Out Of Options

[domple]

Hi Everyone,

 

OK this might sound arrogant but I am one of the most positive and outgoing guys you will meet. I am family oriented, I go to church, I am starting up 2 companies this year. Why do I mention all this, I am portraying that I am genuinely outgoing, hard working and not shy. I am also very romantic and very caring (surprise GF with flowers and romantic gestures). I am about to turn 31, like many people my age most of my friends are married, and don’t go out anymore. I only have a few friends because of a situation a few years ago with some friends stealing money from me.

 

Anyway I tried online dating for 9 months and the only girls I met were relationship jumpers, don’t really know what they want, emotionally unstable, or so shy that it took a month for me to even meet them (and when I met them they could only say 2 words to me). I met a girl online and dated for a few months and she broke it off with me accusing me of all sorts of crazy things that were just not true so to be honest it cut but im glad that’s over. I am basically a stable guy who is meeting girls who are just so insecure.

 

I am genuenly looking for ways to meet ‘peer and above friends’, I am greek orthodox and all the people in my church are 60+ (I went to other orthodox churches but they are all shy or just have no life outside church) and the girl I go out with doesn’t have to be orthodox. I even tried social groups but find in Sydney they are all 40+.

 

I am starting to get jaded, I know the girls I have been with are not the ones but it just hurts. I tried all sorts of things to meet people but every times it’s a slap in the face and I feel I fit nowhere, all my friends family and business mentor said to go offline and focus on my goals and everythign will work out. I genuenly feel like im out of options and I see some other ideas but I have seriously tried almost everything (except sports I have a bunky knee.

 

I dunno maybe im just venting and I have read things on the forum and basially tried everything that was suggested. I just feel stuck.

[Patrice]

Find common ground with a woman, develop the friendship first .. be patient.

Relationships with good women take time and nurturing ... try something different, get active in activities where good women go. Dating sites don't seem to produce that much.

[domple]

Hi Patrice, that's the funny thing, I do that I spend time getting to know someone. I personally don't believe in rushing in and all that. But thats why I started this post of where a good woman would go, I am trying to work out besides a church where they would be. If you have any idea i am extreemly willing to go there

[CC12]

I am trying to work out besides a church where they would be.

 

Would you be open to attending churches other than Orthodox? Some Protestant churches I know of have tons of social events. Well, sometimes the events are not specifically social, but still, building a house for a poor family (or whatever) is a chance to mingle and meet people. Or maybe try non-religious charity work?

 

I even tried social groups but find in Sydney they are all 40+.

 

Come on, Sydney is a huge city. Surely you can find something more age appropriate. Look, I found this after like 10 seconds of Googling: Under 35s Fun (Sydney) - Meetup

 

Try it!

 

Also, if any of these events suck the first time, just keep going. You might end up making friends you're not interested in dating, but that's still good, because you'd be expanding your social circle.

 

Edit: That group I linked to is doing a trivia night on Monday. Those are super fun. You should try to make it.

 

Edit again: I realize "Trivia night" might sound stupid and geeky if you're thinking it's going to be a quiet game of Trivial Pursuit, but I'm assuming it's more similar to Pub Trivia, where you play on teams and there's a lot of interaction and friendly competition. It's a good time.

Edited April 2, 2012 by CC12

[Nikki Sahagin]

Don't they say something like 'follow your passions' and you'll meet your kinda people

 

It seems you are already doing that...but continue to do so, or dig up some new passions and explore those.

 

I met some great people volunteering who are dear to my heart.

[Charulata]

Hi Domple! It sounds like you are putting a lot of effort into meeting women which is really good. I am sorry you are frustrated though.

if you keep meeting or dating women that are insecure maybe it's because you're attracted to the wrong women. so maybe try dating someone you aren't initially attracted to and then letting the attraction build as the relationship grows. Ask your friends about your dating patterns, maybe they can give you some (gentle) insight. maybe they can help you figure out the qualities you look for in a partner...then you can try to filter women differently. Consider that maybe your 'picker' is off and you need help choosing who to date, if you are only finding women that don't work out. There's good ladies out there I swear! But maybe you're looking past them and going for your usual. You sound like a catch, so good luck! You will find one if you are making the right effort.

[brokenTom]

I feel like I'm the same boat, not in my thirties though. I recently started going to church that welcomes everyone (Unitarian Universalism) and I've met some great girls there, not any "dates" yet but it's too early to tell.

 

I also feel STRONGLY about volunteering, even if you don't meet someone it still feels great helping others. I did the meetup thing a while back and it can be pretty cool.

 

Really, it's when I stop trying so hard to look for someone that I tend to meet a special girl I just click with, so maybe try taking a break from that, but don't stop going out and doing things, just shift your focus a little.

 

Good luck with you