jerryinva Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 So, my dad says that the car he has found for me will be ready in 2 or 3 weeks. I told her, and she said, "oh that might work out good." Apparently, she and her "fiance" will be going down to where her and I grew up, where my dad is...on the 4th of July weekend.. She then said...that I could ride with them... I am thinking bad, bad idea... I would rather take the train...or bus...than be stuck in the car with them for 3 or 4 hours...and then have them drop me off...and know they are probably heading to the hotel... it would depress me... What do you think? And why would she make that offer, knowing how I would feel? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueRaincoat Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 I think it was very selfish on her part to not consider your feelings... she may even be trying to make you jealous. I would stay away if possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 14, 2004 Author Share Posted June 14, 2004 I could really use some advice here... not sure how to handle this. Be a good "friend" and go along..while she knows it bothers me, or not go with her and him, and make it an issue, again... Link to post Share on other sites
sweetie7 Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 Why would you go?? If you know this is going to hurt you even a little bit, you shouldn't go! I don't know how this could be an issue with her. You can be her friend without hanging out with her and her fiance. I can't imagine going for a long drive w/ my ex and his gf...and I don't think he would ever ever expect me to! Why put yourself through hell by choice?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 14, 2004 Author Share Posted June 14, 2004 This could be a test...to see if I will be platonic...or show that I really still have feelings for her... And she said "possibility" he would go... so nothing definite. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveHerMadly Posted June 14, 2004 Share Posted June 14, 2004 I can't believe you are still in here talking about this. She is engaged to someone else!!!! How many reasons do you need to give up on this girl???? If I am laughing at you, just imagine the riot she is having!!! Seriously dude, you are really pathetic, get a life already... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 So I am pathetic...may I remind you, my question is not about "getting her back" or anything like that, it was a question as a result of a conversation of a "friendly" nature. I am simply wondering if the benefits of riding with her/or them, and getting my car that weekend, while enduring being around the two of them together, outweigh the discomfort I will feel... My dad says I need to show her "I get it" that I understand their relationship, whether I think they will stay together or not, and am accepting it...as painful as it may be, and even though I am still getting the occasional mixed signal of confusion. Pathetic...If I wanted to be insulted and put down...I can call my mother! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Every now and then I hear about a guy like you and it breaks my heart. You are being played. You are an amusement. She probably loves the idea that you'll tag around after her like a puppy - even after she kicks you down the stairs. Then she holds out a doggy biscuit and back you go. Guys like you usually have rotten self-esteem so that the attention of any woman is somehow enough, even if the attention is mostly negative. I think you best get yourself to a counsellor and heal yourself to the point where you won't ever again allow someone to treat you this badly. No man should be a pet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 That was a very compassionate way to put it... I appreciate that... Problem is I really do love her...I just can't seem to do the right thing... Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Jerry, really... driving her and the boytoy around? c'mon... She trying to show you to the new guy or to make him jealous. And she's trying to turn you into her girlfriend. Draw a line in the sand for her. Tell her outright that she is disrespecting you and treating you badly. Then walk away for awhile. Let her do some chasing. Or, bring your new girlfriend along for the drive... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 16, 2004 Author Share Posted June 16, 2004 She told me she loves me...but that "her heart is closed to me." I asked her if I could get it back open...and she replied, it's possible, but what if I don't want it... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Oh lordy! What bull! Guy, she does not love you. She has a bf. Drop this one and RUN!!! Were you to be unfortunate enough to land her, she'd play you constantly. For heaven's sakes, preserve yourself and avoid this person. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 She has shown you in so many ways that she doesn't care about your feelings, she doesn't care about you, and she most certainly does not love you. You can not say that you love her either, as you first need to love yourself in order to love another. Leave her be, let it go, move on with life and quit letting this woman do these demeaning and degrading things to you. Don't get in the car with them, don't make an issue of it. Just refuse to play the games anymore, cut off all communication, and find someone who will honestly love you for you ... not what she can do to you. Ugh. Each time I read your posts I keep my fingers crossed that somehow it all became clear and you finally realized that NOTHING good could come out of this situation. She is engaged, she is in love with someone other than you. Even if she dumped him to go back to you, how long do you suppose it would take for this whole scene to become a reality again? Good luck to you. Try taking care of yourself for a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 16, 2004 Author Share Posted June 16, 2004 I agree that nothing good can come from this. It is ironic..right after she came back from the credit union depositing some money in there for me...to help me out, we get into a discussion about me...in which she informs me that I need a girlfriend, so I won't be upset when my stepmother tells me my dad is too busy to talk to me, or when she is busy. She said I obviously want someone who can give their full attention to me... She said she plans on focusing on her relationship with her fiance, and she is going to give him unlimited time... and that she doesn't think anyone will ever give me as much love as I want. So, I am sorry I have wasted all of your time on here. I bring no joy or cheer into anyone's life...and the world will be a better place without me. I should have never gotten involved with a woman, who had an ex-boyfriend around all the time....and now I have repeated the same cycle. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 that she doesn't think anyone will ever give me as much love as I want. This a lie on her part. You will find someone who will love you as much and more than you ever dreamed of. It just isn't her. So, I am sorry I have wasted all of your time on here. I bring no joy or cheer into anyone's life...and the world will be a better place without me. You haven't wasted anyones time. We have all been trying and will continue to support you. We also understand that this is a very hard situation for you, and we don't like seeing you being treated like you are. The world is going to continue tomorrow, and tomorrow you never know what will occur. Don't be sinking yourself into such grief as you can't see that somethings just happen the way they do. Honestly, it is best for you all the way around if you walk away from this girl, start to heal, and find that relationship you want so much. I should have never gotten involved with a woman, who had an ex-boyfriend around all the time....and now I have repeated the same cycle. Knowing and seeing a cycle is half the battle to winning. You can control some things in life, NOT getting attached to someone already in a relationship is number one. I do wish you lots of luck. And your heart will heal, I swear and promise on it. And sometime you will realize that the relationship was the most dangerous for you, while it affected her not at all. Please don't let this one bad experience lead the rest of your life. Take care of yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 We had a long talk last night about her impending trip...the hour plus conversation really yielded no progress...and today she hasn't called me or emailed me, or text messaged me. She said she was going to call last night when she got home, but never did...because he didn't go home. That and her best friend from out of state called her, and I am sure she told her about the conversations we have been having...and her best friend dislikes me tremendously... so I am sure she said I should leave her alone...so I am making no attempt to contact her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 That worked...I didn't call her...sure enough, she called me... Link to post Share on other sites
dcgent45 Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Yo, I am not sure why you are going after her. All your posts have been sooooo confusing. In this thread you mention friendship, but then go on to mention you love her so much and it hurts to see her with someone else. It just isn't making a lot of sense. I really, really, really think you need to just stop talking to her all together. Gather enough strength in you, buy a calendar, mark on the calendar the last day you speak with her and see how long you can go, knowing that your reward is being a better person and feeling better in all aspects of life. I would recommend you go see a therapist as well, to help you sort out your life. You are currently tangled in a pretty nasty ball of yarn...and I don't think you are trying to get out of it. Honestly, I think you enjoy the way she treats you. I really do, because if you didn't like it, or it hurts you too much or makes you feel horrible, then you wouldn't subject yourself to it. So I think you like being treated the way you are. Otherwise, I think what you need to do is grab yourself by the b@lls, take a deep breath and have some respect for yourself and leave her and her fiance alone. you are fighting a losing battle and if for some strange reason, you were to ever be with her again...you will have a really low self esteem, hold a lot of resentment, and be treated like a dog...because that is how she knows how to treat you right now. IF she was still single, I would say go for it. BUt in reality, no thing or person should be that difficult to deal with. You have decisions to make in life, and I think you are deciding that being treated like a piece of poo is what makes you feel the best. But, it is your life and if you think this is the way you want to live your life, than go for it. Sounds pretty miserable to me!!!! Take care and honestly...gain some self respect and be a man, not a pile of s***. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jerryinva Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 DCGent...thanks for the advice...I am considering that choice... Link to post Share on other sites
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