mcbridl Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Hello, this is my first post and I just wanted some opnions. I recently split with my ex almost 2 months ago now. He was constantly giving me ultimatums on how I should behave and how we could better communicate. He didn't realize that this and his drinking and his constant neediness and obsessive behaviour is what pushed me away. He kept saying that if I didn't change he would leave, blah blah blah. Well I came home one day 2 months ago and he had packed and moved including taking everything that we had purchased together in the relationship. Now He says he still loves me, doenst want anyone else, misses my son (not his) and wants to get back together as long as I admit that I did things wrong and with the understanding that I left him no choice but to leave. His comment" If we get back together, leaving the way I did was ok because it made you realize what you were missing. If we do not get back together than I was right to leave the way i did because I was right and you didn't love me." anyway this has been way too complicated to be in a relationship with this needy, whiny man and I really have been leaning towards being alone(WITHOUT HIM). Last night I had a call from my friend . He had called her and said " He had not heard from me about my decision and That If I am not interested and I am just stringing him along I should let him know as He has someone else who has offered to have a baby/ family for him, and although he really wants/loves me he needs to get on with his life."(probably his ex wife who has tried to get him back for the 2 years we have been together.) ANY Thoughts please.... Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Your H is manipulating you. Insist that he get into therapy to get a grip in his somewhat bizzare behavior. Then, if he is earnest, the two of you can *discuss* reconciliation. He doesn't get to just waltz back in and make demands. His answer to your problems was to abandon you. You don't give your mate an ultimatum unless you have decided that your finished. It may be that he had sgood points about your behavior and lack of effective communication. Only you know if there's any merit. It may be that his drinking, neediness and obbsessive behavior were a problem. I suspect that both points of view are a bit more than the reality. Bit this is where a good couples therapist can help. If he wants to come home, at this point he must do so for his own reasons, not because you have met a list of demands. He left after all. He should be asking you to ALLOW him to come home. At the very least, it sounds like he's overdue for an ego check. And what is up with him calling YOUR friend and talking about your marital problems? This is called emotional betrayal. Had my ex ever done something like that to me, the marriage would have ended on the spot. Talking to one of his buddies is one thing, but talking to your female friend is quite another. His stuff about another woman wanting to have a baby with is is probably BS, but if it isn't, go for it if that's what he wants. However, that has *nothing* to do with you and his relationship with you. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Yeah, let his ex-wife have him. You don't need that kind of crap in your life. Neither does your son. Link to post Share on other sites
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