atloss4love Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Been in love with a coworker a year and realized That it's just not going to work. Without telling him I decided to try no contact . No texting no visiting No eye contact, it's been 3 weeks and when I do Run into him he acts like there is not one thing wrong I wanna scream Are they really that blind Or are they smarter than we think Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Been in love with a coworker a year and realized That it's just not going to work. Without telling him I decided to try no contact . No texting no visiting No eye contact, it's been 3 weeks and when I do Run into him he acts like there is not one thing wrong I wanna scream Are they really that blind Or are they smarter than we think I think it is just the difference b/t men and women in general. Did he say he loved you? Can you give more details? Men are amazing at compartmentalizing (some women too)... this doesn't mean they don't have their moments, it just means they can push something into the other room of their mind and not think of it for a while. Compartmentalizing can be helpful at times to not obsess over someone, but it should be used limited, as its not really processing. At some point it will creep up on them though. I am sorry for you pain. Link to post Share on other sites
sad puppy Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Been in love with a coworker a year and realized That it's just not going to work. Without telling him I decided to try no contact . No texting no visiting No eye contact, it's been 3 weeks and when I do Run into him he acts like there is not one thing wrong I wanna scream Are they really that blind Or are they smarter than we think I vote for clueless, most of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 What would you have him do? Is he married? Were you involved? Or did you simply like him? In any case, if it's not going to work out, continue with NC and if he acts like it is fine, then there you have it, you should too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Been in love with a coworker a year and realized That it's just not going to work. Without telling him I decided to try no contact . No texting no visiting No eye contact, it's been 3 weeks and when I do Run into him he acts like there is not one thing wrong I wanna scream Are they really that blind Or are they smarter than we think Focus on you, that's what the NC is for. Also, do NC in your head too! Meaning try your best not to figure out the why's and how he is able to just go on and make it seem like nothing is wrong. He's probably very good at hiding what he does/feels/says..Obviously.. He is rising above it. Also, many men are able to easily separate emotions and box them, especially at work. Focus on work related issues only and turn off completely with everything else. Try it and see if it works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 HF said: "No, they aren't blind or clueless. They know what they are doing. They don't want you all angry and pissed because that could make you seek out the wife to tell her of his actions. He realizes you are mad or whatever, and in order to keep the peace at home, he is letting you go without drama so his life isn't turned upside down. He has probably laid the ground work at home already - by telling his wife that there is a woman he works with who seems infatuated with him. By him doing this, if you do decide to tell the wife, he will have already let her know you are a crazy woman who is infatuated with him. He will of course be willing to continue the affair if you give the go ahead. By not engaging you, he is looking out for himself. He will just find himself another woman to start up with." HF - a question for you. Upon what facts do you rely in coming to your rather elaborate conclusion laid out in your response? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Barrsitter Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Atloss.... Your co-worker's non-response seems to be bothering you. Why not ask him to explain his reactions rather than jumping to a potentially false conclusion. Once you understand where he's coming from, you can make your own plans and/or have your say (whatever is needed). Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Without telling him I decided to try no contact . No texting no visiting No eye contact, it's been 3 weeks and when I do Run into him he acts like there is not one thing wrong Oops, I missed that part - Without telling him. He probably doesn't care or he thinks you're playing a game with him so that's why he's not reacting or talking to you either. Or he may have seen the NC coming and is taking it as a hint to leave you alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Hiddenite Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 He may have felt that it wasn't working out for him either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
truthbetold Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Wow, Just read your backstory. How long are you going to chase your tail and drive yourself nuts? YOU have the control within yourself to stop it. As far as I've seen, he's only expressed mild amusement and maybe some ego puffing with your attention. (from what you have posted in the past) How much clearer does he have to make it to you, he's not interested? You don't and have never had a relationship with him, it's extremely unhealthy to spin this fantasy that you can win him over. He doesn't care that you don't talk to him (probably relieved) because he never cared all that much to begin with. Sorry but I'm not going sugarcoat this, I'm afraid for your well being if you keep living in this fantasy bubble. You need to talk to someone in real life to snap you out of this. It would be a shame to give him anymore head space. You can't get back time wasted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Wow, Just read your backstory. How long are you going to chase your tail and drive yourself nuts? YOU have the control within yourself to stop it. As far as I've seen, he's only expressed mild amusement and maybe some ego puffing with your attention. (from what you have posted in the past) How much clearer does he have to make it to you, he's not interested? You don't and have never had a relationship with him, it's extremely unhealthy to spin this fantasy that you can win him over. He doesn't care that you don't talk to him (probably relieved) because he never cared all that much to begin with. Sorry but I'm not going sugarcoat this, I'm afraid for your well being if you keep living in this fantasy bubble. You need to talk to someone in real life to snap you out of this. It would be a shame to give him anymore head space. You can't get back time wasted. WOW is right!!!! I just read it as well. I suggest everyone else does as well. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 He may have felt that it wasn't working out for him either. Simple but oh so probable as well. I have been in the position where for example, a guy and I have been talking, we go out on a date and it was just blah and I KNOW it won't work out. If he feels the same...we let it go without discussion or fan fare. I just never call him again and he doesn't call me again either, but we're fine if we run into each other and are cordial. There is no need to say anything or have some huge discussion...I'm relieved he's cool and on the same page and he seems to be as well. It's not that deep usually, no strong feelings are involved and we both kind of walk away without talking about it or making it a big deal. So it could be very well that he is glad that you aren't chasing him down, as he too realizes it won't work and he's not that interest, and figures how things are now is good and sees no need to be upset with you or perturbed about you not talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 WOW is right!!!! I just read it as well. I suggest everyone else does as well. I did! He would cheat on his wife if you would pay him to be with you? huh? Who mistakes that for a relationship? Lass, you've never been in a relationship with this man. You need professional help, someone to gently pull you back into reality. I don't mean this to sound harsh but you need to snap out of it, it's been eight months. Seek help away from an internet forum. Someone face to face. Pitiful it is. Why you wanna be so mean to yourself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Wow, Just read your backstory. How long are you going to chase your tail and drive yourself nuts? YOU have the control within yourself to stop it. As far as I've seen, he's only expressed mild amusement and maybe some ego puffing with your attention. (from what you have posted in the past) How much clearer does he have to make it to you, he's not interested? You don't and have never had a relationship with him, it's extremely unhealthy to spin this fantasy that you can win him over. He doesn't care that you don't talk to him (probably relieved) because he never cared all that much to begin with. Sorry but I'm not going sugarcoat this, I'm afraid for your well being if you keep living in this fantasy bubble. You need to talk to someone in real life to snap you out of this. It would be a shame to give him anymore head space. You can't get back time wasted. Nicely stated! eh - I should have just copied your post. Would have saved me some time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 Just read the back story too. There's nothing wrong with this guy. He isn't into you...at all. He was probably just being cordial when you worked together on the project. By telling you he would only consider sleeping around if he was paid, he was probably telling you that he wouldn't do it. Keeping things light in guy humor. What NC? There's no NC. You didnt have contact except for work. Hockey fan, I liked your response but unfortunately this is not a case of willing MP and willing OW. From what I've read there has not done anything like hint of attraction from said MM. OP, don't tempt the man to cheat. He clearly doesn't want to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2012 Share Posted April 1, 2012 It's a one sided crush, and the feelings you have for him have been built up in your head and you've put that on him - He probably is unaware of how deeply you feel. He's on your mind 24/7 and you aren't in his. I think this is why he hasn't noticed. Didn't I post a link to you on your other thread? If not, let me know and I'll find it for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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