6 months NC - some observations

[TaraMaiden]

Within my set of beliefs that's what I know the terms to be called...

No - within your set of beliefs that what you choose to call them.

And your terminology is wholly incorrect.

it's like saying -

"in my set of beliefs a tibia is called a collar-bone." That might be your terminology,. but it's inaccurate and misleading....

What beliefs are you affiliated to? Anything specific, or just something you have formulated for convenience of definition?

Really, i'm not poking - i'm genuinely interested...

 

whether or not it is right, that is what I have been accustomed to, so I would not just randomly start calling it something else.

Then perhaps, out of respect and acknowledgement that what you are calling them is a misnomer, perhaps you might like to look at different definitions....you're right - it shouldn't be random. but it shouldn't be mis-portrayed, either....

 

I get your point, but you'd have to take it up with the people who started it, and have them make the move to rename it. But individuals who learn about it, of their own accord won't just get up and say well you know...let me call it something else.

I don't see why not.... if people who have been mispronouncing 'nuclear' (nuke-u-lar)or 'skeleton' (skellington) all their lives, can change their incorrect pronunciation for the correct one, i cannot see why those who have thus been far mistaken cannot change their MO....

 

Call it something else.

Because you know what.....? It IS something else.

[MissBee]

Such an awesome post alexandria and I'm so sorry that your self awareness was born of pain. I've took the liberty of the part that I so whole heartily agree with.

 

I think almost all self awareness is born from pain...which goes back again to the idea of the teaching relationships and the spiritual concept that your soul needs to grow and learn lessons, so you pull certain people and situations into your life that are tumultuous, but that tumult stretches you and kind of puts you through that purifying fire to make you grow.

 

My relationship with my ex was this way...it was indeed very painful and I grew THE MOST...and he was not my exAP. But I wouldn't give it back.

[truthbetold]

I will never NOT believe in signs from the universe. Call it God's work, call it fate, call it karmic. I don't care. It is what it is no matter the label. I did not believe in it until I experienced it. There is absolutely no denying it now.

 

Sad Puppy, I appreciate that you think the thread was/is getting derailed but this and then Tara's explanation were what jumped out at me.

 

This poster most certainly is "possibly" ascribing her circumatance to be potenitially "God's work" now perhaps not entirely, since they lumped other beliefs into it as well. In that case it was just a slip of the tongue or whatever.

 

Problem is that happens frequently. Where posters lament why is God doing this or that and they're crying and praying and hoping for signs. I'm just pointing out in this context, God especially doesn't work that way. Not to say you can't be tested. Other belief systems are different.

 

It's relevant to this thread because the above poster brought up God or whoever. If their belief system calls upon a "whoever/whatever" fine own it. Don't drag God into to justify something clearly wrong by Christian standards.

 

It seems some are okay with bringing out the cool soulmate and kismet type connections, but if one is in fact challenged on it and how it can't really be. Then it's all "that's not what this thread is about and it's going off tangent". Fine then don't bring it up in the first place as a rationalization for what happened if you can't deal with the fallout.

 

And it is highly important to what your belief system is to how you operate in your life. One keeps you mired in the muck unable to move because it's beyond your control, it's all about signs from the universe. If instead you accept that it is just coincendental, or that everything may infact happen for a reason, but that reason may be no more than a simple test of character, then it turns the reigns back to you, that in the end it's always about one's choices.

[truthbetold]

I think almost all self awareness is born from pain...which goes back again to the idea of the teaching relationships and the spiritual concept that your soul needs to grow and learn lessons, so you pull certain people and situations into your life that are tumultuous, but that tumult stretches you and kind of puts you through that purifying fire to make you grow.

 

My relationship with my ex was this way...it was indeed very painful and I grew THE MOST...and he was not my exAP. But I wouldn't give it back.

 

Beautifully stated. Indeed you do need to walk through the fire to get to true growth. Rather cool how that works, may not seem it at the time, but really cool nonetheless.

[truthbetold]

And this sentence alone exhibits your complete and utter lack of understanding the Buddhist philosophy. HHDL doesn't "believe" in "something out there". You may choose to belive in "something out there" but all of it is truly inside. All of it. We shall agree to disagree.

 

Never said that's what I thought about Buddhist beliefs. I'm aware of the belief of what's inside. I said "something out there" for the people who DO NOT believe in Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim, Indian, some do not believe in any higher power that we just spontaneously combusted onto the planet. That is what I meant by that. The poster that I was referring to seems that she would grasp at anthing that would support her belief of the things she is viewing as signs. Sorry if that wasn't more clear.

Edited April 1, 2012 by truthbetold

[mercy]

 

I'm not sure what I believe other than I believe there are pulls between two people that nobody who has experienced it can understand. It doesn't mean those two people are necessarily meant to be life partners, but like stated above, they were meant to meet and be a part of each other's lives in some way.

 

'Tis a lovely thought but one based on self/selfishness.

 

I want what I want the world be damned. Because you know, there's a 'force' going on..

 

There's also a family to be stepped on.

 

I'm sorry if I offend but please. Did one ever consider the lesson to be learned is, no.

[MissBee]

No - within your set of beliefs that what you choose to call them.

And your terminology is wholly incorrect.

it's like saying -

"in my set of beliefs a tibia is called a collar-bone." That might be your terminology,. but it's inaccurate and misleading....

What beliefs are you affiliated to? Anything specific, or just something you have formulated for convenience of definition?

Really, i'm not poking - i'm genuinely interested...

 

 

Then perhaps, out of respect and acknowledgement that what you are calling them is a misnomer, perhaps you might like to look at different definitions....you're right - it shouldn't be random. but it shouldn't be mis-portrayed, either....

 

 

I don't see why not.... if people who have been mispronouncing 'nuclear' (nuke-u-lar)or 'skeleton' (skellington) all their lives, can change their incorrect pronunciation for the correct one, i cannot see why those who have thus been far mistaken cannot change their MO....

 

Call it something else.

Because you know what.....? It IS something else.

 

 

This isn't the thread for this...so I think you need to make a new topic in the right forum to further discuss it. As it is going to be a back and forth that is completely off topic to the thread and forum.

 

The short (well not that short) however is, the dissemination of certain ideas starts some place ...your proposition...I AGREE WITH...however, if I stop saying that for example, it doesn't change that the information put out from sources outside of me or wherever I learned this language from still uses these terms.So your aim would be best served at the root...getting people disseminating the information in books, websites and conferences to other people...who then use the terms, to stop doing so. Make sense? Me stopping will not change that there is a whole movement that does this, so you have to start with the root.

 

You can adopt new terminology and a movement or group or culture does this all the time, but it happens over time or with a conscious decision from the source of the information. It has to be agreed upon by all to stop using it...as language is for the purpose of communicating and should have common meaning among the people using it...even slangs and dialects...they have to mean something to the group that uses it...whether or not another group uses that same term for something else. In my travels, even in English speaking countries, the same words are used to mean different things; heck, even regionally, people argue over the use of terms. However, people explain what they are talking about if it is confused with my culture's normal use of the term. It is "misleading" not in the sense that it is wrong, it is misleading because I am coming from a different culture and use of that word. However, it is not misleading at all to the people in that culture.

 

Words don't mean anything in and of themselves....they are symbols and you ascribe meaning to them...that is language. The word shoe can only be used for a shoe where it is agreed upon. There is nothing inherent in the object shoe that necessitates it needs to be called that. So another culture can take that word and call a toothpick that....so long as everyone in that culture understands what the word shoe is symbolizing.I see no point in asking one person in that other culture to stop using that term because it conflicts with my understanding from my culture, if everyone else in their culture relates to it....it's a ridiculous request that I have no control over. Even if they chose to appease me and stop using it....everyone else around them still uses it and that only interrupts their communication with other people in their culture.

 

The whole group has to decide on the new terminology or concept in order for it to be useful and have longevity in their communication...that is all I am saying. I am not saying people should appropriate Buddhist terms or concepts...that is a whole other debate...I am simply saying that if I know something to be a term used by me and among people who get what I am saying and use a common meaning, then I'm not going to get up one day and say something different out of the clear blue sky. No one does that. I can make a move and motion for everyone to stop using it because of xyz or I can in discussion, clarify what I mean for others who may not be coming from the same reference point. But this conversation will effect no change as it is not about me or 2 people stopping, but would need to be a Buddhist collective discussing with the collective of people in the New Age or wherever else, who use these terms to stop. Hope that makes sense.

Edited April 1, 2012 by MissBee

[mercy]

said "something out there" for the people who DO NOT believe in Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim, Indian, some do not believe in any higher power that we just spontaneously combusted onto the planet.

 

And they're goin' straight to he11, I tell ya!

[MissBee]

Miss Bee,

Just as not everyone agrees with me, not everyone is going to agree with you.

Please do not take it personally.

 

Jthorne...you don't have to agree with me, I'm completely fine with that. However you were imprecise about what your actual disagreement was, which didn't further discussion IMO. That was a bit frustrating to me, as you did not point out what exactly in my explanation proves your point about the concept being about avoiding responsibility, so it seemed like your stance to disagree was arbitrary and I read it as you just already assuming people didn't want to be responsible so ANY form of belief in anything would be reduced to some form of cop out. If you had pointed out what aspects proved your point and said, see this is still avoiding responsibility...then we'd have something to agree to disagree on But as of now...I don't even know what you're disagreeing with. It doesn't seem as though you're looking at it objectively and critiquing it as a form of avoiding responsibility...but simply disagreeing just because you feel like regardless of what is actually said, it's being used for some agenda...which again, it would have been more helpful for you to show how you came to arrive at that based on what was said. We can all feel how we feel, but it's more helpful in discussion to back up our beliefs with some evidence based in the actual conversation. So that was frustrating to me...but I am not taking it personally and am merely discussing because we're in a discussion board

Edited April 1, 2012 by MissBee

[alexandria35]

Never said that's what I thought about Buddhist beliefs. I'm aware of the belief of what's inside. I said "something out there" for the people who DO NOT believe in Christianity, Buddhism, Muslim, Indian, some do not believe in any higher power that we just spontaneously combusted onto the planet. That is what I meant by that. The poster that I was referring to seems that she would grasp at anthing that would support her belief of the things she is viewing as signs. Sorry if that wasn't more clear.

 

I sure like your posts on this thread truthbetold and I agree with all of them. You see that a lot these days. People who believe in everything and nothing at the same time. Pick a little of this from this doctrine and a little of that from that doctrine and put it all together in a feel good sort of way. The poster you have referred to has said that she didn't believe at all until it suited her situation to believe. I find it very unlikely that she has never experienced any unexplainable happenings before, like listening to a song at the exact same time a friend or romantic love is listening to the very same song. That stuff happens all the time. Another poster talked about being on the very same part of a highway that her lover was on at the same time and it was very cosmic because according to their schedules they shouldn't have been there at the same time. Seriously?

 

Haven't we all connected with someone at an unusual time and place. I have. My son lives across the city from me and only comes to my neighborhood to visit me. One day a month ago he called me on my way to work to tell me he was driving right behind me. Well I wouldn't normally be on that road at that time of day but I was running late due to an appt and he wouldn't normally be on that road at all but he had come into my end of the city to get a cheap windshield replacement. So when he saw me driving right in front of him he called me on the phone and we had a laugh and that was it. I suppose if instead of my son it had been my married lover I would have been certain that this was proof the universe meant for me to have an affair.

 

People are free to believe whatever they want. I am in no position to judge someone elses beliefs. However I can't help but bristle when people make statements that seem to say that God or the universe of whatever is helping them make poor choices. Having been up close and seeing first hand what happens when a family breaks up I will never believe that God wants that. Yes sometimes it is neccesary, especially when there is abuse. I'm sorry to tell yet another story from my own life but I can't help but relate to things as I have experienced them.

 

My stepfather was a narcissistic type of man. He was my step dad but the biological father of my little brothers (whom I adored). He and my mom seperated when my brothers were still little. He was abusive to them but because they were little they loved him and didn't want him to leave. My mother had wanted a short seperation while they went to councelling and sort out there problems. 3 months later he stopped councelling and stopped all efforts towards repairing the family and the marriage. Why? Because he had met his true love, his soulmate!! He was a fundalmentlist christian and he was fanatical and he fully believed that God was behind his new relationship 100%. He was actually offended that the rest of us (me, my brothers, my mother) weren't happy for him and supportive of his new found love. He made ridiculous statements about his new relationship being sanctioned by God, how his new woman loved his kids just like they were her own (she had met them twice at the time) and how we should be welcoming her with open arms. Truly barf-o-rama worthy stuff. But he honestly believed himself when he said this crap. Meanwhile I'm watching my brothers and my mothers lives unravel. I was already an adult and had my own kids so I wasn't hurt for myself, but watching the effects of this broken marriage and the trickle down affect it had on my brothers hurt me a great deal. Daddy was busy with his new gf so sometimes he showed up for his visitation and sometimes he didn't. No skin off his nose, he was happy, but he didn't see my brothers hanging around the front door and looking out the window for him every five minutes. They never had much money and the seperation left my mom and brothers in poverty. She had to see them longing to do and have the same things other kids had and she had to tell them no. Oh this is just the tip of the iceberg, honestly I can't do it justice in this one post. This was a broken family and it was pain all the way around for everyone except him. The. kids were hurt, hostile, doing poorly in school, etc. My stepfathers new woman had been married 5 times and insisted that she had raised her kids single handedly and my mother should be able to do the same. Then they went to church together and praised the Lord for bringing them together, true soulmates that they were.

 

As it happens everyone eventually pulled through and healed because that's what we do in this life. We get through the bad times. My stepdad died last year at the age of 65. A few years before he died he started showing some real remorse and about how he had abandoned my mother and my brothers. Another poster somewhere on this thread stated she believes her exmm will die regretting his decision to not leave his wife and be with her. My stepfather died with huge regrets over his decision to leave my mother and his sons. I'm sorry I find it hard to believe that anyone would die regretting that they didnt' seize the opportunity to break up their family. I have forgiven my stepfather for what he did, I told him I forgave him before he died while he held my hand crying and asking me to forgive him. I was just a little girl when he came into my life and I had loved him for many years just like he was my real father. After all that happened I didn't love him anymore. I wasn't trying to be punitive, I just didn't love him. I treated him with respect and I eventually forgave him but the bond we had before was broken for good.

 

Sorry for the long rambling story but I will never ever believe that God or the universe blessed or sanctioned the relationship between him and his new soulmate. As if God was happy to see two little boys in pain and lost without their father. Yes families break up all the time, divorce is common and single parent homes are the new norm and since everone gets through it theres a tendancy for some people to believe that divorces are harmless. My stepfather's new gf was delusional. She constantly told anyone who would listen that my stepdad loved his kids and was a great dad. both he and her fully beleived in their fated by the universe romance, at least in the beginning of the fairytale. After a few years they were singing a different song, then they started to fight over his kids his lack of work ethics, his poor spending habits, his selfishness and his cold personality, pretty much the same crap he fought with my mother about. Oh he did marry her. She was his third wife, he was her 6th husband and they stayed together until he died which wasn't all that long.

[MissBee]

I agree alexandria!

 

I do think that when one starts to say things like God or the universe sanctions them to hurt other people or absolves them of all responsibility, then it may very well be their own selfish desires being conflated with the divine.

 

There is also a difference between learning after the fact and willfully engaging in certain behaviors. I think ALL behaviors, good or bad, can eventually teach us something and may be all a part of our life's tapestry and shapes us....but it is rather different than me premeditating hurtful acts with God/the divine in tow as to why I am doing it. It's like the Christian idea of grace and forgiveness of sin....it is freely available and one can repent of one's evil ways...however, not because forgiveness is available should you go out willfully committing evil acts just because you can ask for forgiveness later. The problem is not that anything is wrong with the concept of forgiveness, grace and salvation themselves...but people who use it to their own ends to do as they wish. I think there are charlatans in every avenue of life and most can tell who they are by their actions. I know for me, no one can accuse me of using the divine to shirk my responsibility, but outside of this thread, I recall at least 2 posts and posters who have indeed used the supernatural to sanction their behavior. I think that is an entirely different train of thought than one who simply believes spiritual connections exist. I believe they exist but do not believe they are always good, neither do I believe that it makes one free to act as they wish and screw everyone else. Even the idea of soulmates...I don't believe any one has one soulmate, but many and if your soulmate is married to another, then despite you resonating with this person, CLEARLY they are not meant to be yours in this life time so leave them alone! You aren't allowed to insert yourself into their life at all cost just because of that.

 

Earlier in the thread I explained how I too thought my ex was my "twin soul" and now do not believe any such thing. He was not my exAP and our relationship was not hurting other people...but it was hurting me. I then came to realize I gravitated to this idea because at the time, I desperately wanted to believe we would get back together and that all the pain was ordained and we should just work on ourselves and then it would stop. Now, as I have grown in awareness and understanding and on my journey, I do not resonate with that idea and resonate more with the notion that, like so many others, he was someone on my path who I attracted for a specific reason who my painful dealings with him taught me A LOT. I never researched both intellectually and soul searched so much as when I was involved with him. I know for a FACT that this relationship was indeed a catalyst for my growth and once I actually started realizing this, the less attached I was to him and just began taking the lessons. In one state of mine I was hell bent on him and us and the romance and as I grew I separated the two and focused on what was actually going to help.

 

I still live in an existence where I don't believe in coincidence and I do believe and have evidence in my life of that which cannot be explained...and it makes no sense to debate that. As I do think certain experiences can never be debated and the idea of for those who believe, there needs to be no evidence and for those who don't, no evidence is ever enough, rings true. But I do think that sometimes we can mix what we want to believe and wishful thinking with those kinds of things. No one on the outside can help us though....as we have to be the ones to grow and be able to discern for ourselves that which is true and emanates from outside of ourselves and comes from the Universe/The Divine/etc from what is spurred on by our own egoistic desires. No one could have told me anything then....I knew what I knew...I had to grow for myself to see things differently. So does everyone else....

[MissBee]

Ok... Generally, it's my opinion that labeling an affair a Karmic Relationship is the New Age equivalent to saying "it just happened" as if the two people involved had no control over themselves. So I don't buy it, but again, that's my opinion. My grandmother was well-versed in New Age concepts, so I am familiar. I simply don't agree with it now any more than I did then.

 

Specifically (and more importantly), like TaraMaiden, I object to these things, such as karma in this case, being twisted, or as I said earlier, bastardized to fit some different meaning. I respect your desire to give it a new age twist, I simply don't see it the same way.

 

Hope that clears it up.

 

Okay I see clearer now. I think anyone can employ any use of any term to justify anything. So my suggestion is to look at how someone's using a term and whether or not based on how they explain it and their subsequent actions, they are using it as a cop out or not.

 

I can indeed see where someone would use that to say "it just happened" just like people on LS who use psychological notions to also say why their MM won't leave because of split self and so on.The problem is not in that these terms are false or don't make sense anywhere...it's how do you use it and the choices you make in light of them IMO. If a man has split self...okay, that may be true, but where does that leave you? Does that mean it is okay to stay with him waiting for 10 years? That's what it comes down to...what choices and actions will you make in light of what you think is going on, whether you believe it spiritual, psychological or something else. The actions that follow show whether or not you are aiming to shirk responsibility or that within your frame of belief you still act responsibly.

 

My exAP wasn't the person I thought of as I said the karmic soulmate thing, so it doesn't even have anything to do with affairs for me and them just happening. I was referring to my regular, single boyfriend at the time, if that itself gives a different spin on the idea of responsibility.I don't believe anything on earth "just happens" and some of my standard advice to OW here is that nothing just happens so they should stop believing that or saying that, as usually when you dig deeper you see exactly how it happened. But yea, the bottom line I am making is, how is someone using a term and what actions are they performing or not performing, the actions are what tells you their mentality behind whatever they are saying. None of my actions for example would give evidence to me believing that things "just happen" because of my belief in karmic soulmates, and one would be hard pressed to show evidence that MissBee doesn't take responsibility but believes stuff "just happens"....yet I do think some ppl can indeed use that term or any other they choose, if their ultimate goal is to avoid responsibility. So I suppose I took exception to the notion that from you believe in that you also believe in not taking responsibility....when that's not the case and the definition of that in itself has nothing to do with that...so it goes back to who is using it and what you see them doing with it.

Edited April 1, 2012 by MissBee

[Barrsitter]

Wow....all this from a short post on how I was feeling.

 

I won't engage in the debate but do wish to acknowledge that I made a choice to participate in the A knowing that those involved would get hurt. I am partly responsible for the pain all-round and so is my xMM and his wife (for her part in allowing their M to deteriorate). Everyone is responsible to some degree so when I said I was feeling thrown under the bus, I also know that I am partly responsible for being thrown under the bus.

 

I am feeling better now thanks to my friends on LS. I know my A was wrong - I never said it wasn't. It was just too powerful and enticing to stay away from, is all I am saying. And I still believe my xMM and I are soul-connected but that doesn't mean we should be together for all time. Maybe he will come back for me. Maybe not. Either way, I'm getting on with my life. I'm glad to be done with the A. I learned something from it and learned that I need to love myself more and not accept another woman's leftovers. Never again with a MM. Lesson learned.

 

I hope my xMM stays married if that is what he and his W want. I don't hate him or me or anyone else. I still like Fight Club's thought....that I need to sit "in the silence of NC" where I will find all the answers I need. That's good advice and that's what I am doing.

 

Love and peace....B

Edited April 1, 2012 by Barrsitter

[alexandria35]

I want to smoke whatever everybody else seems to be smoking in this thread.

 

A lot of what you guys are calling cosmic alignment of stars, is nothing more than coincidence. That's why it catches your attention. Because its plain dumb coincidence! And its nothing more than that.

 

Sorry, but being in the same location as someone you know is not magical. Nor is it special, aside from seeing a friendly face.

 

These kind of things happen to everybody!

 

When you buy into all of this cosmic conclusions, you may be simply rationalizing (possibly unhealthy) relationships and/or behaviors.

 

If you believe that the moon and stars have validated your affair, then perhaps you just lack enough healthy/positive reasons of your own for having the affair in the first place.

 

And lastly, there is no such thing as a santa claus, a unicorn, or a soul mate. Oe are we a bunch 13 year old girls here?

 

The concept of a "soul mate" is an unhealthy trap. It fools you into thinking that your happiness depends on one person. And so you end up doing foolish things to hold onto that one person. So your maturity dwindles as your behavior becomes more desperate. And your personal growth stagnates.

 

Very well said!

[TaraMaiden]

Wow....all this from a short post on how I was feeling.

I know.... I kinda got a bit carried away there....

 

Maybe i should have been!

 

Sorry 'bout that....

[KeepMeInMind]

Listen that kind of stuff happens to all of us all the time. Most people just dont attach that much meaning to it. I had a young hippie type mother. When I was about five she had a good male friend whom I adored. He was sweet on me too..LOL. Promised me he would marry me when I grew up. A couple of years later when I was about seven he married a beauty queen and I was pretty miffed..haha. First time I saw him after my mom told me he had gotten married I turned my back on him and refused to even speak to him. All the adults were laughing at me but I was really pissed!! LOL. After that my moms life changed, she became a Christian and all of her old hippied drug using friends fell away. Years later when I was about 22 I myself had a rather unusual group of friends and many were 10 years or older than me. One day I'm sitting around with a couple of them and they keep refering to this guy by a rather unusual nickname. My childhood crush went by the same nickname and I recognized it immediately. After asking some questions it was determined that it was the same guy!!

 

Well to cut to the chase my friends arranged a meeting for us and I got to see him again. He was over 40 now but still really cute, although much shorter than I remembered. He seemed a lot bigger when I was 5 years old..haha. We went out for drinks, chaperoned by a couple of our friends. He was very happily married and spoke of his wife and boys with great pride. There was absolutely no hanky panky or anything suggestive. He wanted me to meet his family and we tentatively agreed to a date the following weekend where I could meet his wife and sons. A couple of days before the meeting he called me to say that day wasn't going to work out after all and he would call me sometime in the future to arrange another time. He never called me back and I never called him because I instictively knew that his wife wasn't interested in meeting me or having me become part of their lives. I wasn't 5 years old anymore afterall, I was a hot 22 yr old. She probably made him feel pretty stupid for even thinking that was going to happen...LOL.

 

That is just one of many many stories I have of weird ways my life has crossed paths with others.To me its just a cool story but it doesn't mean anything. Now had I started some sort of love affair with this married guy I'm pretty sure I'd be using this story to justify it and convince others that it was supposed to happen as it had been fated by the universe...lol

 

 

LOL..you quoted me to post this, and in all honesty, if this happened to me or anyone I knew, or just reading it now, my reaction is just "small world!" That is a neat story, though. Pretty cute, too. Did you tell him how pissed you used to be at him?

[KeepMeInMind]

Sad Puppy, I appreciate that you think the thread was/is getting derailed but this and then Tara's explanation were what jumped out at me.

 

This poster most certainly is "possibly" ascribing her circumatance to be potenitially "God's work" now perhaps not entirely, since they lumped other beliefs into it as well. In that case it was just a slip of the tongue or whatever.

 

Problem is that happens frequently. Where posters lament why is God doing this or that and they're crying and praying and hoping for signs. I'm just pointing out in this context, God especially doesn't work that way. Not to say you can't be tested. Other belief systems are different.

 

It's relevant to this thread because the above poster brought up God or whoever. If their belief system calls upon a "whoever/whatever" fine own it. Don't drag God into to justify something clearly wrong by Christian standards.

 

It seems some are okay with bringing out the cool soulmate and kismet type connections, but if one is in fact challenged on it and how it can't really be. Then it's all "that's not what this thread is about and it's going off tangent". Fine then don't bring it up in the first place as a rationalization for what happened if you can't deal with the fallout.

 

And it is highly important to what your belief system is to how you operate in your life. One keeps you mired in the muck unable to move because it's beyond your control, it's all about signs from the universe. If instead you accept that it is just coincendental, or that everything may infact happen for a reason, but that reason may be no more than a simple test of character, then it turns the reigns back to you, that in the end it's always about one's choices.

 

 

Wow. That's a whole lot of assumptions. I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, but you're off base. I would never believe or imply that God directed me to an affair. I guess it may have sounded that way, if you assume that "signs from the universe" meant jumping into an affair.

[KeepMeInMind]

'Tis a lovely thought but one based on self/selfishness.

 

I want what I want the world be damned. Because you know, there's a 'force' going on..

 

There's also a family to be stepped on.

 

I'm sorry if I offend but please. Did one ever consider the lesson to be learned is, no.

 

 

 

Again, I never said or implied that I or anyone else could JUSTIFY an affair by signs/forces/pulls or anything else. We may feel what we feel, but it is still up to us what we do with it.

[MissBee]

For all your talking about this forum not being the place to discuss all this, you seem to go on and on about it and want everyone to see it from YOUR view. It doesn't matter and getting all long winded about it doesn't help.

 

I was intrigued though by your comment....which I bolded about ...... you are deciding jthorne isn't looking at something objectively. Why do you get to decide that? because she disagrees with you? And then to throw the "agenda" comment? Really?

 

Why not take this to another board to discuss all the mumbo jumbo of karma, dejavu, cosmic coincidences, soul mates, blah blah blah? Kinda annoying to try to keep up with the original post when there arelengthy and blah blah blah posts which are not even remotely connected to what the thread was about

 

I'm not sure what the purpose is of you bringing this up if it is deterring you from doing whatever it is you need to do in this thread. That was the trap I got caught in earlier. Knowing it was off topic but still feeling the need to reply when questioned.

 

If you and I also start going back and forth about what you think I'm doing...it amounts to the very same thing i.e. derailing to discuss off topic matters. But of course, when someone addresses you, like you have done....it is difficult to not respond and go off topic. And you yourself are evidence of that tendency, as you took time out to bring the topic back to that, especially after Jthorne explained to me more of what she meant after I said what you quoted and I also think you are misinterpreting what I said about agenda. As I said to her, I don't care if people disagree on what I'm actually saying or what I actually mean...but it is frustrating for someone to disagree with you based on something you did not mean or misinterpretation of what you mean. I don't know about you...but I don't like that and I think the world can only be a better place if we at least understand each other. I found it a good discussion and even told Jthorne I have no negative feelings towards her...was just discussing and clarifying my POV and she clarified hers.

 

In short though...the same way that you get to say what you think it is that I'm doing or not, that you can boldy assert you think people's beliefs are "mumbo jumbo", state what you think helps from what doesn't is the same source that gave me that authority. If you can do it...so can I and so can anyone else. I don't see any difference in your questions to me and your assertions than what I have made...you are posting your opinions from your own volition on the authority of yourself...so am I and so does everyone else. But yeaaa I still got caught in the trap of responding more than I intended to lmao! But hey....no more after this.

Edited April 2, 2012 by MissBee