really cared, you would private message me. I'm offended by how often you put down others posters then claim you aren't or act like you have the right to do so. But I don't need to tell you that everytime you post. I pretty much ignore you. There have been a few things you said that I liked, and I acknowledged those. But when you continue to personally attack for no other erason then you want to publically flog other posters, It's simply silly.

 

 

I think that the acceptance of sexism on LoveShack is way out of bounds, but that is my opinion. What you spend your energy on is your business. I will say, though, that I know people who are, and am myself passionate about some injustices in the world that I naturally think are important (and would probably be negligible to you). Regardless of the cause, though, I would take issue with anyone who dominated conversation by repeating themselves as much as you do. It's rude, actually.

 

It's funny how often you target specific posters for behavior you engage in.