Is my boyfriend trying to make me gain weight so he feels more secure?

[lovelife7]

So my boyfriend’s weight is always fluctuating and he is pretty insecure about it. After gaining quite a bit he recently lost it all, but is now starting to gain it back again because his gone back to his bad food habits. His still pretty fit regardless, but the issue i’m having is I think he might be feeling guilty and insecure about his eating habits and weight gain.. to the point that he is trying to make me gain weight too to make himself feel better and more secure. His always spoiled me with sweets, but lately it’s like his encouraging me to practically double my junk food intake, and i find it really hard to say no to my favourite snack foods, especially when i'm being pressured.

 

Even though i’m slim and don’t gain weight easily, i’ve gained nearly 5 pounds in a couple of weeks, which seems like a lot for me. I’m not blaming him for the weight gain because i should have more self control, i’m just trying to make sense of his logic. It’s confusing because he keeps telling me I have the perfect body, but then he keeps trying to feed me more and more snacks when he knows i’m hardly exercising at the moment.

 

Does my theory make sense and is this something that insecure, kinda controlling guys do... Encourage their girlfriend’s to stuff their faces to gain weight, so they feel more secure themselves? Is it a control issue or is he just being sweet and i’m paranoid?

Edited March 29, 2012 by lovelife7

[AriesBunny]

It sounds more of his control issue. He could not control his own eating habits. He is sharing his passion for food with you. Face it, sweets are tasty and pretty bad for you.

 

What he is doing is indirectly controling you by sharing food and eating the wrong foods.

 

Why is he eating all these foods if he is fit? Is there something going on in his life?

[Emilia]

My last ex tried something similar with me, I kicked him to the curb so fast his feet didn't touch the ground.

[Lauriebell82]

Talk to him about it.

 

Say something like:

 

"I noticed that you have been encouraging me to eat more sweets lately and I feel like I have gained a little weight. Are you feeling insecure about your weight?"

 

Then generate a conversation about his feelings and share your's. Communication is key. You could also suggest that you two start eating healthier TOGETHER in order to try and shed some extra weight. So instead of him getting you to jump on the junk food bandwagon, try to get him to jump on the health food bandwagon.

[lovelife7]

Thanks for your replies. Yeah there is a lot going on in his life and i think his given up temporarily on eating healthy because of all the drama. I have been making comments about the food and accusing him of trying to make me fat, but i think i'm too subtle cause he doesnt take me seriously and thinks i'm joking. He'll respond by telling me we can work it off later.. or just starts grabbing my stomach and tickling me.

 

It's just a hard thing to approach when there's so much else going on.. but i think if i can get him to the gym with me then he will get motivated again. When i say his still pretty fit i mean he plays sport (he is taking this season off though) and has a high metobolism.. so despite the eating his not overweight, yet. I guess i know what i have to do, i'm going to take the advice here and talk to him about us BOTH eating healthier together. Easter is coming up though which is not good.. he keeps telling me he is going to spoil me with lots of chocolate, despite me telling him not to buy much he keeps saying it.

 

I don't think he means harm to me or want me to get fat, and i can't accuse him of doing that, he just wants to feel comfort his not alone in what his going through i think. But he definately has a control problem when it comes to emotional eating and i'm going to talk to him when i find the right time.

[FitChick]

Just say, "No thanks." If he pressures you say, "I have a stomach ache." If he continues ask, "Are you trying to make me throw up?" If he puts a plate of sweets down in front of you, get up and throw it in the trash. Only a lunatic would continue to push food on you after that.

 

A friend's ex-boyfriend always tried to sabotage her diets. He wanted her to be overweight so no one else would want her. I witnessed him chasing her around with a spoonful of ice cream saying, "You know you want this!" Childish. She finally dumped him and met a very fit guy and they constantly go hiking, kayaking and windsurfing.

[lovelife7]

^lol yeah my boyfriends not that bad, but i see your point. I just have to find a way not to give in. And i feel sorry for your friend, luckily she is in a better relationship now.

[Lauriebell82]

^lol yeah my boyfriends not that bad, but i see your point. I just have to find a way not to give in. And i feel sorry for your friend, luckily she is in a better relationship now.

 

I think your boyfriend's issue is more with himself then with you. I don't really see it as a control issue, more him trying to make himself feel better and less guilty about struggling with his weight. I struggle with my weight so I empathize with him and know how he feels. Motivate him to stay healthy and put less emphasis on the actual WEIGHT issue.

 

Try to be supportive, food addiction isn't fun.

[lovelife7]

^ After the past couple of days i 100% agree with you. His problem is food addiction. I never speak of his weight, but i need to encourage exercise and healthy food more.

[gaius]

The women in my family do that too. If I ever mention I'm on a diet streak they run out and buy all the foods they know I like. I guess they hope I will get fat again and hang out all day with them because no girl will sleep with me.

[Emilia]

I generally hate it when people try to make you change your views about what's good for you - when your views are considered to be healthy by most (ie you are not an addict). Who wants to be treated like a child and being told what to do and how to live? When you meet someone, you should accept them the way they are or not date them. It's really annoying otherwise.

[Lauriebell82]

^ After the past couple of days i 100% agree with you. His problem is food addiction. I never speak of his weight, but i need to encourage exercise and healthy food more.

 

Do you guys live together? Regardless of whether you do, try cooking some healthy meals for the two of you. So instead of telling him to eat healthy food, take it upon yourself to make some healthy choices for the both of you..so that you are in it together. Hopefully he will follow your lead and adopt the lifestyle to himself as well. Just like a drug addict/alcoholic, you will never be able to tell him to stop obsessing or being addicted to food. He needs to be able to realize it on his own and want to change.

 

I have noticed that it is much easier and I am much less obsessed when my husband and I cook healthy food together and work out together. Although we do different work outs at the gym, a lot of the time we will both be there at the same time. It keeps us both motivated.

 

I have also been guilty of "feeling better" when my skinny friends eat junk food. Not that I push junk food on them or am sitting there eating it myself, it does make me feel much less self concious. It's hard to explain, but being around skinny people who do not struggle with their weight is very difficult for those who do, especially food addicts.

Edited April 1, 2012 by Lauriebell82

[lovelife7]

We don't live together but we live close by and see each other every day pretty much. So i tend to just not eat much when i'm not with him. Because of our different work hours though we usually only get to eat meals together 2-3 times a week, so it's hard for me to get him to eat healthy meals and then his always buying unhealthy snacks for when we see each other. He recently really put his mind to eating a healthy diet and going to the gym when he got a personal trainer, and he lost all the weight he'd gained, but now all of that's stopped and his going back downhill again. And due to our different work hours it's hard for me to go to the gym with him and get him eating healthy. It's something his just going to have to do on his own, all i can do is give him a bit of a push in the right direction. His done it on his own many times he just needs to stick to it, but all i can really do is encourage and not get sucked in myself.

 

And i completely understand how it would make people who struggle with their weight feel better when their skinny friends or partners are eating junk food. I'm slim but i have a few very, very skinny friends, so i get it, it's comforting.