xztjohn Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 My ex was a real ******* after the break up pretty much left me for another guy. The break up was pretty bad and I was bitter for a long time about it. It has been 6 months now first 3 months of alot of drama of back and forth wanting each other back and the last 3 months of no contact, where I have been ignoring all her attempts to reach out to me. I would like to be able to talk to her one day in a civil manner. Would it be a good idea to open up more to her to her advances? or just continue ignoring her forever? Before spring break she called me twice and texted me that she had a question with bio hw, but I don't want to be used like that. I feel like she still trying to play this game. What you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 My ex was a real ******* after the break up pretty much left me for another guy. The break up was pretty bad and I was bitter for a long time about it. It has been 6 months now first 3 months of alot of drama of back and forth wanting each other back and the last 3 months of no contact, where I have been ignoring all her attempts to reach out to me. I would like to be able to talk to her one day in a civil manner. Would it be a good idea to open up more to her to her advances? or just continue ignoring her forever? Before spring break she called me twice and texted me that she had a question with bio hw, but I don't want to be used like that. I feel like she still trying to play this game. What you guys think? she left you for another fellow, what is there to talk about? move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
budley12 Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 i know your exact feelings xztjohn. Breakup 4months ago, NC 7weeks ago. At this moment after spending a day at a geology field trip busting rocks, listening to christian music, and reading an inspirational spiritual book I feel as if I could talk to my ex on a civil level. I do not want to lose my ex forever because he was such an amazing and caring person, however I think staying NC is much needed especially since they have new relationships. I may feel strong and civil now, but since my emotions are such a rollercoaster (last night I was seriously considering doing some nasty things to myself) I think that after our meetup I would just feel worse about losing him. just my 2cents... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 The best time to contact her is when you realise the GF on your arm, means more to you than she did...... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 My basic plan involves ignoring forever. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
spicolli Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 After a while forever doesn't mean much. Please allow me to elaborate, you will not continue to count the hours, days, weeks, months, etc after some time. You'll just realize, hey I haven't talked to so and so in a while. It is what it is. After a while it won't matter, and if you're single you may be perfectly content with that, but someone who leaves you for another is simply not worth it. They don't deserve someone as open and honest with their feelings such as yourself. I still miss my ex from time to time but not like I used to and I definitely don't want her back. TARAMAIDEN, Would you please exlain to my what that symbol in your profile is? Being of German decent, I know it as a swastika, and I am offended by it. But I also notice that your profile mentions being buddhist, so I don't want to be ignorant, does it mean something else to Buddhists? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 TARAMAIDEN, Would you please exlain to my what that symbol in your profile is? Being of German decent, I know it as a swastika, and I am offended by it. But I also notice that your profile mentions being buddhist, so I don't want to be ignorant, does it mean something else to Buddhists? Thanks. i'll have to momentarily take this off-topic, because as a relatively new member you can't send/receive PMs otherwise i would oblige that way. spicolli, thank you for asking; It was an ancient Buddhist/Hindu symbol, many, many aeons before the Nazis purloined it, turned it the other way round, and stood it on its angle. We had a poster here but a few days ago, who openly displayed the Nazi symbol, and basically, spewed venom. in response to his hostility and poisonous attitude, i adopted the avatar i currently sport. It's not designed to offend and i am sorry you feel affronted by it; but i'm claiming it back for it "rightful owners" if you like, and hoping to return it to its original meaning and intention. you can read more about it, here.. I hope that helps... Back to topic... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Glove_slap Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Long story short. Yes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spicolli Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I should have elaborated, I was offended at first, but I have read many of you insightful, and well articulated posts, and figured you would not be displaying that symbol to be offensive. I will read that article tonight, and I appreciate the education. As for the person who was displaying the actual swastika, I'm glad I was not here for that. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 How gracious of you. you are most kind, and I appreciate your broad-mindedness. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 My ex was a real ******* after the break up pretty much left me for another guy. The break up was pretty bad and I was bitter for a long time about it. It has been 6 months now first 3 months of alot of drama of back and forth wanting each other back and the last 3 months of no contact, where I have been ignoring all her attempts to reach out to me. I would like to be able to talk to her one day in a civil manner. Would it be a good idea to open up more to her to her advances? or just continue ignoring her forever? Before spring break she called me twice and texted me that she had a question with bio hw, but I don't want to be used like that. I feel like she still trying to play this game. What you guys think? So increased contact, with the eventual goal of "being civil".... Proven Downsides: ------------------------ Drama Game Playing Being used Anticipated Upsides: ------------------------ Civility Go ahead and flesh out the lists on both sides as you see your situation, but is it worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 yeah you guys are right. I've been going strong with 3 months of no contact and with her small attempts of trying to contact me, I should continue being strong. It gets really hard tho, honestly she left me really bitter, pretty much left me with nothing and I had to rebuild my whole life. A part of me wants to scream at her and tell her all the **** she put me through. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 yeah you guys are right. I've been going strong with 3 months of no contact and with her small attempts of trying to contact me, I should continue being strong. It gets really hard tho, honestly she left me really bitter, pretty much left me with nothing and I had to rebuild my whole life. A part of me wants to scream at her and tell her all the **** she put me through. I know what your going thru but stay strong!! Don't break No Contact. Talk about being bitter my ex. of 1 year dumped me 2 weeks after she had surgery done..I was there for her the whole time..took care of her and her home then when she's back on her feet she tells me....I'm going back to my ex. Bye. WTF!!! I don't care to ever see her again!! Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 A part of me wants to scream at her and tell her all the **** she put me through. You already are. Through your silence. She already realizes that she was a heartless b*tch for dumping on you and leaving for someone else. Why do you think she's been contacting you? Because. if she gets a hold of you and yo DO scream at her for all the sh*t she did to you. THEN, she can justify it in her head that leaving you was the best thing she did because you proved your an ass and now she can forgive herself and her behavior. CONGRATS! You rewarded bad behavior. She selfishly motivated. However, if you DON'T contact her. She is always going to wonder. Hell, she's doing that now! And, in a weird way, you're going to help her realize that her behavior was so appaulling that she may reconsider ever treating someone like that again. Right now, she's hating the fact that she doesn't know what's going on in your head. Well, too bad. SHe made this mess and this drama, you didn't. It's her problem; not yours. And it's not your responsibility to make it all better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DisGai Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 You already are. Through your silence. She already realizes that she was a heartless b*tch for dumping on you and leaving for someone else. Why do you think she's been contacting you? Because. if she gets a hold of you and yo DO scream at her for all the sh*t she did to you. THEN, she can justify it in her head that leaving you was the best thing she did because you proved your an ass and now she can forgive herself and her behavior. CONGRATS! You rewarded bad behavior. She selfishly motivated. However, if you DON'T contact her. She is always going to wonder. Hell, she's doing that now! And, in a weird way, you're going to help her realize that her behavior was so appaulling that she may reconsider ever treating someone like that again. Right now, she's hating the fact that she doesn't know what's going on in your head. Well, too bad. SHe made this mess and this drama, you didn't. It's her problem; not yours. And it's not your responsibility to make it all better. What a great post Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted April 1, 2012 Author Share Posted April 1, 2012 that was an awesome post. yeAh ive been ignoring her for 3 months now and dont plan on ever initiating contact. but if she initiates contact with me do i still ignore? she is pretty selfish with her feelings and not caring for others. i saw her current bfs post he wrote on her wall "you are so sweet to me and caring, but i dont feel like you are that close to me, but thats why i love you" it was deleted soon after. shows alot about their relationship. after the break up she said that im better looking than him, he has acne and is kinda ugly but he treats her well. (guy has loads of cash). she also said that she doesnt love him as much as me yet. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 i'll have to momentarily take this off-topic, because as a relatively new member you can't send/receive PMs otherwise i would oblige that way. spicolli, thank you for asking; It was an ancient Buddhist/Hindu symbol, many, many aeons before the Nazis purloined it, turned it the other way round, and stood it on its angle. We had a poster here but a few days ago, who openly displayed the Nazi symbol, and basically, spewed venom. in response to his hostility and poisonous attitude, i adopted the avatar i currently sport. It's not designed to offend and i am sorry you feel affronted by it; but i'm claiming it back for it "rightful owners" if you like, and hoping to return it to its original meaning and intention. you can read more about it, here.. I hope that helps... Back to topic... I actually thought about that symbol, and was going to say something, but then I remembered reading somewhere that that symbol is used for lots of different things, so I let it go. That symbol appears all over the floor in some building in Philadelphia as well. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I honestly plan on ignoring my ex forever. There are only few exes I would do that to, and they deserve it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 she is pretty selfish with her feelings and not caring for others. i saw her current bfs post he wrote on her wall "you are so sweet to me and caring, but i dont feel like you are that close to me, but thats why i love you" it was deleted soon after. shows alot about their relationship. after the break up she said that im better looking than him, he has acne and is kinda ugly but he treats her well. (guy has loads of cash). she also said that she doesnt love him as much as me yet. Before addressing the question of eternally ignoring your ex, I have to ask, why is this someone you would want in your life anyway? First she left you for someone else. Then you see how she disrespects him, and you wonder if you'll ever have a "civil" relationship with her again? You can be civil if you want. In fact I think we should all strive to be civil with everyone. But I don't think it benefits you to be looking for opportunities to be civil, or pondering hypothetical scenarios in which you might encounter her. This is not a person who seems to add value to your life, and it is certainly not uncivil to ignore her. That's a perfectly justifiable and healthy boundary to set. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I honestly plan on ignoring my ex forever. There are only few exes I would do that to, and they deserve it. That's a good point. Ignoring someone forever is probably the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, and it can't feel good to be on the receiving end of. The other person will never hurt the way they made you hurt - but on the other hand they have to live without forgiveness, validation, or a new rationalization for what they've done. That's a special kind of hell. Reserved for those special few. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 I found out the hard way...if you become friends with someone who treated you badly in a relationship, sooner or later they will treat you badly in the friendship...believe me, I know. I'm not talking about people who made mistakes...I'm talking about people who actually went out of their way to treat you badly. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 That's a good point. Ignoring someone forever is probably the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, and it can't feel good to be on the receiving end of. The other person will never hurt the way they made you hurt - but on the other hand they have to live without forgiveness, validation, or a new rationalization for what they've done. That's a special kind of hell. Reserved for those special few. That only happens if they have a conscience. My most recent ex does not. Neither does one of my other exes. Hence the ignoring. Link to post Share on other sites
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