The story of a fool

[Nukem]

So....are you just in love with the life or do you love her? I can't tell from your posts honestly.

 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

hey trippi, you see,

I don't need luxury, I'm living very modest, I don't have tv, I don't need bed, I can sleep on the ground. I even don't like their luxurious houses.

But I know I feel anxiety-free about our daughter and I was happy living with my wife

I loved every part of her body But she rejected me so many times and I began to doubt about my love. But when I see her early in the morning I feel I need to hug her and kiss her. It might not be love, but just sexual attraction.

 

Love is also helping your mate coping with her problems. In that respect I wasn't helping her enough. But now I am ready to give my best

[Nukem]

Thank you, Steadfast.

 

Two weeks ago I told her I love her and miss her.

She answered me that she didn't and just phoning during the day is enough for her.

 

I think I should wait before this one last time attempt. May be a week or two. I'm not sure. I am going to wait for suitable moment.

[Steadfast]

Two weeks ago I told her I love her and miss her.

She answered me that she didn't and just phoning during the day is enough for her.

 

Believe her. Or believe in the reason she says it. Do not tell her again. She knows. No phoning. No talking, except about the child when needed.

 

Leave her alone. Let her wipe her feet on someone else. Proceed with divorce, taking care of the child and restoring some peace and joy to your life. Mourn the death of your marriage and take heart; the world is full of beautiful women...ones that don't cheat. Focus and work to reach a place in your life where you can meet them.

 

Eat, rest and press on. You'll make it.

[Nukem]

They both got used to calling them at about 21pm to wish them good night and chit-chat. Since Monday she began to call me back to read me from a book she recently has bought. Should I stop these calls. It will make her angry for sure. Last Monday she asked me to take care about our daughter while she went on theatre with her mum. Should I also stop going in her flat? She often invites me to have dinner in her home, when I return the kid.

[oldguy]

I asked her this in September. She answered '' I'm not sure I want to work on this marriage. I don't need anyone telling me what to do''. I am pretty sure she hasn't changed her mind.

 

I would stay civil if for no other reason than for your childs sake but not wanting to work on the marriage, I'm sorry to say is most often then not; the kiss of death.

[Nukem]

I would stay civil if for no other reason than for your childs sake but not wanting to work on the marriage, I'm sorry to say is most often then not; the kiss of death.

 

oldguy, keep in mind that she's just got out from the affair. She was in fog.

 

She told me that the OM was very jealous. He went mad when she called me or answered my calls. He has has called her every half an hour to check where is she and what she doing. He has kicked her out two times.

[Nukem]

I've just hung up the phone.

 

During the call she asked me how was my day.

I answered it was cool.

And she asked me if I had found a girlfriend

Funny, she continue showing her jealousy.

Next I talked to my daughter.

Total: 9.37 min

 

A minute later she called back.

There was an interesting movie and she would call me when going to bed

Total: 2 min

 

So I am expecting her next call.

 

I told her a joke and about my day etc.

[Jstub]

I've just hung up the phone.

 

During the call she asked me how was my day.

I answered it was cool.

And she asked me if I had found a girlfriend

Funny, she continue showing her jealousy.

Next I talked to my daughter.

Total: 9.37 min

 

A minute later she called back.

There was an interesting movie and she would call me when going to bed

Total: 2 min

 

So I am expecting her next call.

 

I told her a joke and about my day etc.

 

I think she just wants to keep you around, just in case she decides she wants you back. Basically, you are her back up plan. Do you want to be her back up plan? I personally would tell her to go do her thing and figure out what she wants to do and that she should leave you alone, because you are moving on with your life and you will NOT wait for someone who does not see you as priority EVEN AFTER she screwed up. Her cheating is NOT your fault - yes you might have contributed to the marriage problems BUT she decided to CHEAT instead of trying to resolve issues or simply getting a divorce.

[Nukem]

sorry, coopster,

 

I didn't mean I was impatient to hear her.

 

I am just relaxing on my bad and my mobiles are close to me.

I meant she intended to call me again.

How I am supposed to do LC

 

 

sorry for my bad English, it's not native

[oldguy]

oldguy, keep in mind that she's just got out from the affair. She was in fog.

 

She told me that the OM was very jealous. He went mad when she called me or answered my calls. He has has called her every half an hour to check where is she and what she doing. He has kicked her out two times.

 

Then how does she feel about marriage counselling now?

[Steadfast]

If I'm allowed to guess, you don't want to 'do the wrong thing' and lose her.

 

She's already gone. But she's human, meaning because she was married to you and fathered her child, she probably isn't comfortable just cutting you off completely. She might realize because of the child, she can't. It's a safe bet she does not want your daughter to think her mom and dad hate each other.

 

Be civil. But leave her alone. I'm repeating myself now and don't want to do that. If you're unsure what I mean, read what I've already written.

 

Be a good dad. Take care of you.

[Nukem]

Then how does she feel about marriage counselling now?

 

I prefer not to ask her.

She still has her high opinion about her decision.

[Nukem]

If I'm allowed to guess, you don't want to 'do the wrong thing' and lose her.

 

She's already gone. But she's human, meaning because she was married to you and fathered her child, she probably isn't comfortable just cutting you off completely. She might realize because of the child, she can't. It's a safe bet she does not want your daughter to think her mom and dad hate each other.

 

Be civil. But leave her alone. I'm repeating myself now and don't want to do that. If you're unsure what I mean, read what I've already written.

 

Be a good dad. Take care of you.

 

Hey, I am doing what you instructed me.

I am doing smooth 180, otherwise it would be looking strange and suspicious.

I am acting civil, I call her just in the evening, and being civil I should answer her calls.

[standtall]

I am doing smooth 180, otherwise it would be looking strange and suspicious.

 

Wow, what do you care? It just goes to show who is calling the shots over there...and it ain't you.

[Nukem]

And how do

YOU feel about her decision???

 

since she asserts she doesn't love me MC is unnecessary, I guess.

[oldguy]

I prefer not to ask her.

She still has her high opinion about her decision.

 

does it then come down to the old definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,? or in your case; doing the same nothing expecting something? If you want this relationship to change your going to have to be a bit more proactive I would think. Your obviously not happy with this situation or you wouldn't be here. Are you just looking for warm fuzzies here while hoping this suddenly resolve itself? Do you REALLY think that'll happen?

[Nukem]

does it then come down to the old definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,? or in your case; doing the same nothing expecting something? If you want this relationship to change your going to have to be a bit more proactive I would think. Your obviously not happy with this situation or you wouldn't be here. Are you just looking for warm fuzzies here while hoping this suddenly resolve itself? Do you REALLY think that'll happen?

 

Hey oldguy,

 

I accepted the guilt, I'm agreeing with all her negative emotions.

What else MS could teach me.

 

I even called Homer McDonald, but his price of 1500$ is not affordable for me. Even though I would pay it if my English was better.

[oldguy]

Hey oldguy,

 

I accepted the guilt, I'm agreeing with all her negative emotions.

What else MS could teach me.

 

I even called Homer McDonald, but his price of 1500$ is not affordable for me. Even though I would pay it if my English was better.

 

How about feeling angry that she left you for another man!?

Marriages are compromise not one side being completely submissive.

Yes bot of you have made mistakes so why does she get to beat you up 24/7, other than the fact that you allow it?

 

Oh, & don't be giving me this BS about "I can't afford Homer freakin McDonald". You don't need Homer Micky D, you need her to agree to try & save your marriage & THEN you can open the yellow pages & look for a freakin counselor you CAN afford.

[Nukem]

How about feeling angry that she left you for another man!?

 

You know I played this game months ago. I wanted her to suffer. Now we're both suffering. Anger is not the solution.

I've forgiven her sins long ago.

[Nukem]

I've just given my usual "good night" call. My daughter answered and we talked for a minute. My wife didn't interfere. It happens for the first time.

[oldguy]

You know I played this game months ago. I wanted her to suffer. Now we're both suffering. Anger is not the solution.

I've forgiven her sins long ago.

 

Not towards her! For yourself, to allow yourself to just "feel" anger.

 

I would suggest you find a relationship/marriage counselor, one near where you live & can visit face to face & can afford, unlike Micky D, & begin seeing him/her yourself first.

[Nukem]

Hey oldguy,

 

I was mad at me, otherwise I wouldn't titled the thread that way.

I'll try to find a counselor but our country is years behind USA in all respects

[elfman]

Hey Nukem... Hope things are clearer... a couple of things:

 

- You and your wife need to stop beating around the bush and get serious for a couple of hours... I would call her and ask her out for coffee, in a quiet place, and be honest about what I want to talk about. Discuss everything on your mind... ask her opinion, and then, (THIS IS IMPORTANT), LISTEN to her express her desires.

 

It seems to me you guys are just playing a power-game that will end up eating away what little is left. If during this honest conversation you decide to go to counseling, so be it.

 

- You say you "drove her into the OM arms"... sorry to tell you bud, but this is just bull****... You let yourself be convinced by the wayward spouse of a physical impossibility... Unless you actually got a gun, pointed it at her and said "sleep with this other man or I will kill you", then I am sorry to say that her ending up in another man's bed was her own choice... one that could be avoided... she chose it, then it's her fault.

 

- As a last resort, and this too can be important, you should sign the divorce papers RIGHT NOW... this will do 2 things: 1) Make her realize you are ready to move on. 2) Make her see that you are respecting her wishes and her estate by not going after it. Keeping the legal divorce out of the picture after so long, in my humble opinion, is detrimental to both of you right now. So tell her you are ready to sign a divorce if that is what she wishes... If you get back together again later I know the judge will be more than happy to remarry you, but right now, your marital and legal status needs to be out of the picture.

 

Hope my insights help...

 

E.

P.S: I am curious, which country are you from? I am from Venezuela...

Edited April 7, 2012 by elfman

[Nukem]

Thank you, elfman. Good advise.

 

Allow me not to specify my country, it is located in the European Union.

 

Strange events happened yesterday.

 

I arranged a meeting in the mall with a client.

In the afternoon I parked my car and headed to the entrance. And there was my wife smiling at me. She said she was there to buy something and afterwards she was going to bring "her" child from school to her father. I told her that I had a meeting there. She didn't miss the to ask if I had a meeting with a woman. I answered I didn't. I was civil but not warm and smiling, told her bye and kept walking to the coffee-house.

2 hours later she called me to tell me a joke. It wasn't funny. However I told her that I was going to go to her father to help him installing some equipment and might go to the gym with her brother. So she said she would spend the night there. Remember that last Sunday she promised not to call me any more.

 

I didn't work out with her brother and went directly to their house.

She called me and asked me where was I. She was few minutes away.

When she arrived she called me again to go downstairs to help her carrying the baggage of our girl. I helped her.

 

 

Later in the evening we were alone in her living-room. She was reading me from the book with proverbs and sayings. She bought this book on Monday as you remember and she liked it very much. I was lying on the sofa and she was sitting next to me reading and chatting. She leaned towards me on her left side and stretched her hand out to me. She touched my hand and held it. I was confused, was wondering if she is teasing me again. I kissed her hand several times, told her a story. Then I prepared myself in more convenient pose, came close to her and tried to kiss her, She allowed me to touch her lips and then pulled her face aside.

I was disappointed, stood up and headed to the door, downstairs I kissed my girl, wished good night to everybody and got out of the house.

 

I was still driving home when she ringed me.

She told me how much she liked the story etc. and she would call me again later.

And she did it, but I pretended that I was asleep so the call duration was not more than 2 minutes.

 

This morning I went early, her mother invited me, prepared me coffee and I waited for them to have their breakfast. I acted indifferent but civil. Took the girl and got out the house. My wife saw me off at the door with a fake wide smile.

An hour later called to ask me where were we.

 

Could anybody analyze this ridiculous story.

 

In my opinion she reaffirmed my doormat attitude and put me aside

What a jerk I am!

Edited April 7, 2012 by Nukem

[Nukem]

Hello,

 

I have an idea.

 

If she deny going to MC I will ask her to come with me because the counsellor needs her in order to help me overcoming the separation. The MC needs her just as an information source for my personality. It's a trick from Stop your divorce.

 

Do you think it's a good idea.

 

And I also would like to ask you how the MC is supposed to change my wife's mind.

Homer McDonald says that the traditional MC don't succeed because the wives never tell the real reasons for their decisions.

If she doesn't love me because of her pride and not respecting me I think MC is a waste of time and money.

 

So do you think if I ask her to come because of me it wouldn't erase the last drops of her respect she might have kept towards me?