indian_couples Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 we are passing quality time, very often we are meeting in the weekends, she comes to my place frequently even her post-graduation exam scheduled after a month. That's a very good start. It means that she is willing to work for the marriage. You see, being in Indian culture is providing an extra safeguard to your marriage, as divorces are still an exception than rule. Besides it's just one more yr left before her studies get over and you 2 start living together. One more suggestion - Think seriously about the child issue. If there is some medical problem which is incurable, you guys can adopt a baby. A child is like a glue which keeps a couple together for long term. As for "can a woman love 2 man at the same time?". First, we all are capable of. Second, you should not try to make her fall in love with you. You should only try to have some good and fun time together. Everything else will fall in place. Dont keep asking her "do you still think about that guy?". I have not been able to forget the cute girl who lived next door when i was 6, but that does not means that i want to leave my wife and marry her! You have to grow up. Plan some visit to goa or any other exotic location once her exams are over. Also, dont go for a full disclosure to everyone in the family. as some of the members on this board have been suggesting. They dont understand our culture. Though if you are feeling very lonely, you can invite your parents for sometime to live with you. That will help. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderer25 Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 Indian_couples takes the cake for the most idiotic advice on this forum. I won't even argue his points.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
indian_couples Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 Indian_couples takes the cake for the most idiotic advice on this forum. I won't even argue his points.. You dont have to argue. It's the OP to who my 'idiotic advice' was directed to and he seems to like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wanderer25 Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 Yeah, poor guy. Nothing personal.(Though I did call it idiotic) You believe in your advice and you hope it helps him, I get that. But I wouldn't give that advice to my worst enemy. Lonelyplanet, you are being a doormat and rug sweeping your wife's affair. Are you open to much harsher advice? You may not like it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 That's a very good start. It means that she is willing to work for the marriage. You see, being in Indian culture is providing an extra safeguard to your marriage, as divorces are still an exception than rule. Besides it's just one more yr left before her studies get over and you 2 start living together. One more suggestion - Think seriously about the child issue. If there is some medical problem which is incurable, you guys can adopt a baby. A child is like a glue which keeps a couple together for long term. As for "can a woman love 2 man at the same time?". First, we all are capable of. Second, you should not try to make her fall in love with you. You should only try to have some good and fun time together. Everything else will fall in place. Dont keep asking her "do you still think about that guy?". I have not been able to forget the cute girl who lived next door when i was 6, but that does not means that i want to leave my wife and marry her! You have to grow up. Plan some visit to goa or any other exotic location once her exams are over. Also, dont go for a full disclosure to everyone in the family. as some of the members on this board have been suggesting. They dont understand our culture. Though if you are feeling very lonely, you can invite your parents for sometime to live with you. That will help. What would happen if the OP disclosed this to their respective families with proof, in your culture ? Link to post Share on other sites
indian_couples Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 What would happen if the OP disclosed this to their respective families with proof, in your culture ? I am answering with the hope that this was asked as a genuine curiosity, and not as a sarcasm (as i have been getting often on LS). In India and similar cultures, in-laws and extended family from Husband's side, are of relatively greater importance to a woman. Now if OP were to disclose this to their respective families with proof, his wife can never face his family. She will have no hope of ever getting acceptance by her husband's family. This will be a big (very BIG!) blow on her efforts of trying to reconcile. Not just that, most likely OP's family will stand against her and ask him to divorce her. Since there is still a chance for them to reconcile (and they are working towards rebuilding), it will be a very bad idea, if he discloses it. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 It was asked with genuine curiosity, there are afterall ppl here from 150+ countries and many many MANY different cultures. I'm from eastern europe and if it were to happen here it would depend if it were to happen in a city or village. Being from India and having read about uhmmm ... bride burning, i feared something worse. Link to post Share on other sites
indian_couples Posted May 2, 2012 Share Posted May 2, 2012 Being from India and having read about uhmmm ... bride burning, i feared something worse. India has hundreds of cultures and communities. Bride burning (for dowry or extra marital affairs by grooms family) or Honor killing (by bride's family!) usually happens in few specific areas/communities which are known to be strongly male dominated. E.g Haryana (a state here) which has very low female:male ratio. It's not as common as you may think. Though sadly, it has not been completely eliminated. That said, in OP's case that possibility is not present. They both are from educated family. His/her family seems to be forward as they didn't mind his marrying an older girl (which is generally not allowed by families). Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelyplanet Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 I am back again to this site just to see what all other advice waiting for me. Its almost 8 months from D day. I tried to follow the advice for the rebuilding the relation. But I am afraid, it really never happened to me. The chemistry of love was not there really. As we stay in two distance places, she comes to me and I also visit her frequently. But the utter surprise is that whenever we tried for intimate relation to grow, in my mind all those stupid scenes pops up (my W is doing the ** with OM)... instantly I loose the interest, I can feel that she is not also in good chemistry as well. During the day time, frequently questions come to my mind that why did she do that, why she cheated me for long time? surely answer appears to me that her love to me actually faded away, its only social obligations only to stay together, may be soft feelings for staying together for 16 years, not really love. I am quite sure that she definitely loved OM's hard on inside and always cool with me. All bull****s.... Recently, we had huge hot talks and I left her returning my work place. I have decided we should stay separate, I think she is also planning such. But I have not filed the divorce as yet thinking of my aged mother's health condition, she loves my wife since her childhood. So, both of us prefer staying separate. I don't know what will happen to us, we both want to stay together but we really don't want to be together. It seems to me that "to love her is to die....to leave her is the death" Link to post Share on other sites
Later82012 Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Indian_couples takes the cake for the most idiotic advice on this forum. I won't even argue his points.. I am so angry if I respond to his post I will probably be banned. Link to post Share on other sites
ghgh750 Posted September 8, 2012 Share Posted September 8, 2012 I don't understand some of the wording. How long did your wife's affair last for? Did she admit how often she slept with him and why it ended? Link to post Share on other sites
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