kaylan Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I think what they said here was that many women have been treated poorly by the men they chose to date, not the other way around. You missed my point. The guys who cry about women getting their comeuppance in their 30s, are the guys who whined about women passing over them for other dudes in their 20s. These guys assume every single woman was dating bad boys and players and essentially treating them like nothing. These men felt that by being ignored romantically, that they were treated poorly and thus those women will get whats coming to them. All wishful thinking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 You missed my point. The guys who cry about women getting their comeuppance in their 30s, are the guys who whined about women passing over them for other dudes in their 20s. These guys assume every single woman was dating bad boys and players and essentially treating them like nothing. These men felt that by being ignored romantically, that they were treated poorly and thus those women will get whats coming to them. All wishful thinking. I skipped to the end of this thread so I missed those posts. I'm sure their there. But all I can say from reading just the last page is a lot of women are butt-hurt over men going for younger women. Get over it. stop trying to shame those men or younger women into dating who YOU think they should date. Pathetic. If a hot little number in her 20's wants a summer fling i'm damn well going to take it. (if she isn't to annoying & the sex is good). U mad? yeah, u mad. Link to post Share on other sites
JoeyArnold Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Sometimes younger girls are more outgoing, open, more innocent, more daring, willing to take certain risks, willing to love more, capable of living longer, more likely to love oatmeal like I do, cuter, smarter, cooler, fresher, nicer, hotter, more open to ideas & things, & with less baggage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 You missed my point. The guys who cry about women getting their comeuppance in their 30s, are the guys who whined about women passing over them for other dudes in their 20s. Which guys are those? For what it's worth I date the same now as I did 25 years ago, with about the same (adequate) success, so I wish everyone all the best. I just won't choose dates based on what other people think is the correct choice, it's my choice. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Sometimes younger girls are more outgoing, open, more innocent, more daring, willing to take certain risks, willing to love more, capable of living longer, more likely to love oatmeal like I do, cuter, smarter, cooler, fresher, nicer, hotter, more open to ideas & things, & with less baggage. You mean their fun. Link to post Share on other sites
WildHorses Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is one of those discussions that is just a huge circle jerk. Feels like this will never end. Men date younger women, women date older men, people date the same age, people date within their own race, people date outside of their race. People date somebody who is the same religion, people don't date those in the same religion...etc. My point is, who cares. People should spend more time thinking about dating a quality person who has good morals and values. Less time making a statement saying, "why do older men date younger women." Because you will get a lot of different answers. If you are to meet a man or woman that only dates a certain age range, and you are not in that range, and are an awesome person, move on and find somebody who is not so shallow. Better yet, this person who only dates a certain age and will not give you the time of day, obviously you two are not meant to be together. Your fit will come along when the timing is right. Just continue working on yourself to become the best person you can be, so that when your Partner in Crime comes along, you two can have a healthy, loving, meaningful relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is one of those discussions that is just a huge circle jerk. Feels like this will never end. Men date younger women, women date older men, people date the same age, people date within their own race, people date outside of their race. People date somebody who is the same religion, people don't date those in the same religion...etc. My point is, who cares. People should spend more time thinking about dating a quality person who has good morals and values. Less time making a statement saying, "why do older men date younger women." Because you will get a lot of different answers. If you are to meet a man or woman that only dates a certain age range, and you are not in that range, and are an awesome person, move on and find somebody who is not so shallow. Better yet, this person who only dates a certain age and will not give you the time of day, obviously you two are not meant to be together. Your fit will come along when the timing is right. Just continue working on yourself to become the best person you can be, so that when your Partner in Crime comes along, you two can have a healthy, loving, meaningful relationship. Thats what i been trying to say and i got jumped on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is one of those discussions that is just a huge circle jerk. Feels like this will never end. Welcome to LoveShack!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Nor do I need to hang out with jerks who feel the need to go off on how 'old' I am, even though they are exactly the same age as me. Exactly! The guy I met also knew how old I was but he wanted to meet me because I looked so cute (his words) so I find it then not polite to start harping about me being the oldest woman he ever had a date with. Especially since I am born at the end of 1964 and he in the middle of 1965, sorry but in my book that's the same age and why on earth men think that the years have had so much less impact on them than on women. For god's sake, it's not as if a woman of 47 looks yeeeaaars older than a man of 47. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is one of those discussions that is just a huge circle jerk. Feels like this will never end. Men date younger women, women date older men, people date the same age, people date within their own race, people date outside of their race. People date somebody who is the same religion, people don't date those in the same religion...etc. My point is, who cares. People should spend more time thinking about dating a quality person who has good morals and values. Less time making a statement saying, "why do older men date younger women." Because you will get a lot of different answers. If you are to meet a man or woman that only dates a certain age range, and you are not in that range, and are an awesome person, move on and find somebody who is not so shallow. Better yet, this person who only dates a certain age and will not give you the time of day, obviously you two are not meant to be together. Your fit will come along when the timing is right. Just continue working on yourself to become the best person you can be, so that when your Partner in Crime comes along, you two can have a healthy, loving, meaningful relationship. I'm not sure the OP expected an 'answer'. It was more a general vent about her frustrations in OLD... frustrations that alot of people share. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I did originally take it in that spirit... we are all getting older and feeling it. I agree that there is no problem if it's in the sense of "WE are getting really old and WE feel it" because it then conveys a message of "we are in the same boat". If it is however a guy my age complaining about him not being able to find a date with 10-year younger women, I find it kind of rude. Because on a date I hope to meet a man who at least in theory can consider me as a possible partner for a relationship. Why else does he want a date with me? To have a talk with a kind of motherfigure who will comfort him because he can't find dates with his unrealistic expectations? Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Exactly! The guy I met also knew how old I was but he wanted to meet me because I looked so cute (his words) so I find it then not polite to start harping about me being the oldest woman he ever had a date with. Especially since I am born at the end of 1964 and he in the middle of 1965, sorry but in my book that's the same age and why on earth men think that the years have had so much less impact on them than on women. For god's sake, it's not as if a woman of 47 looks yeeeaaars older than a man of 47. I've learned that some men will say or do just about anything to get the 'leg up' starting from the first date. Age is just one of them. Not sure what he was trying to achieve. Oh, he thought you were 'cute'. Huh. Coming from guys like that, it doesn't exactly feel like a compliment, does it? One of my gripes about OLD is opening myself up to these guys who more or less use these sites and casual dates to figuratively punch women in the face as a form of revenge for whatever frustrations life has handed them. Yes, I know women do it too. But I'm not dating them. If you allow someone to 'neg' you, or they are looking for flaws, then that is time to walk. Because if it isn't 'age' it will be something else... whatever it takes for them to feel in control. Movin' on!! Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 To be fair, DY, I don't think young women are all the naive, helpless children that they are made out to be. I'm sure some young women are easily fooled, but I think many of them go into those relationships with their eyes wide open. Even those who know that the man is specifically dating her for her youth and beauty (and those who know that he isn't, but just happened to fall in love with her, but this post isn't about those). She knows what the trade-off is, and she's fine with it. Yes, the younger women are looking for something in the older man, too. The men could consider if the young woman would still be with them if he didn't have his status, or financial security, that he earned with years of hard work. The answer may often be no. But if the older man and younger woman are both getting what they are looking for, there is no victim. I wouldn't choose it. I married a young, poor guy for love . But those who do choose it can also find love, as my friend and his wife have. How they chose each other as a partner is water under the bridge at this point, as they are as deeply invested in each other as a married couple can be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WildHorses Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Welcome to LoveShack!!! Thank you EasyHeart. I have been reading the threads for a few months, finally decided I would like to partake in discussions and at some point, start a thread, share my experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
WildHorses Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I'm not sure the OP expected an 'answer'. It was more a general vent about her frustrations in OLD... frustrations that alot of people share. And what a great website to vent! I love it, it's nice to have a place where we can discuss relationships issues. I'm happy to be here. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Yes, the younger women are looking for something in the older man, too. The men could consider if the young woman would still be with them if he didn't have his status, or financial security, that he earned with years of hard work. The answer may often be no. But if the older man and younger woman are both getting what they are looking for, there is no victim. I wouldn't choose it. I married a young, poor guy for love . But those who do choose it can also find love, as my friend and his wife have. How they chose each other as a partner is water under the bridge at this point, as they are as deeply invested in each other as a married couple can be. Oh, definitely. I don't think there's a victim either, if both partners made a consensual and well informed decision. I mean, EVEN if they're being with each other for status/money and youth/beauty.. as long as they're happy, right? My point was mostly in rebuttal to the few posters who seem to think that now they're older, there are hordes of younger (and hotter) women eager to be with them for their 'quality' or 'dignified personalities'. This seems to be quite a disingenious delusion, as the women who are looking for 'personalities' first and foremost, would not usually have a requirement for a much older man, in my experience. In fact, that delusion here is twofold - while they themselves happily extol the values of a younger woman, they forget that age affects them, physically and mentally, every bit as it does women, in general (which I don't personally believe is necessarily a bad thing, but they appear to believe so). They tell themselves that it's karma, that finally they're on the top of the dating chain and those hot young chicks are appreciating them for who they are. But often (not always), it isn't so. It always amuses me how men put out preferences for much younger women, then act disgusted and annoyed at 'women being with them for their wallets'. Or conversely, if said wallets do not exist, disgusted and annoyed at young women for turning down their advances. I mean, really?? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I don't think young women are helpless naive children either Elswyth. But I do know that I know more now then when I was 21. That I am a different person. And there are some things I wish I had know sooner. I am also a firm believer that women need female mentors to help them. The same way men need to mentor younger generations of men too. I do think women a young woman is dating an older man, she isn't thinking about what this could possibly mean regarding his attitude toward women and age in general. I know when I was younger, I didn't think about that. i wish I had. There are a lot of things I wish I'd known sooner, but I couldn't know those things until I'd lived. Heck, just this week I had an epiphany about something my mother told me 20 years ago. It just hit me--I finally get it. I wish I'd fully understood then, but I couldn't until I am where I am now. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Let me really say what I going to say before I got jumped on. The reason I said it was crazy to get on something like this is because initially we become attracted to someone due to something beauty, youth, etc. We don't instantly become attracted to someone because they have a great personality. Honestly like the man XXOO was mentioning he was initially attracted because of youth but a relationship grew because of her other qualities. This is why both genders are hypocritical when they complain about the opposite sex's preferences. The are things the individual person is interested in and there are numerous reasons why they have these preferences. We state our reasons the opposite sex likes certain things and it kind of paints them as one dimensional creatures. As a mature person we have to accept that people have different things that attract them to a member of the opposite sex and for different reasons. We also have to be mature enough to respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 We don't instantly become attracted to someone because they have a great personality. I don't know about you, but I most certainly do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 My point was mostly in rebuttal to the few posters who seem to think that now they're older, there are hordes of younger (and hotter) women eager to be with them for their 'quality' or 'dignified personalities'. There is one thing I have learnt over the last years: age alone NEVER makes someone a better person. A man who was a jerk when he was 25, will very often be a jerk when he was 50. It's only when people have a talent for introspection, for modesty, for learning, for growing that they grow into kinder, wiser, more mature persons. And it's often men who have not gone through that process who aim for the younger women because those women are not yet mature enough to judge a man for his integrity and maturity. I know young people who blow me away with their strenght of character and wisdom. I know older people who are still the same selfish fools they were when they were younger. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I don't know about you, but I most certainly do. I meant when we first meet them. It takes getting to know them to know they have a great personality Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Some people like pears, some prefer peaches. I have gone on a lot of 1st dates with women of all ages but I tend to not go on 2nd or further dates with them as much. Now sure, it's obvious I'm the one choosing not to continue most of the time, however if it were a straight up age thing there wouldn't be a 1st date at all. I just have very little tolerance for attitude, drama, and things like that. So yeah, that's me not tolerating a lot of bullcrap, but I don't care how old the package is, I'm discriminating based on it's content. I won't tolerate drama or BS from a 19 year old any longer than I will from a 45 year old, in fact respect might make me treat the 45 yer old with a little more patience. I think it's probably pretty common for most people to go on 1st dates and not 2nd ones as much. I also think it's pretty common for people to think they are doing the choosing. But I know that more realistically, sometimes I wanted to continue to date a man and he didn't me, other times he wanted to continue to date me and I not him, and yet other times it was a mutual thing where neither one of us wanted to see the other again. I am always curious when people say they won't tolerate "drama". What is your idea of "drama"? If people expect to go throughout life drama free, I think they are in for a surprise. And quite hoenstly, I wouldn't want to be with a man that wasn't prepared to deal with issues throughout his life with me. We are different people coming from different backrounds and there is bound to be some drama in the mix. Whether it's between us or other people. I have found that the drama in my life has helped me grow as a person. Of course, I am not talking about Jersey Shore drama. Just regular life drama. I am not a perfect person and sometimes my mate is going to have to deal with that. That's life. To be hoenst 123, I am having a hard time understanding what you are saying. Because on one hand you talk about how most of the women you dated where younger yet you treat younger and older women the same. If that was the case, then you would have jsut as many younger women you dated as older. Again, I think the reason you more often then not date younger women is because of you. Not them. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Fair points. From my experience, though, younger women do generally know what they're getting into. I know ONE woman who constantly makes a point of dating older men (and even she stays in the 5-10 years older range), and she isn't terribly subtle about what she wants and likes about them. Logically yes. Younger women know the man is older. However as you get older, you tend to see life differently. You grow (hopefully) emotionally. How old is the woman you are talking about? And why does she date older men? What is it that she likes? Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 This. This. This. Guys really need to stop acting like women are always going to get their karmic comeuppance. Was their dating life that crappy in your 20s that they need to wish bad dating karma on all women in their 30s? Really bros? How do they know all these older women were the women who were bad to guys in their 20s? And how in the world do you know if these women will get some karmic commuppance. If anything its simply wishful thinking, because like Thieves said, its better to wish they are doing better than their female counterparts then to acknowledge that maybe they are still having the same luck with women now, as they did in their younger days. Kaylan I loved that you said this...."Guys really need to stop acting like women are always going to get their karmic comeuppance". That was so beautifully said and insightful. Also, to add, who says that how a guy sees what a woman "should get" is even fair? I have not lived a life where I was using men at 21. I have been rejected at all ages of my life in my dating history. Love and relationships with men has not been an easy road for me. I often ask these guys if I deserve to get "mine" just because I was once a younger woman. They don't even KNOW what issues young women go through with dating. And after hearing women talk for most of my life, I can tell these guys that women, even young pretty ones, have many of their own struggles! I have a good girlfriend that is very beautiful, was asked to do modeling for Ralph Lauren when she was in NYC. She has had her ups and downs in dating and as even been rejected! She is Indian and she loves short white guys! So I don't get guys that have this idea that women deserve to "get theirs" as they get older. If I had my say, I would already be married. But I can only do so much to make this happen and so far, it hasn't worked out for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Thats what i been trying to say and i got jumped on Oh goodness. Get over yourself. No one jumped on you. It's called a discussion. You don't like it? Then don't have it. Link to post Share on other sites
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