Devastated and Clueless

[american1992]

Hey everyone, just so you know the following is about me being led on

 

So I met a girl a while ago in school as a freshman in college. We didnt really talk the first year but this year, as sophomores, we started talking a lot. We got really close and she started texting me and flirting with me a lot. She's told me that she is attracted to me, she thinks I am hilarious, she said she thinks I am hot, she has told me that she has feelings for me, she liked to touch me a lot such as putting her hand on my upper thigh and leaving it there as we talked, when we sat on the couch in the school library she would move my arm so that it was around her, she moved her foot up and down my leg during conversations, and she has said that she wants to be more than friends but wasnt ready yet.

 

Recently, she told me about this guy she met who she thinks is really hot. He eventually asked her out and she said yes. She told me this over text message and I got upset and typed something like "nice to know you want to be more than friends but want to date other guys in the mean time" She texted back saying it wasnt a big deal. We kept talking and I confronted her about leading me on and she said she didnt lead anyone on, she said she just flirted and that she was a little confused and she asked how I could blame her. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and she had to go out with him.

 

I didnt talk to her for a week but she started talking to me again so I started talking back too.

 

I guess I just dont know how to feel. Half of me hates her and the other half just wishes this never happened. And I still dont understand how she could do this to me without a care in the world. Its hard for me to talk to her but she is in three of my classes and I see her all the time. I am an overachiever and she was the only person that I had time to spend with. I dont meet people easily at all because I am so busy. I am just wondering what any of you would do in my situation? (Stop talking to her completely when this semester ends, revenge, etc.) This is just the worst feeling that I have ever had in my life. I wish I was exaggerating.

Edited March 30, 2012 by american1992

[Eddie Edirol]

Stop talking to her. The only way to win is to not give her what she wants. She obviously was testing her sexuality out on you, and you let her, thats how she could do it with ease. So if she comes up to you, you tell her "when youre ready to get serious , hit me up" and then you walk away. And dont answer her texts or calls until she turns the heat up. Thats the only way you can show her youre serious. She probably friend zoned you, and you dont have a chance anyway, but you never know. if you dont take any of her shyt and cut her off it might turn her on. When you show her that you dont need her, or that her flirting wont worjk with you, it could turn her on. So if she gets to a point where she wants to turn the heat up, you call her one it. One more chance. You tease her, and go in for a kiss. If she retracts, then you cut her off for good, let the other guy have her.

 

You never know, she might have told you about the other guy to get you to try to make out with her. You cannot wait to make out, you have to strike while the irons hot.

[american1992]

I kind of wasnt planning to try again anyway. But if i stop texting her back she will definitely call me out on it, what do i say then? Im busy? I told her before how i feel about her so i feel like she'll know what im doing. Btw, she told me a while ago that the guy who asked her out plays hockey and just yesterday she asked someone sitting on the other side of me in class how she should dress at a hockey rink because she was going to one in her town. Is she trying to get a reaction from me? I acted like i didnt notice though and now after every class instead of walking out and hanging around with her i just leave and tell her i have plans when she asks where im going.

[TerrapinDragonfly]

First of all, if you are so emotionally invested in her then get away from her now because she will BURN you.

 

Secondly, as you progress through relationships and as women get older and do the same- most women start to realize they demand freedom and are not tied down until they say they are. This one has obviously gotten to this point a little early. She's lucky- I see many, many girls think they just have to date one guy at a time no matter how in-the-beginning-stages it is and then they get stuck with the wrong guy for years!

 

Adult dating is often one of a few ways: 1) something where you go on a few dates with a few different people at a time, and at the point you want to kiss one of them you start to kind of try to see which one you want to pursue the most so you aren't kissing more than one person at the same time... some times you miss out on a good option and the one you picked flops, some times that other option is still hanging around but not usually... some times you accidentally need to quickly slow the burn because they are all burning hot and you don't want to get burned (this is very rare)

 

2) Some people get way too confused by the first way and they will only date one person at a time even if it's in between a 1st and second date they wont try some one else- I have a friend who is like this and she has missed out on 3 possible other guys in the past 2 months because she focused on one that went absolutely no where... and she is balanced enough to know that if that man had other dates then oh well, that's normal but just not her style

 

There are other mix matches of ways but the first two are the ones that may apply to understanding your situation.

 

 

If you are possessive and thinking of her in terms of more yours than some one else's before you have been dating a few months and discussed being a monogamous couple then you are flat out in the wrong. The sooner you learn to be laid back the better off you'll be. A good woman is going to slip through your hands some day if you behave like this.

 

I am a good and faithful woman, I am independent, strong and I treat men better than any other woman I know. I just had to end a relationship after 5 years but we are still friends because I treated him fair and like a king (I didn't kiss his ass but I did everything damn else- gifts, kindness, thoughtfulness, love, honesty, selflessness, etc) and was kind when we had to part ways. That being said- when I date men again if they try to play that game with me and tack me down before I am 100% ready I will RUN FOR THE HILLS! That is a warning sign to me that the relationship could take a jealous and smothering turn- no thanks! I want some one who trusts me and is laid back and willing to take his time.

 

 

However, it isn't right that she texted you to tell you the other guy was hot- but I see where she was coming from- you were a little too pushy and she was trying to back you off in an immature manner. You don't have to tell some one you are talking to some one else too unless they ask under respectful circumstances.

 

 

This all being said, she is also probably not interested in love so much as she is interested in the thrill of new relationships and physical intimacy which is normal for many girls her age... they often end up doing things they regret but this usually isn't your problem so much as it is theirs, unless you get your heart broken.

 

 

Also, remember- NO GLOVE, NO LOVE!!

Edited April 3, 2012 by TerrapinDragonfly

[american1992]

Thank you Terrapin, your insight definitely allowed me to see the situation much clearer. The only reason that I was so pushy is because I didnt want to wait any longer for her just so I could find out that nothing was going to happen. I dont think that I am one of those people who can date multiple people at the same time and we have been really close for the past six months so, considering the fact that she said she had feelings for me, I didnt think there would be anything wrong with taking it to the next level. I told her that I would wait for her but I guess that doesnt matter anymore.

 

I think she already burned me. All she does is text the other guy now instead of me. She even goes through her text messages while she is sitting next to me and laughs at their conversations. I guess it just made me feel bad knowing how fast she could leave me and go to another guy.

 

Anyway, I really appreciate you replying the way you did, thank you.

[TerrapinDragonfly]

Glad that it helped. It's ok to be whatever kind of way you personally are comfortable dating but the more laid back and open you are the better women you will attract into your life. You don't want to attract a woman into your life that would let you treat her in a jealous or possessive manner anyway, you will end up treating her poorly and resenting yourself, having less respect for her, etc... it is a toxic setting from the start- not good!

 

Brush this girl off though, there's plenty more where she came from and there are tons of better catches out there for you- you just need to make yourself the kind of person you would want to date if you were a woman in order to get the kind of woman you actually want.