Relationship just hit its first bump in the road

[avsguy01]

Last night my girlfriend came over to my house and we hung out, went for a bike ride, drove into town and got icecream, went to a local baseball game, and went storm chasing. She was actually in a bad mood yesterday and honestly was pretty quiet towards me more than ever in our relationship. Of course i didnt make a big deal out of it. We have been dating for 2 months so we are going to start seeing the little things. Not everything is always going to be perfect. So at the end of the night she thanked me for the icecream and said she had a great time. Overall it it was a nice night except for her minor bad mood. So we say goodbye and i go into the house brush my teeth and my mom comes up to me and says what is her problem? She doesnt seem to like me and everytime she comes over to the house she hardly talks to me. Supposedly last night she never said hi directly to my mom and my mom got pretty upset about it. She flat out told me that ive told her that she has a wonderful personality and that she hasnt seen it yet and doesnt think she is as good as ive made her out to be. She said that she is feeling disrespected since she feels she has to make the attempt to say hi. My girl is pretty shy when getting to know new people, and she had admitted that she is very nervous around my mom due to past expirences with her ex bf's mom. Of course i called her last after my mom had told me all of this. I was pretty upset and definately wasnt able to get to bed without getting any kind of idea whats going on. So we talked and she basically said she was confused and hasnt meant for any of this to happen. Another thing to note is my mom had just gotten out of surgery and my girlfriend has just been trying to give my mom space whenever she comes over. Me and my girlfriend seem fine but now theres definately some fixing that needs to be done with her and my mom but even if that happens its always going to be there. This really sucks. My girlfriend treats me really good, and we seem to be pretty close and have alot in common, however at times she can be a bit chilled and quiet due to her shyness but thats not enough to not like someone. I guess im just worried that this will mess up what we have going on. What kind of advice do you guys have for something like this.

[EnigmaXOXO]

Of course i called her last after my mom had told me all of this.

 

Your job is to maintain the peace and foster harmony between the two most important ladies in your life…to make them feel comfortable with each even if you must do some fancy finagling.

 

For instance, it may not be such a good idea to repeat to your girlfriend what your mother said…or vice versa. This will only cause more awkwardness and strain between them.

 

Instead, smooth it over. Tell your mom that your girlfriend is "shy" and at times a bit reserved. And tell your girlfriend that your mother is fond of her, and would like to get to know her a bit more. Suggest to your girlfriend that maybe she could just say "hi" and keep reassuring her that your mother won't bite. Perhaps you could even invite your girlfriend over for dinner to encourage conversation between the two.

 

Being in the middle of two women is a sticky place to be, but learning to mediate and foster positive interaction between them will save you a lot of grief and anxiety in the long run.

 

This is only a tiny "bump." With some trial and error, you'll figure out how to navigate and negotiate your relationships soon enough!

[avsguy01]

Did i mess up? Its too late. I already told her about what my mom told me last night. She is coming over tonight before we go to a concert to talk with my mom. Is that a good idea? Damn i wish i would have thought of what you had just posted. I should of told my mom she is shy and reserved and i should have told my girlfriend that my mom really likes her and wants to get to know her. I really screwed up big time.

[Leikela]

I've been in this place before and it's never easy. Your girlfriend needs to make the effort to say hello to your Mom. It really is all about respect. My boyfriend's mother made it clear to him that she thought I was disrespecting her by not saying hello. It all broke down to a misunderstanding but since I was alerted to the fact that that's important to her, I always go out of my way to say hello to her and try to talk to her as much as possible. We haven't had a problem since.

[avsguy01]

Yup and that's exactly what it boils down to. Disrespect for not saying hello. I can agree with my mom, but then my mom also needs to realize that she is shy when getting to know new people.

[Leikela]

The situation is easily fixed. Don't fret. Tell your Mom that your girlfriend is just shy and doesn't mean any disrespect. Tell your girlfriend that your Mom values your gf taking the effort to say hello and to seriously take it up a notch and be more communicative with your Mom. If your girlfriend cares enough to respect your Mom's wishes, there won't be a problem. Your gf doesn't even need to talk to your Mom about it. You've already told her what the problem is and it's easily fixable. Good luck to you!

[avsguy01]

My mom is making this easier on me We were just talking on im and she mentioned to me that she is going to talk to her today and promises everything will be fine

[Truth]

I don't see why your mom feels the need to judge your girlfriend--she's your girlfriend, not your mom's. I'd suggest you start hanging out at your GF's place or if you can't do that, just pick her up at her place when you two hang out. Problem solved. Relationships can get complicated enough without an added source of conflict, which in this case is your dear old mother.

 

So your mom feels disrespected? You can apologize for her feeling that way but tell her it won't be a problem anymore cause your girlfriend won't be coming around in the future. Until you're engaged or married, I don't think parents necessarily have a right to be involved in your romantic life. Who you date should be 100% your business.

 

Let me know how it works out if you end up taking my advice.

[avsguy01]

She came over last night and before we went out to the concert my parents me and her just sat around and chatted for a bit. I think everything is cool now

[Leikela]

See, that's all it takes! It's important that there's a good harmony between bf/gf and parents in my opinion. It cuts out a lot of BS and drama in the future. Glad to hear that things are back on track!