Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[FredRutherford]

Originally Posted by BlackGetsuga

Religious people can rationalize anything. So no they dont feel guilty. They could rape children, kill people and do some of the sickest crimes. Yet there is always a way to flip it so they make it seem like its nothing.

not entirely accurate, there's two basic types...

 

a) those who use religion as an excuse

b) those who use religion as a crutch

 

type B thrives on personal guilt and uses religion to explain the existence of said guilt. type A removes the personal guilt by justifying their actions with religion, passing both self respect and blame to some other imaginary being.

 

opposite sides of the same coin, but still opposites.

 

that's the genius of religion, it can be whatever you want it to be.

 

Both points are way off-base and not inline with this thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/305439-porn-again-i-know-42.html#post3817654

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/305439-porn-again-i-know-42.html#post3817654

 

the only way i can protect my own interests, so to speak, in dealing with women i date who are believers, is make my demands obvious by my actions/advances...that i am not a believer and i am only willing to date them if they are ok with sex outside of marriage and ok with the fact that i will never participate in their religion.

....

 

so in short, i'm only tolerant of their religion if they are ready and willing to pick and choose what parts of it to abandon to be with me? haha, sounds terrible when i type it out, but then again i'm dating a christian right now and we are having sex on a regular basis. so there you have it.

 

Sounds like she has a real catch here, you bein' so overly focused on your own sexual desires and could care less about her feelings. All that matters is she "put out," right?

 

Perhaps the next guy she dates, she'll find someone who really loves her.

That's really an interesting way to deal with people... dictate to them how you will interact with them.

How would you like it if the women you dated required you to "put aside" your religious or political or lifestyle views for her selfish reasons?

 

You're not God, right?

 

This is almost like other ill-posted thoughts by a well-known LS poster who like bragged about how he thought of having casual sex with this "religiositous" woman he met at the grocery store pharmacy area.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t281656/

"Tolerant" atheist he is, he took great pains to post how he doesn't respect her beliefs at all.... but "respects" her. Right.

 

Shedding some light on the poster's motives.

Edited May 18, 2012 by FredRutherford

[pureinheart]

Religious people can rationalize anything. So no they dont feel guilty. They could rape children, kill people and do some of the sickest crimes. Yet there is always a way to flip it so they make it seem like its nothing.

 

Actually "people" rationalize anything and everything...not just religious;)

[mark 40]

I think many religious people do feel guilt. However, one awesome and very important thing about faith in God is that it does not include just a set of rules. God is not mean dictator out to make people feel miserable and zap anybody with a lightning bolt who misbehaves. God made rules out of love, because He loves us. Sexual purity's purpose is not to make His people not be able to feel pleasure, but rather is a way to protect against unwanted pregnancy (sad to say, many women get pregnant each day and do not want to be at the moment), sexual diseases (the world in which we live in includes death and diseases), and heartbreak (many people feel an intense connection with a person they have sex with)

 

So, those who feel guilty should realize the following:

1. They are human. Humans are prone to errors.

2. God is not a mean dictator. God made rules to protect people, not hurt them... like a Dad who tells his child not to run in the street or touch the stove.

3. If you fall, get back up. People fall everyday (physically and spiritually and emotionally) but the good part is getting back up.

4. God forgives. Ask Him, and then don't beat yourself up. Rather, just strive not to fall again... like ice skating.

5. Remember life is a journey that has trials and tribulations but also joys and victories. Celebrate victories and learn from defeats, and enjoy life!

 

Peace and God bless

 

sex before marriage isn't misbehaving.

[mark 40]

did I feel guilty? Nope. I figured I was ready and I refused to be ashamed of the fact that I'm a sexual being ... being Catholic, there's always the fact that I could seek forgiveness for my transgressions if I was truly repentant.

 

HOWEVER, 20-something years after the fact and with some Monday-morning armchair quarterbacking, I will say this: I wish I'd have found someone who actually cared about me when I gave him my virginity, because the man who "got it" was a self-absorbed jerk who didn't deserve that gift. I also wish that my self-esteem wasn't so low that being sexually active was "answer" ... wasted a lot of time chasing after nothing, and it wasn't until I met the man I eventually married that the whole sex/love thing came together.

 

as Eve said, the difference with Hubby is that we do experience a strong sense of being joined and both can recognise the presence of God as a real tangible aspect of our marriage. I am really grateful to have been led to him and to now have this aspect alive within myself. I think this is what I wanted all along but could not voice it, or even imagine it to be honest. I think it's what we all want, deep down ... someone who is our "other part" who makes the sexual experience more meaningful because of that connection.

 

sex before marriage isn't a sin

[123321]

sex before marriage isn't a sin

 

Only if one believes the Bible or several other holy books. If not, then lots of things are not sins just the same as fornication isn't any more.

[FredRutherford]

sex before marriage isn't a sin

 

Many people don't consider it wrong. But many do.

Many who consider it wrong (in their heart) still fall to it bec. sexual desire is a strong drive.

 

Yes, Judaism, Christianity and other religious traditions espouse chastity before marriage. Unfortunately, humans being what they are, don't always follow such teachings to the letter.

 

Many women, like the one I married and some I dated, though they weren't virgins, only had one partner.

Or, she thought the guy loved her so gave it up to later learn he was a jerk.

 

Have had it both ways -- casually (2X 19-30) and in love with my future wife in my 30s.

From experience can tell you

..... it's sooooooooooo much better to ML --- where you put your heart, soul and passion into the other --- vs. just having sex.

There is a difference.

 

If someone gave me a "mulligan" (or do-over), it would be to not have had sex in HS, which I think messed me up some and scared me away from productive relationships with women during most of my 20s....

Edited May 20, 2012 by FredRutherford

[FredRutherford]

***bumping*** to keep from expiring...

[123321]

I was married when I "lost" my virginity and I didn't feel a shred of guilt about it.

[FredRutherford]

I was married when I "lost" my virginity and I didn't feel a shred of guilt about it.

Yes, you've already posted that.

Made a big deal about it, then went after those Christians who didn't wait and called them "fornicators."

[123321]

Yes, you've already posted that.

Made a big deal about it, then went after those Christians who didn't wait and called them "fornicators."

 

Well, a spade a spade and all that. Look up fornicator and then tell me I used the word incorrectly.

 

I don't care what people do, but if they say something shouldn't be done and then do it, they are pretty lame, and if they then seek to justify their case as OK, they are the lowest of the low.

 

Period.

 

If you can't live up to being a Christian or whatever, don't pretend, be honest about it. God hates a liar, I'm told.

[TheFinalWord]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

This thread is all over the place

 

Yes, any sex outside of one man and one woman in marriage is sin, which is called fornication:

 

Blue Letter Bible - Lexicon

 

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." -- Colossians 3:5

 

If someone tells you its okay, don't be deceived:

 

"But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience."

 

Why is sexual immorality so harmful for Christians Paul?

 

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body."

 

Sexual immorality is the root cause of so many problems in society. Yes, it's a sin with physical, spiritual, and societal consequences.

 

There's really no gray area here, it's mainly people that want to find a gray area so they can justify their sin. When we justify ourselves, we reject God's forgiveness and make God a liar. Contrite spirit and humbleness are essential for receiving the atoning work of Christ.

 

So you had sex as a Christian and then later married the woman. Yes, that was a sin. It sounds like you recognized it though and abstained before marriage. That was a good thing and you could see the benefits, it allowed you to think rationally if that was the right spouse instead of with your hormones and in the interim had kids, transmitted STDs, broken heart, or all the other common problems we see in these forums. IMO, this is when accountability groups help. But that's besides the point now It's over with. Nothing can be done. There is no need to beat yourself up over it. Receive the atoning work of Christ.

 

"This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us."

 

Does that mean we can abuse God's and sin so that grace will abound more? No, Paul already addressed that in Romans 6.

Edited October 1, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[FredRutherford]

Well, a spade a spade and all that. Look up fornicator and then tell me I used the word incorrectly.

 

I don't care what people do, but if they say something shouldn't be done and then do it, they are pretty lame, and if they then seek to justify their case as OK, they are the lowest of the low.

 

Period.

 

If you can't live up to being a Christian or whatever, don't pretend, be honest about it. God hates a liar, I'm told.

True, but you're not Satan, the Adversary nor Accuser.

'tisn't your job to accuse people of sins.

 

Is good you waited and didn't have sex outside of marriage. I genuinely think that's a good thing.

 

However, not every one does and those that do wouldn't claim to be "sinless." They have other shortcomings.

 

So your fault-finding here not necessary.

[123321]

So your fault-finding here not necessary.

 

If they aren't being hypocritical, then I find no fault, if they are, well they are in fact faulty.

[TheFinalWord]

True, but you're not Satan, the Adversary nor Accuser.

'tisn't your job to accuse people of sins.

 

Is good you waited and didn't have sex outside of marriage. I genuinely think that's a good thing.

 

However, not every one does and those that do wouldn't claim to be "sinless." They have other shortcomings.

 

So your fault-finding here not necessary.

 

Just seek God friend. Man's accusations don't matter Jesus is the water of life. This sums it up

 

 

He's faithful even when we are not:

 

Edited October 2, 2012 by TheFinalWord

[Titanwolf]

That's why I'm not a Christian any more. Because i believe the greater proportion of the New Testament to be man-made doctrine, not the word of God.

All the directive 'shalts' and 'shalt nots' were implemented in an attempt to cut down on adultery, children born out of wedlock, and to protect health and sound lineage for inheritance.

They had nothing to do with morals - although of course, by literally putting the fear of God into the minds of a gullible and illiterate congregation, control could be exercised in a much more thorough and terrifying way.

Churches are now feeling the pinch and congregation numbers are falling./

why?

Because people are more savvy, they do more research, they can question, criticise and bring matters to account, because they are literate and can think for themselves.

The threats of divine retribution and fire and brimstone, have largely been displaced by the love of the good shepherd and a wise, kindly and forgiving God - but there is still the wand of fear and guilt floating above peoples' heads, in matters of carnal pleasure...

 

It's a pile of crock.

Remember what C.S.Lewis said;

 

You don't have a soul.

You ARE a soul...

You have a body.

 

Enjoy your body - and put your life and soul into it.

 

Quoted for truth. I've been over this so many times. I'm not trying to change anyone's opinion, but I'd be a fool if I allowed myself to believe that the men who wrote this book were translating the direct word of God. Couple that with revisions and time elapsed and we have a classic case of Chinese whispers.

Edited October 2, 2012 by Titanwolf

[FredRutherford]

Quoted for truth. I've been over this so many times. I'm not trying to change anyone's opinion, but I'd be a fool if I allowed myself to believe that the men who wrote this book were translating the direct word of God. Couple that with revisions and time elapsed and we have a classic case of Chinese whispers.

Please tell me, 2,000 yrs. later, how you know this for a fact?

 

You hold other ancient writings, including ones with fewer extant copies, to the same standard?

[Titanwolf]

Please tell me, 2,000 yrs. later, how you know this for a fact?

 

You hold other ancient writings, including ones with fewer extant copies, to the same standard?

 

 

I don't follow Religion period and I'm also just as sceptical concerning other ancient writings. I'm not going to get into this debate again, because I created a thread not too long ago that touched on this topic and I ended up typing A LOT. I'm not willing to do that again.

 

In regards to the bible. Fact is, it was written by men. Men are fallible. Men lie. Men operate with ulterior motives. It is a fact to me that segments, (if not all) of the bible is fabricated in order to maintain a desired social order. There are many aspects of Christianity, that I question Christians on and none have been able to give a definitive answer. Just because literature is documented, it doesn't make it true in the slightest. You can show me all the ancient literature you like, all it tells me is that a book was written 2000 years ago and here are the words they used and the paper they wrote it on. It doesn't mean s*** really. I believe in God, but I don't believe that he operates the way Christians believe he does. You'd be wise to remember that society was a lot less ordered and a lot more violent in those days. After much research, I've come to the conclusion that the bible was/is a tactic to promote fear and utilize control.

[Tres]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

Everyone has a personal relationship with God. Therefore, it depends on a person. I did not feel any guilt about losing my virginity. In fact, it is very unpleasant, painful and stressful.

Edited October 2, 2012 by Tres

[Robert Z]

I had to deal with the guilt, which was real, too, so am curious how others dealt with it.

 

Don't let some silly book based on fairy tales dictate how you live. Enjoy life. Enjoy being human. Enjoy your sexuality. You only get one chance.

[BetheButterfly]

I was married when I "lost" my virginity and I didn't feel a shred of guilt about it.

 

Agreed Me too.

 

Now, my first marriage did not work out but that was not because I was a virgin when we got married. (He had been a mujeriego... womanizer... very sexually active and most definitely far from being a virgin, before meeting me). We did enjoy a very active and for the most part great sex life. (I just didn't like anal.) What we mostly had a hard time with was living together when we were not having sex. We were both too different with different expectations.

 

However, I have never regretted waiting till I got married to have sex. It was important to me to lose my virginity to a man who loved me and who I loved, and I did love my ex-husband and he did love me as best as we could at the time. I was 23 and he was 25 when we got married, and I personally think neither one of us fully understood love or were mature in loving each other. (Other people get married younger yet are more mature and know what love truly means, so it's not so much an age factor but more a maturity factor.)

 

After getting divorced, I thought I had to be celibate and never marry because of what Jesus said after divorce and remarriage. However, a Jewish professor who accepted Jesus as the Messiah told me that it's important to understand the history of the Jewish people at that time... that women were being divorced for little things (like burning dinner for example) and that what Jesus said was in order to show how important marriage was and how important women are... that they are not objects to be merely cast away whenever the man wanted, but rather a wife and husband are one flesh in God's eyes.

 

He told me that the ideal is definitely one man and one woman together for life, but that the ideal on this earth does not obviously always happen. Because God knows every circumstance, he knows when people divorce just because they don't care about the other person or when they divorce for very important reasons. The ideal is stated by Jesus, yet life on earth at the moment is not the ideal for most people.

 

This is the same with the matter of being a virgin till marriage. That is the ideal in God's eyes, but obviously does not happen all the time or even for most people in many countries. However, the ideal is not meant to hurt anyone. Rather, the ideal is meant to protect people. Not having sex with others before marriage helps with the bonding process between 2 souls, whereas those who have sex with others before marriage have already learned how to not connect on a deeper level with the other person.

 

When my parents got married, they were both virgins. This helped them connect on a very deep level because they were both on the same "page" in that sense and were both deeply devoted to each other and to exploring sex together, as well as all of life! Even though my Dad had issues with pornography before this, I sincerely think that his being a virgin before marriage, along with Mom, helped him decide to give up pornography out of love for both God and for Mom. He wanted to keep the deep connection with Mom that was formed in part with being her only sexual partner and her being his only sexual partner. I am so glad for their example!

 

Now, when my husband now and I married, neither one of us were virgin and we do have a deep connection. However, one of the main factors in that connection is that we promised each other to be the other's only sexual partner. This, built on our mutual beliefs and values, is a pillar of our relationship. If that should fall, the "building" of our marriage would also fall.

 

Back to the topic, I never regretted being a virgin till marriage. The only thing I wish is that I had met my second husband before meeting my first husband and that I had lost my virginity to my second husband who, if I had met him 12 years ago, would ideally have been my first and only husband, with no second husbands in the picture! So, I only regret who I lost my virginity to, in that I wish I had lost my virginity to the man I am married to today!

Edited October 3, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[Robert Z]

I think that is fine for you if that is what you choose to do. For many of us the Bible isn't a fairy tale and it does guide our lives. If you are good with the things you do...there should not be an issue with those who choose not to do those things for whatever reason...right?

 

Given that I believe religion contributed greatly to me wasting a good part of my life, I think my comments apply. I am offering advice based on experience.

 

You can choose to believe in fairy tales but that doesn't make them true.

 

Or is it your position that people with alternative points of view shouldn't be allowed to voice their opinion?

Edited October 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[Robert Z]

As I offer comments that apply to my life as well. Isn't that all any of us do. My experience aren't based on a fairy tale, but a relationship with God. Voice away and be blessed.

 

I don't have a problem with God, just religion.

[Robert Z]

I have concluded that the Bible and God have very little to do with each other. No wonder we find that so many highly polarized and diverse religions still come with the same basic message, huh.

[Robert Z]

Then you and I agree.

 

How about that? I'm guessing that our views diverge when it comes to the bible, but I will tell you that in spite of what many surely see as my highly sinful lifestyle, I try my best to be a good person in all other ways that would matter to most Christians, Muslims, and most other religions. And I still feel a definite connection to the great beyond...

 

But I am still angry about all of the religion-induced guilt that hovered over most of my life like a black cloud. It took me a long time and a nearly life-ending crisis to finally kill the feeling of guilt for just being human. And I'm talking about all of those years that I lived without promiscuity as well as before! Guilt! Guilt!! Guilt!!!

 

Don't fall for it.

Edited October 6, 2012 by Robert Z

[pie2]

(I just didn't like anal.)

 

I was NOT expecting that!!