djphoenix18 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 I was kinda surfing around different sites and all and i came across this one and decided maybe members of this community could give me some feedback.... Im a 22 year old male that lives in texas and throughout my life i have always had a fear of homosexuals... It was like i didnt want to talk to them, i felt uncomfortable around them, and whenever they came around me, i was sometimes intimidated... I didnt really hate them per se but i just figured they are better left alone... Anyways, about 2 years ago i recently was diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder 2, the milder form of the disorders... Supposedly i had OCD and Very Mild Mood Swings, they gave me Tegretol and Celexa for the OCD... Also i found myself a wonderful woman whom which understood me and my problem that i have... But unfortunately, it became too much for the relationship and we had to go our own ways... The curious thing is this, recently i have been having homosexual OCD thoughts, like not being able to look at another guy and not think that im homosexual, or think that maybe he thinks i am... Its really strange and yet at the same time very devastating for me... Im looking at womens breasts and guys' crotches just to "check" per se... And its really taking a toll on my life... I was wondering, i have been straight for 22 years, i dont have any intentions of wanting or being with the opposite sex, but they obssessive thoughts im sure lead to compulsions which i am afraid of.... My Doc, recently prescribed Lexapro for my OCD, but the side effects of this drug are too much to bear... I guess my question to you guys is how can i stop the checking and the looking and all this madness... Its funny when i look at it sometimes, because i know its a little thing that im making such a big deal of... Well, thanks for giving this your time, i hope i didnt bore you guys to death!!! :) Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Perhaps you are naturally getting over your fear. Make sure to discuss this with your doctor and/or find a counselor to help you sort this out. Sometimes the meds you take can cause all sorts of emotional imbalances. Don't be afraid of yourself, you are not doing anything wrong. But make sure your meds are correct and that you discuss these things with professionals who can help you with the OCD/bi-polar disorder. A lot of people fear homosexuals for reasons they don't understand. Your looking may simply be a way to overcome your fear. It may be natural curiosity as you mature and grow. Every time you find yourself looking, then look away. Or try to figure out what you are looking FOR. Seriously though, talk to your doctor about your meds and get into counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djphoenix18 Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 Thanks for your feedback so soon... Its weird tho, i mean for example right now im talking to this woman, very sweet, very kind very into me... We have had 2-3 sexual encounters and the first time we got into a sexual position i wasnt excited... I couldnt get excited, it was funny, i was like what the hell??? *laughs* But i think it was more because i had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship with someone whom i abstained from having sex with, so it was kinda ackward... The next two encounters have been awesome tho, i have enjoyed our moments and everything great!!! But at work for example, i deal with alot of people hands on, and i feel like all eyes are on me, i cant really talk to a guy without feeling nervous or thinking that he thinks im looking at him in homosexual way, same with me looking at girls... Its CRAZY!!! Is there any hope?? The reason why i stopped taking my meds isbecause of the horrible side effects!!! I mean, nausea, weight gain, just weird stuff... I have alot of feminine traits to my personality, im kind, sweet, caring, and in general every says im very articulate for a guy my age... I dont care about that tho, it doesnt make me feel that i am homosexual, its just the way i am... Also i was abused as a child by a priest... Maybe that is contributing to my fears now... But, i am sure of who i am, and what i want of my life in terms of children, wife, and happiness... I am not sure how to get rid of these dibilatating thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLP Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 There's no doubt that a lot of the stuff you talked about probably contributes to these thoughts, but the important thing is for you not to ascribe so much significance to them. There's a lot of research on OCD showing that while 95% of the population has "intrusive thoughts" such as getting in a car accident, someone dying, seeing an image of a bothersome sexual act, etc, there is nothing usual about having the thought itself. Everyone has them. However, it IS a characteristic of OCD to feel that the thought somehow has special meaning about you, or should be worrisome because you have it. It sounds exactly like what you are describing about your worries around this homosexual theme. (Look up info on the web about the cognitive model of OCD, see if it rings true with your experience or not) But the fact is, it is extremely, extremely common to have strange thoughts occasionally....most people just dismiss them as being simply that, weird thoughts, and they don't develop into obsessions w/ full checking behaviors. It's perfectly normal and ok if you have strange thoughts that you find unpleasant such as this one...it doesn't mean anything bad about you, it just means that your thinking patterns include intrusive thoughts like 95% of the population. Maybe consider talking to a professional or at least doing some independent research for yourself on this topic? I think you're fine, it's just something you'll have to struggle with and test out for yourself. Let me know if you want to find some more info on this.....I'd be glad to provide you with links/info. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djphoenix18 Posted June 16, 2004 Author Share Posted June 16, 2004 Hey i would love to get more info on how to combat this!!! Send me a pm sometime!! Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueLP Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Hey DJPhoenix, I don't think you have PM enabled or maybe I'm not sure how to do it, but here a couple good starting points for you: http://www.ocfoundation.org/ (Lots of info, good section on treatment). http://www.psychdirect.com/PrintFriendly/ocdprint.htm *read the part on beliefs about obsessions If you are looking around the web for more info, or if you are brave enough to delve into some psychology journals or more professional-oriented books, some established & credible authors if you run across them would be Stanley Rachman, Paul Salkovskis, Gail Steketee, Edna Foa, and some others. Write me back if you want any other info Link to post Share on other sites
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