What makes some American Woman be slim And Some Others to Give up and be overweight

[ON MY OWN]

I am struggling really hard with some excess weight put on while in college. I dont WANT it to be there. So I am taking measures to get it off like some people do. I also want to address why is this thread ONLY about women? I see plenty of overweight people of both sexes. Very interesting observation. That goes to show what a woman has to go through vs a man on the weight issue. I am not 300 pounds or anything, but any extra weight I have on me as a woman hugely bothers me. Some people I think dont know what to do at all and arent giving up. They may have a lack of a support system or embarassed. I am embarassed if I am 10 pounds overweight...I think everyone is just different. People that look at them in a negative light w/ out the support of a friend or family member I am quite sure does not help. I have had really big friends in the past who absolutely hated the way they looked and needed guidance w/ direction on how to go about taking steps to eating and excercising.

 

I do think there are some people that have giving up probably from pure exhaustion from failed attempts and or embarrasement. Im embarrased of the littlest excess weight I ever gain so I cant imagine how some must feel.

 

I also do think it is more expensive to eat healthier which may CONTRIBUTE to the excess weight of some.

 

Trying to give different ideas for some to think about. =)

 

Funny this is here because I have a question on excercise.....

 

Hope this gives some insight. =)

Edited May 4, 2012 by ON MY OWN

[tman666]

Both success and failure tend to be habit forming...

[Feelin Frisky]

Nobody "gives up" and that is as misinformed as any racial or other bias that has ever plagued human sociology. Some--many--people are overweight and obese for many reasons but none more than they are predisposed to be that way because of mechanisms deep in the guts of the brain--like impulsiveness and drive for dopamine fix. No one is addicted to food or drugs or anything external, they are all addicted to the pleasure chemical of dopamine. How much did your parents teach you about this as a child? How much have you been told this since you were a child? Probably never. That's what's wrong with society--people give birth to children and don;t even understand how patterns of self-satisfaction are formed. Some people are slim because they have far less impulse to satisfy pleasure urges in that form and find that their size gives them advantages that they value. Some also have a genetic "off -switch" which turns the pleasure of eating into drudgery after a short time. Others are shamed into being thin by parents but none are educated into self control upstream of what and how to eat by how to fight the impulses of drive for instant pleasures. Please stop implying that overweight people choose this or are lazy or let themselves go. That's the subjective take by someone who has not clue of how things work.

[ON MY OWN]

Nobody "gives up" and that is as misinformed as any racial or other bias that has ever plagued human sociology. Some--many--people are overweight and obese for many reasons but none more than they are predisposed to be that way because of mechanisms deep in the guts of the brain--like impulsiveness and drive for dopamine fix. No one is addicted to food or drugs or anything external, they are all addicted to the pleasure chemical of dopamine. How much did your parents teach you about this as a child? How much have you been told this since you were a child? Probably never. That's what's wrong with society--people give birth to children and don;t even understand how patterns of self-satisfaction are formed. Some people are slim because they have far less impulse to satisfy pleasure urges in that form and find that their size gives them advantages that they value. Some also have a genetic "off -switch" which turns the pleasure of eating into drudgery after a short time. Others are shamed into being thin by parents but none are educated into self control upstream of what and how to eat by how to fight the impulses of drive for instant pleasures. Please stop implying that overweight people choose this or are lazy or let themselves go. That's the subjective take by someone who has not clue of how things work.

 

 

This is an excellent post.....KUDOS....no pun intended;)

I hope my post didnt imply that....I was just throwing different ideas out there. I think there may be a few people who give up on many things, but as you said there are deeper roots to the issue....not that they have given up. I think it is an infair bias to look at someone and assume they have given up because someone has an easier go at it than others. I think your post brings up some EXCELLENT points. Hopefully the OP can see it is not just one standard thing across the board. You cant just look at someone and assume you know their whole life story, as you said there are many reasons for both. I REALLY like the way you addressed this.

Once again I think your post is an excellent feedback for this thread.=)

Edited May 4, 2012 by ON MY OWN

[bean1]

I'm on my 3rd pregnancy and becoming a personal trainer after having been a weightlifter for 10 years. I train actively through my pregnancies and maintain being fit despite the babies (of course I have the scars, but I wasn't genetically blessed).

 

I find the majority of obese women, particularly who come from North American cultures, lack education on how to lose weight and stay fit. Most people can't estimate calories properly (some are naturally thin, many maintain normal weight -> that's fine, I'm talking the obese).

 

A lot of them hate their bodies and are "all or nothing", they think they need to starve at 1200 calories and then start binging because it's too little. They think 100 calories of a 0g fat yogurt with 25g added sugar is better for them, their health, their satiety than 100 calories of almonds at 5-10g fat. They fear fat, they fear carbs, they have been conditioned to believe this. Sometimes they fear hard work - sometimes they don't but others do, and caution them not to "push themselves".

 

I live in Quebec. Women here do not fear fat or carbs, cheese and bread and wine is critical. They aren't very fit, exercise is not popular. But eating small portions is just standard and we have very low obesity rates, in fact I can go months without seeing an obese person. Obese people often have portion distortion.

 

I am 5'5 and 130lbs normally (a very fit 130lbs with around 17% body fat which is quite athletic for a female), I usually ate around 2000 calories a day when not pregnant. Obese dieting women often try and eat half of that, then binge on 2-3x that because they struggle with moderation. When I tell women I eat 2000 calories to maintain 130lbs they think I'm lying. I'm not. They also don't realize how 2000 adds up and why one should FUEL their body if they want to be fit.

 

I firmly believe that most obese women want to be healthy and happy, not perfect, just healthy and happy, but a lot of them just don't know how and being 'beaten up' emotionally over their self-worth reinforces their belief that they can't do it.

[FitChick]

I don't understand why doctors who have obese patients who have been eating 5000+ calories per day don't have them gradually cut back until they get down to 1500 or whatever would be best for them. They wouldn't be so hungry and would learn to substitute smaller portions and more healthful foods as well as learn better habits.

[goldengirl11]

I think whether or not they are seeking a new partner may have something to do with it.

[housebunny]

Low self esteem, low self control, no willpower, rough upbringing, and little to no education about nutrition.

 

I beat all of these, but I didn't do that until I got old enough to realize what calories were for myself.

 

You have to want it.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It really pains when people blame bad genes or slow metabolism. There is no scientific evidence for either.

 

Basically, two people of the same weight, height and body fat % will burn nearly identical amount of calories at the same activity level. There is really no magical "fast metabolism". When people tell you they eat nothing and still gain weight; they are either lying to you or to themselves (often both).

 

There are some metabolic disorders that are very rare and they are the exception (and can be easily ruled out by a simple blood test).

 

People in the same family are often overweight because of the poor eating and exercise habits and not because of the genes.

 

I am not thin either but have been and can be if I can be bothered to be disciplined about my eating and exercise.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Your assumption that non-thin women "give up" is patently wrong. There are many reasons why some folks are overweight and very few if any are because they decided to "give up".

 

thank you for this. I need to interject....I was diagnosed 2 years ago with Hashimoto's disease. It is a disease of the thyroid--mine is dead; my body does not respond as well as a person with a healthy thyroid. I take a hormone which helps some, had to give up carbs as my body tends to hold onto them---frustrating!!!! I work out EVERY DAY at the gym for a good 2 hours, this includes cardio, weight training, boot camps, specialty classes--most of which are with trainers and instructors. It sucks struggling with extra weight. I have lost 30 inches and some poundage--but s....l...lllllllllllloooooooooooowwwwwwly. It's happening, but not in a normal amount of time. I have changed my body composition with all the training I do, but it will be a lifelong struggle and journey. I think the OP is naive to think that some people just let themselves go. It is torture for some of us, but it's paying off--my blood counts have improved in a huge way.

 

Some cannot help it and are doing what they can. Also, every person is different; some fellows prefer a curvy lady---My Dad and brother love a plus sized woman; it's their taste, it's appealing to them. Differen't strokes for different folks, I guess.

 

I just find it insulting as a woman for people to assume an overweight lady let herself go and simply doesn't care. I was very much overweight at one time and hated being in that body. But, I decided to nip that in the bud for health reasons--not to appease any fellow out there who may not appreciate my heavier self.

 

I envy those people who can eat whatever, whenever, not exercise and stay thin.....I also hope those people have good health. Please educate yourself, OP.

[BewitchedandBothered]

As a teenager, now several years back, I was once 130 pounds overweight. The reasons? My parents had horrible eating habits and they controlled the food that was brought into the house. Probably from the age of 9 or so, I was overweight. That had a big (no pun intended) effect on my life - I withdrew socially from other people. I spent a lot of time alone. The heavier I got in school, the more I wanted to avoid exercising, especially in a public forum - because I was terrified of people making fun of me ("Look at the fat girl trying to run! Lulz!").

 

In ordinary life - by complete strangers, classmates, etc. - I received enough heckling about my appearance. I wanted to be as invisible as possible. I continued gaining weight and remained overweight because I had -no idea- how to lose weight. I was always told that I needed to eat 1200 calories by doctors, and my parents emphasized that I should eat even less if I wanted to be successful. Well, when your house is full of crappy food, 1200 calories goes quickly.

 

When I was 14, I remember going on a 300 - 500 calorie-a-day diet for about a month. After about a week I was so hungry it was hard to get off the couch. At the end of that time, I only lost about 8 pounds (I was working out too). The moment I felt discouraged, I was back to eating whatever I wanted again. I had always been told by people that going on a diet meant being hungry all of the time.

 

It wasn't until I was 17 or 18 that I had the resources and the know-how to research weight loss and nutrition. Once I did that, I was able to start losing weight.

 

But while it sure is easy to say, "Just use more than you consume," (and this is true), there are so many variables that can really discourage people. Plateaus. I lost 60 pounds in the past and hit my plateau. I was already stressed out with school and work and I gave up, utterly discouraged. I've only recently recovered from a plateau (down 80ish pounds from my heaviest weight).

 

I do think that if more people were ever overweight, and significantly so (I'm not just talking 5 or 10 pounds), they would see that at times it is an uphill battle. You are treated badly by most folks around you, even the ones who know and see that you're losing weight, until you get to a size they deem 'acceptable.' Now that I'm not - that - overweight anymore, people treat me worlds differently. Rather than staring at me, making obvious 'oink' sounds to their friends, or ignoring me entirely like I'm a monster that doesn't exist, men will sometimes come up and talk to me.

 

Occasionally, they even see my PICTURES online (!!) and ask me out on dates or write to tell me that I'm "really beautiful."

 

I still get a lot of crap from people. When I went to see my NP for my annual exam, she started shoving papers about weight loss at me (apparently failing to see in her records that I've lost 50 pounds since I last saw her). I was then lectured on how to lose weight. She even circled specific numbers on this two-page paper and used a pen to point it all out to me. Not only did she see that I'm fat, but apparently she also decided that I was too stupid to read.

 

I tore up the paper as soon as I was out of the office. I know how to lose weight, thanks. And I think most fat people above a certain age (not children, of course) get the gyst of it. I don't need to be patronized or offered advice for an unrelated condition. Believe it or not, being fat is not the root cause of every single possible thing that could go wrong in the human body.

 

Why do people get fat and stay fat? Because once you get fat, it's hard to find the momentum to go back, especially when you have people around you not being supportive or being negative the entire way. People do treat you like you're subhuman, especially if you're a fat woman. I wish I could say that the patronizing I have received is minimal or occasional - it's definitely not.

 

My glucose, cholesterol and blood pressure are all excellent. But when I was having them tested, the guy running the test kept grilling me about my eating and exercise habits. I answered honestly: I do tend to follow the food pyramid and I get at least 5 hours of exercise in a week, oftentimes much more. He kept asking me the same questions - apparently trying to find a hole in my story, I'm guessing.

 

He ended the testing off with suggesting that I go for walks a few times a week to get my cholesterol/BP/glucose even lower. I just stared at him and thought: is he just so trained to say one thing, or does he seriously not believe what I told him? I'm going to imagine the latter.

 

When you're overweight, you don't really get any positive support. If I post a picture of myself online and I've lost a few pounds, people are all over it like vultures: "Omg, you are SO much healthier now!" (How can you honestly gauge someone's health just by looking at them? Answer: you really can't, at least not very accurately). Gain a few pounds and you are the gossip of the family, and not in a good way.

 

The whole thing gets tiring, which is why I am just desperate to lose the pounds already. I don't think my blood pressure or cholesterol will kill me. I think it's the stress of constantly having the idea reinforced that I am unacceptable, unattractive and unworthy - of jobs, of relationships, of walking around in society minding my own business, etc.

 

Although I will say that my experiences seem to be greatly magnified compared to others: I have talked to folks WAY heavier than me who are appalled by what I've been through. I live in Michigan, and there are plenty of fat folk here. It's not like I am anywhere near the fattest person living around here. It gives me hope that not everyone is treated like absolute crap.

 

What scares me is that people find that treating overweight people like they're monsters is acceptable. A poster here once remarked, after I shared that I had a boyfriend who would criticize me if I were eating junk food, ever, that he was right to do so (?!?!). I've seen others share that they agree doctors should be even more cruel and forceful about people losing weight. And of course the myriads of people I've met or heard about, even grown adults, who feel it is appropriate to fat-shame people in public by making comments that the person can hear.

 

I mean, whether you find being overweight repugnant or not, the very least you owe someone whom you have never even met is a shred of respect and politeness, whether or not you feels it's their fault that they're overweight. They're not fat as a personal insult toward you, and that's the way that people seem to act. By simply having to see a fat person, some people really act like the fatty has personally shot them in the face. What did the fat person ever do to you - I mean...seriously?

 

And while it's very rare indeed that people have health conditions that cause someone to be overweight - the fact is that you can never know. It kind of frightens me that people say things like, "Well, you can't change being black/short/anything other than the stereotypically hot 'tall white person', but you CAN change being fat. Therefore, it's OK to be cruel to fat people."

 

I know, however, that when I was gaining weight, I DEFINITELY ate too much and did not exercise enough. Now? I do exercise enough. I do eat well. But since people often think of people as they GAIN weight, they don't realize that an obese person may have good eating and exercise habits. They just lash out blindly.

 

Just my two cents from a resident fatty.

 

You rock:)

[FitChick]

I have Hashimoto's and I gained/lost weight the way I always did before I was diagnosed and treated -- eating more/less, exercising more/less. It took slightly longer before meds but the weight still came off. No one gets a free ride.

 

People don't wake up one day fifty pounds overweight. I've never understood why people don't take action when they've gained ten pounds. Five extra pounds is my wake-up call to get a grip. Why make life more difficult for yourself?

[xxoo]

People don't wake up one day fifty pounds overweight. I've never understood why people don't take action when they've gained ten pounds. Five extra pounds is my wake-up call to get a grip. Why make life more difficult for yourself?

 

Some people self-soothe with food, a habit often ingrained in childhood. Times of stress --> comfort foods/frequent snacking --> 10 pounds --> upset about weight gained --> comfort food --> on and on.....

 

When I'm stressed, I have a hard time eating, and I turn to exercise to feel better. That's a huge advantage in avoiding obesity.

 

Alternatively, some women seem to permanently gain sizes with pregnancy. I don't know if there is any physiological explanation for that or not. I do know that, for most women, life after baby is very different than before baby, often making it harder to find time for good self care (eating right and exercising).

[LittlePrince]

Most women whether they are fat or thin don't consciously do anything to affect their weight. They eat the way they like and some end up thin while others don't.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Most women whether they are fat or thin don't consciously do anything to affect their weight. They eat the way they like and some end up thin while others don't.

 

Are you kidding me? I know SO many women who are practically obsessed about what they consume.

 

It really pains when people blame bad genes or slow metabolism. There is no scientific evidence for either.

 

But, (and I speak from experience), a person can spend a lifetime eating a certain way and then, rather suddenly, have a pretty severe metabolism shift (that hits a lot of us with age and with pregnancy) that changes everything.

 

Some of us have a great handle on our relationship with food and are able to quickly adjust our eating habits to account for this, but I am not one of them. It was really hard to face how MUCH I would have to change my eating habits if I wanted to avoid being overweight, and now it is something I pay attention to every day. And I dislike that.

 

And, I can't cite any scientific studies to support this, but I do believe that there is a genetic component to being fat or skinny. An ectomorphic body type will always tend more towards thinness than an endomorphic one.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I have Hashimoto's and I gained/lost weight the way I always did before I was diagnosed and treated -- eating more/less, exercising more/less. It took slightly longer before meds but the weight still came off. No one gets a free ride.

 

People don't wake up one day fifty pounds overweight. I've never understood why people don't take action when they've gained ten pounds. Five extra pounds is my wake-up call to get a grip. Why make life more difficult for yourself?

 

My life is about the journey; always testing to see what works for me; it's a struggle, but it's happening and I like to think I am winning the battle:) I practically live at the gym and always trying to see what my body can handle. I see that it tends to hold onto carbs, so I cut as much as possible. There are some that have Hashi's and the struggle is too much to bear and they get depressed. It's an awful cycle. It's easier for some and a challenge for others. The key is to not give up. Another friend of mine did give up...She used to be my workout buddy. She is 350lbs and has truly given up on die an exercise; won't' answer my texts to get up and go with me/ meet me there.

[LittlePrince]

Are you kidding me? I know SO many women who are practically obsessed about what they consume.

A lot of women don't practice what they preach at least when it comes to dieting. All women are on diets but then you see what they eat and all you can do is humor them.

[Mme. Chaucer]

A lot of women don't practice what they preach at least when it comes to dieting. All women are on diets but then you see what they eat and all you can do is humor them.

 

A lot of people don't practice what they preach.

 

No offense, but from most of your posts I get the marked impression that you have very little knowledge or experience about women. Maybe when you grow up to be a big prince ...

[Sivok]

I'm not gonna lie, the second i saw the title of this thread i literally sighed and said 'stfu'. Seems like the vast majority of OP's posts treat women like they're another species. Ugh.

 

People tend to be out of shape for two primary reasons - they love to eat fatty food, and they don't like to exercise. They want to and enjoy eating large portions or fatty foods more than they do healthy foods. They would rather spend their free time doing something else other than exercising.

 

I don't really attribute it to laziness. To lose weight you have to do something that you really don't enjoy for a very long time - and only until you start seeing the results you want will you start hating it less. Eventually, you may even start enjoying it - but that's a very long-term process that requires daily perseverance.

 

Sure, there's a small percentage that have legitimate reasons (whether it be medical or they really do not have an hour a day for exercise), but lack of a desire to eat healthy and exercise will sum up 99% of the overweight person's experience

[Leigh 87]

A lot of good points.

 

 

Another thing I want to add - the image of " thin" has gone too far. Young people think that 110 lbs at 5'5 is the most " desirable" type of " thin". Most people, 98% of people, do not have the genetics to allow them to be

celebrity " thin"..... therefore, they give up on trying at all, because they feel like they are fighting a losing battle.

 

Where as, if people accepted their natural body shape, and tried to simply ex exercise and eat right for health and fitness related goals - to feel better and be healthier........ I think far more people would be compelled to stick at being healthy.

The people brought up on cr@p food who feel pained eating veggies and salad - could do it, if they were taught how to make healthy foods tasty, accepted a period where they had to get used to it; and finally, realise they do not have to be a size 4 to have " made it"... That simply following a healthy plan and finding an exercise they love, would cut it.

 

If people think the goal is not worth maintaining - of being very thin - they will not bother at all. Black and white thinking. I was once like that, I am not a thin girl, I am about 130 lbs at 5'5. I am very curvy and can be sligthly thinner if I wanted to.

 

In high school, i thought ' well, since I am not thin, why bother?" and I binged, emotionally ate because I hd no friends - and saw no reason to bother at all with my health, considering I was not thin by nature. So why bother being healthy?

[Leigh 87]

It really pains when people blame bad genes or slow metabolism. There is no scientific evidence for either.

 

Basically, two people of the same weight, height and body fat % will burn nearly identical amount of calories at the same activity level. There is really no magical "fast metabolism". When people tell you they eat nothing and still gain weight; they are either lying to you or to themselves (often both).

 

There are some metabolic disorders that are very rare and they are the exception (and can be easily ruled out by a simple blood test).

 

People in the same family are often overweight because of the poor eating and exercise habits and not because of the genes.

 

I am not thin either but have been and can be if I can be bothered to be disciplined about my eating and exercise.

 

 

 

but not everyone can the same weight, just as easily.... People have a point where their bodies like to be at. My point is AROUND 130; too much less, my body freaks out and is not happy: above this point, I get chubby and have to over eat to get there.

 

Not everyone can be thin.... did you mean generally " fit and healthy" , or do you mean everyone CAN be " thin"?

[RiverRunning]

Leigh, I feel you. We are such a screwed-up society...it's hard to find 'balance.'

 

I see pictures of women who are my height (5'8", 5'9") and if they weigh over, say, 150 pounds, I often find myself thinking, "She's fat," when realistically I know she has an average body. Decent muscle tone, decent amount of fat. Obviously muscle and fat composition affects that, but I find myself being overly critical of body types I see on the Internet, when in person, I likely wouldn't even notice that person's weight. I'd say, 'She's thin,' and move on.

 

I'm trying to get down to 160 pounds. I'm about 200 pounds, size 14 (I can get my size 12s halfway up my butt...hahaha). But honestly, if I got to 170 or 180 pounds, I'd be really happy. That's moderately overweight for me.

 

People do need to take different body sizes into account. All of the women in my family have large frames. One of my cousins, back in the day at 5'6" (and she's the shortest woman in the family!), usually averaged 150 - 155 pounds and she looked great. Big boobs, big hips, flat stomach.

 

Every then and again I run into petite women - 5'2", 110 - 115 pounds - and realize how small that is compared to most of the women in my family. We're not small.

 

It was always difficult for me, especially in my last relationship (my ex was 5'6" or so, medium-ish frame, about 150 pounds), to realize that I would likely never weigh less than my then-boyfriend. Dumb, but it was how I felt. I know he would have liked it better if I were shorter and if I weighed less. But it just wasn't feasible.

 

For what it's worth, if I had been raised in a healthy household, I'm sure I would have paid MUCH more attention to my weight. But I grew up with very poor eating habits (fast food every night. We never ate fresh fruit or vegetables) and parents who were very overweight.

 

My parents were also very critical toward me and my mother actively discouraged having friends/dating until I was basically in college. She made me feel afraid of going out to get a job (she criticized me so much that I was afraid that if I went out and got a job, I'd have someone else giving me endless earfuls).

 

What else do you do with your time? I ate because it was the only thing in my life that was pleasurable. It gets difficult to think about my life 6+ years ago because it was so different and so bleak compared to my life now.

 

I've been struggling with a plateau for nearly the last YEAR. It takes ages to get a pound or two off now. I'm persisting, though.

 

I just wish people would get out of the mind set that skinny = healthy. I had a friend - she was 5'4", maybe 110 pounds - and she could grab a pretty impressive amount of fat. She didn't work-out, didn't watch her food intake, etc.

 

The BMI can't detect abnormal body fat percentages in thin people, and unfortunately the BMI is all that most doctors use to assess people. I'd far prefer to be myself - very active and eating right - than my thin friend who didn't do crap for herself, even though society would have me feel pressured to do otherwise.

 

I wish that doctors would focus more on that than seeing being thin as being the end goal. Being fat is a risk factor, but it should be treated as such just like any other - including eating right, not leading a sedentary life, not smoking, etc. Losing modest amounts of weight - or simply being active and eating right without weight loss - has been shown to have positive effects on a person's health.

 

I look back on when I lost 60 pounds the first time...plateaued...and then gave up and feel remorse. If someone had just strongly told me - an authority figure, like a doctor - "Keep GOING. You are making such positive strides for your health, get a cholesterol/glucose/blood pressure check," I may have continued. But in my mind, so indoctrinated, I thought: "I'm not losing weight and I'm not getting any benefits, so why bother? At least eating takes less effort and it feels good."

 

Our focus needs to be so much more on our health than whether or not we're fat. I KNOW that I am healthy.