The story of a fool

[Darren Steez]

This "marriage" is doomed, you two are playing silly games with each other and meanwhile there's a child involved.

No remorse from her for her actions and meanwhile she guards you like a jealous bulldog preventing you from moving on with your lives.

Get a divorce and save the tears..but you probably wont so here's looking forward to another 10 pages of over analysis into every smile, touch, how this word was worded, how she looked at you blah blah blah

[Nukem]

This "marriage" is doomed, you two are playing silly games with each other and meanwhile there's a child involved.

 

I am not playing any more.

 

I've just sent her massage inviting her for having a drink.

I was going to propose her going to MC.

She answered she couldn't and sent 2nd sms "another time''.

 

I answered "I would like to discuss something important. Tell me convenient time.''

 

Still waiting

[Nukem]

guys,

 

she called me back. She was annoyed by my disturbance.

 

She: What is so important that you can't put it off?

Me: We've been putting it off for a long time. It's about us.

I was almost crying when she denied MS, so I explained her the divorce option.

She said she realized it. I proposed her not to give me her decision now.

 

Half an hour later I delivered my daughter to her parents and she phoned me.

[Nukem]

I'll continue later

[Nukem]

In short:

We were in a bar.

 

She brought out all my sins from the past.

Told me she couldn't believe me that I had changed. She cannot forgive me for all the pain I had brought her: female friends of mine which I had been contacting now and then, team building parties, business trips, not answering her calls, not being loving with her in particular moments, not being happy when on vacation trips etcetera.

 

She knew that if we tried again I would fail her trust as it had happened in the past.

She accidentally confessed that she loved me, but denied MS unconditionally.

She had no need someone telling her how to live.

Agreed proceeding towards divorce. She cried most of the time.

 

I asked her not to take the decision immediately.

[Nukem]

She said she loved me, but didn't know the reason why.

It is deep inside her as trippi said in her post.

 

She also confessed she wasn't happy. Blamed me for my egoism, that I had ruined her Sunday evening. Ridiculous.

 

Her most powerful argument was that I was acting, and I don't love her, I love only me and our daughter. She was my goal and when I win her I am going to turn into the old egocentric ME.

 

I cannot retell all from our meeting. I have the feeling that I made her angry telling that we should get divorced and let our daughter know the truth, that she is child of divorced parents and don't leave her with the impression that something might change. I also told that living like this is not an option, I need exact direction to head to.

 

She is illogical. She blamed me that I again wanted things to happen my way.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Nukem

[Nukem]

I called her again.

She had went to her parents' house and announced our daughter about our divorce.

 

I tried again to talk her into going MC. She reminded me all my mistakes.

 

At the end I asked her about the OM. She admitted that they chatted occasionally.

[Jstub]

I think she is just shifting blame on you. It's all bs and I can guarantee you the OM is not just there for chit chat. There is more to it than you know.

[Nukem]

I think she is just shifting blame on you. It's all bs and I can guarantee you the OM is not just there for chit chat. There is more to it than you know.

 

The game is over.

[coopster]

The game is over.

 

 

yours or hers?

[Nukem]

yours or hers?

 

I am going to start LC.

 

Tomorrow I'll take the rest of my stuff from her flat.

I wont claim for our mutual properties. They are not mine.

Our daughter will live with her mother.

[elfman]

Hey Nukem,

 

Wow, seems like a lot happened for 2 days... First off, even though it might seem that you made her "angry" and this was not your intention, this is a process YOU HAVE to go through in my opinion. I myself am struggling very hard to cut off contact from a wife I love who wants to walk away, but in the end, it is the ONLY thing I have not tried. You cannot be the vessel for her sympathy or pity, because a woman does not love a man she feels pity for.

 

I think she may be avoiding the MC option because she may not be ready to accept her guild in the relationship with the OM, (that also failed), and to be honest, she is just keeping her options open by having you wait out her decisions.

 

I believe the fastest route towards her realizing that you are ready to move on, and not in any way prepared to keep accepting her excuses and demeaning attitude towards you is the quickest way to finally resolve the issue... Look at it this way: If you start moving on, work on your own projects, your own finances, your own life, you will be making yourself better, and if she sees this and comes back, fine, but if not, you are one step ahead of the game in the sense that you are a lot closer to individual happiness...

 

Nothing would make me happier in your case than to see her reconsider, but at the present moment I believe that is a long way off... she may think she made a mistake in the future, but at the moment, your constant contact is not helping that.

 

YOU HAVE TO DO THE 180, and start divorce proceedings...

 

Hope it gets better for you soon.

 

E.

P.S: DO NOT TRICK HER to get her to go to MC with that bluff about the MC wanting to speak to her... it will only set you as a liar, and no good will come of it.

Edited April 9, 2012 by elfman
gram

[Nukem]

She won't reconsider.

She has already started working out. She looks great.

She told me that she finally has good sleep since months of awakening in 3 AM.

[Nukem]

She has made 180 to the OM. It worked, months later he called her asking her to reconcile.

 

She overcome him, and she is overcoming me right now.

[Nukem]

She accepted my request for MC or divorce as a challenge.

 

Her words were "You want divorce You'll get it. You want not to call you You'll get it"

 

My request surprised her. She told that I had smashed her.

[Nukem]

I think she is just shifting blame on you. It's all bs and I can guarantee you the OM is not just there for chit chat. There is more to it than you know.

 

I doubt he will succeed to keep her for long.

He is 40+, he can't change himself and satisfy her needs.

[Nukem]

She called at 10am. Firstly she was silent. Than we repeated the yesterday conversation which durated 24 min. I gave her two options again: to step in the circle with me or getting divorce. This time she was softer. If she phone me I'll send her sms telling to call with her decision. Separation couldn't be permanent state.

 

Let me know if you thank that I have to be harsher ?

Should I proceed without waiting her ?

[tojaz]

 

Let me know if you thank that I have to be harsher ?

Should I proceed without waiting her ?

 

Harsher? No. Not unless divorce is exactly what youy want, but then if it was this would be done by now.

 

Should you proceed? Yes. Drawing papers up makes a strong declaration that you are serious about moving on with your life, one way or another. You can put it to her softly, but tell her you need to see motion in one direction or another, even if its just a step.

 

She accepted my request for MC or divorce as a challenge.

 

Her words were "You want divorce You'll get it. You want not to call you You'll get it"

 

My request surprised her. She told that I had smashed her.

 

Did you ask her why the surprise and why it was that she was so aggressive when it supposedly "smashed" her?

 

My bet is she doesn't even know, emotions are high, the affair fog is fresh. She sees you as the enemy but doesn't want to let go either.

 

Ask her politely about these inconsistencies, just ask and accept any answer she gives without rebuttal, bringing them to her attention may get her asking a few questions of her own.

 

TOJAZ

[Nukem]

Did you ask her why the surprise and why it was that she was so aggressive when it supposedly "smashed" her?

 

My bet is she doesn't even know, emotions are high, the affair fog is fresh. She sees you as the enemy but doesn't want to let go either.

 

Ask her politely about these inconsistencies, just ask and accept any answer she gives without rebuttal, bringing them to her attention may get her asking a few questions of her own.

 

TOJAZ

 

In our morning phone call she said she hadn't slept all night.

She continued that because of my egoism and impatience I again wanted the things to happen my way.

I guess she was surprised because one month earlier she asked me if we were going to get divorce. She mentioned it.

 

However.

I talked to a lawyer. I am going to need our marriage certificate and her ID data. So I have to ask her.

[elfman]

Hey Nukem,

 

Have you considered doing No Contact for at least a week, a few months? It seems to me that you guys talk very often, and this is just making things complicated. Of course you have to have contact because of your daughter, but I mean to try to cut on the "calls at 10 a.m to say she is smashed or whatever"... It seems to me she wants you to be there as her emotional support... and you ARE being there... perhaps this is why she feels she does not need MC... because she has an outlet for her frustrations, etc.

 

Ask her to email a copy of her ID, normal procedure, no mystery. The marriage certificate should be easy to get at the civil court, or the registry. I think some of us here agree that drawing up the divorce papers is a sure way to rattle the chain.

[Nukem]

Hey Nukem,

 

Have you considered doing No Contact for at least a week, a few months?

 

No contact - No problem, I'll act.

I am in my best shape.

 

It's turned out that just the beginning is difficult.

 

NC worked during our first separation in November 2012. Then I did it without ever heave heard it.

Let me try it now.

 

I sms-ed her to leave the docs at her parents' house and I'll take it tomorrow.

[worldgonewrong]

WHEN I MAN WISHES SOMETHING VERY MUCH EVEN THE UNIVERSE WILL HELP HIM

 

Baloney.

I wished until I was blue in the face.

From September 2010 to present.

The universe spins on.

[Nukem]

The easiness which I am doing my plan frighten me.

 

Am I starting falling out of love?

What is happening with me? Or her emotional reactions make me feel that way?

[worldgonewrong]

Am I starting falling out of love?

What is happening with me? Or her emotional reactions make me feel that way?

 

1. Yes, you probably are starting to fall out of love. It happened to me. There's only so much a man can endure. If a woman takes your love and repeatedly breaks it over her knee like kindling, then it gets old, tiresome. That's not love.

 

2. What's happening with you is that you're waking up.

 

3. Forget about her emotional reactions. You're probably getting SICK of her emotional reactions. I know I am, and I'm not even in the same geographical location as her.

[elfman]

I think the easiness comes from the fact that, deep down, you know there is nothing else you can do. And also perhaps that you have been putting this off for so long.

 

As to falling out of love, I cannot say... My grandmother (may god have her with him) used to say: "Love yourself, for if you do not, you cannot expect anyone else to love you". I think you owe yourself some closure and respect... which she is not providing.

 

Remember, take it easy, do not be OVERTLY zealous in seeking anything... just send the papers, wait for her reply, do not pressure her... do not call her to say you dropped the papers over... do not DO anything other than act casually. Act as if you're trapped in a cave with a lioness, and it may lash out if you pressure her.

 

After you give her the papers or drop them at her parent's... do not call her for at least a few days... you have to "seem" busy living your life, even if you are not.

 

Keep updating... good luck.

 

E.