ex is contacting me could use some advice

[rd1978]

could use some advice,,, my ex of 5 years ,,, we broke up a little over a month ago,, its a long story,,, but ,,, thing were getting weird she was kind talking to this kid behind my back, whether she liked him or not ? i know he's not good looking and he's tall and skinny,, but i think he basically said all the right stuff when we werent getting along..... and maybe sometimes i took her for granted and didnt show her all the love and affection i should have,,,, i def didnt... i wasnt mean i just didnt put all the extra effort in to show her how i felt ,, i let stupid things like work stress me out etc. etc.... she tends to be very insecure and jelious which creates problems...

 

 

so basically she thaught we should break up etc. etc. so i said if this is what you really want then ,, i love you im going to miss you,, and ill awlays be there for you if you need me.... But you have to promise me that you will not call me anymore for a great deal of time,, because its not fair to me or anyone else we are seeing.... so she siad but if i dont talk to you for a couple of days i really miss you.. so i said please do not call me..... sooooo the phone started ringing like crazy ,, an HOUR later i didnt awnser ,, it went on like this for maybe 4 days of her calling in the morning and night and me NOT awnsering...

 

so after that,, she like went nuts,, she went out the the barts like 3-4 times a week during the week when she has to be up at 6 and drive an hour to work... runnign around with this other guy thats been trying to get with her for a while,,, i know this guy is filling all the voids we had , etc. etc. and he is being nice to her,, they have been seen holding hands and what not.....so she was also going to allt he places i would normally go and she never used to go out. w/t/f..... so i let it be i didnt call,, she tried to instant message me a couple of times i never responded ,, then 1 time i did after she had left ,,, so she called me that night and i didnt awnser , so she called me the next day i awnsered and pretended like i didnt look at the caller id.... so she was extremly happy i awnsered and we talked like non stop for like 5 minutes and i was like i ahve to go so ill talk to you some time and said bye and hung up....

 

so she tried to insatnt message me a couple of days later i didnt respond,, a week goes by and she did again this time i talked to her,,, she has totally calmed down she isnt going nuts like she was 3-4 weeks ago,, and we talked aboutt he past and did some apoligizing and what not , she is insecure and took some thigns the wrong way ,, so i told her she was beautifull and if i couold go back and change the past i would and i would treat her as my heart felt for her... so the converstion went well the best ive had with her in 4 years,,, so we got of the computer then she called me 15 min later and we talked and she talked non stop and then after a half hour we got off the phone ,,,, then she called me before work to and we talked for a while.... so i know she prob wont call unless she see's me online because im sure she wont call if she thinks im not home,, but our converation went really really well last night, and it never slowed down or stopped

 

The thing is i do love her ,, it was a young love we got togehtor at like 19 and were for 5 years ,, not really knowing anything else so i knod of understand what she is going thru,,, but we also didnt treat each other right sometimes,, for stupid reasons like insecurites and jeliousy ,,, i told her weeks ago how i want it to be { this time i mean it im ready to move out and move in with her} im reeady to stop going how so much and im ready to spen alot more quality time with her,, but the thing is ,, it's not easy for her to believe me,, and i want to take things slow,, i know she is hangign out with this kid,, but i think its for the wrong reasons and i know, she inst over me.... just covering upher problems.. i havent contacted her in a month she has been the 1 trying to contact me..... she also said something kid dumb last night.. {1} i was like oh i dint know that about somethign she said,, and she was like oh ,,, it happend after you left me... {2} then something else.. and she was like well you stopped talking to me,, i thaught those were weird comments,,, the funny thing is when she went crazy,, and started drinking and what not and dragging this kid around to where i usually go ,, it did feel like she wanted to rub it in my face because i left her ,, but that was not the case ,, she wanted to be single,,, sorry so long,,, any advice would be helpfull

[HokeyReligions]

You two are dancing around each other and it sounds like you are more afraid of not finding someone then you have real feelings for each other. Step outside your comfort zone.

 

In my opinion, the best thing for you to do is break it off completely and move on. Take what you have learned about yourself and relationships with you and the next time it will be better--for both of you.

[rd1978]

yeah i agree,, games are bull****,, she called me again this morning, and when i wawnsered she was like,,, whoa you awnsered again and couldnt believe it, so i was like yeah the world must be ending today,, so we talked about stuff in general,, nothing about US i really dont want to talk about US... if im going to even somewhat reconsider working things out we must be friends first and it going to go very slowy,,,,

 

im afraid it might be a comfort thing at the moment,,, I always kind of did say if i met somene else she would be history ,, but who knows if i really meant it,,when i find a new girl i like im sure i wont be as concerned about her,, not that i really am,, i just like other peoples advice ,, not that you know the whole story but ,, youve been thru more relationships than i.... some time things are easier said than done...

 

im just not understanding why in the hell she is calling me,, i dont think its to be my friend,, because i explained to her thats not going to happen for quite some time,, but if she ever had anything she need to talk to someone about i could listen... But i aslo dont think she wants to work thing out ,, but i am always looking at worse case scenario to keep myself from getting hurt..... I asked her not to call i told her if she misses me then she is going to have to deal because that was her decision and in that decision she has to respect certain issues,, I know she is confused,, i know she pulled some bullsh*t but its her way of dealing with things... I really do think she wants to be with me ,, but the thing is she is very scared thigns will fall back into the same rut.... which is understandable,, but alot of things will change in our lives if we work it out,, and i myself have changed and grown up,, the thing it it is a young love which i know rarely work out's one way or another .. ie divorce or breakup before then...

 

im goign to keep talking to her and se if she gets comfortable,, i will not ask her to hang out and i will not call her,, just keep good flowing conversations,, And see where that goes,, and see what the deal is,, if she still hang's out with this other kid while she is talking to me,, then im goign to let her get used to me and cut her off,, letting her know its not fair to him / me ,, and im done i tried and im moving on ,, and that i realized she is not fair and maybe she wasnt the person i thaught she was for all these years...

 

I am not waiting around although i wouldnt like to make it work ,, i ahve been having my fun and what not but im in no way ready to get serious with anyone, it would be fair to me or them { it would break her heart in a million pieces to see me out with another girl } i do not believe she has a concept of reality right now ,, but she is slowly coming back,, she went out straigt every other night for 2 weeks ,, now she isnt going out nearly as much.....

 

whether we wrok it out or not i feel alot better i was avoiding her because i didnt want to see her and i didnt want to see her with that guy,, because i felt that she would think she had the upper hand because she is with him,, but i dont feel that is the case anymore... I have another question,,, WHY WOULD SHE SAY WELL YOU STOPPED TALKING TO ME ,, OR WELL YOU LEFT ME,, i dont get it she wanted to break up,, even though she was acting like she didnt ,,,,, why in the hell would she say those thing ,, i TOLD her we cannot talk if you dont want to sit down and work things out,,, so she said lets give it time and i said call me in 6 months.....