Is there a difference in how black guys approach women vs white guys?

[singlelife]

My opinion (though I'm married and been out of the dating game for years) is that black men are more direct.

 

They don't seem to overthink things and seem more confident in their approach. I have talked to my friends about this difference, too. I remember one of them saying "A white guy will look like he wants to kiss you, but he'll seem too afraid or he'll actually ask "Can I kiss you?", while a black guy will just do it without hesitation." My husband did exactly that and hooked me at fifteen with an unexpected kiss in weight training class. The surprise of it and the determined look on his face made it seem very passionate and exciting for me.

 

I think white men are more likely to take a cautious approach, which makes them seem less passionate, and is probably why some get "friend zoned". Note that I didn't say they were less passionate, just that there approach can make it seem like that.

 

I think it is cultural, because I can see the cultural differences between my husband's (who is black) family and my family (one side is Irish/Catholic heritage, one side is Cherokee). My family is much more concerned about "appearances" and what other people think. There are invisible boundaries about what you can & can't say to people. They are less likely to call people out on their BS. They have the "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all" approach, which spares hurt feelings, but can be viewed as "being phony".

 

With my husband's family, they are much more direct. It is not always a good thing as sometimes too much honesty can hurt feelings. They aren't very worried about what people think and aren't too concerned if they "impose" on people. They put their feelings out there and say what's on their mind. So I think many black men are raised to be more honest about feelings, while white men are more veiled about their feelings. If a black man feels very attracted to a woman, his behavior reflects that. They aren't in their heads thinking of the approach, what to say, how to act, what might go wrong, etc. They just say what they feel and let go of the outcome.

 

I am not trying to generalize and say that these differences apply to all people. I am just saying that this has been my experience. I know there are direct white guys and shy black guys, but overall, this has been my observation in many instances.

 

It seems like blacks are more direct and white guys hold back. The direct approach seems to work more. But I do agree that women don't hold black guys accountable. Not because of low standards, but because of the taboo with it. Just my opinion.

[sweetsmmr91]

It seems like blacks are more direct and white guys hold back. The direct approach seems to work more. But I do agree that women don't hold black guys accountable. Not because of low standards, but because of the taboo with it. Just my opinion.

 

What taboo is there with holding black guys accountable? I'm confused!

[singlelife]

What taboo is there with holding black guys accountable? I'm confused!

 

I meant they want the fantasy of the black man. So they aren't going to just shut them down for being aggressive. Not meant to be negative. Some people were saying blacks have a lower standard like they are less than white men so I wanted to make that clear I didn't feel the same way.

[sweetsmmr91]

I meant they want the fantasy of the black man. So they aren't going to just shut them down for being aggressive. Not meant to be negative. Some people were saying blacks have a lower standard like they are less than white men so I wanted to make that clear I didn't feel the same way.

 

Ooh, no I must have read it wrong.

 

I'm not sure about the fantasy of a black guy, I haven't really thought of it as taboo.. I have also never dated a black guy, soo maybe that should change! It may be my new fantasy! Haha

 

No, I wonder though if it's more common for black guys and hispanic guys to like curvy women, because white guys seem to want more thin women. That's always been interesting to me.

[singlelife]

Ooh, no I must have read it wrong.

 

I'm not sure about the fantasy of a black guy, I haven't really thought of it as taboo.. I have also never dated a black guy, soo maybe that should change! It may be my new fantasy! Haha

 

No, I wonder though if it's more common for black guys and hispanic guys to like curvy women, because white guys seem to want more thin women. That's always been interesting to me.

 

So is it appealing when they hit on you more aggressively? It seems a lot of women on ls find that attractive. And what is it that makes women like being hit on directly instead of indirectly that they like?

[Badsingularity]

So is it appealing when they hit on you more aggressively? It seems a lot of women on ls find that attractive. And what is it that makes women like being hit on directly instead of indirectly that they like?

 

It shows that he has more confidence in himself and is not governed by fear.

[kaylan]

Anyone can have swag, it just so happens that the machismo filled hip hop culture that was started black people, is predominantly black and latino. But as I said before, Ive seen Asian cats and White dudes with wicked game...and they could sweet talk the hell out of any girl.

 

Hell, Im not even into hip hop and r&B too much, but just by virtue of being black and having a wide variety of peers, Ive been able to see what works and what doesnt work. The stand offish approach does not work all that well unless a guy is that good looking that women throw themselves at him. And this counts for dudes of all races.

 

I know black and asian dudes who grew up in the suburbs and have that less confident approach to women, and they fail just as badly as the white guys. Sometimes a girl is really feeling you and nothing happens because you fail to make a move on her.

[sweetsmmr91]

So is it appealing when they hit on you more aggressively? It seems a lot of women on ls find that attractive. And what is it that makes women like being hit on directly instead of indirectly that they like?

 

I like a guy who knows what he wants. And I want him to want me, obviously. So sometimes aggressiveness can be good. But aggressiveness can easily cross over to creepy. It just depends on the guy.

 

There have been plenty of aggressive guys of any race that I have been freaked out by.

 

But.. the guys who are aggressive and make it work.. oooooh it works.

[singlelife]

Anyone can have swag, it just so happens that the machismo filled hip hop culture that was started black people, is predominantly black and latino. But as I said before, Ive seen Asian cats and White dudes with wicked game...and they could sweet talk the hell out of any girl.

 

Hell, Im not even into hip hop and r&B too much, but just by virtue of being black and having a wide variety of peers, Ive been able to see what works and what doesnt work. The stand offish approach does not work all that well unless a guy is that good looking that women throw themselves at him. And this counts for dudes of all races.

 

I know black and asian dudes who grew up in the suburbs and have that less confident approach to women, and they fail just as badly as the white guys. Sometimes a girl is really feeling you and nothing happens because you fail to make a move on her.

 

Women seem to naturally be attracted to men who are aggressive. It's how they're made.

[kaylan]

Interesting perspective. I too think that white women fall for "swag" because it's new and unfamiliar to them. Also, as one female poster admitted earlier in this thread, white women seem to hold ethnic men to a lower standard in terms of what's considered respectful behavior (i.e. a black or hispanic man is "allowed" to be sexually agressive to the point of being obnoxious, while a white man could never "get away" with that).

 

It's like women have these stereotypes of what you are supposed to be based on your race. If you are black, you better be a 'gangsta' with swag. If you are hispanic, you are supposed to be a suave, salsa dancing, greasy haired dude. If you are white, you are expected to be reserved. If you are asian, you are supposed to be able to fix her computer. It's all really dumb if you think about it.

I cant blame the ladies for giving us flavor of the month guys a little leeway lolz.

 

But in all seriousness. I think part of its the way the media portrays certain behaviors growing up. I dont think its really a race thing.

 

A guy who can be confident, suave, and not a creepy jerk with his sexual forwardness, will win many points.

 

If a guy acts unsure of himself, or gives off a bad vibe will undoubtedly scare women away when he becomes overtly sexual. Im black, but Ive never been described as a suave guy. Im a goofball rocker dude. I usually get chicks with my off beat personality and humor.

 

But when I am sexually forward, I receive no complaints. Its all about being confident and going about it in a way that puts a girl at ease. Oh, and making the encounter mostly about her is what usually gets your foot in the door.

[Jane2011]

I've always experienced hispanic and black guys to be more aggressive (in a good way). They have a warm demeanor.

 

An Indian guy I recently dated, too, was warm.

 

White guys are cold and subtle about things. This doesn't make them bad. Often they're very attracted to you, but they're subtle about it. Or they put on this indifferent air.

 

My relationships have been with ethnic men. Things never seem to work for me and a white guy, although I do find many of them attractive.

[singlelife]

I've always experienced hispanic and black guys to be more aggressive (in a good way). They have a warm demeanor.

 

An Indian guy I recently dated, too, was warm.

 

White guys are cold and subtle about things. This doesn't make them bad. Often they're very attracted to you, but they're subtle about it. Or they put on this indifferent air.

 

My relationships have been with ethnic men. Things never seem to work for me and a white guy, although I do find many of them attractive.

 

 

What is this indifference you speak of?

[singlelife]

I cant blame the ladies for giving us flavor of the month guys a little leeway lolz.

 

But in all seriousness. I think part of its the way the media portrays certain behaviors growing up. I dont think its really a race thing.

 

A guy who can be confident, suave, and not a creepy jerk with his sexual forwardness, will win many points.

 

If a guy acts unsure of himself, or gives off a bad vibe will undoubtedly scare women away when he becomes overtly sexual. Im black, but Ive never been described as a suave guy. Im a goofball rocker dude. I usually get chicks with my off beat personality and humor.

 

But when I am sexually forward, I receive no complaints. Its all about being confident and going about it in a way that puts a girl at ease. Oh, and making the encounter mostly about her is what usually gets your foot in the door.

 

I've seen women get scared away.

[dasein]

Have never seen any difference conditioned on mere skin color, no.

 

Have seen black and white guys both from certain cultures be more matter of fact about approach and expressing sexual interest.

[Jane2011]

What is this indifference you speak of?

 

I just think they act like they don't particularly like you, even when they do. They're more aloof and play it cool.

[Necris]

I would say no, race doesn't matter the culture does, I'm black and terrible at approaching women of any race or maybe I just lost my black card:lmao:

[AD1980]

I like a guy who knows what he wants. And I want him to want me, obviously. So sometimes aggressiveness can be good. But aggressiveness can easily cross over to creepy. It just depends on the guy.

 

There have been plenty of aggressive guys of any race that I have been freaked out by.

 

 

Meaning if hes agressive and unattractive=creep

[ScreamingTrees]

No, they do. My last boyfriend (white) had that non-white boy swagger. He was respectfully brazen all the time. We were out having dinner one night, and he said, "I'm sorry, I can't concentrate on what you're saying because I can't stop staring at your breasts in that shirt." We got out of there fast and just had our way with each other all night.

 

I have to say that is another good thing about black and Latino guys - in my experiences - they love the booty and curves and really know how to appreciate a woman's body.

 

So, should I just walk up to some girl and caress my chin and smile and say "Wow, you really have a beautiful ass!"

 

I always thought that'd more than likely get me slapped. Or is that sort of talk better for when there's clear mutual interest? The guy didn't just walk up to you and tell you he'd like to fondle your breasts with a suave expression, did he? I could walk up to a girl with a very confident swagger and request the same of a girl and get pepper sprayed.

 

I just wouldn't go up to some random hottie and tell her how much of a screwable body she has, she's probably heard it a million times before if she's sexy and I doubt it'd impress her. Never thought it'd be a good idea to act like a thirsty fool around a woman, either. You'd think they'd get a "casual sex" sort of vibe from the guy.. Unless that's what the guy's interested in, I guess it doesn't matter.

[lilyblue]

Women seem to naturally be attracted to men who are aggressive. It's how they're made.

 

I think it's more assertiveness than aggressiveness with me. I'm easily put off by aggressiveness, I like assertiveness though.

[ScreamingTrees]

I've always experienced hispanic and black guys to be more aggressive (in a good way). They have a warm demeanor.

 

An Indian guy I recently dated, too, was warm.

 

White guys are cold and subtle about things. This doesn't make them bad. Often they're very attracted to you, but they're subtle about it. Or they put on this indifferent air.

 

My relationships have been with ethnic men. Things never seem to work for me and a white guy, although I do find many of them attractive.

 

Unless lots of girls my age are smiling at me and I'm not seeing it when I'm out and about, I can't imagine girls perceiving me as cold and subtle.. Maybe they should smile or just give me a look that lets me know "hey, it's ok if you talk to me"..

 

It's not being subtle about attraction, it's either about being totally oblivious to the fact that someone else is into me because I consider girls to be very aloof, cold and subtle and I don't see too many girls that I'd like to risk taking a gamble on approaching anyway.

 

And even if a girl smiled at me, what does it even mean? Does it always have to be a green light? They can't just be friendly?

 

I wonder what'd happen if I just walked up to an attractive girl and just said "hi".. Usually I imagine it not going very well. I feel as though I have to carry every conversation, so why even bother talking to random people who don't even want to be around me or talk to me?

[MrNate 2.0]

 

I have to say that is another good thing about black and Latino guys - in my experiences - they love the booty and curves and really know how to appreciate a woman's body.

 

Yes. Oh yes.

[Jane2011]

Unless lots of girls my age are smiling at me and I'm not seeing it when I'm out and about, I can't imagine girls perceiving me as cold and subtle.. Maybe they should smile or just give me a look that lets me know "hey, it's ok if you talk to me"..

 

It's not being subtle about attraction, it's either about being totally oblivious to the fact that someone else is into me because I consider girls to be very aloof, cold and subtle and I don't see too many girls that I'd like to risk taking a gamble on approaching anyway.

 

And even if a girl smiled at me, what does it even mean? Does it always have to be a green light? They can't just be friendly?

 

I wonder what'd happen if I just walked up to an attractive girl and just said "hi".. Usually I imagine it not going very well. I feel as though I have to carry every conversation, so why even bother talking to random people who don't even want to be around me or talk to me?

 

Maybe do things with your eyes more. You don't have to be lewd; just make clear with your eyes and a slightly seductive smile that you're into her.

 

Fortune favors the bold.

[Feelin Frisky]

Not to be critical and commit political suicide but this is a racist contention. We can talk about how some people go about their business but the hard truth is--and it is a good and powerful truth--that we are all unique beings and the proof is right out there for us to see. No two of us look exactly the same. That being said many people within a demographic or ethnicity like "black" or "white" fall into acting in stereo-typical ways and sometimes that can be a tool that works for them. I particularly despise when white guys take on the stereo-types of common black guys because it sounds so phony, whereas when a black man asserts himself without the familiar ghetto lingo and uses the English language well I do not see him in the least as co-opting "whiteness" or trying to act white.

 

The basic truth is that the outwardness we see of many black men and they way they seem to very easily accost women and use lines is not "black"--it is actually time-worn behavior of lower class whites from the south whom have long used pick up slang and called women they have not been introduced to "honey" and "sweetheart" and "good lookin'" and what have you. The bottom line as a women is how do you feel about this kind of "putting on airs"? Do you respond to a personae or a person?

 

When the scales are turned I have found that a certain element of black females are equally assertive in making passes at men be they white or black. My personal metric on this is just how predictable and stereo-typical she sounds and whether she is playing out the "mob dynamic" of trying to be more gutsy than her on-looking friends. This is very much a turn off to me. On the other hand, I find that black women are far less susceptible to the uptight standards set for white women by Madison Avenue advertisers and on an individual basis are often seemingly far less shy and stuck up in simply letting a guy of either race know she finds him cute and pulling him out on to the dance floor to break off the stoicism. This has contributed to my higher ratio of black lovers in my past. I do not respond at all to the loud ghetto-get up or predictable slang of the loud hip-hop-ho, but in working with black women, getting to know them personally, getting to be known by them I have felt that the affair and relationships I've had we seemingly far less full of tension, high expectation, judgmentality, up-tightness etc. I love the cultural difference that you don't hear spoken much where white people don't throw many parties because for some reason it's always incumbent upon them to entertain everyone and pick up the check, where black folk party far more cooperatively where each person brings something and nobody is stuck having to be status master. Unfortunately over the years, black, as they have risen in economic success and mobility have become much more like the whites of decades past and some of the real comfy feeling of race-mixing at party or boat ride has become less common. I can at least say, I got when the gettin' was good.

[sweetsmmr91]

Meaning if hes agressive and unattractive=creep

 

I just had to respond to this.

 

Not true. If he's aggressive and charming.. attractive.

 

If he's aggressive without being charming? Not attractive.

 

Looks matter little if a guy approaches me and has the right personality and presence. I am not at all shallow. Because of my own history I put looks on the back burner always. Maybe I'm unique in that, but I hate how guys assume that looks are the most important thing about who gets a girls attention. No. Not at all.

[singlelife]

I just had to respond to this.

 

Not true. If he's aggressive and charming.. attractive.

 

If he's aggressive without being charming? Not attractive.

 

Looks matter little if a guy approaches me and has the right personality and presence. I am not at all shallow. Because of my own history I put looks on the back burner always. Maybe I'm unique in that, but I hate how guys assume that looks are the most important thing about who gets a girls attention. No. Not at all.

 

I guess it's the charming that is the key factor. Maybe us white guys don't understand how that's charming.