Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[PhillyDude]

I think a better question is not... why older men are attracted to younger women... but why they think they are entitled to such and that it is ok to hit on them.

 

For many reasons, I think that men are socialized not to give a crap about what women want or is good for them. They don't give a rat's ass that the object of their affections is going to likely die old and alone after they've used them up. All they care about is themselves.

 

When my much older male friend misunderstood my sadness at his leaving the company we both worked at as something romantic, I was insulted and disgusted. At some level, it just felt incestuous... I would never hit on a man that much younger than me.. It just feels so predatory.

 

but, for some reason, it is A-OK for them. Not sure why they can't just be ok being mentors and friends.

 

I get it that men are afraid of aging and want to feel like they still 'got it'. I get it that it is kind of nice to think, oh hey, I'm still attractive.

 

It's crossing a line to act on it though. That's where I feel the guys doing OLD are messed up when they hit on women who are out of there posted age range. And I'll add, that is one positive thing about OLD. You can see where their head is at regarding age and take measures to avoid them.

 

 

So what if young woman chase after a guy who is 36? I still get messages from 23 and 24 years being they are attracted to me. I don't go looking for them they come after me.

[RedRobin]

So what if young woman chase after a guy who is 36? I still get messages from 23 and 24 years being they are attracted to me. I don't go looking for them they come after me.

 

Depends on what you are looking for. If you aren't looking for a LTR based on mutual compatibility... or you are sincerely locked into the developmental patterns of a 20 something against your own will... then I'd say, yea, go for it.

 

If I had a dime for every young guy who emailed me when I was doing OLD, I'd be a rich woman.

 

That isn't bragging. I found it almost as frustrating as the much older ones emailing me.

 

They both had their own agenda that had probably zero do to with developing a mutually beneficial loving relationship with me. Is that a gross generalization? Sure, you betcha. Is there a random much younger man or much older man out there who sincerely wants to get to know me as a human being? Probably. Odds are not likely though... and even if they did have good intentions, the odds of it working out are not high. I'll stick to the guys in my own generation, thanks!

 

As for you, again, it is possible but not likely that those women are sincerely interested in you as a human being. If that is ok with you, then go ahead.

 

That said, I have my moments when I debate the wisdom of turning down a couple of the much younger men who have pursued me rather relentlessly in the past. I take some comfort in seeing them form lives with age appropriate women, start families, and be what I observe to be very happy. I only wish I had an opposite sex friend/mentor like me when I was their age. Not every interaction between men and women has to end up in bed.

[PhillyDude]

I didn't say it was stupid or wrong; I just think that most of the time, a 35 year old and a 20 year old don't have a lot in common, or they're on different mental wave-lengths. There might be a lot of men on dating sites who are 35 or 36 messaging girls in their early 20s, but you see very few couples in which a guy is 36 and his girlfriend is 20. There's probably a reason for that. They don't really click mentally, sensibilities-wise, and emotionally.

 

And I didn't say people don't have a right to like who they like. I think people should absolutely pursue who they want. It just doesn't work very often, from what I've seen. If it's not the young girl deciding the older guy just isn't right for her, often it's just the opposite. I've heard from some male friends, too, that they dated someone a lot younger but could do it for only so long because the lack of compatibility became apparent very quickly.

 

I don't care if you like young girls, or if men in general do. Do what you want. I couldn't care less!

 

 

19-23 years old is only for playing with, 25-29 is the range I like to date

[RedRobin]

19-23 years old is only for playing with, 25-29 is the range I like to date

 

As long as they know you are just playing... in the off chance that they are sincerely attracted to PhillyDude and not random 36 yr old somethin or other.

[PhillyDude]

As long as they know you are just playing... in the off chance that they are sincerely attracted to PhillyDude and not random 36 yr old somethin or other.

 

I see some 32 year olds online and they look so OLD and look like 41 lol

 

 

I be like..."what happened?

[PinkInTheLimo]

I am a 47-year old woman who had a date this week with a man who will turn 47 in July. In other words, someone who can be considered my age since he's not even one year younger than me.

He wanted at all costs to meet me after he saw my picture because he thought I was cute.

During the date, he told me that I was the OLDEST woman he ever dated. Euh... that really made me feel old, like in being 90 years old ;-).

Then he complained about 37 and 38 year old women having a pouch. What a catch-22 situation for this guy. Either a woman his age who is in shape or a younger woman who is out of shape.

 

Anyway, I decided not to meet him again because he was very much into dangerous hobbies (motorcycling, off-slope skiing) and I don't like adrenaline addicts.

[RedRobin]

I am a 47-year old woman who had a date this week with a man who will turn 47 in July. In other words, someone who can be considered my age since he's not even one year younger than me.

He wanted at all costs to meet me after he saw my picture because he thought I was cute.

During the date, he told me that I was the OLDEST woman he ever dated. Euh... that really made me feel old, like in being 90 years old ;-).

Then he complained about 37 and 38 year old women having a pouch. What a catch-22 situation for this guy. Either a woman his age who is in shape or a younger woman who is out of shape.

 

Anyway, I decided not to meet him again because he was very much into dangerous hobbies (motorcycling, off-slope skiing) and I don't like adrenaline addicts.

 

 

I had a similar interaction with a man I met through a mutual friend. Our first get together was pretty pleasant, but our next phone chat was pretty much focused on how old he felt...

 

He is exactly the same age as me. We had a lot in common. Similar interests... both had been divorced. I wasn't even put off at all that he had a relatively young child at his age. I like children. Nope, none of those things mattered, or didn't seem to.

 

It made me kinda sad... because we had such a nice first meeting and I could see pretty quick he was going to be one of those guys who needs to feel validated by the attention of younger women instead of appreciating me.

 

I felt sad for him too. Sad about his divorce (of course, it was all her fault that things didn't work out). Sad that he couldn't appreciate the opportunity he lost with me because of his narcissism. I've learned to just politely walk away from those.

 

I'd like to think that he'll work all that out eventually. Perhaps in a year or two after he's made the rounds and had time to process things. Lots of people aren't themselves after a divorce. Not for me to fix.

 

Oh, and I AM an adreniline freak I ride motorcycles and do other 'crazy' shyte. Thinking about going skydiving at some point.

[RedRobin]

I see some 32 year olds online and they look so OLD and look like 41 lol

 

 

I be like..."what happened?

 

Was that comment really necessary?

 

If you're not happy with how things are going with the OLD, then just stop doing it.

 

(oh, and happy to see the anti-Pepsi troll back... didn't want people to think I was talking to myself).

 

Drink more Coke and support my alma-mater!

[joystickd]

why even waste the energy complaining? its that man's preference.

[RedRobin]

why even waste the energy complaining? its that man's preference.

 

Because he wasted my time and the sounds like the prior poster's time too with her interaction.

 

My friend's friend knew how old I was before he agreed to meet me and also before he decided to call me.

 

I'm not going to be his emotional punching bag for all his getting-older and post-divorce "I hate women" angst. Sure, anyone who has ever gone through a major life event like that can sympathize... up to a point. I didn't take it personally... but I had other things I can do with my time. That's all.

 

If that was his preference, he didn't have to agree to meet me or even call me. He sounds conflicted and I don't really need that shyte.

 

Nor do I need to hang out with jerks who feel the need to go off on how 'old' I am, even though they are exactly the same age as me.

[brokenTom]

why even waste the energy complaining?

It's called "venting" and when done properly a bit of of load is lifted off your chest. Some of us just get this pent up frustration over how messed up and unfair this world can be sometimes, and a forum is a nice safe place to unleash that. Better here then in the real world, I say. I imagine most people here are relatively pleasant in real life.

 

I appreciate both views on this subject, those who find it ok and those who find it disgusting. The way forward IMHO is to find acceptance in those who find it a mere preference and then figure out a positive constructive way to encourage those who find it a requirement to be more open minded.

[stillafool]

Tomorrow I'm buying an entire truckload of PEPSI. I will then dump each can of PEPSI down the toilet. PEPSI sucks

 

Don't flush them down the toilet - give them to me. I love Pepsi with lemon, yum, yum!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

If you noticed I also said that women look for younger men for that same reason. Everybody has preferences and its not our place to judge it. If a man wants a younger woman its HIS choice not modern culture. Men wanting younger women has happened throughout the ages so the modern pop culture argument has no place in this.

 

 

I find it amusing you of all people are giving the, "it's not our place to judge" speach. People don't come to this forum, no one comes to this forum and doesn't judge something. All our opinions, yours included, are judgements based on our own values and life experiences. It's also amusing that your "it's not our place to judge" comments come from a point of you seeing women who are responding to the thread. Yet you offer no such advice to men about women's age. I simply think this is a matter of you not liking women *judging* men for this. But I would like to see you come into a thread talking about women who are "gold diggers" or women who are overweight, or men who infact judge women for their age, and tell men it's not their place to judge.

 

Actually one of the main things of pimpin is something that is universal. Sometimes its best to make someone earn something than just give it to them. Pimp is nothing but a prostitute that has flipped the game on a prostitute. The mindset is if you want something from me you have to earn it. Man wants sex you make him earn that right. Woman wants something you make her earn that right. The truth is people don't respect what's given to them they respect what they had to earn. I don't support the industry I support the knowledge.

 

You support the industry Joystickd. You glorify it. You can try to fancy it up any way you want but when you point to an industry and say "hey look at this for life lessons, this is where it's at", then yes, you are supporting it. You can not seperate the industry from what you learn from the industry and use as an example of life. It doesn't work that way. A man or woman earning their place in a relationship should have nothing to do with pimps and prostitutes. And glorifying such things is partially what is wrong with hip hop culture.

 

Ther reality is that women are generally going to judge men that specifically want younger women. Why you may ask? Because it says something specific about that man's thought process toward ALL women. Men that value women specifically for their age are simply not good parters for long term success. That rings true for younger women as well. Because one day, that younger woman will age. So it really benefits any woman to consider and really think about what her mate things about her age and women's age in general. Because the reality is, no matter how much you and a few other guys on here want to tout the virtues of younger women, it does not benefit any woman to be with such a man.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I am a 47-year old woman who had a date this week with a man who will turn 47 in July. In other words, someone who can be considered my age since he's not even one year younger than me.

He wanted at all costs to meet me after he saw my picture because he thought I was cute.

During the date, he told me that I was the OLDEST woman he ever dated. Euh... that really made me feel old, like in being 90 years old ;-).

Then he complained about 37 and 38 year old women having a pouch. What a catch-22 situation for this guy. Either a woman his age who is in shape or a younger woman who is out of shape.

 

Anyway, I decided not to meet him again because he was very much into dangerous hobbies (motorcycling, off-slope skiing) and I don't like adrenaline addicts.

 

PinkInTheLimo, it reminds me of a date I went out with. The guy was older. And he went on several times about how guys could date younger and all this other junk. He didn't get another date. I know he was confused because we had a good time. However, I can not respect a man that thinks that way about women.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

why even waste the energy complaining? its that man's preference.

 

Why waste the energy to complain about the discussion Joystickd? Why don't you take your own advice?

 

You are automatically writing off what women are sharing here. What's the point? It's clearly an issue women experience with certain men. And as you can see, it's these type of men that women want to advoid.

[joystickd]

It's called "venting" and when done properly a bit of of load is lifted off your chest. Some of us just get this pent up frustration over how messed up and unfair this world can be sometimes, and a forum is a nice safe place to unleash that. Better here then in the real world, I say. I imagine most people here are relatively pleasant in real life.

 

I appreciate both views on this subject, those who find it ok and those who find it disgusting. The way forward IMHO is to find acceptance in those who find it a mere preference and then figure out a positive constructive way to encourage those who find it a requirement to be more open minded.

I understand the concept of venting. My comment was directed to users that constantly bring up men liking younger women. Hell they even do it on threads that have nothing to do with that subject. Its ridiculous to hear about it all the time.

[joystickd]

Why waste the energy to complain about the discussion Joystickd? Why don't you take your own advice?

 

You are automatically writing off what women are sharing here. What's the point? It's clearly an issue women experience with certain men. And as you can see, it's these type of men that women want to advoid.

advoid? You lost me with that one. Like I said before I was directing that to users that mention that a lot and even on other threads.

[xxoo]

I had a similar interaction with a man I met through a mutual friend. Our first get together was pretty pleasant, but our next phone chat was pretty much focused on how old he felt...

 

He is exactly the same age as me. We had a lot in common. Similar interests... both had been divorced. I wasn't even put off at all that he had a relatively young child at his age. I like children. Nope, none of those things mattered, or didn't seem to.

 

Is it is a big no-no to talk to age-peers about how old we feel?

 

Obviously we aren't getting the whole picture, but it sounds like he felt comfortable with you, and was baring his soul a bit.

[RedRobin]

Too bad, Joystickd. If or when you become a moderator, you can then decide what people complain about.

 

Until then, I'll be happy to pass on my 'older' women wisdom to the younger ladies. If that makes it tougher for some men to be 'pimpin', then I've done my job.

 

If you ain't 'pimpin', then I guess you've got nothing to worry about.

[joystickd]

Too bad, Joystickd. If or when you become a moderator, you can then decide what people complain about.

 

Until then, I'll be happy to pass on my 'older' women wisdom to the younger ladies. If that makes it tougher for some men to be 'pimpin', then I've done my job.

 

If you ain't 'pimpin', then I guess you've got nothing to worry about.

Pimp, players, golddiggers and whores you can't make it tough on them. They will always find someone.

[joystickd]

Too bad, Joystickd. If or when you become a moderator, you can then decide what people complain about.

 

Until then, I'll be happy to pass on my 'older' women wisdom to the younger ladies. If that makes it tougher for some men to be 'pimpin', then I've done my job.

 

If you ain't 'pimpin', then I guess you've got nothing to worry about.

I was just stating my opinion that is all. I mean arent we all allowed to do that.Carol Adrienne - The Power of Acceptance

[RedRobin]

Is it is a big no-no to talk to age-peers about how old we feel?

 

Obviously we aren't getting the whole picture, but it sounds like he felt comfortable with you, and was baring his soul a bit.

 

I did originally take it in that spirit... we are all getting older and feeling it.

 

He did have other reasons for feeling 'old', so I didn't automatically take it as a slam.

 

It was that along with the combination of doing alot of ex-bashing that made me feel his divorce was a little fresh. I've just seen it way too often from men who are freshly divorced. They (perhaps understandably) have this need to feel like they still 'got it'. Women do the same thing, but often in different ways.

 

So my thought was... ok... go take care of business and whatever he needs to do to get back on his feet emotionally. See me in another year or so... Or, lets just be friends. I would have been ok with that too... as long as it didn't involve him whining about not getting action from much younger women. That I probably wouldn't have tolerated.

 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that he googled me before our first meeting. I know, I know. I have this wierd thing about it. I REALLY wish men wouldn't do that. Even with the best of intentions, it freaks them the hell out. Not for anything 'bad' mind you... just the stuff that freaks alot of men out... like insecurities about income, education, accomplishments, etc... things I really don't care much about if they'd only get to know me. *sigh*

Edited March 29, 2012 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

I was just stating my opinion that is all. I mean arent we all allowed to do that.Carol Adrienne - The Power of Acceptance

 

Sorry. That wasn't my original impression.

 

Some people work through issues by talking about them. The very act of talking about them helps them get unstuck.

 

When I get 'stuck', I think about starting a personal journal (not here!)...but just writing things down and getting it out. I am a 'writer' in that sense. Even with school... I was always the one that took diligent notes.

 

It has been very interesting to go back over the stuff I've written the past few years in my personal journal. I see lots of personal progress. Helps me feel less hopeless going forward too.

[joystickd]

Sorry. That wasn't my original impression.

 

Some people work through issues by talking about them. The very act of talking about them helps them get unstuck.

 

When I get 'stuck', I think about starting a personal journal (not here!)...but just writing things down and getting it out. I am a 'writer' in that sense. Even with school... I was always the one that took diligent notes.

 

It has been very interesting to go back over the stuff I've written the past few years in my personal journal. I see lots of personal progress. Helps me feel less hopeless going forward too.

I understand talking about issues but it gets ridiculous when women talk about these same issues over and over again sometimes on threads that have nothing to do with it. I also feel the same way with men that go on a penis monologue about feminism.

[RedRobin]

I understand talking about issues but it gets ridiculous when women talk about these same issues over and over again sometimes on threads that have nothing to do with it. I also feel the same way with men that go on a penis monologue about feminism.

 

Everyone has something they are insecure about.

 

Men have things they are insecure about too.

 

Alot of it for valid reasons. You want to help them stop feeling insecure? How about doing something to reassure them or offer a kind word instead of complaining about their complaining. Just a thought.

 

along those lines.... I like your link about acceptance... that was nice..

Edited March 29, 2012 by RedRobin