Sophie99 Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 So since my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 and a half months ago, I haven't been able to do NC, only LC, since we share a lot of classes. Well, we have 2 weeks off now and it's 2 weeks I intend to keep zero contact, the first time I've been able to. My ex kicked it off to a good start, the last time I saw him he didn't bother saying bye to me, it hurt but.. I guess it's an intensive to keep NC up, since he clearly has no interest in speaking to me. Wish me luck! How do you guys keep on top of the tough times? I feel already like I need to confront him about him just leaving without even a bye! But I know I can't! Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 What you need to do is stop analyzing every single thing he does. Why does the reason he didn't take the time to say goodbye matter so much? If you go NC out of anger you are sure to fail as you will be expecting to hurt the person or illicit a response. You need to do this not at him, but to take good care of yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 What you need to do is stop analyzing every single thing he does. Why does the reason he didn't take the time to say goodbye matter so much? If you go NC out of anger you are sure to fail as you will be expecting to hurt the person or illicit a response. You need to do this not at him, but to take good care of yourself. There's a good point Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 So since my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 and a half months ago, I haven't been able to do NC, only LC, since we share a lot of classes. Well, we have 2 weeks off now and it's 2 weeks I intend to keep zero contact, the first time I've been able to. My ex kicked it off to a good start, the last time I saw him he didn't bother saying bye to me, it hurt but.. I guess it's an intensive to keep NC up, since he clearly has no interest in speaking to me. Wish me luck! How do you guys keep on top of the tough times? I feel already like I need to confront him about him just leaving without even a bye! But I know I can't! People won't agree with me. But if my ex did something like that to me, I would have to let it out. I would probably write a very nasty letter telling him how I'm feeling...let him freakin' have it...then go NC. I've done that in the past. But the problem was once I let him have it, I kept feeling like I had to let him have it....still, at least I got it out. I let my ex have it recently when I found out he told the world he wasn't sorry for anything he did to me. I let that bastard verbally have it in an email...right between his freakin' icy blue, dull eyes! Then again I went total NC on his arse. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 People won't agree with me. But if my ex did something like that to me, I would have to let it out. I would probably write a very nasty letter telling him how I'm feeling...let him freakin' have it...then go NC. I've done that in the past. But the problem was once I let him have it, I kept feeling like I had to let him have it....still, at least I got it out. I let my ex have it recently when I found out he told the world he wasn't sorry for anything he did to me. I let that bastard verbally have it in an email...right between his freakin' icy blue, dull eyes! Then again I went total NC on his arse. The high of anger is only temporary and leaves more questions than it solves. By still allowing someone who is out of your life make you angry is still giving them control. "To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself." - Master ChengYen 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted March 30, 2012 Author Share Posted March 30, 2012 The high of anger is only temporary and leaves more questions than it solves. By still allowing someone who is out of your life make you angry is still giving them control. "To be angry is to let others' mistakes punish yourself. To forgive others is to be good to yourself." - Master ChengYen That quote makes so much sense. Contacting my ex angry never does any good anyway, because he just makes me more and more angry by saying things like "calm down..". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
blindesided Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Post what you want to say to him on this forum - I think there is a thread for that. You get it off your chest without actually contacting him. And I agree with some of the posters - going NC is for you to heal - It really does help - it lessens (somewhat) the urge to always check text & email to see if they have tried contacting you (that can be the worst feeling - the build up - then the letdown when nothing is there) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 SO it's been 8 days of zero contact, not seen him, spoke to him, looked at his profile NOTHING. 8 days in and I feel good, I've been away on holiday and it's made me feel better. I got a message on FB this morning from him.. asking me how my holiday was, asking me to tell him everything, very 'friendy friendy'. Now I don't know what to do. He's thousands of miles away in New York on holiday now I believe. Do I respond? If so, what do I say? I think if I talk to him it might erase the progress I've made in the last week or so. When I have to face him (classes) when the hoilidays have finished, I'm not sure how I would explain to him why I ignored his messages if I do that. Help :S Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 SO it's been 8 days of zero contact, not seen him, spoke to him, looked at his profile NOTHING. 8 days in and I feel good, I've been away on holiday and it's made me feel better. I got a message on FB this morning from him.. asking me how my holiday was, asking me to tell him everything, very 'friendy friendy'. Now I don't know what to do. He's thousands of miles away in New York on holiday now I believe. Do I respond? If so, what do I say? I think if I talk to him it might erase the progress I've made in the last week or so. When I have to face him (classes) when the hoilidays have finished, I'm not sure how I would explain to him why I ignored his messages if I do that. Help :S He broke up with you.You owe him nadda. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetheart5381 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 SO it's been 8 days of zero contact, not seen him, spoke to him, looked at his profile NOTHING. 8 days in and I feel good, I've been away on holiday and it's made me feel better. I got a message on FB this morning from him.. asking me how my holiday was, asking me to tell him everything, very 'friendy friendy'. Now I don't know what to do. He's thousands of miles away in New York on holiday now I believe. Do I respond? If so, what do I say? I think if I talk to him it might erase the progress I've made in the last week or so. When I have to face him (classes) when the hoilidays have finished, I'm not sure how I would explain to him why I ignored his messages if I do that. Help :S Don't respond, you don't owe him any explanation. Clearly, you were hurt with his lack of saying goodbye and being cordial is not a "love relationship" expectation, it's plain manners imo. Don't minimize your own hurt by talking to him out of obligation. It's very bad for your self-concept. Stay NC. Mind over matter - "I don't mind that you don't matter." Link to post Share on other sites
perryb13 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Don't contact him. Call a friend or family member, and talk to them about it. You get the nagging feelings out of your system while still isolating yourself from him in order to heal. My female friends have been great listeners and it's helped me a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thanks everyone, it's clear that I SHOULDN'T respond, so I've deleted the message to stop me reading it and rereading it and hopefully I'll just forget about it and he won't try to contact me again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Thanks everyone, it's clear that I SHOULDN'T respond, so I've deleted the message to stop me reading it and rereading it and hopefully I'll just forget about it and he won't try to contact me again Great call on that one. He wanted out of your life so he is not entitled to what happens now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted April 10, 2012 Author Share Posted April 10, 2012 So, now its been 10 days of no contact, after flat out ignoring his message he sent 2 days ago. He sent me another message, basically pointing out that I had ignored him, but in a jokey way (probably because his big ego wont let him admit to himself that I could possibly resist replying to him) and asking me to message him when I get the chance. I'm not sure weather it's best to continue to completely ignore him or message him to ask him not to contact me or what :/ I have to face him in class in just under a week. Link to post Share on other sites
perryb13 Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 So, now its been 10 days of no contact, after flat out ignoring his message he sent 2 days ago. He sent me another message, basically pointing out that I had ignored him, but in a jokey way (probably because his big ego wont let him admit to himself that I could possibly resist replying to him) and asking me to message him when I get the chance. I'm not sure weather it's best to continue to completely ignore him or message him to ask him not to contact me or what :/ I have to face him in class in just under a week. You've almost made it 2 weeks! I've only been doing it for over 2 days and it's still pretty awful sometimes. Don't message him. If you see him in class and you have to interact, just be polite and don't initiate any conversation. Yeah, I wouldn't tell him not to contact you, I've been told that and it sucks worse than just having your ex ignore you. Eventually I realized another ex was doing me a favor by not responding because she knew it just needed time. The most recent one told me to never talk to her again so it stings a little haha. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 So, now its been 10 days of no contact, after flat out ignoring his message he sent 2 days ago. He sent me another message, basically pointing out that I had ignored him, but in a jokey way (probably because his big ego wont let him admit to himself that I could possibly resist replying to him) and asking me to message him when I get the chance. I'm not sure weather it's best to continue to completely ignore him or message him to ask him not to contact me or what :/ I have to face him in class in just under a week. What does he want? He broke up with you and now he keeps pestering you. Ignore him. If he approaches you, tell him he broke up with you and there is no reason for contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sophie99 Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 What does he want? He broke up with you and now he keeps pestering you. Ignore him. If he approaches you, tell him he broke up with you and there is no reason for contact. Ok thank you, I will. He contacted me again today.. The third time now in 4 days Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Ok thank you, I will. He contacted me again today.. The third time now in 4 days What a joke these dumpers are.You get dumped...and now the tool won't let you heal. Selfish is what that is. When they do this, they want to keep you but at arm's length and on their terms. Let him contact away. He let you go, what in heck does he want. Rolling my eyes at him. Link to post Share on other sites
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