jaymz Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Some of you know my story, if not, there is a link in my sig - be warned, its long! Its coming up to a year anniversary when all this first started. I was thinking, is it a good idea to send her a letter/email apologizing for all that I did wrong in the marriage? There is no alterior motive, other than to prove I can see my faults and am working to be a much better man. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Brief succinct and to the point: No. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 If you feel the need to write it, do so and keep it for yourself. It'll be totally wasted on her, and honestly, she doesn't deserve it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 I have read your entire story over the past many months, and disagree with sending anything. Inside, below her insanity right now, she knows you are a good person. You need to forgive yourself for whatever you might think you have done wrong. Be better for yourself, she needn't see it or know it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!! Do not do this....don't do it. I have read your entire story over the past many months, and disagree with sending anything. Inside, below her insanity right now, she knows you are a good person. You need to forgive yourself for whatever you might think you have done wrong. Be better for yourself, she needn't see it or know it. ^^^^^This Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 No, Jaymz. Absolutely not. Link to post Share on other sites
stopdropandroll Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 When I start having thoughts like yours I remind myself that she doesn't give a crap and I'd be wasting my energy on her. On the other hand writing the letter without sending it to her may be helpful in forgiving yourself and moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Jstub Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 why why whyyyyy would you do that??? Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflair Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 NO NO NO, don't do that. You did nothing wrong. I just got through skimming your thread. If you see your own faults and are improving on them, then good for you and it's it's part of self growth but she does not need to know any of it. Just keep going, keep you chin up and focus on your kids and getting yourself back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 When I start having thoughts like yours I remind myself that she doesn't give a crap and I'd be wasting my energy on her. On the other hand writing the letter without sending it to her may be helpful in forgiving yourself and moving on. This is why this poster impresses me. Good advice. Save your energy, caring and devotion for someone who wants it. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Jaymz...don't send it. What you want to say is only worthy for those that are willing to hear it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 Thanks guys. Is this feeling me still wanting her to validate my changes? Am I not as far down the road of healing as I thought I was? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Healing means never initiating contact. if you read the Caliguy No Contact guide - which should be carved in stone and have some long bearded guy clutching it running down a mountain, in my opinion - it quite clearly states you should never implement contact first -and why. Q. I can't resist the urge to contact my ex! What should I do?? A. If you've deleted all their contact info yet still remember how to reach them, call a friend instead. Go and work out at the gym. Take a bike ride. Go for a jog. Do something to occupy your mind. Get out, don't sit around the house pining for your Ex. Because, guess what? They are definitely not sitting around with their new love, wondering why you aren't calling them. Exercise releases endorphins, and after a while, the more you take care of yourself, the better you'll look. And the better you look - the better you'll feel. any form of contact - for whatever reason you think it is - is just a form of self-validation and an attempt to make yourself look and feel better... Really, it would be far better if you just forget about contact. something out of the blue like this, is pointless.... and if it's been this far down the line, really, she won't care anyway.... Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 After a thread with 972 posts, you still have not got it. This doormat s*** of yours is what allowed her to walk all over you to begin with. You owe her nothing. Now at least try to behave like a take charge kind of man and treat her the way you should...she means nothing to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 After a thread with 972 posts, you still have not got it. This doormat s*** of yours is what allowed her to walk all over you to begin with. You owe her nothing. Now at least try to behave like a take charge kind of man and treat her the way you should...she means nothing to you. I don't think I have been behaving like a doormat, certainly in the last 6 months or so. This was more to do with me than her. Thats why I posted here rather than actually do it, have it sanity checked. Normal service will resume. Thanks for everyones input, even after a year I need some basics bashed back into my head! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I don't think I have been behaving like a doormat, certainly in the last 6 months or so.! Your not a doormat. But write the letter by all means but use it as fuel to start your bbq fire this weekend. DO NOT SEND!! Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Thanks guys. Is this feeling me still wanting her to validate my changes? Am I not as far down the road of healing as I thought I was? Yes, you still seem to be more worried about what she thinks of you rather than what you think of yourself. It seems that you want her to see that she lost something and that you were truly a catch. One day she will, but you don't need to tell her about it. Either that or she will hold onto her anger forever and be a terribly unhappy person. But honestly it's not unnatural at all to want to feel validated by someone who tossed us aside. I know I went through it as well early on. I eventually realized that her opinion didn't matter and that I am awesome just the way I am. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Your not a doormat. The mentality is still there though. Dominant men would not even think about, and find it laughable to even consider writing an apology letter to a woman who betrayed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 But honestly it's not unnatural at all to want to feel validated by someone who tossed us aside. I know I went through it as well early on. I eventually realized that her opinion didn't matter and that I am awesome just the way I am. I think it was you and I (or maybe WGW and I) who talked about this. We both wanted to know why someone we loved could toss us aside when we are good people, compassionate, loving...all of that:laugh:. We try to show that side of us and they don't care! It is hard and I know it is hard to not try to do anything about that. I struggle, also. I am sure you are awesome just the way you are, too!!!! More's the pity for her that she didn't see it when she had a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 The mentality is still there though. Dominant men would not even think about, and find it laughable to even consider writing an apology letter to a woman who betrayed him. In this case yes. This is why i posted to check I wasnt back sliding and got the truth which I needed to see and accept again. Will chuckle at myself now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 I think it was you and I (or maybe WGW and I) who talked about this. We both wanted to know why someone we loved could toss us aside when we are good people, compassionate, loving...all of that:laugh:. We try to show that side of us and they don't care! It is hard and I know it is hard to not try to do anything about that. I struggle, also. I am sure you are awesome just the way you are, too!!!! More's the pity for her that she didn't see it when she had a chance. Probably both of us at some stage. It is hard but also not knowing why or how that, in the intial stage, was an absolute killer for me. Just cannot comprehend what was going on. Now we accept it, know that there will be no answers and move on. We are awsome people. We will choose someone that is also awsome too and can see that in us. The future is bright. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 The future is bright. Yes, it is. Hey, what ever happened with your trip to see your friend:love: that you were making last month? or is it this month? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jaymz Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 Yes, it is. Hey, what ever happened with your trip to see your friend:love: that you were making last month? or is it this month? That is WGW. I think he is smitten.. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 You still seem to be more worried about what she thinks of you rather than what you think of yourself. It seems that you want her to see that she lost something and that you were truly a catch. One day she will, but you don't need to tell her about it. Either that or she will hold onto her anger forever and be a terribly unhappy person. But honestly it's not unnatural at all to want to feel validated by someone who tossed us aside. Tremendously insightful. Great post! Thanks. You don't need to clear anything up jaymz. She knows. Besides, your actions speak much louder than words. The best thing to be is...nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 That is WGW. I think he is smitten.. I'm sorry.....Well, then I am glad for WGW! Link to post Share on other sites
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