jealous thoughts going too far...

[Samantha16]

I'm really going too far with my jealousy, sensetivity, and emotions. I had an argument with my bf and my parents last night. They said I'm ridiculous, I'm weak, I need to grow up, I've gone too far, I need to get over this, and I need proffessional help. After all was said and done, I wasn't even upset about the original problem, all I could think about was the things my parents and bf said to me.

 

I feel so embarrassed ashamed, and I feel like my self-esteem is gone. I feel really low right now, and I don't want to pity myself but I also feel so attacked and alone. I just wish everything could be normal and I wish I wasn't like this. Why am I so crazy? Why do I let my emotions take me over?

 

I cried so much last night that I look like a beaten boxer this morning!! My bf said I need proffessional help, but by him saying that it makes me want to resist from getting any help at all. I hate the whole therapy thing anyway. I've been there too many times and it's never helped me.

 

Is it time for anti-depressants? Serenity now?(the all natural pill). Do I need to discover who I am under the tuscan sun or something, and then I'll rid myself of these insecurities and hateful crazy thoughts? (sorry to make a joke, but I needed that).

 

But really, what are my options. Reading stuff on the internet and subscribing to a self-esteem program, and going to therapy just don't interest or help me. Could that be because I'm not interested in helping myself? Am I just selfish? I'm at a loss and a low. What do I do?

[moimeme]

You're in denial. You don't want to admit that you can't do it 'on your own' Which is about as foolish as not wanting to admit you can't fix your car on your own. If you're in so much trouble everyone you know says you need help, it's time to swallow your pride and get help. YOU will be the one who benefits in the end.

 

Now, tell me how much sense it makes when people say 'do this, it will make you feel better' and your reply is 'no thanks, I'll keep feeling rotten'!!!!

[Thinkalot]

I feel for you...I do. I've been through my own struggles with jealousy, insecurity and OCD, which just keeps the thoughts stuck. I've sought help. I'm on anti-depressants, and I'm much much better than I was. I'm not perfect...but it takes time.

 

I know how bad it can feel when everyone starts telling you not to be so ridiculous, and it feels like you can't help it! I know how scary and awful it can be to admit you need help, when we are so conditioned to think that is somehow 'weak'.

 

It's not weak. It's smart. Therapy might not have helped you in the past, but maybe you just didn't find the right therapist.

 

I tried a couple before I found one who worked for me.

 

Good luck. Start helping yourself now. You'll be just fine. The strength is in you. And listen to what moimeme says...cos she is a wise woman!

[Samantha16]

Thank you ladies. I'm a bit calmer today, because the heat of the moment has passed. But last night I slept from when I finished school, until I woke up this morning. I was trying to avoid everybody. My father wanted to talk to me and I told him he said enough, and I already feel bad enough about myself. But he had to speak anyway. He just said I have to control myself before I drive my bf away for the millionth time, and I have to let things go because I'm creating something that isn't even there. I know it's not there. But it's there in my mind. It's so hard to explain. I wish I could let things/emotions/crazy thoughts go. I'm considering therapy again. But the thought of it is depressing me even more. I am convinced that this is who I am, and I will never change. I have tried to change for the sake of others and myself, but all that changed was that I kept my mouth shut, and all the emotions still stayed inside of me. Some days I feel happy and normal, and other days I am afraid of who I am.

[Thinkalot]

Look, I hear you , loud and clear! I felt the same way. But getting help has been a really good thing, and medication has also helped me stop obsessing and worrying about things which aren't even there! My mum stepped in and warned me also.

 

I still do worry, and obsess...but so much less than I did. You can control it in time. To say it's just who you are, is giving up, and giving in to something which you don't need to do. Don't be hard on yourself. We ALL have issues, and make errors, and so on...we are human. But we learn from them and move forward. Focus on the good that's to come before you.