jase8 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 [color=darkred]I desperately need a woman's help here. Married 2 1/2 yrs (started dating 5yrs ago) Me - 32 Her - 35 Me - Layed back, doesn't really speak of the future or communicate on a level like I should. Insecure. Her- Lists, order, talk about the future, talk about EVERYTHING, all the time. I have recently made my 3rd mistake since we started dating. And that mistake is that I don't call to check in when I'm out with the boys. Now, before you go that route, understand that she just wants me to call her and let her know what we have planned for the evening. Take this past wknd. I went out and was going to call her when I knew what we were going to do. Well, we sat around drinking beer and really had no plans. So, I get a phone call and she is pissed cuz I haven't called her yet with a plan. I said I don't know. That I was gonna call her when I do know. I guess I understand her point. I mean, the guys I was hanging with aren't very reliable and haven't really been the poster boyfriends. I have never cheated and my wife knows that. That is not the issue, the issue is that she thinks I don't care for her because I don't think to call her when I'm out. Well, I do think of her. I just felt like I had to have a plan before I called her. That wasn't good for her. She also HATES that she has to call me, cuz know my friends all think that she is a hard ass. So, that made her even more pissed that she thought I was with my friends when I got the call (but, all 3 times she called, I went into a bathroom or outside). She doesn't believe that, cuz she said she heard them. Well, she did hear people in the bathroom, that's a given. Anyway, this has happened a few times now like I said and this morning, she said that she was tired of living a life like a teenager and that she felt more mature at age 21 than she does now with me. I guess the following are all coming to a head: My insecurities about myself and about standing up to people (i.e., my friends) My lack of communication. I have a big problem with communicating my feelings with her (I guess because she is so damn good at it....she really lays it all out on the table for me.) Her lack of patience for a guy like me. I don't know what to do. She told me this morning that I can do whatever I want now. She is getting a separate checking account and living her own life. She said she wouldn't divorce me, but that I can do whatever the hell I want to do. I got so emotional (like I do), I start crying and shaking. When the thoughts of losing her come into my mind, I hurt more than I've ever hurt before and feel like absolute nothing. I feel like I don't matter in this world. I need her as my wife and I need to ensure that I make her happy. But, I feel like I've passed the buck for so long and haven't really jumped in feet first and (KEPT WITH IT). I mean, I've done counseling, but with my job, it gets expensive, since I don't have insurance. However, I am making an appt with my last therapist for us to go once a week. I hope she'll go with me and not give up on me. Here comes the waterfalls again...I'm such an emotional wreck. Why can't I see this when I'm F***ing up??? I love her.[/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Tootrustingguy Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 I've read a lot of threads and posted a couple myself. Your thread moves me. I can almost picture you and how you might react to certain situations. I have a best friend very much like you. Your story was well written. Perhaps when given a chance to think about a given situation you can put your feelings down very well on paper. Try writting your wife a letter. Just remind her about why you love her so much and all the good qualities you see in her. Tell her why you don't want your relationship to end. Don't just tell her you love her, explain it to her. Do things without a reason. Spend a night out with her or buy her flowers...buy her the best chocolate. If she said she isn't divorcing you that kind of leads me to believe things are rocky but well within range of repair. You don't sound like a bad guy! I think most I know are much worse! From your paragraphs you sound like a good man doing the best he can. Make sure she sees that in you...no one is perfect. If you make mistakes, be willing to set things right. That's all a man can do. If you love her, just do what comes naturally to heart. Take courage, I've found love to be very strong. Seems to have no limit... Link to post Share on other sites
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