Why do older guys go for the much younger girl?

[gibson]

Speaking only for myself, I made a lot more misery for any man while I was in my 20's than I did when I was into my 30's and much more together. I looked good, too.

 

You get it!

[123321]

yeah, get back to us with that again when you've been on the receiving end of lack of attention from the opposite gender.

 

Why would I blame them for something where, as one other poster put it, I'm the common denominator? For that matter SHE is the one who's having negative experiences too but can't seem to take her own advice.

 

 

 

Speaking only for myself, I made a lot more misery for any man while I was in my 20's than I did when I was into my 30's and much more together. I looked good, too.

 

Only if the guy will put up with it, which I would when I was younger. As I got older I realized that if i didn't like the bullcrap I could easily eliminate it, so I did. Easy-peasy.

 

In fact the less tolerant of games I got the fewer older women would get past the 2nd date.

[phineas]

Why would I blame them for something where, as one other poster put it, I'm the common denominator? For that matter SHE is the one who's having negative experiences too but can't seem to take her own advice.

 

 

 

 

 

Only if the guy will put up with it, which I would when I was younger. As I got older I realized that if i didn't like the bullcrap I could easily eliminate it, so I did. Easy-peasy.

 

In fact the less tolerant of games I got the fewer older women would get past the 2nd date.

 

This. Right after my divorce I put up with all kinds of poor behavior.

Not any more.

I've had women i went on a few dates with (my age) just *poof*. ignore my calls or txts then out of the blue as much as a yr later txt me "hi". Really? W..T...F?

 

See, I never delete a phone number. I like to know who i'm ignoring.

 

but I honestly think the older you get the smaller percentage of decent people to date for both genders.

[PlumPrincess]

I just quoted everything you posted & you don't have any clue what i'm talking about?

 

Ok, I take it back. You aren't playing.

If you like my comment, great, but maybe you should grow up and not assume that the world always revolves around you. If I want to criticize your preferences regarding weight, I will let you know very clearly, don't worry.

[RedRobin]

I have the same experience and same feelings in regards to dating. No problems here.

 

I just turned 40 and although I am not interested due to the age gap... I had a 22 year old girl get my number from a buddy of mine and she hit me up via text last night. Extremely attractive, wonderful girl, comes from a great family, no baggage and a virgin too (met her through church).

 

So if I didn't care about the age gap, didn't have a lot of other women who were just as good her but in their mid to late 20s and in their 30's... Why do the women on here think or expect me to be with a 30 something women who doesn't look as good as her and has 3 cartloads of luggage?

 

If those were my only two choices, there isn't a man on the planet that would choose the screwed up 30 something over the "innocent" and hotter 22 year old. Why women fail to understand this is beyond me. Maybe if women would think about this when they are in their 20's they would make better decisions, be more careful about the type of guys they date, not marry losers, not burn the candle at both ends and let themselves go... they wouldn't have to deal with the issue / competition in their 30s.

 

Maybe if more men were raised to take their share of responsibility in creating the damage they place on women they date/marry, they wouldn't be 40 years old and still single.

[RedRobin]

What reality? The reality is I'm dating women (when I'm dating) that I find incredibly attractive. I don't fully understand why dating is so damn good to me and a lot of other people seem to have issues, but I'm not complaining about it either.

 

As for self aware, I'm happy as a clam and the women I date give every indication of being thrilled during the time we are together, so I feel OK with the situation.

 

Can you tell me where you feel I'm going wrong?

 

I haven't been on this site long, but in going over this thread a bit... I have this bizarre sense that your relationships are somewhat superficial. Nothing too deep... kind of one of those enjoy the moment kind of arrangements.

 

Which is fine. However, those kinds of relationships don't tend to increase one's self-awareness... because the minute something uncomfortable comes up (for you or them), it is BAM hit the eject button.

 

I could be totally off base. That is just my impression.

[ascendotum]

Maybe if more men were raised to take their share of responsibility in creating the damage they place on women they date/marry, they wouldn't be 40 years old and still single.

I blame the mothers for not doing a better job with their sons too.

You can't make a comment like that assuming the same men who are single & 40ish and complaining about women with emotional baggage are the same dudes who were the bad boy jerks, selfish, immature, irresponsible, 'treat em mean heep em keen', 'pump & dump' guys that women had as bfs or flings in their 20s & 30s. Some will be the same guys, some will just be average joes & others will be the guys who missed out in their youth and justifiably now also don't want to deal with the fallout from (some) women's bad choices.

 

Like wise you can't lump all women who are single late 30s+ as being screwed up and being single at this age because of a history of poor choices. I havn't read all the posts here so I dont know if some guys are saying this, or just that they are encounter unfavourable trends. ****, all some people on here need is a bad encounter with just 1 person to generalise a category of people to be avoided in future.

[stillafool]

 

If those were my only two choices, there isn't a man on the planet that would choose the screwed up 30 something over the "innocent" and hotter 22 year old. Why women fail to understand this is beyond me. Maybe if women would think about this when they are in their 20's they would make better decisions, be more careful about the type of guys they date, not marry losers, not burn the candle at both ends and let themselves go... they wouldn't have to deal with the issue / competition in their 30s.

 

I'm curious about your dating life in your 20's. Did you not connect with any of the 20 year olds when you were in your 20's enough to fall in love and marry one of them back then? It seems that if you expect older women to have made better choices in their youth, choose the right mate in their youth, I have to wonder; did you? Just curious why you aren't married to to the love of your life now with a family.

[RedRobin]

I blame the mothers for not doing a better job with their sons too.

You can't make a comment like that assuming the same men who are single & 40ish and complaining about women with emotional baggage are the same dudes who were the bad boy jerks, selfish, immature, irresponsible, 'treat em mean heep em keen', 'pump & dump' guys that women had as bfs or flings in their 20s & 30s. Some will be the same guys, some will just be average joes & others will be the guys who missed out in their youth and justifiably now also don't want to deal with the fallout from (some) women's bad choices.

 

Like wise you can't lump all women who are single late 30s+ as being screwed up and being single at this age because of a history of poor choices. I havn't read all the posts here so I dont know if some guys are saying this, or just that they are encounter unfavourable trends. ****, all some people on here need is a bad encounter with just 1 person to generalise a category of people to be avoided in future.

 

I completely agree. I'm making a philosophical point more than anything...

 

It does seem to be the case where women who routinely complain about always finding losers aren't accepting responsibility for their choices... and men who complain about 'baggage' in women tend to leave the appearance of being less than cognizant of their part in creating 'baggage' in others or of their own 'baggage' (ie self-awareness).

 

I hate that word 'baggage'. One person's 'baggage' is another person's valuable life experience.

 

To the extent that some people prefer those who have little or no life experience is the kind of shocking part for me. (and NO, I'm not talking about sex).

 

One thing I LOVE about being around people my own age is that you get a sense of their life trajectory. You can observe first hand how they have managed life's difficulties. I find that amazing and wonderful... and informative too.

 

I do understand the fascination with 'youth'. So much energy, possibility and optimism. It's great and invigorating to be around. But younger people have their own course in life to take. One that I think is impeded when much older people of either gender seek to step in and 'harness' for their own selfish sexual desires. I could do it if I wanted to. I've had many chances to do so. I just don't think it would be good for me or them. I'm looking for a partner.

[namenottaken]

The reality is that because youth is very attractive, for both genders, most young women will date an older man for his money. There will come a time when he will reach an age that she is no longer attracted (he has become too old), but she still looks good, and now in a position to take his money, she will do so and leave.

 

She can now afford to date someone her own age, that is more attractive (younger) and enjoy being seen with him.

 

I have seen this happen over and over again. I listen to my daughter and her friends talk about older men hitting on them and how disgusting they find it, but…since he’ll pay for everything they’ll lead him on until the money runs out. Why not?

 

What you have left is a much older, unattractive man who is now bitter, angry and broke, joining the dating pool in my age group.

 

Younger men are so much more attractive and have a lot less baggage than older men, so I understand perfectly both genders wanting to date younger.

I hate that word 'baggage'. One person's 'baggage' is another person's valuable life experience.

 

To the extent that some people prefer those who have little or no life experience is the kind of shocking part for me. (and NO, I'm not talking about sex).

 

One thing I LOVE about being around people my own age is that you get a sense of their life trajectory. You can observe first hand how they have managed life's difficulties. I find that amazing and wonderful... and informative too.

 

I do understand the fascination with 'youth'. So much energy, possibility and optimism. It's great and invigorating to be around. But younger people have their own course in life to take. One that I think is impeded when much older people of either gender seek to step in and 'harness' for their own selfish sexual desires. I could do it if I wanted to. I've had many chances to do so. I just don't think it would be good for me or them. I'm looking for a partner.

This is very well said, and more along the lines of how I feel in regards to dating. I prefer to date men in my age group because I find we have much more in common, and we’re in the same place in life. I am fortunate in the gene pool and can easily date younger men, but my choice is to date someone I have more in common with than sex. If I were just looking for a ‘fling’ I’m sure my choice would be different.

[stillafool]

I agree with you namenottaken. I understand also how your daughter and her friends feel about older men. When I was in my 20's my friends and I would laugh at older man who frequented the club scene. These men would send over drinks, wanted to take us to breakfast, etc. It was a bit creepy to me.

[123321]

I haven't been on this site long, but in going over this thread a bit... I have this bizarre sense that your relationships are somewhat superficial. Nothing too deep... kind of one of those enjoy the moment kind of arrangements.

 

Which is fine. However, those kinds of relationships don't tend to increase one's self-awareness... because the minute something uncomfortable comes up (for you or them), it is BAM hit the eject button.

 

I could be totally off base. That is just my impression.

 

Hope so, I've been dating the same woman now for a year and we're getting married soon.

[RedRobin]

Why limit yourself?

Just because someone is younger doesn't mean they aren't compatible.

 

Because I'm not convinced that most of them are looking to me as anything other than their 'older woman' experience.

 

If they are sincerely looking for a committed, monogamous relationship leading to marriage or similar life commitment, I may consider it.

[RedRobin]

Hope so, I've been dating the same woman now for a year and we're getting married soon.

 

good luck!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Well, I thought I found youthful looks kinda overrated and rather wanted women who are not pressured to have babies in a hurry. I must have been lying to myself, all I want is a 20 year old young tight hot babe with a perfect body. I'm feeling terribad about myself for being so shallow and self-delusional

 

But at least, while this may make you feel defeatist about men, I bet this conclusion makes you feel better about yourself. Have a good day

 

Have a good day too Boaaaar!

[Disenchantedly Yours]

It's so amusing how bitter the women here are about this.

 

There ARE some attractive older women, but they're not that common. Why? Because women as they age stop trying. They get that hideous dyke haircut. They got 2-3 kids they expect you to support (because they choose to reproduce with a deadbeat). They STILL haven't found a personality or wisdom, and STILL are obsessed with pop culture and baby shyt since everyone around seems to be inflicted with peter pan syndrome.

 

So if older women want to be desired, they're going to have to offer more than being old, fat, with ugly hair and the same vapid brain a younger more attractive woman has. Affirmative Action dating where no matter what you look or act like men want you ends around 40, live with it bitches.

 

You're real lucky you're not the equal of a "short guy", you still have hope. Most women wouldn't date a man their height or shorter even if he was in great shape, smart, and very attractive in other ways.

 

Whenever I hear men automatically chalk women up to "bitter", I can't help but think they are bitter themselves. Just look at the language you use to talk about older women. There is so much bitterness and hate in it. And that's what I don't get. Why are you so bitter and angry toward women? Especially older women? Where does that come from? How can you claim you like women when you fail to acknowledge women are people that aren't perfect? It seems like you guys expect women to not come with any life experience.

 

And it's no big surprise but ALOT of older guys stop trying too. They have baggage, such as kids. They have to pay support to their exwives. They complain about how awful their ex treated them and fail to take any responsbility for the life choices they made. I have been out on dates with guys like this. They sit there and criticize and condemn women and talk about the virtues of themselves as men but they fail to understand that they aren't really the catches they think they are. And I think that men are so bitter toward older women because older women are harder to impress. They also won't put up with your bs as much as someone younger and less experienced will. I don't think this is about younger women being kinder. They aren't. This isn't about younger women being more loving. They aren't. This is about the fact that men can get away more with younger women because they do not have the experience or insite yet to see what men are capable of.

 

Women can certainly be bitter. But almost every man on this thread that has made comments about how younger women are better and how older women are ugly and old, has so much bitterness inside their own hearts. People that don't have bitterness and hate inside them do not talk about others the way a few of you guys have.

 

And I think you know this. Otherwise you wouldn't be trying so hard to put women down. The funny thing is that you don't even respect younger women. You only like them from what you think you get from them. That's not about really liking women. That's not about real love. Real care. Real respect. Eventually that woman will see through it.

 

Now when I was younger, I did date older guys. My friends would bust on me for being the one to date older guys and that I was the only one that did date older. The guys and girl friends would tease me about it. But had I known now about how older guys really thought about women, I wouldn't have gone near them. And most of the older guys I dated wanted me to settle down with them. But I wasn't nearly as serious about them as they were me. But they did take me to nice places and bought me pretty things. One even offered to pay for the rest of my college education. The guys on this thread are teaching me that I should have used all those guys for every penny they were worth. Because that's what it comes down to for certain guys. And I should play by the same rules and be just like those guys. But at the end of the day, that's not the kind of woman I want to be. And I know better then ever what kind of man I respect and want in my life. And it's not the type of man that treats age like a commodity. Puts women his own age down. And tries to tell himself he's a great catch.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I'm not about to read the entire thread, but the answer is simple:

 

Men go after younger women because younger women give them the ability to do so.

 

There are so many young girls out there looking for an "established man who can spoil her." You hear about this all the time. The girls want a man who is financially stable and can give the girl a little bit of glamour.

 

Many of these men are willing to give them just that in exchange for having a a young, vibrant, beauty in their arm.

 

Both genders want something from each other that we may otherwise be upset about if we can't provide it.

 

The older women are upset with the men who choose the younger girls because they are no longer youthful. The men who are less well-off are jealous at the men who are because they get their pickings of the women. It all works out in the end.

 

This isn't just about age and wealth either. There is a bunch of other characteristics that people look in one another. It's just natural. No need to bitch about it and make the other gender look evil. That just makes you look like a jealous individual.

 

Sorry Fondue but this comment is just too PC to do any good for male/female relationships.

 

I don't think older women are upset because they aren't young anymore. I think they are upset because men belittle them. there is a lack of respect and there is a tone of voice where men try to make themselves "better" then women. I think men who aren't as well off aren't jealous of men who are. I think they are frustrated because they don't want to be wanted for just their money. At the end of the day, neither gender wants to be used for shallow reasons. Women don't want to be used for their looks. Men don't want to be used for their money. Yet when these threads come up, it's all about using the other gender for what the other gender thinks they provide on shallow terms. It's never about a person's heart. Their kindness. Who they are as imperfect people. Everyone thinks they deserve something bigger and grander then they can imagine. And it's simply strange. It's like people rather believe and live in fantasy then acknowledge real life and what it takes to make real life happen.

 

And in the end, it doesn't all work out. Look at this thread. It's anger and frustration and bitterness from BOTH sides. From men and women. When you treat the other gender like they are disposable, you don't create healthier relationships. Instead of men understanding the ways they can hurt women and women understanding the ways they can hurt men and both sides acknowledging this and openning their minds and hearts to possiblities that don't fit into their thinnly regimented ideals, all you get is head bashing because neither gender is treating the other with respect. And the cycle continues.

 

And yes! We all get jealous about something and frustrated with the other gender fails to see our worth. And it's important to talk about that so that we don't keep living in our own heads about our own needs and only seeing the opposite gender an extension of our own needs and desires but rather people worthy of respect and consideration and of love on their own.

 

But if men are going to continue to use women for their youth, then I will only use men for their money. Because a lot of the men in this thread don't even really see women as people. They just see them as a "thing" they can get something from. And if that's the way men see women, then I will begin to train myself to see men that way too and play their own game. And the bitterness can continue.

 

But that's not the kind of person I want to be. When I first came to this site, I learned alot about how men feel about things and it taught me to be more considerate toward men and think about what they need out of a relationship. It made me a better partner. Because when I was young, I primarly cared about my own ideals of relationships. But I don't see that change in men. I don't see many men here that care about learning about women or caring about what a woman may need in a relationship. Unless it comes to sex then most men act like they got that down pat DESPITE the fact they probably don't as much as they think they do. But I don't see many me naround here tryign to really understand women. What I see is men making mockign statements about how old and ugly and what losers older women are and how wonderful and young younger women are and how their life is all peaches because they score with younger women. I wish men put more of an effort to see women as people and understand women's needs. Not just younger women's needs. But that's not what men want. I bet if a lot of these guys had their way, they wouldn't mind shooting any woman over the age of 30 in the head. While they would go on and on about what great catches and great men they were.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Maybe if more men were raised to take their share of responsibility in creating the damage they place on women they date/marry, they wouldn't be 40 years old and still single.

 

This is really a key point. From the conversations I have had with men in real life, and the conversations here, it is always ALWAYS, the woman's fault. While he's the "great guy". So many men fail to take a good look at themselves and how they treat women. So many men fail to take a good look at how they failed their relationships and women. And I think this is the case because men are afraid of what they may see if they do take a good look. So they rather ignore what they do, their actiosn, the way they talk about women and to women, then acknowledge they are a human being who as a man, might need some work himself.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

The reality is that because youth is very attractive, for both genders, most young women will date an older man for his money. There will come a time when he will reach an age that she is no longer attracted (he has become too old), but she still looks good, and now in a position to take his money, she will do so and leave.

 

She can now afford to date someone her own age, that is more attractive (younger) and enjoy being seen with him.

 

I have seen this happen over and over again. I listen to my daughter and her friends talk about older men hitting on them and how disgusting they find it, but…since he’ll pay for everything they’ll lead him on until the money runs out. Why not?

 

What you have left is a much older, unattractive man who is now bitter, angry and broke, joining the dating pool in my age group.

 

Unfortunetly, this is true. Now if this was a man talking about the fate of any hypothetical older woman, you would hear him relate this story with glee. But I do not get any glee from an older man that was with a younger woman, only to have her leave him once he got too old.

[RedRobin]

FTR, kids aren't 'baggage' in my book.

 

Kids are great. It is one way a man my age can demonstrate his willingness and ability to care for something other than himself. There are other ways to demonstrate this, but the way they treat their children and manage the difficulties of co-parenting (without undue trashing) speaks volumes about a man. I'm completely mush when I witness a father caring lovingly for his children. Even better when it is done at a distance and he's not trying to impress anyone. :love:

 

I do see some single fathers going out of their way to avoid single mothers though, and that bothers me. Or using their children as a convenient excuse to hide their multidating/multisexing habits. That is just gross.

[ThaWholigan]

This is really a key point. From the conversations I have had with men in real life, and the conversations here, it is always ALWAYS, the woman's fault. While he's the "great guy". So many men fail to take a good look at themselves and how they treat women. So many men fail to take a good look at how they failed their relationships and women. And I think this is the case because men are afraid of what they may see if they do take a good look. So they rather ignore what they do, their actiosn, the way they talk about women and to women, then acknowledge they are a human being who as a man, might need some work himself.

I agree, although I wouldn't limit this to just men, I think this is a cultural thing rather than gender based. People generally are scared of being introspective, and the ones who aren't, don''t even know how to do so. They are pretty comfortable with their view and their expression of it, so it's fruitless asking them to revise it.

 

I know a lot of guys who do have trouble looking inside themselves for they may not like what they see, and the guys who do look inside end up hating themselves and getting depression. It's a time of extremes, and people tend to swing from one side of the pendulum to the other.

 

To change that, would require mass reconditioning.

[RedRobin]

Now, DY... find an example of something one of the male LS posters did here that gave you faith in men..

 

Write a few paragraphs to them praising all of the great work they've done and why it makes you feel hopeful and optimistic about men.

 

Because it isn't enough to show people what they are doing 'wrong'. You have to acknowledge and show appreciation for those things they are doing 'right' too. Can you do that?

 

Most of us are just doing the best with what we were born with and getting along the best we can. Sure, there are people here who really are rather mercinary in their treatment of the other gender. You don't want to be that kind of person and neither do I. It hurts to think that maybe the world isn't fair and those kind of people can and sometimes to get ahead in this world. But we can't really worry about them too much.

[phineas]

If you like my comment, great, but maybe you should grow up and not assume that the world always revolves around you. If I want to criticize your preferences regarding weight, I will let you know very clearly, don't worry.

 

LOL!

Stop projecting.

YOU put words in MY mouth & then tell me to grow up when I put you to task for it?

 

typical LS woman.

[stillafool]

I'm not about to read the entire thread, but the answer is simple:

 

Men go after younger women because younger women give them the ability to do so.

 

There are so many young girls out there looking for an "established man who can spoil her." You hear about this all the time. The girls want a man who is financially stable and can give the girl a little bit of glamour.

 

Many of these men are willing to give them just that in exchange for having a a young, vibrant, beauty in their arm.

 

Both genders want something from each other that we may otherwise be upset about if we can't provide it.

 

The older women are upset with the men who choose the younger girls because they are no longer youthful. The men who are less well-off are jealous at the men who are because they get their pickings of the women. It all works out in the end.

 

This isn't just about age and wealth either. There is a bunch of other characteristics that people look in one another. It's just natural. No need to bitch about it and make the other gender look evil. That just makes you look like a jealous individual.

 

What happens to these men when these younger women spend a man's money on shopping or whatever and look around one day and find they are still not fulfilled because as much as they don't want to be they are still attracted to young men and want the excitement of true love and passion with a guy who is like them - young?

 

Is it that easy for the older man to move on to someone else young and not carry feelings of hurt about their loss?

[phineas]

Because I'm not convinced that most of them are looking to me as anything other than their 'older woman' experience.

 

If they are sincerely looking for a committed, monogamous relationship leading to marriage or similar life commitment, I may consider it.

 

so you consider being some young guys "older woman" exeperiance worse than becoming the cat lady?

 

why be alone waiting for mr right when mr right now is standing in front of you?

Since it most likely won't be serious you can just end it when the right guy does come around.