Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[skydiveaddict]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

In my religion, any sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin (including masturbation). So you would go to confession to have your sins forgiven.

 

But honestly, I've always held a bitter resentment towards the church regarding this. God created me with these hormones and the natural inclination for the sexual act. I didn't ask for them. How can He expect me to just shut them off?

[pie2]

In my religion, any sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin (including masturbation)...But honestly, I've always held a bitter resentment towards the church regarding this. God created me with these hormones and the natural inclination for the sexual act. I didn't ask for them. How can He expect me to just shut them off?

 

Why are you so bitter towards marriage?

[skydiveaddict]

Why are you so bitter towards marriage?

 

 

I'm not at all. I wish I was married. But since I'm not, I'm forced to try and live a celebate life. I'm just simply no good at it.

[pie2]

I'm not at all. I wish I was married. But since I'm not, I'm forced to try and live a celebate life. I'm just simply no good at it.

 

Ah, gotcha. I misunderstood, thinking you were bitter that sex was only allowed in the marital relationship.

 

Don't give up skydive...it'll happen at the right time

[skydiveaddict]

Ah, gotcha. I misunderstood, thinking you were bitter that sex was only allowed in the marital relationship.

 

No you were right the first time. I am bitter about it. It's God saying love/sex is allowed for the lucky few; those who are happily married and have never been through divorce and all the bs that goes along with it. Otherwise you're out of luck. And if you commit the sin of fornication, despite your best efforts, and die with that sin on your soul (without confession), hell is where you're headed.

 

Don't give up skydive...it'll happen at the right time

 

Thanks for the kind thought. But no, it won't.

Edited October 19, 2012 by skydiveaddict

[pie2]

thanks for the kind thought. But no, it won't.

 

 

You sound defeated...care to elaborate?

Edited October 19, 2012 by pie2

[skydiveaddict]

 

You sound defeated...care to elaborate?

 

Not defeated. Rather frustration and sometimes anger toward my church (and therefore God). I didn't ask for this. I like women. I am physically (and sometimes emotionally) attracted to them. If God didn't mean for me to be this way, then He shouldn't have made me this way.

 

If I had the unique gift to be a priest, then I would. But I don't. I can't change either of these things.

[pie2]

Did you say that you won't get married though? Why?

 

Thanks for the kind thought. But no, it won't.

[skydiveaddict]

Did you say that you won't get married though? Why?

 

 

No, I didn't say that, (and if I did I was misunderstood) I've always wanted to get married

[FredRutherford]

Bumping to keep active...

[BetheButterfly]

Agreed.

 

Butterfly,

I realize that.

My post wasn't necessarily to excuse sin or encourage illicit sex, something I'd never do.

 

I just saw this post, sorry.

 

Ok. The reason God gave guidelines/commands concerning sex is in order to protect us.

 

Recently, as I approached 50, felt the need to "apologize" to my HS GF who I had sex with @17-18 before I became born-again next yr. in college.

Apologizing to HS GF for sex - Christian Forums

 

Honestly, wasn't really interested in having sex with her. Was quite content holding hands, kissing and "making-out."

But one night, in my car at the drive-in theater, she made the mistake of telling me I "never tried anything..."

So I started "trying" stuff and pretty soon we found ourselves on a cliff...

 

We only did it 2-3X, but I know both of us felt tremendous guilt.

A condom scare also made me question if being a parent was something I really wanted to do, so asked her if we could stop.

 

Notice some of the responses to my thoughts in that thread.

Never felt so beaten-up or slapped in the face.

 

Don't worry about what other people think. From what I'm learning in this forum, many people just want to try to tear what you believe down, but really, the important thing is to focus on God's love.

 

Odd how some of the nonbelievers, pagans, agnostics and atheists were more understanding than some of the so-called "Christians."

 

People are diverse. There are understanding and tolerant people of any belief/worldview/idea.

One recently apologized to me in a PM for the way they posted toward me.

 

That's awesome! I'm glad about that.

 

Something must be wrong with me. Felt the need to contact the girl (privately) and apologize.

 

I don't think that's wrong to apologize to a person.

 

But good Catholic she is, pro-life and conservative like me, figured some Christian forgiveness might be in order.

 

Nope. Wrong again.

Got a cold, stern response.

 

People today are programmed into thinking no apologies are necessary, but if you study the 12 steps for recovery, apologizing for past errors is an important step, especially for the person recovering. So, even if she didn't appreciate it, it was good for you to apologize and you are now free from that!

Obviously, I had some odd ideas on Christians and sex and seem pretty screwed-up in that arena.

 

Your post, however, has helped me "lighten-up" a little.

 

Sex is an awesome gift!!! It's very important in marriages between people who marry for love and for enjoying this gift. When sex is connected to love, it's mind-blowing!!! :love:

 

I am sorry that your wife has an issue with sex. How are y'all doing? I hope much better.

[dichotomy]

You don't get into heaven for good behavior. All Christians sin - all the time. Yes God has his words for us to live by and we should strive to do so and when we fall - have some regret - and get back on the right road ............... but accepting Christ is about accepting and giving forgiveness, grace, and love.

 

As sex outside of marriage - it is just one more type of sin.

 

For me personally,any time I have had "casual sex" I have deeply regretted it and felt really bad about it. My loss of virginity was one example of this. However, when I have had sex in a long term, committed, exclusive, and deeply loving relationship I felt good about it - even though it was outside of marriage. But the total number the sexual relationships I have had would make me a monk by today.s standards.

[pie2]

For me personally,any time I have had "casual sex" I have deeply regretted it and felt really bad about it. My loss of virginity was one example of this. However, when I have had sex in a long term, committed, exclusive, and deeply loving relationship I felt good about it - even though it was outside of marriage. But the total number the sexual relationships I have had would make me a monk by today.s standards.

 

This may be a bit personal, but are you a Christian? If so, do you strive to have a sexual relationship only in the confines of marriage?

[dichotomy]

This may be a bit personal, but are you a Christian? If so, do you strive to have a sexual relationship only in the confines of marriage?

 

It is okay. Yes, and yes - that is an ideal goal to strive for. I wish I had achieved it, but like many ideals set for me, I have fallen short.

Edited January 25, 2013 by dichotomy

[pie2]

It is okay. Yes, and yes - that is an ideal goal to strive for. I wish I had achieved it, but like many ideals set for me, I have fallen short.

 

It is an ideal...and really, really difficult to achieve! Actually, it's pretty much impossible . But, we all fall short of all of the ideals set up for us, as you had mentioned. So, you're not alone.

[FredRutherford]

You don't get into heaven for good behavior. All Christians sin - all the time. Yes God has his words for us to live by and we should strive to do so and when we fall - have some regret - and get back on the right road ............... but accepting Christ is about accepting and giving forgiveness, grace, and love.

 

As sex outside of marriage - it is just one more type of sin.

 

It is an ideal...and really, really difficult to achieve! Actually, it's pretty much impossible . But, we all fall short of all of the ideals set up for us, as you had mentioned. So, you're not alone.

 

Very true.

No one gets to heaven for merely being a virgin, not drinking, not cussin', not stealin', not committing adultery, and not doin' many things.

 

For me personally,any time I have had "casual sex" I have deeply regretted it and felt really bad about it. My loss of virginity was one example of this.

 

However, when I have had sex in a long term, committed, exclusive, and deeply loving relationship I felt good about it - even though it was outside of marriage. But the total number the sexual relationships I have had would make me a monk by today.s standards.

Good point.

 

One of the reasons I started this thread was about guilt I felt from having sex, casually and in a long-term relationship.

 

I didn't have much sex when I was single in my 20s before I met my wife.

Can barely fill-up half of the fingers on my hand with the number of times I had sex from 19 through all my 20s...

 

Will say the LTR was the woman I married, who was also a Christian, but like me, "not that strong" at the time.

[123321]

If a person promotes one set of standards and is doing or has a recent history of doing something else, that's worthy of shame. If a person lives by what they preach, they may be wrong but it's not nearly as shameful.

[pureinheart]

Bumping to keep active...

 

((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Glad you're still around!

[pureinheart]

Their conscience is seared. If we willfully engage in sin and folly, our conscience becomes desensitized to sin over time. Humans have a natural ability to justify their actions when it suits them. Losing virginity w/out being married is fornication. But after it's done, if we continue to engage in it, the conscience can become seared. It stops feeling wrong and we begin to justify it using carnal reasoning.

 

"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron."

 

If we find ourselves engaging in sin that used to make us feel conviction, the answer is to turn to God. Repent means to "turn away". Repent from it, and renew your mind in Christ.

 

King David in the bible is a good example. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and she became pregnant. In an attempt to cover it up, he had her husband (Uriah) sent out to the front lines of battle to be killed.

 

David (Part 2) - [1/9] - YouTube

 

Psalm 51, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

 

Psalms 51:

 

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

 

As Bethy said, He asks us not to have sex prior to marriage for our own good. IME it opens the door to much demonic activity.

 

Great post TFW, as usual:)

[pureinheart]

 

One of the reasons I started this thread was about guilt I felt from having sex, casually and in a long-term relationship.

 

Wow FR, I had forgotten how old this thread is:D

 

I thank you for bumping it up and starting it. Wow went back and read my reply to your thread and want to give you an update...mostly to show how the Lord used this thread-

 

When first posting in this thread, have to tell you, being so indoctrinated by secular ways, I know I would have fallen back then, but now I am free.

 

It's difficult to describe, although if God chooses me to be single for the rest of my life, it's ok. It never was before.

 

The guilt is gone also, now therefore there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. I can't change the past, but the future is within reach.

 

I am tripping right now because sometimes our lives can appear stagnant, no growth, you know ....

 

you are not going to believe this, but I am truly lost for words....ya I better just trip for awhile! wow

[angel.eyes]

Thanks for starting the thread. Great question and very useful dialogue! I agree that what we are asked by God to do whether it's sexual abstinence outside marriage or something else, is done for our own protection and benefit.

 

It's a difficult subject, and one I've struggled with too...especially when it comes to sexual activity in general. As Christians, where exactly is the line drawn between kissing (okay) and outright intercourse (not okay)? That's the question that has been most problematic for me with regards to dating.

[Eve]

Personally, I only wish I had known about sex toys a lot sooner.

 

A couple of guys who got lucky in my inexperienced state would not have done so if I had known. They were a total waste of time in every respect.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[DannyMason]

I find it amusingly ironic how devout Christians subject to the fear of eternal torment in a fiery pit as punishment for fornication still can't keep themselves from having sex while a convinced atheist like myself who views sex as morally acceptable and physically desirable is still a virgin at 25 with no obvious future prospect of "falling short" by the standards set by my long-abandoned childhood religion!

[TheFinalWord]

As Christians, where exactly is the line drawn between kissing (okay) and outright intercourse (not okay)? That's the question that has been most problematic for me with regards to dating.

 

That's a good question. And this is one of the points I was starting to make in PIH's pharmekia thread

 

A lot of Christians still have a "legal" mentality.

 

This is what I mean. In the Old Testament, you could not commit adultery. Now, you could lust over a married woman until sweat poured out from every pour...as long as you did not commit the act.

 

This is what the law focused on the...that actual physical manifestation of sin. However, God declared a new "law" was coming...the law of the spirit (Rom. 8:2).

 

"The days are coming,” declares the Lord,“when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel and with the people of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand to lead them out of Egypt, because they broke my covenant, though I was a husband to them,”declares the Lord. “This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,” declares the Lord." I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people."

 

If we study the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5 through 7, we can see Jesus explained what this new covenant looked like...

 

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

Whoa! Jesus took it to a new level. As believers we are called to a higher level. Not just refraining from the act, but actually quelling the motivations for sin.

 

But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person.

 

Paul continues, explaining that when Jesus set us free He gave us the power to caputre all thoughts and vain imaginations that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. o I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

 

If we walk in the flesh, we are operating in the law. And no one can fulfill the law. We are in bondage. Whoever sins is the slave of sin, but if the Son sets us free, we are free indeed.

 

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.

 

If we walk in the spirit (love), there is no fear of the law.

 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

 

So, with this backdrop does this passage make more sense?

 

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

[FredRutherford]

I find it amusingly ironic how devout Christians subject to the fear of eternal torment in a fiery pit as punishment for fornication still can't keep themselves from having sex while a convinced atheist like myself who views sex as morally acceptable and physically desirable is still a virgin at 25 with no obvious future prospect of "falling short" by the standards set by my long-abandoned childhood religion!

So?

Only goes to show you Christians are people too, subject to the same temptations.

 

There are only 2 types of people:

-men and women

and

-men and men and women who call themselves Christians.

 

Yes, agree with you plenty of atheists/ agnostics live moral lives.

 

Bein' good doesn't get one to heaven.