T-Mac Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Hey Guys, been reading a lot of posts on this site - seems like everyone has a lot of great advice. I'm going to break this down in as few words as possible while including as much info as I can... I'm 22 years old. 6 months ago I met the most amazing girl (also 22) I have ever met, we instantly hit it off and started dating. I knew from our 3rd date I wanted to make this girl my girlfriend, and so the chase began. We went out once or twice a week, every week, and I treated her with nothing but respect every time. We had TONS of fun together, she laughed constantly, and soon enough our relationship became sexual. Now, I had always made my intentions clear to her, and she knew I was in it to win it. She was always very honest with me, and I learned about 4 weeks in that she was seeing someone else at the same time - I decided to roll with it knowing I would be the better guy. She wanted to take things slow and just enjoy our time together and see where things went - but she let me know a committed relationship was definitely in the cards. I decided to wait for her to come around. Well, more and more time goes by, I let my emotions get ahead of me, and I fell more and more in love every time I saw her. The good times continued, she let me into her life, and I let her into mine. This all continued until about 3 weeks ago, when I could tell her interest (in every department) was starting to dwindle. What was bothering me the most was that after 6 months, we still weren't an "official couple". It's like we were full speed ahead, and then over the course of just 2 or 3 weeks, she started putting on the breaks. Exactly one week ago, I invited her over to hang out, and she told me she needed to speak to me about something. Boom - I knew what was coming. Sure enough, she ended things with me. I was hit with lines like "I'm just confused" "Still not sure what I want" "Something is missing" and "the romantic connection starting to fade". I was absolutely devastated - as she completely led me to believe that if I was patient and gave her time - she would be ready to commit...guess not. Worst part of all, she inferred there was another guy in the picture, and told me she had been on other dates. I was completely crushed (as she had told me weeks prior that I was the only guy she was seeing). I cried, she cried, and then I told her how much she hurt me and how I felt completely used and led on. She did a very poor job at trying to explain herself. At that point I asked her to leave my place, and she asked if she could call me if she had anything else to say, or to give me closure - I said yes, of course. We hugged a long hug goodbye, and now I fear I will never see her again. I feel so stupid to want her back, but I can't help it. I play out the scenario in my head where she comes crawling back, admitting she made a huge mistake, and part of me actually thinks it will happen, though everyone tells me I should just move on... I really want a second chance, but don't want to seem desperate, so for the last 7 days I've been playing the "No Contact" rule, I even went as far as to delete her as a Facebook friend (She probably took that as a slap in the face.) 5 days in, she text me "Thinking of you." I had no idea how to respond to that, so I didn't... It's been 3 days since then, and now I fear that because I didn't respond, she'll just give up on me...Do you guys think she will reach out again? I'm so confused and have no idea how to react to any of this. I'm so tempted to reach out, even just for closure. How should I continue to go about this?? Thanks everyone, for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Yes, NC is the best thing for you as long as you are doing it to heal. It seems that she felt a stronger connection with her new date and it led her to pull away from you. She might not want to be with you right now, but doesn't want you too far just incase things don't work out with the new guy. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 LOL I was just reading this other post here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/320438-dating-girls-who-have-boyfriend when i happen to stumble upon this post. I love how people think oh its ok, I knew she has a boyfriend but ill win her over anyways. This post just happened to give me ammo for the gun I was using. Typical. Lesson learned here? Dont date girls with boyfriends. The second you hear it, eject and walk away 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kasper Posted April 3, 2012 Share Posted April 3, 2012 Well the no contact thing doesn't always work but it does sometimes. When my gf dumped I didn't contact or even look at her when I saw her in my college classes. But after about 2months she texted me and told me she wants to start talking again. I still don't know what that means but I think we're probably going to date again. I think no contact is better then acting like nothing ever happend between the 2 of you Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 I don't give a fuuuuuuuuu*k anymore. No way I'm hittin' her up. I'm acting like a little bi*ch. I'm just gonna work on myself and get money. She can hit me up if she wants, and she probably will, either way: Naaa Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 I don't give a fuuuuuuuuu*k anymore. No way I'm hittin' her up. I'm acting like a little bi*ch. I'm just gonna work on myself and get money. She can hit me up if she wants, and she probably will, either way: Naaa You are best off just working on yourself. The only person that you can be sure will always be there for you is you. If you lose that bond you truly are lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 4, 2012 Author Share Posted April 4, 2012 So basically, I just feel like we ended things on awkward terms. There was so much emotion in the room, I don't feel like either of us said everything we wanted/needed to. Is it ok to break No Contact only once, for the purpose of settling everything with cool and calm heads, as kind of a final goodbye? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 That's a slightly different sentiment to your last post.... No. Really, it's best to leave things be. What you mean is, that there might have been things she might have wanted to say - but there are definitely things you feel you definitely want to say. It won't do any good, because that time is passed.... it's irrelevant, and just raking up bad feeling. Let it go. tell us instead. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 That's a slightly different sentiment to your last post.... No. Really, it's best to leave things be. What you mean is, that there might have been things she might have wanted to say - but there are definitely things you feel you definitely want to say. It won't do any good, because that time is passed.... it's irrelevant, and just raking up bad feeling. Let it go. tell us instead. Lol! Guaranteed anti-troll technique? That's hilarious, Tara! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 4, 2012 Share Posted April 4, 2012 Holy schytt, Oh Great One - you dunno what you missed these last 2 weeks!! Man, we were drowning in them!! How u been, dude?? (((hugs!))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 One minute I'm fine with everything, feel as though I can move on, then the next, I think about all the good times I had with this girl, the connection that was made, and I want to break NC. But SHE dumped ME. I feel that out of respect, she would at least give me a call, or a more meaningful text then "thinking of you". She can't possibly think I'm going to break and reach out to her, can she? Part of me feels (and hopes) she tries to make contact - am I wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 T-Mac, read the No Contact guide in my signature link...It explains all about breadcrumbs in there... which is basically what dumpers feed the dumped, to salve their own consciences, not to make the dumped person feel better..... Link to post Share on other sites
Fitz Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 T-Mac, read the No Contact guide in my signature link...It explains all about breadcrumbs in there... which is basically what dumpers feed the dumped, to salve their own consciences, not to make the dumped person feel better..... You ain't got no signature link... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 1st post in any page contains signature links. subsequent posts omit signatures. see my post #8...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 Tara, What great advice, and it makes total sense, I just hope I can stick with it... I'm currently on day 10 of NC, she sent me a text saying "thinking of you" on day 5 - I never responded. I wonder if she'll break it again? It sounds bad, but part of me wants her to reach out again, so that I know she's still feeling bad... Hopefully I can keep this up. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Tara really did nail it. I'd stick to NC if I were you. You can talk to her in 6 months when you don't care anymore. She made the decision, let her live with it. And I promise you, she's not the last person you can have these feelings with again. But considering she's waffling, you may never get them back with her if you try to bypass NC and healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 It's day 12 of no contact (aside from her "thinking of you" text on day 5) why hasn't she called - she said she would. After 6 months of forming the bond we did, I just find it strange she would cut me lose and then just never talk to me again, she's just not that kind of girl. While I'm doing pretty well all things considered and I have no intentions of reaching out to her, I just find it weird that she hasn't called... Do you think she will? Link to post Share on other sites
jennisfora Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 im at day 14 right now of complete no contact, after 13 months of serious dating, although we did a month or so of LC, this has been a very hard two weeks. he hasn't called, and i thought he would by now, or text. i am starting to wonder if he will. but, two weeks for a dumpee feels much longer than two weeks for a dumper, who is usually keeping as busy as possible to not deal with the breakup. so, two weeks is nothing to them, i wouldn't expect anything for a month or two, and then it will probably be little feeler texts that are vague. something like, how are you doing, or hope you are okay. or, hope you are hanging in there. unfortunately it doesnt mean anything like reconciliation. they are just trying to figure out if you are still hurting, if you are still hooked on them, or to alleviate their guilt for hurting you. *hugs* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 It's day 12 of no contact (aside from her "thinking of you" text on day 5) why hasn't she called - she said she would. After 6 months of forming the bond we did, I just find it strange she would cut me lose and then just never talk to me again, she's just not that kind of girl. While I'm doing pretty well all things considered and I have no intentions of reaching out to her, I just find it weird that she hasn't called... Do you think she will? you'd better pray she never does, or she'll strip out your heart, turn it inside out and hang it out for the dogs to chew....read the NC guide..... that will tell you what to expect - and why it will hurt so bad, you wish you were lying on a bed of razors being doused with lemon juice, it would be less painful.... im at day 14 right now of complete no contact, after 13 months of serious dating, although we did a month or so of LC, this has been a very hard two weeks. he hasn't called, and i thought he would by now, or text. i am starting to wonder if he will. but, two weeks for a dumpee feels much longer than two weeks for a dumper, who is usually keeping as busy as possible to not deal with the breakup. so, two weeks is nothing to them, i wouldn't expect anything for a month or two, and then it will probably be little feeler texts that are vague. something like, how are you doing, or hope you are okay. or, hope you are hanging in there. unfortunately it doesnt mean anything like reconciliation. they are just trying to figure out if you are still hurting, if you are still hooked on them, or to alleviate their guilt for hurting you. *hugs* Now see, this lovely lady - has read the NC guide...... she knows what she's talking about..... ((hugs jenni.....)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author T-Mac Posted April 9, 2012 Author Share Posted April 9, 2012 Well, I made it 2 weeks without contacting her. I've still only heard from her once, when she sent me that "thinking of you" text on day 5. I still believe that because I unfriended her from Facebook, she's afraid to reach out to me. While I'm still pretty beat up over the incident, and the way I handled it (I broke down and cried) I'm actually now more pissed off than I am saddened. I have zero desire to get back with her, but part of me still really wants her to call, so that we can end things on better terms. It was all just so dramatic and emotional, I'd like to speak with her and get an honest answer as to why she ended things. Just for peace of mind. At this point I am still 100% committed to NC, but after everything I went though with this girl, and how close we became, I just find it odd and totally out of her character to flat out never contact me again, especially knowing that she really, really hurt me. Am I wrong to think this of a woman? Link to post Share on other sites
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