Author Jessica w Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 Freestyle, LadyGrey, FindingNemo, Thank you for sharing your stories with me. I see many similarities in my situation as well as fears as I have had about the future. I now know that this is abuse. I can see this has already taken a toll on me. Sometimes I lay in bed and wish I was dead because I'm so miserable. "I just hope you get something from my ramblings and I hope you can understand what being with a man that is like that does to you. They steal your laughter, your peace of mind, your zest for life, you start changing into who you are not just to keep the peace. It sucks the life out of you and you become a meek, mild mouse, which IS exactly what they want. " LadyGrey That is really how I feel. And he has no idea why I am so sad often. I told him I really wanted... gotta go! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) Jessica.......I hurt for you and I'm sorry for your pain. Even though I'm a stranger to you, I care and I know the other ladies do also. Hugs........ Now that you realize that you've been a victim, you must turn this around and be a survivor. Work on getting stronger, develop a plan. One of the most important things is do not do anything that will make the ties with this man more permanent or make it harder to leave if you decide that is what you need to do. No children, no moving away, no purchasing a house. Also, keep in mind that in his own head, he sees that he loves you and that he isn't being abusive. Accept that he most likely won't ever grasp that concept that he is abusive. One can not right what they can't own and for him to own it, he would have to admit that he is wrong. Also......you have to accept that you can not trust this man with your well being and that he has your best interests at heart. One who wishes to control is not loving you. I'm assuming you are young and this is your advantage. You can have love and a life that you want in the future, the key is not to let him take too much from you now. You are strong Jessica, you just don't know how strong you are yet. Keep posting and looking at other resources and start formulating your plan for YOUR future in your mind. Freestyle, LadyGrey, FindingNemo, Thank you for sharing your stories with me. I see many similarities in my situation as well as fears as I have had about the future. I now know that this is abuse. I can see this has already taken a toll on me. Sometimes I lay in bed and wish I was dead because I'm so miserable. "I just hope you get something from my ramblings and I hope you can understand what being with a man that is like that does to you. They steal your laughter, your peace of mind, your zest for life, you start changing into who you are not just to keep the peace. It sucks the life out of you and you become a meek, mild mouse, which IS exactly what they want. " LadyGrey That is really how I feel. And he has no idea why I am so sad often. I told him I really wanted... gotta go! Edited April 8, 2012 by LadyGrey 2 Link to post Share on other sites
freestyle Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Jessica.......I hurt for you and I'm sorry for your pain. Even though I'm a stranger to you, I care and I know the other ladies do also. Hugs........ Now that you realize that you've been a victim, you must turn this around and be a survivor. Work on getting stronger, develop a plan. One of the most important things is do not do anything that will make the ties with this man more permanent or make it harder to leave if you decide that is what you need to do. No children, no moving away, no purchasing a house. Also, keep in mind that in his own head, he sees that he loves you and that he isn't being abusive. Accept that he most likely won't ever grasp that concept that he is abusive. One can not right what they can't own and for him to own it, he would have to admit that he is wrong. Also......you have to accept that you can not trust this man with your well being and that he has your best interests at heart. One who wishes to control is not loving you. I'm assuming you are young and this is your advantage. You can have love and a life that you want in the future, the key is not to let him take too much from you now. You are strong Jessica, you just don't know how strong you are yet. Keep posting and looking at other resources and start formulating your plan for YOUR future in your mind. I think LG summed it up nicely here, Jessica. Keep working on strengthening your spirit---tuning into your own inner core. That part of you that says, "I AM". At the end of the day, it's only YOUR definition of yourself that really matters. Someone who truly loves you, will understand that, & respect that, & not expect you to mold yourself to their expectations. They will embrace and accept you, for being YOU. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 the most revealing way you can determine whether the situation is as we have described it, is to start standing up to him... I don't mean be all defiant and obstinate... just contradict him gently, and say things like "I'm sorry, i'm not happy with doing that, i'd prefer this...." or "i'm going to be getting myself a job, i'm going brain-dead at home, i've prepared some applications, and i'll start posting them out...." his own compliance - or argumentativeness - will pretty soon reveal what he's expecting from you..... if he gets stroppy, just back down, saying something like, "oh, ok, i didn't realise you felt so strongly, that's cool...and smile sweetly - but know which way you're going to take this.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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