Forced to live with cheating girlfriend, I need advice?

[Jabyjab]

OK, where to start. I have been dating my girlfriend for going on a year in august. We moved into things really fast, i at the time was leaving a lease at a apartment and she had her own place so she said i should just move in with her this was 3 months into the relationship. OK a some history on her. she has 2 kids a 3 and a 6 year old she is going on 27 and i am turning 24. neither of the kids are mine.

 

for the past 2 weeks things have been weird, it hasn't been the same her and i was getting weird feelings. She was always "going out with family" all the time we barely saw each other due to work or other commentments. i felt more as a roommate then her boyfriend. well last Friday she tells me basically she just wants to be friends and that she loves me just not the same love that she used to have. my first instinct is to ask is there someone else. she keeps telling me no. as the weekend goes by she doesn't come home and stays at her "family's house" i had no answers no closure. when we finally get to talk on Monday after about 4 hours about what's going on i get i got someone's else's number, then it became i kissed him, then it became i had sex with him. then it turns out that its a guy she said was her friend about 3 months ago but her phone has been off for about 2 months and just got it on 2 weeks ago, so they have been talking again and she tells me she loves me and that she really likes him. i was crushed i am still crushed.

 

i just found this web page while i was doing some surfing trying to deal with this. it happened like 4 hours ago. i don't know what to do. she tells me she needs some time to see what she wants or something like that basicly she wants like 2months alone time so that she can have sex with him some more i guess.

 

well here is the big problem. i have no place to stay no family no friends because I'm not from here. i have lived in my car for about a year of my life so i know i can do that. but i love the kids and i still love her. If i leave she has to loose her place and is forced to stay with her mom in a bad neighborhood and they woudlnt have their own room would just be on the floor. i feel bad but it hurts just being there. she says i can stay if i want and just to sleep on the couch. I really don't know what to do or where to turn too. i was thinking just stay there as a roommate just till i can save up enough to get my own place. i would like to work this out with her but after i heard that she slept with him i don't know how to forgive her. basicly she wants me to be the caring boyfriend that the kids love and get along with and have him on the side.

 

 

please any advice would help

[uriel]

This is a mess -- and a heartbreaking one at that. I'm sorry for you and for the kids. You didn't know her well enough before taking the housing plunge -- and she shouldn't be moving in anyone so soon with her children. It's too bad they have an unstable mother who's dragging them through this.

 

If she's not sure about your relationship and she wants to see someone else while she decides, I don't see that you can stay with her in a relationship. I understand you still love her and that you're torn up about the kids. But, please face the fact that this relationship is not working out. This woman doesn't have her head screwed on straight, much as you care for her. She doesn't appreciate your love or what you've brought into her life.

 

As for the practical end of things: Yes, you need to move out. Get any joint funds separated immediately. Start exploring options for housing quickly. There are cheap rooms for rent that will still allow you to save up for an apartment. You might also be able to find a male roommate situation without big money down. You could even move away temporarily or permanently to a place where you do have friends and family.

 

Consider doing what you can for the kids. They aren't yours, but you care about them and none of this is their fault. Help the mother look for a cheaper place she can afford on her own (question: If you moved in with her, how was she affording the place before you?). Give her a little toward the rent / deposit, etc. if you can. Or see if her new beau can foot the bill. Tell her mother you're planning to move and why. See if she can't help them out without their having to move in with her.

 

In the end, though, what else can you do? You don't have many options.

 

-- uriel

[Kimberlee]

Ya how did she afford the place before you moved in?

I think that if she wants to move on it is not up to you to do all the things that she should have thought about before runing around on you.

These kids are not yours even though you love and care for them, sounds like she can use this to get what she wants from you. Why would she want you to leave?

- You help with the kids

-You help with the bills

-You can babysit when she wants to go out

-and with the love and care that you feel she can have what she wants.

 

I was like that also, I wanted to explore other relations and still live with the b/f as roommates. i never did go ut on him though. But still I did not want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Why did I do this? I did it cause I knew that he loved me enough to agree to this, I knew that he loved my daughter like his own chaild and it was eazrier for ME!!! I did not have ot move out again, I did not have ot worry about finding another place and money to pay the bills, I did not have to meet new people to babysit my daughter, and I knew that he would always be here for us no matter what.

 

It is not a win win situation at all, If I were you I would move out, she will get mad but in the end she has moved on in the relaionship before saying anything to you. She has made up her mind before talking to you and she put action in this thought. You are better offwithout that in your life,

How are you going to feel knowing that she is going on dates with other men and you sittingthere having to pretend that you do not care? It will hurt alot more if you stay there.

 

There has to be a friend or look in the paper for another place with a mate, male or female shared accomadition. it saves alot of money that way, or I am not to sure what about co-op housing?

 

You will only hurt, this will hurt you as a person the longer that you are there and it will change your views on woman then you will really have a hard time trusting woman, all because one had to hurt you..

 

Please consider this!!!!

 

If you really can not/do not want to move then talk to her and see if there is any chance of being together but the trust id broken and that will play on your mind alot!!!!

 

Just my thoguhts though

 

Kimberlee

[Fritz]

Indeed. How did she afford the place before you came along? I'm sorry this sucks but I'd move out as soon as possible. Its sad about the kids but they aren't your responsibility. Let her new bf (sucker) pay her bills or see if her mom can help. She doesn't respect your feelings, you shouldn't respect her. Perhaps if she doesn't have someone helping her out she might wake up when she has to take care of her own responsibilites.

[Jabyjab]

the reason she was able to pay the bills is because she had a car that was paid off, while i was living there her car broke down and was forced to get a new car, i even helped her get that. well since she has a car payment and higher insurance now she cant afford both and she needs the car to get to work so its a endless cycle.

 

 

today i went to work and came home. she thought we could watch a movie togther. she told me that the other guy probably didn't care for the same way that she does and was being nicer and playfully with me. I'm just confused. thank you for your kind words and wisdom i never knew there was a place like this for problems but i am for sure this is helping me so much

 

its hard not to have anyone else to talk 2

[Debster]

This woman showed no concern for your feelings and cheated and lied to you. The fact that you are concerned about how your moving out will affect her and her finances, shows that you are a great guy - but a guy who might be very easily taken advantage of.

 

Her finances are not your concern.

 

Neither are her kids. Granted, it is not their fault - but you have no obligation to these children. Only involve yourself in their lives IF it is ok for you emotionally.

 

My advice:

Screw the two months alone time. Dump her and move out. Rent a room until you can afford an apartment. Most importantly, take this as a life lesson. Do not move in so quickly with someone. Make sure that you and your partner spend enough time together - and if not, question why. Do not lend someone money unless you yourself have some saved up for a rainy day. Join clubs/associations to make friends. Realize that NOONE deserves to be cheated on and that if someone cheats on you, they don't deserve you.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by Jabyjab

the reason she was able to pay the bills is because she had a car that was paid off, while i was living there her car broke down and was forced to get a new car, i even helped her get that. well since she has a car payment and higher insurance now she cant afford both and she needs the car to get to work so its a endless cycle.

 

 

today i went to work and came home. she thought we could watch a movie togther. she told me that the other guy probably didn't care for the same way that she does and was being nicer and playfully with me. I'm just confused. thank you for your kind words and wisdom i never knew there was a place like this for problems but i am for sure this is helping me so much

 

its hard not to have anyone else to talk 2

 

Ugh, of course she's being nicer. She wants to keep you dangling on the hook to make sure you don't leave. Its not your fault she didn't do the research and get an affordable car and check what it would be to insure it. Who tells their bf/gf that "the other guy probably didn't care for her the way she feels for him"? Thats just cold. Ice cold.

 

You can't save'em all, they'll take you down with them. Defiantely go out and do things you like to do, meet new people and make some new friends.