Worthless

[verhrzn]

My life is utterly worthless. I was born with awful genetics... not only am I unattractive (and get to bear the brunt of society's scorn of ugliness), but born without talent as well. I am not good at a single thing. Cooking, art, music, sports... I've tried tons of hobbies and failed horribly at all of them. If I try really, really hard, I can be sort of mediocre.

 

I am passionate about things, but I am also bad at them, which decreases my passion in them. I can't even enjoy something as simple as a book anymore, because I'm constantly thinking about how amazing the author is, and how I could never come close.

 

I work in a job that pays decent, but I am (again) only marginally decent at. I am utterly mediocre. I can't go back to school, because I could never afford it; loans are killing me as it is. Grad schools have rejected me because my grades from undergraduate are too low (graduated with a 3.4 GPA), and there aren't any fields in those jobs anyway.

 

My life is utterly worthless. My existence is nothing but mediocrity and misery. But I lack the courage to just end it. I know the only people who would care are my parents... maybe if I wait until they're dead, I won't be such a coward.

 

I can't afford therapy. I can barely afford to keep myself alive. I wish something would just strike me dead. Until then I have to struggle through this worthlessness. Why was I born in the first place-just to suffer? Just to take up space and air? What's the point?

[Els]

I'm curious, V, what do you think the average (and I don't mean average in the way others do, I literally mean the majority of the population) person's life and 'genetics' is like?

 

Here's a clue for you: In Asian cultures, we're mostly trained from young to look down upon ourselves. That is why you see amazing geniuses believing that they're not intelligent enough, not good enough. When I moved to a Western place, I was surprised to see all the people strutting their stuff and talking like they really know their stuff and are amazing. Because they said they were, I thought they really were.

 

Then I realized I was actually better than a lot of them were, in terms of academic ability.

 

It's all about perception. You somehow believe that your life is mediocre because you believe that everyone else is so much more 'talented' than you, so much more 'beautiful' than you, so much more 'intelligent' than you. But chances are it isn't true. The only reason you believe it to be true is because of how they present themselves. And that, is likely the huge advantage that they have over you. For as long as you believe you are worthless, you very well may be. It sounds cliche, but it's really true. I lost count of how many things I genuinely couldn't do because I believed I couldn't, but once I got over the mental block I was surprised at the fact that I really could, all along.

 

It is fairly strange, honestly, to see someone who was born 'normal', continuously bashing her genetics. You weren't even born with an inherited disease like many of us were, for chrissakes. That alone should make you thankful for your genetics.

[verhrzn]

I'm curious, V, what do you think the average (and I don't mean average in the way others do, I literally mean the majority of the population) person's life and 'genetics' is like?

 

Here's a clue for you: In Asian cultures, we're mostly trained from young to look down upon ourselves. That is why you see amazing geniuses believing that they're not intelligent enough, not good enough. When I moved to a Western place, I was surprised to see all the people strutting their stuff and talking like they really know their stuff and are amazing. Because they said they were, I thought they really were.

 

Then I realized I was actually better than a lot of them were, in terms of academic ability.

 

It's all about perception. You somehow believe that your life is mediocre because you believe that everyone else is so much more 'talented' than you, so much more 'beautiful' than you, so much more 'intelligent' than you. But chances are it isn't true. The only reason you believe it to be true is because of how they present themselves. And that, is likely the huge advantage that they have over you. For as long as you believe you are worthless, you very well may be. It sounds cliche, but it's really true. I lost count of how many things I genuinely couldn't do because I believed I couldn't, but once I got over the mental block I was surprised at the fact that I really could, all along.

 

It is fairly strange, honestly, to see someone who was born 'normal', continuously bashing her genetics. You weren't even born with an inherited disease like many of us were, for chrissakes. That alone should make you thankful for your genetics.

 

It's not just my perception. It's the perception of other people as well.

 

Other people are talented, not because they say it about themselves, but because OTHER people say it about themselves. Someone who is attractive... get asked out. Someone who is smart.... people SAY they are smart, people ask them for their opinions on 'smart' thing. Some who is talented, people SAY they're talented.

 

I got worse grades in school than a lot of my friends. I can't get into grad school, while a lot of my friends can. That makes them smart. It has nothing to do with my perception of myself.

 

My bosses routinely compliment the new people. Meanwhile, my numbers are average, and my customer survey results are average to below average. I have the worst scores of my team.... my manager has listened to my calls, read my notes, and he says he doesn't see anything wrong. People just don't like me, even over the phone.

 

There is perception, and there is truth. I have been TOLD, numerous times in real life, that I am ugly. That I am nothing special. People are never impressed with me, they never think I'm interesting or smart or talented. Just annoying, or non-existent.

 

 

Average people have good and bad things about them. I have nothing BUT bad. Stupid, ugly, useless. And yet I am forced to live this life, this life that I didn't even want. Who wants such an awful life? I'd happily take any disease if it meant something else in my life improved. I'd take any life but mine.

[Els]

But yet numerous people have told you that you look good, or are smart. Why are you not acknowledging those?

 

The percentage of people who can get into grad school is purposely kept low. Saying you're not intelligent because your grades are too low to get into grad school, is like someone saying they're ugly because they don't qualify for a modelling contest. Which is likely what you're comparing your appearances to as well.

 

Take this with a grain of salt, but you're not the kind of person that I see doing well in customer service. Ever considered a different career path?

[Mack05]

This is one of the saddest posts I have ever read on LS. I have never encountered someone with such a negative self image..

 

Can I ask what you want out of Loveshack? I see you have posted numerous threads similar to this one. It appears no one on this site can help you. You have received loads of advice, on loads of threads and nothing seems to sink in or register with you, to take you out of this slump you are in.

 

I think you desperately need to find away to work with a professional. A professional will be able to determine where this negative self image comes from and the steps to put in place to try confront and resolve this very sad problem.

 

This post makes me so sad. No person should view themselves like this. We are all special. We are all unique. We all have flaws, regrets, positive attributes, things we are proud of...

 

I really don't know what to say..

[Kamille]

This is one of the saddest posts I have ever read on LS. I have never encountered someone with such a negative self image..

 

Can I ask what you want out of Loveshack? I see you have posted numerous threads similar to this one. It appears no one on this site can help you. You have received loads of advice, on loads of threads and nothing seems to sink in or register with you, to take you out of this slump you are in.

 

I think you desperately need to find away to work with a professional. A professional will be able to determine where this negative self image comes from and the steps to put in place to try confront and resolve this very sad problem.

 

This post makes me so sad. No person should view themselves like this. We are all special. We are all unique. We all have flaws, regrets, positive attributes, things we are proud of...

 

I really don't know what to say..

 

I share Mack's feelings.

 

I feel really powerless when I hear how worthless you feel V.

 

Is there anything we can do?

[verhrzn]

But yet numerous people have told you that you look good, or are smart. Why are you not acknowledging those?

 

The percentage of people who can get into grad school is purposely kept low. Saying you're not intelligent because your grades are too low to get into grad school, is like someone saying they're ugly because they don't qualify for a modelling contest. Which is likely what you're comparing your appearances to as well.

 

Take this with a grain of salt, but you're not the kind of person that I see doing well in customer service. Ever considered a different career path?

 

This is an interest forum. It's not real life. If I should take the negativity with a grain of salt, shouldn't I do that with the compliments as well?

 

Another line of work like what? I'm not smart or qualified enough to do anything else.

[esteem-jam]

I read somewhere this comparison: Muhammed Ali could punch Reagan to death. But Reagan is way smarter than Ali, IQ wise, so he is better mentally. And Schumacher drives faster than Ali, and Reagan... yet Ali could punch Schumacher; and Reagan, you know, is smarter.

It can go on and on. So you want to be good at *at least something*? I can tell you right now you have witty signature and profile picture. Many boys/girls would not understand the humor in it, yet others would.

And you posted in proper gramatics. That is better than 30 % of people I see on the internet and IRL probably.

If I would be boss, I would hire you... like a boss =)

[verhrzn]

I share Mack's feelings.

 

I feel really powerless when I hear how worthless you feel V.

 

Is there anything we can do?

 

Just to talk it out. I can write about it in a journal, but at the end of the day, that's just talking to myself. Since there's nothing I can change, talking about it is all I can do.

[Els]

This is an interest forum. It's not real life. If I should take the negativity with a grain of salt, shouldn't I do that with the compliments as well?

 

Another line of work like what? I'm not smart or qualified enough to do anything else.

 

But the problem is that you DON'T take the negativity with a grain of salt. And you can tell a lot about a person's (conventional, since you appear to prize that the most) intellect via text-based communication. As you can with the pictures that they say are the 'worst ones' about themselves.

 

Plenty of people have told you that they find your 'worst pictures' cute. That they find you attractive. I could tell you that I think your conventional intellect is in the top 10% of the spectrum. I could qualify my worthiness to pass a solid judgement based on my own achievements. But in the end, will it all matter? I find it highly likely that you will dismiss all of it.

 

So, I don't know, I guess. Best of luck in everything.

[Mack05]

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

 

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When she might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow--

You may succeed with another blow.

 

Often the goal is nearer than,

It seems to a faint and faltering woman,

Often the struggler has given up,

When she might have captured the victor's cup,

And she learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close she was to the golden crown.

 

Success is failure turned inside out--

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

[darkmoon]

loads of ppl jus plod on and when they get old nobody fancies them (am old) but some go on to do stuff as an always-wanted-to-do some have children who live miles away so are are lonelier than planned

 

am trying to say how it all looks different over time

i go to lectures as a hobby, my friend co-incidenatally does to

 

but yes, travel, it's great, see the world

Edited March 29, 2012 by darkmoon

[WildHorses]

Sweetie,

 

I think you are being too hard on yourself. I guarantee you are not a bad looking female. I'm also passionate about things, but don't really excel at anything. I just do me. We all get into a funk at times, but things do turn around for the better, they always do. There has been a lot of changes going on in my life ever since my break up in October. Some of the changes have been positive. Others, well, due to some of my recent actions, have caused some negative consequences that have set me back. I too have felt worthless due to some things that have happened with me recently, but I pray and do realize that I have been in a similar hard place before. And, I know for a fact that things do get better. Life is a roller coaster for sure. I have also realized that by staying optimistic, and just taking one day a time, it helps a lot. People do care about you. I also know that I have been seeing a therapist ever since the break up, and it has done wonders for me. Discussing issues that I have had with my own self. I think everybody should have a therapist. I will place you in my prayers.

[casanovadude81]

Please love yourself for me.

[spookie]

Some people are truly extraordinary, but What do u think life is like for the rest of us?

 

If you see no joy in being alive, you need help.

[CopingGal]

My life is utterly worthless. I was born with awful genetics... not only am I unattractive (and get to bear the brunt of society's scorn of ugliness), but born without talent as well. I am not good at a single thing. Cooking, art, music, sports... I've tried tons of hobbies and failed horribly at all of them. If I try really, really hard, I can be sort of mediocre.

 

I am passionate about things, but I am also bad at them, which decreases my passion in them. I can't even enjoy something as simple as a book anymore, because I'm constantly thinking about how amazing the author is, and how I could never come close.

 

I work in a job that pays decent, but I am (again) only marginally decent at. I am utterly mediocre. I can't go back to school, because I could never afford it; loans are killing me as it is. Grad schools have rejected me because my grades from undergraduate are too low (graduated with a 3.4 GPA), and there aren't any fields in those jobs anyway.

 

My life is utterly worthless. My existence is nothing but mediocrity and misery. But I lack the courage to just end it. I know the only people who would care are my parents... maybe if I wait until they're dead, I won't be such a coward.

 

I can't afford therapy. I can barely afford to keep myself alive. I wish something would just strike me dead. Until then I have to struggle through this worthlessness. Why was I born in the first place-just to suffer? Just to take up space and air? What's the point?

 

 

Okay, listen up!

 

1- NO life is worthless

 

2- A GPA of 3.4 is a really good GPA. It means you have over a B average. Not all programs want near a 4.0. I know this because I am a graduate student and I have researched many graduate programs for many years.

 

Someone had a 2.5 GPA. She wanted to go to gradschool but the programs this person saw wanted a 3.0 GPA.

 

3-Do you live near a university? You may be able to get counseling for free.

 

4-I love my smile. I think I have a wonderful, wonderful smile and I have been told that many times. I have also been called pretty by lots of people. But a whole lot of people have called me ugly because I am very tall with a very prominent overbite. Yes, it's horrible, but I still love, love my smile.

 

5-I would see a doctor and get on some depression meds right away if I were you. IF you can't afford a doctor there may be a free or low cost clinic near you. If you want you can tell us what city and country you live in. You can even PM me the info. I may be able to find some services for you.

 

Take care, sweetie.

[Eddie Edirol]

My life is utterly worthless. I was born with awful genetics... not only am I unattractive (and get to bear the brunt of society's scorn of ugliness), but born without talent as well. I am not good at a single thing. Cooking, art, music, sports... I've tried tons of hobbies and failed horribly at all of them. If I try really, really hard, I can be sort of mediocre.

 

I am passionate about things, but I am also bad at them, which decreases my passion in them. I can't even enjoy something as simple as a book anymore, because I'm constantly thinking about how amazing the author is, and how I could never come close.

 

I work in a job that pays decent, but I am (again) only marginally decent at. I am utterly mediocre. I can't go back to school, because I could never afford it; loans are killing me as it is. Grad schools have rejected me because my grades from undergraduate are too low (graduated with a 3.4 GPA), and there aren't any fields in those jobs anyway.

 

My life is utterly worthless. My existence is nothing but mediocrity and misery. But I lack the courage to just end it. I know the only people who would care are my parents... maybe if I wait until they're dead, I won't be such a coward.

 

I can't afford therapy. I can barely afford to keep myself alive. I wish something would just strike me dead. Until then I have to struggle through this worthlessness. Why was I born in the first place-just to suffer? Just to take up space and air? What's the point?

 

Hey V, How would one empathize with this?

[Kamille]

Just to talk it out. I can write about it in a journal, but at the end of the day, that's just talking to myself. Since there's nothing I can change, talking about it is all I can do.

 

Ok. I get that. If talking it out here helps, I'm glad you're here.

 

I hope you understand that because most people here actually sympathize, they will want to offer advice. It's really hard to read your words and not want to jump in and help. But that's (our) deal. You're free to take what we say the way you like.

 

Focus on what helps (talking it out). Distance yourself from what doesn't help (the unhelpful ways in which we want to help you).

[NewYorker2012]

Roughly 22% of the U.S. population has attained a bachelor's degree. 22%. So getting a 3.4 GPA (the national average among all 4-year schools in the U.S for the 2006-2007 academic year was 3.1), by it's very definition, means you are well above "average." You are above average for the 22% that actually made it through school. Now, I'm not saying that having a college degree is the be-all-end-all upon which to judge oneself, but things can't possibly be as bad as you think. I would bet if you took an honest assessment of your qualities and compared them to the true averages of all people, you'll come out well above average in many many ways, and are likely exceptional in at least one way, and probably more.

 

I realize that things can be bad for a while and everyone gets in a slump, but not EVERY part of your life is always going to feel this way. Do you really believe that? Do you really believe that you have absolutely no hope of being happy with at least one aspect of your life? If so, then you seriously need to speak to a professional and get some help.

 

Best of luck to you and please...re-read my first paragraph. You are above average in at least one very important respect. Build from that and keep your head up!

[Eddie Edirol]

Ok. I get that. If talking it out here helps, I'm glad you're here.

 

I hope you understand that because most people here actually sympathize, they will want to offer advice. It's really hard to read your words and not want to jump in and help. But that's (our) deal. You're free to take what we say the way you like.

 

Focus on what helps (talking it out). Distance yourself from what doesn't help (the unhelpful ways in which we want to help you).

 

Kamille, please help me understand here. I know she doesnt want advise, she wants empathy. What are the words that she actually wants to hear?

Edited March 30, 2012 by Eddie Edirol

[Kamille]

Kamille, please help me understand here. I know she doesnt want advise, she wants empathy. What are the words that she actually wants to hear?

 

I'm struggling to figure this out myself, but I personally am willing to let her guide me in assessing what she needs. Of course, that's the path I'm choosing to take. I think we're allowed to respond how we see fit.

[Itsonlyme66]

Here are the things you do well, and I don't even know you:

 

1. Express yourself. you did a great job writing this.

2. Spelling! Not one misspell!

 

My point is, there ARE things you do well, or better than the average bear. We ALL have talents. We all have ways of communicating. You have great communication skills. I can tell from reading your post.

 

You really are being way too hard on yourself. It starts with self-esteem.

Do you exercise at all? Eat right? If you're eating junk, or sitting around, it can really affect your mood and the way you feel about yourself. You also have to surround yourself with down to earth people/friends. I only have less than a handful myself, but they are there if I need them.

 

We are here for you too! Don't dis yourself so much. You don't deserve it!

[Eddie Edirol]

I'm struggling to figure this out myself, but I personally am willing to let her guide me in assessing what she needs. Of course, that's the path I'm choosing to take. I think we're allowed to respond how we see fit.

 

Actually I should have asked what words would be empathetic, or sympathetic. Of course were allowed to respond how we see fit, but we've been witness to the normal responses not working for the past half year. I dont think I even know what being supportive in her way means..without giving solutions.

[Itsonlyme66]

anti-depressants. the right one could do the trick.

[verhrzn]

I'm struggling to figure this out myself, but I personally am willing to let her guide me in assessing what she needs. Of course, that's the path I'm choosing to take. I think we're allowed to respond how we see fit.

 

You are allowed to respond as you see fit. I just don't want to be mocked or called a liar.

 

Here's what I always come back: I want advice on how to deal with a life that really doesn't have any positives. The advice is always "there's always positives!" "all life has joy!" blah blah. That is well-meaning, but not helpful, because.... my life really doesn't.

 

I go to a job I'm only marginally decent at, where I am socially awkward. I go do hobbies that I am awful at. I go hang out with "friends" who dislike me. I come home to an empty apartment. Substitute "apartment" for "parents' house" and "work" for "school" and that has been my entire life. It also looks like that will be the rest of my life.

 

How do you deal with that? How do you function in such a miserable reality? My strategy has always been to just push through. But it gets harder and harder with each day.

 

Maybe there is no advice for my situation. "Give up" and "think positive!" seem to be the only two groups that exist, neither of which will really work for me. So I just continue on... searching for answers, pushing through, and waiting for the universe to decide I can just die already.

 

Advice on how to be content with a miserable life wouldn't be unwelcome, either.

 

Do you exercise at all? Eat right? If you're eating junk, or sitting around, it can really affect your mood and the way you feel about yourself. You also have to surround yourself with down to earth people/friends. I only have less than a handful myself, but they are there if I need them.

 

Yes, I work out three times a week. I've been doing the Primal diet for almost 4 months. And that's the other thing triggering my depressive episode. I've tried so, so, so hard to lose weight and get in shape. I've read countless articles, done research... I post on this other Health forum for advice nearly every damn day. I eat WAY better than absolutely everyone in my office, all of my friends.

 

And yet my body is still fat. More accurately, I've remained the same weight, gone up in strength, but also gone up in body fat. No one can explain how this is possible. I am just THAT MUCH of a freak.

 

So after 4 months of nearly killing myself and actually getting FATTER, I've started punishing myself. I've started eating junk food-way worse than I ate before I even started my diet-and then killing myself at the gym. Exercise doesn't make me feel good about myself; it just makes me hate myself more.

 

I'm glad you have good friends. I've never had any. If I disappeared, no one but my parents would notice.

 

See why finding the positives is really a no-win situation for me?