tojaz Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 I'll use this and I'll tell her she have to be first putting her signature on the papers. I wouldn't suggest that. All i'm saying is not to lie down for her hoping she will have a change of heart when she sees your generosity, she won't. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted April 29, 2012 Author Share Posted April 29, 2012 Hey, Toj. I know the game is over. I've entered in this marriage without penny and I'm going to get out the same way. All she has is a gift from her parents... the car, the flats I still have my dignity. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted April 29, 2012 Share Posted April 29, 2012 Hey, Toj. I know the game is over. I've entered in this marriage without penny and I'm going to get out the same way. All she has is a gift from her parents... the car, the flats I still have my dignity. Very good then Nuke, it sounds to me like you have picked a direction..... So, what comes next? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) and pride Coop, trying to save your family at all costs is not shameful. If it is what you imply. Edited April 30, 2012 by Nukem Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Very good then Nuke, it sounds to me like you have picked a direction..... So, what comes next? TOJAZ I guess the next is not needing her. Living my own life. Actually I am watching Next with Nicolas Cage right now. I like this movie. When he fell in love with Biel he began seeing further in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 1, 2012 Share Posted May 1, 2012 I guess the next is not needing her. Living my own life. Actually I am watching Next with Nicolas Cage right now. I like this movie. When he fell in love with Biel he began seeing further in the future. I like what i'm hearing Nuke. Thats the best place to be. Regardless og how this story ends, now YOU know that you will survive it. Next is great, always pick up something new whenever i watch it (Biel has her charms as well;)) TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 (edited) They are on a holiday in Croatia. My wife sent me 45 emails each of them with a photo of our daughter attached. My girl is very cute Edited May 4, 2012 by Nukem Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 Glad your daughter is having a good time. have you replied to any of the Emails? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 5, 2012 Author Share Posted May 5, 2012 Glad your daughter is having a good time. have you replied to any of the Emails? TOJAZ yep, Toj, I thanked. Also we talked 1-2 times via skype. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 OK Nuke, well you wouldn't have posted it if you didn't think it was significant. So whats on your mind? On a side note, how have you been keeping yourself occupied while your DD has been away? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 6, 2012 Author Share Posted May 6, 2012 OK Nuke, well you wouldn't have posted it if you didn't think it was significant. So whats on your mind? On a side note, how have you been keeping yourself occupied while your DD has been away? TOJAZ On my mind is the suspicion that she miss me. During her holiday I spent some time with friends, I was studying English, exercising outside pull ups, push ups, watching movies, you know Next, Hitch, Take the lead, I renewed my yoga exercises. I got a new smartphone Sony Experia S, its a wonderful gadget. Today they arrived so me and my daughter ate out and went at the swimming pool. In the evening we had long phone call reviewing our marriage life, my guilt, her guilt, the divorce papers and so on. I've just waken up. Here is 5.oo am. It's not good. I slept only 4 hours. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 On my mind is the suspicion that she miss me. During her holiday I spent some time with friends, I was studying English, exercising outside pull ups, push ups, watching movies, you know Next, Hitch, Take the lead, I renewed my yoga exercises. I got a new smartphone Sony Experia S, its a wonderful gadget. Today they arrived so me and my daughter ate out and went at the swimming pool. Very good Nuke, all healthy things to help you get out of your head for a while and give yourself a much needed rest. At the risk of getting your mind going, she does miss you a little, its only human to. Even marriages that should end has that. I guess i just want you to remember that this isn't as easy on her as she makes it seem. In the evening we had long phone call reviewing our marriage life, my guilt, her guilt, the divorce papers and so on. I've just waken up. Here is 5.oo am. It's not good. I slept only 4 hours. Get used to the loss of sleep, its going to be there awhile, heck I'm 3 years past and it still keeps me up on occasion, not very often though. So you guys were able to talk! Thats new. How did that go? TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 6, 2012 Author Share Posted May 6, 2012 So you guys were able to talk! Thats new. How did that go? TOJAZ It was more hassle than a talk. The first reason was that I dont like her as she is. And I only pay attention to the appearance, not what's inside. The second reason was my reluctance going to her flat at the seaside during my summer holiday. I preferred my colleague's wife to arrange my holiday because she is sales manager in a nice hotel chain. She promised me staff rates for me and my daughter. It annoyed my wife because my colleague and his wife intervened her family. She meant her confession to my colleague's wife and that she told me about my wife's complaints about beating her. My wife called them dissemblers. And she told me that I don't have real friends etc. The call continued for 40 minutes. I explained her she was not right. Eventually she agreed partly with my arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) It was more hassle than a talk. The first reason was that I dont like her as she is. And I only pay attention to the appearance, not what's inside. The second reason was my reluctance going to her flat at the seaside during my summer holiday. I preferred my colleague's wife to arrange my holiday because she is sales manager in a nice hotel chain. She promised me staff rates for me and my daughter. It annoyed my wife because my colleague and his wife intervened her family. She meant her confession to my colleague's wife and that she told me about my wife's complaints about beating her. My wife called them dissemblers. And she told me that I don't have real friends etc. The call continued for 40 minutes. I explained her she was not right. Eventually she agreed partly with my arguments. So it continues to be a battle of wills rather then communicating. Not good. You say you eventually got her to agree with your arguments, what did you take from the conversation? TOJAZ Edited May 6, 2012 by tojaz Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 6, 2012 Author Share Posted May 6, 2012 (edited) So it continues to be a battle of wills rather then communicating. Not good. You say you eventually got her to agree with your arguments, what did you take from the conversation? TOJAZ She agreed not to call my friends and tell them how disappointed she was by their behaviour and intervention. Also agreed not to use her flat on the seaside, I'll go on a vacation with my daughter at a hotel by my choice. We also agreed appearing in the papers my time with the girl to be every weekend and amount of the support money which I should provide monthly. At first I tried to communicate and agree but she ignited herself and raised her voice. She is different person. I think she will never come back to her old behaviour. I skyped with a friend of mine who is very smart person. And he asked me if someone was able to put up with my wife except her parents. I realized he was right. She couldn't put up with her lover, she cannot talk to her brother calmly. She cut off with her best female friend and blamed her being envious. She hates my mother and called her a whore two times in front of me. We have no family friends. She can only bear her parents but admitted they also annoyed her. I figured out that I'm not so guilty. As Owl said she is deluded and self-centred. The shortest and the best description of her. Still I miss her. Edited May 6, 2012 by Nukem Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 6, 2012 Author Share Posted May 6, 2012 There's no ground for healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 6, 2012 Share Posted May 6, 2012 How would you define ground for a healthy relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 How would you define ground for a healthy relationship? She thinks I am not consistent in my behaviour. Doesn't believe me. Thinks that I love the luxorious life, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 7, 2012 Author Share Posted May 7, 2012 The healthy relationship consists of many rules, I guess: respect, trust, communication, emotional needs. Because of her jealousy, lack of respect, hot temper I think she will be in troubles even in her next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 Today I was called by the teacher of our daughter. She had a stomach ache. So I took her from school. I called my wife and we met at her flat. We decided to take the girl to her granddad. My wife invited me to go with them. Everything with girl was ok, just a little discomfort. When we were there I invited my wife and her dad to have a short talk. My wife was reluctant. Asked me why I wanted to involve her father. I said that the moment was suitable. Today at 11 am we had to meet at her lawyer. Instead of this we all gather together to help our daughter. So I considered it as a sign. She agreed and we sat in the kitchen. I said little about my mistakes and then her dad continue. He said that we needed to finalize this last step. He thinks that during those 10 years I didn't realize the importance of my family and marriage. I gave priority to my friends, sport etc. We need to meet other people and to compare. It seems her dad do not know about her affair. He encouraged us that our daughter and our love might gather us again. But we have to divorce right now cause there's a lot of anger in our hearts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 8, 2012 Author Share Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) During our meeting I was reminded about how many times I had gone from her flat after a quarrel. From the conversation I got that the no contact and the divorce ultimatum was my biggest mistake. She had been crying for a week because of that request. Before that I had had some chances for forgiveness. Her father reminded us that our girl is the most important part of our relationship. But she cannot grow up in that unhealthy environment. I saw my wife off to her car. She again repeated that she do not trust me and she is tired by all of my bull****s and manipulations. Edited May 8, 2012 by Nukem Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 9, 2012 Author Share Posted May 9, 2012 We signed the papers. Link to post Share on other sites
SteppingStones Posted May 10, 2012 Share Posted May 10, 2012 It sounds like your wife has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm no psychologist but your wife sounds just like my fiance's ex-wife and a couple of my sisters. If I were you, I would try marriage counseling. At least you would have an opportunity to wrap your arms around and hopefully understand and sort out the mess you and and your wife made of your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nukem Posted May 10, 2012 Author Share Posted May 10, 2012 It sounds like your wife has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I'm no psychologist but your wife sounds just like my fiance's ex-wife and a couple of my sisters. If I were you, I would try marriage counseling. At least you would have an opportunity to wrap your arms around and hopefully understand and sort out the mess you and and your wife made of your relationship. thank you SteppingStones, since today 13.30 pm I am divorced. Just two days before our 10th anniversary. Many thanks to all of you for your support and advices. Link to post Share on other sites
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