Male Virgins or Late Bloomers

[betterdeal]

There are quite a few men who visit this site who haven't had sex yet. Some are in their late 20s, others their 30s and 40s. It's clearly quite an unnerving thing for them, and it makes them unhappy. I'd like to throw some ideas your way as to how you can better deal with this aspect of life.

 

1. First of all, sex isn't everything

 

There's nothing as overrated as a bad shag and nothing as underrated as a good sh*t

 

What women want - just like men - is more than sex. Sincerity, humour, strength, tenderness, quirks, otherness, things that make them feel good and things that prick their curiosity. They want courage - speaking from the heart - and independence and vulnerability in the right measure. They want us men as men, with all our flaws and strengths. I guarantee you there's a girl out there who's looking for a guy just like you.

 

Sex is just a part of a romantic relationship. A very important part in most, but only a part of it.

 

2. Sex is learnt

 

Everyone who has it has to learn it. Like riding a bike, or walking, or speaking, it's a learnt behaviour. Like everything you learn, you will make mistakes and cock up quite a bit to start with. You'll get better at it, with practice.

 

3. It takes two to f*ck

 

In order to learn, you need a willing partner. This is probably the bit where you get most fearful. Being rejected, mocked, turned down sucks. It hurts more if you're sensitive about it and that in itself seems to guarantee failure to slip into a nice warm woman at the end of the night.

 

But it takes two to f*ck. She turns you down: You miss out, but she misses out too. You might be the best shag she'll ever have, and she's missed out on it, out of fear. It's her loss too.

 

This is important: once you start to see it as a mutual thing, you're not alone. Any strange, uncomfortable feelings you may have experienced, I guarantee you women feel them too. Feeling nervous, naked, vulnerable, they feel it just like we do.

 

Dance first, think later

 

4. Feel the fear

 

Embrace those feelings. Nervousness can mean threat or opportunity. It's how we respond to a predator and to prey. Now don't get me wrong: a sexual encounter is very different from hunting for food, because both parties can be winners. But it is similar in that it excites us, we focus, our vision narrows in on the object of our interest, blood pumps to our motor muscles, we puff up, we become very emotive.

 

Choose to embrace that nervousness you feel and enjoy it. Everyone feels it. Even the most seasoned lovers in the world. In fact, that's what they get addicted to: the surge of adrenalin, endorphin, seratonin and bugger who knows whatever else happy hormones get released.

 

It may feel unfamiliar, and therefore scary, but this is what excitement feels like. This is part of the process. You are already in the early stages of having sex, effectively. Learn to let go of your thoughts and words that restrain or cuckold you from enjoying these emotions, and you'll be well on your way to exploring and enjoying the later stages of sex.

 

5. It's not how you fall, it's how you land that matters

 

So you think you're a loser because you haven't had sex yet? But do you think you're an alright guy anyway? If you do, if you like yourself, own this aspect of your life and don't be ashamed. If people are mean, that's their problem, not yours. If you can, make light of it, say something like "Okay, it's a bit embarrassing, and you're the first person I've told this, but I'm a virgin" and follow up with "I just find you so attractive I don't know where to begin" while looking her in the eye and soaking up how gorgeous she is, who know how she'll react: remember, women like sincerity, honesty, humour - courage - and it takes courage to say that sort of thing to a woman.

 

You could try something like "Ask me in an hour" with a cheeky smile, if you want to be a bit more mischievous about it.

 

I guarantee you many women will reject you when that topic comes up. Their loss as much as yours, right? Accept defeat and move on. He who retreats lives to fight another day. And by retreat, I'm thinking, you let the horniness die down a bit, say something like "shame", sigh, and maybe change the subject and get back to light humour if that's what you want to do, or say your good byes and start chatting with someone else in your vicinity. You don't have to go home and call it a day, unless you want to. You can see what else there is to do while you're out and about.

 

Women often like men who are gracious in accepting rejection as it's a sign of respect and thoughtfulness. If you can be decent at this early stage, it's a good sign of things to come if you guys go any further. They may well change their minds because of this.

 

6. Love women

 

They're rubbish at throwing and speak in riddles half the time, but they have some great qualities too. Enjoy their otherness, their curves and lumps and insights and smell and that curious recessive clean-and-tidy gene they appear to have that we don't.

 

7. Be proud of yourself

 

You're dealing with a very personal matter and you've had the strength to read this, ask about it, look for ways to change it for the better. You're on the right path, brother. Things will get better.

 

Good luck.