Did he cheat?

[dlb311]

I was with my ex for 2 and half years. we broke up for the second time about 3 months ago. I was fine moving on. Even dated someone else. Then he started calling me and wanted to talk to me and see me (the ex). I told him no for a long time. Then I finally figured he wasn't going to leave me alone until we got closure. So met him for coffee yesterday. To my surprise all my feelings just came flooding back. I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to talk to him and kiss him. When we left I couldn't stop holding him and he was crying because I told him I wouldnt' take him back. How can I after two times?

 

Anyway now he has been calling all day. I don't mind it really but still I can't just let him back in like that. Can I even let him back at all? I don't trust him that will take time to recapture. But should I even try. I feel we are so great for each other. Have a good future. There are things that I wish weren't there like his job. He works 24 hour shifts. I hate that. But its the job. Anyway things like that. Nothing to make me really consider not wanting him in my life. But now I am so confused.

 

Anyway I feel that right before we broke up the last time that he cheated. I have no proof. but this is the story:

 

On his birthday which was on a Wednesday he told he was going to go up to Big Bear and snowboard for his b-day. But he was going to stay up there the night before. He had a friend going with him. He called me that day and said I am on my way up I love you. I didn't even know where he was staying but I didn't feel like being that nosey I was trying to trust him. Then the next day at about 1:30 he called me he was down from the moutain and on his way home. I was like that was short. He said ya..my friend flaked on me I was up there by myself. I said you spent the night all by yourself up in a cabin in Big Bear on your 24rd b-day? He said don't you ever just want to get away by yourself? I said no? not on my birthday! He said it was great I had a nice time just relaxing. I though BS...but left it alone I had no proof. But then I remembered I checked his email on the day he went up and he hadn't checked his email in a few weeks. But then when I got into work that following day he had checked his mail that night. WEll that night he was suppose to be in big bear.? All by himself from a motel cabin or whatever. Then a family member of mine had sent him a card for his b-day well he had checked it that night. But the following weekend that family member mentioned there was a card in his e-mail for him. And he said oh I haven't checked my mail. I said oh you haven't he said no. What a ly right? I checked the mail he checked it and that card had been deleted.

 

Doesn't this sounds like he cheated on me?

 

Now he wants me back...I am so confused if I even want him back but first I have to decide if he did cheat on me and if so can I forgive this? I have no real proof.

I asked him yesterday and he said no I didn't I swear but once a liar I can't see him not lying again?

 

Any advice?

[supermom]

You never know for sure unless you do have proof. I don't think it is out of the question that he might of enjoyed having time to himself on his bday. Is this normal for him?

 

Maybe talk to his friend and see if he did flake on him.

[neptoon]

Hmmm...this is a tough one.

 

Let's put this in perspective here...he is your ex, right? What became of the guy you dated after him?

 

I sometimes suspect that my ex's cheated on me before we split up but it becomes a moot point after that because I'm broken up with them anyway -- and usually by that point, there's no real reason to get back together with them. So, by that time, I figure why bother thinking about it and why go through the hassle of analyzing it -- he's not a bf anymore.

 

I'm not a strong supporter of getting back together with ex's after the relationship is done because it's obvious that we've broken up for more than one reason. People sometimes do it because they forget why it is they've broken up in the first place. The break up often happens for a good reason but momentary loneliness can make you forget the reasons why you broke up.

 

Trust me, if you even have these suspicions about him and he's a part of your past, it's better just to let it go. There are other available guys out there. If he did cheat on you, you know with certainty not to take him back. If not, you can always know that there were other reasons behind the break up.