Husband dreams of becoming a hollywood actor!

[MeiGuan]

Help! We have been married for two years, no children and moved to California this new year. I am happy with the decision as I wanted to move away from the harsh cold weather since forever. However, since we moved here, my 34 year old husband has also decided to pursue his old teenage dream of becoming a hollywood actor. The problem? The problem is that I am still actively searching for a job (I have a M.A. in H.R.), but still unemployed. My husband who has only a high school education accepted a job at a valet-parking company. However, I suspect that he has deliberately taken a job with a flexible schedule so he can go to auditions. The fact that he is the only one working for $10 per hour and that our rent is $1,600 without utilities included, has added stress to our relationship, as he doesn´t make enough to pay for rent. Since we moved here, I have been paying full-rent, part of the food and utilities for four months out of my savings account (money that my dad gave me as a gift when I got married!), since I am not working. I only have around $15,000 left aproximately! So I am so worried for my financial future and security! On the other hand, my husband tells me that he is planning on starting to pay half of the rent next month and if he gets a Bellman job at a hotel, he will pay for everything as in the past, before we moved here! Reality is, I don´t even see him actively looking for another job. I forward him job opportunities often as I am daily searching postings online and I recently sent him two bellman positions I am not even sure he really applied. At home he is mostly watching YouTube videos about how to suceed on auditions, how to act, or watching comedies. Stupid stuff. In contrast, I am daily brushing my professional skills studying H.R. applications, advanced Excel, labor law etc. My husband also affirms that when he succeeds in Hollywood we won´t have to worry about money ever egain! How absurd! Since he has never studied acting in his whole life, has no experience, and I believe he doesn´t have what it takes. You see, I have gone to auditions with him and I have seen him ridicule himself in front of directors as he is literally reading the script from his hand and is sounding like he has difficulty reading it with his strong Moroccan accent. It is embarassing. But still, he doesn´t give up and still auditions for school films and independent films that do not pay, but he auditions because he wishes to earn experience. I personally think that he is Hollywood dream is totally unrealistic! His family in Morocco support him. My focus right now is to solve our financial situation, to both get jobs that will actually pay our bills! I feel neglected and taken advantage of. What do you think? What should I do?

Edited April 3, 2012 by MeiGuan

[jenwantsbabywade]

Help! We have been married for two years, no children and moved to California this new year. I am happy with the decision as I wanted to move away from the harsh cold weather since forever. However, since we moved here, my 34 year old husband has also decided to pursue his old teenage dream of becoming a hollywood actor. The problem? The problem is that I am still actively searching for a job (I have a M.A. in H.R.), but still unemployed. My husband who has only a high school education accepted a job at a valet-parking company. However, I suspect that he has deliberately taken a job with a flexible schedule so he can go to auditions. The fact that he is the only one working for $10 per hour and that our rent is $1,600 without utilities included, has added stress to our relationship, as he doesn´t make enough to pay for rent. Since we moved here, I have been paying full-rent, part of the food and utilities for four months out of my savings account (money that my dad gave me as a gift when I got married!), since I am not working. I only have around $15,000 left aproximately! So I am so worried for my financial future and security! On the other hand, my husband tells me that he is planning on starting to pay half of the rent next month and if he gets a Bellman job at a hotel, he will pay for everything as in the past, before we moved here! Reality is, I don´t even see him actively looking for another job. I forward him job opportunities often as I am daily searching postings online and I recently sent him two bellman positions I am not even sure he really applied. At home he is mostly watching YouTube videos about how to suceed on auditions, how to act, or watching comedies. Stupid stuff. In contrast, I am daily brushing my professional skills studying H.R. applications, advanced Excel, labor law etc. My husband also affirms that when he succeeds in Hollywood we won´t have to worry about money ever egain! How absurd! Since he has never studied acting in his whole life, has no experience, and I believe he doesn´t have what it takes. You see, I have gone to auditions with him and I have seen him ridicule himself in front of directors as he is literally reading the script from his hand and is sounding like he has difficulty reading it with his strong Moroccan accent. It is embarassing. But still, he doesn´t give up and still auditions for school films and independent films that do not pay, but he auditions because he wishes to earn experience. I personally think that he is Hollywood dream is totally unrealistic! His family in Morocco support him. My focus right now is to solve our financial situation, to both get jobs that will actually pay our bills! I feel neglected and taken advantage of. What do you think? What should I do?

 

Yowzers, this is a tough spot. I'd personally work out some sort of a parameter with him to get a real job or you'll move out. Now granted, I don't want to sound as if I support divorce because I absolutely do not. I think this damn world is way too quick to divorce. However, I do think you need to find a balance in supporting his dream and having him be responsible as the husband of the house to take care of bills. It is not respectful in anyway for a man to sit back and allow the woman to support him, that is such a turn off. If he is aware of how much $$ you have, which I expect he does, if you're newly married -- then he is not feeling motivated to get a genuine job because he 'believes' you will continue to support him. I tihnk you will quickly be at $12k, $10k, and so forth before you have the last $2k to pay one more months rent and utilities. You must ask yourself, what is your deadline, or what is your plan before you get to the last $2k in the bank and then have to seriously consider moving back home if you don't get a job before then? Above and beyond that, assuming you do get a job prior to the last of your money gone --- how will you ensure he stays 'motivated' to find a real job? You might find that the move you thought would be so cool to California, also could be the spell of big marriage problems if he chooses not to be responsible. I feel for you having to go through this, I can only imagine the level of resentment you're feeling at this time.

[MeiGuan]

Thank you so much for replying. Right now you are the only one who has. And you are right! I am elated to know that someone empathizes. I am not only suffering from unemployment-depression, but I am also so afraid to end up without a cent to support myself, and of course I feel resentment, and anger.

[jenwantsbabywade]

No problem at all. I would be freaking out. As much as it sucks go say, if he isnt going to look out cor your well-being (includes financial), you need to. I'd start putting money aside or get creative real quick fo safeguard yourself (and remaining assets).

 

By the way, I am in HR -- what is your background specifically?

[jenwantsbabywade]

No problem at all. I would be freaking out. As much as it sucks go say, if he isnt going to look out cor your well-being (includes financial), you need to. I'd start putting money aside or get creative real quick fo safeguard yourself (and remaining assets).

 

By the way, I am in HR -- what is your background specifically?

 

Sorry for the misspellings! On iPhone.

[MeiGuan]

Well at at bank, I was responsible for managing the recruitment, selection and hiring process. Have some Organizational Development experience, specifically (leadership assessments and development plans, job analyses, exit surveys, point-based promotion system and alike).

 

Hey, and thanks for replying from your Iphone ;-)

[GildedLily]

I've pursued acting in LA when I was single and young 22yrs old. I can tell you what you are going through is only the beginning, I saw many of my acting school friends marry and take these flex jobs that pay sh-t and expected their wife to work like a dog at her "regular/ grown up job" and pick up the slack for what their job couldn't afford them. You will soon be paying for acting classes (upwards of 400.00 a mth) photos every 6 mths ($300-$1000 bucks each time) etc etc.

 

On top of that you will have to finance him when he works these student/ indy films that pay close to nothing and in the process his job lets him go because he has been on a movie set for 2-3 weeks. Contrary to popular belief the "flex" jobs will not let you miss weeks on end, you are easily replaced since there are literally 100's of wanna be actors looking to take your place.

 

Last but not least you will have to endure nights on end of his absence while he is rehearsing scenes with people in his acting class. If you are the jealous type this will not be easy. Tons of young women 18-23 yrs old are all trying to make it in hollywood, these young women are more common because most of the hopefuls (myself included) leave hollywood in pursuit of plan "b" when they hit 26+. What if he makes it and leaves you as many male actors that 'make it" are known to do.

 

Are you wanting children? the male classmates I mentioned above put a "hold" on any baby plans until "they made it" Guess who are still childless? It's really sad because these guys are going out for audition after audition thinking this will be the one that they get and even though it never is. Thing is; being in hollywood and around other actors fuels their unrealistic fantasies even more. They are around a bunch of "yes" men and no one real.

 

If i were you I would put that savings you have in some sort of trust that only you can access and tell him that after this mth you will not support him financially. Please keep us updated, you seem like a nice person and you don't deserve this:)

[pureinheart]

Hi MeiGuan,

 

Does he have any trades behind him? The fact is is that 10 per hr is actually good without experience (if he has no trade) and no degree.

 

Now concerning you, if I may ask, what is your main target? My suggestion would be to check out the aircraft industry...there are tons of aircraft companies and the salaried people do quite well. The packages they offer are very generous.

 

Good luck to you both...you have my thoughts and prayers

[Dust]

I have a dream too... of starting a ponzi investing scheme like facebook or writing a teen hit novel... YOu want to kill those too. I don't work flex jobs though... I want to get a federal government job I can work from home... the best flex job of all!!! $$$$ hahaahha laughing all the way to the bank... Oh and I have lots of debt which I never pay back. If you were my wife I'd put all the income in your name so my debtors couldnt get it... plus I'm likely to be sued and jailed if my investors get angry at me. Them the breaks.

[PinkInTheLimo]

Is this story for real?

 

You have to try to find a job yourself as soon as possible and totally separate your money from his because a fool like that can make you end up living in the street.

Nothing wrong as such with having a dream and sometimes people with the craziest dreams actually manage to realise them. Just tell him that while he is dreaming you have no intention of sponsoring him and that you hope he will take some acting and prononciation lessons so that he improves his chances.

[MeiGuan]

Dear GuildedLily,

 

What you just described sounds familiar, even though it´s just starting, and I can definetely envision that in the future. Thank you so much for the reality check. It is curious to say that like you mentioned, at his valet parking job, all his coworkers are aspiring actors! Red flag! I will keep everyone updated. I am just praying to get employed soon as I don´t wish to deplete my savings.

[MeiGuan]

Pureinheart,

 

Thank you for replying. I just want to tell you that I followed your advice and checked for job postings at the local airlines. Well, I am currently applying for what was available (not related to aircafting engineering and alike): Customer Service Agent at the counter of Virgin American airlines. Well, I am applying for that job because considering my situation, I need to be flexible. Right now my priority is to work.

[MeiGuan]

Hi PinkInTheLimo,

 

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Yes, this story is real.

[pureinheart]

Pureinheart,

 

Thank you for replying. I just want to tell you that I followed your advice and checked for job postings at the local airlines. Well, I am currently applying for what was available (not related to aircafting engineering and alike): Customer Service Agent at the counter of Virgin American airlines. Well, I am applying for that job because considering my situation, I need to be flexible. Right now my priority is to work.

 

Awesome...I really hope it works out for you guys!

[jenwantsbabywade]

Keep us posted, I'm very interested in how this turns out...I absolutely feel for you.

 

Human Resources is typically always hiring, so please don't give up in looking for areas. I consult on peoples resumes all the time, if you're ever interesed in me taking a peek at your resume to ensure it's representng your background/experience appropriately just let me know. I do it all the time from C-level to help desk level!

 

Good luck.

 

Jen

[Lauriebell82]

Set some financial boundaries with him. He is taking advantage of your support. I wouldn't stiffle his dreams, but make it clear to him that he is going to need to get a full time job, and he will need to work around the auditions. Also, it might be a good idea to sit down and talk about where this acting dream is leading. Talk to him about a possible timeline for how long he will pursue this before deciding to move on. Say like a year? And if nothing comes of it, then he will seek something else. That way you aren't forcing him to give up his dream or telling him what to do, just setting some boundaries and limits. Living in LA is super expensive, my friend lives there and pays a ton of rent for this little tiny apartment she lives in. It's very very rare to actually "make it" in Hollywood, the majority of people do not.