Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[taiko]

I think the time period that most lose their virginity in our culture coincides with the time period that the religious are more likely to be cultural attendees and are "religious" for family peace purposes rather then a heart felt conviction. While those that later actually accept the faith they are also told that they are forgiven those past sins and to drop the guilt feelings and go sin no more.

[123321]

"Sin no more until it's convenient, then afterwards I say my hail Marys and move on"

[todreaminblue]

yes i felt dirty, used and confused the confusion came from the affection that was offered that i thought in some sick way that this guy loved me even though he continually abused me, the lies and deceit and the manipulation of a young and lonely mind ...i was five.....in retrospect it wasnt my fault.....what kept me sane....

 

 

i had faith ......then and and now.....

 

 

i feel if i hadnt lost my virginity at five,my life might have been different,i would have in most likelihood waited until i was married...... but for whatever reason god had and has a plan for me,in spite of the agency given to sick and hardened individuals who chose to abuse a child......and through that abuse of another that took my virginity adn the other that watched him do it, i can normally sense a child who is at risk ..thats my positive...i can reach out with understanding and experience....to help others

 

 

judging people who have not waited is what i despise more than anything......people make mistakes.....judging someone is worse...judge your own mistakes....

 

when i was baptised when i took that first breath out of the water that surrounded me(pretty cold too i felt no cold water when i came out only warmth), for the first time something i had not felt happened to me that caused tears from no where.....i wondered what it was i felt.....

 

 

i now know what it was, it wasnt what i did feel it was what i didnt feel....i had the absence of shame from a life lived with much shame....that was the most graceful feeling i have felt in my life time..

 

 

i am now 44.because i have felt shame very young...which wasnt fair or right..shame has been a constant that made me feel a bit worthless in my past that in turn setn me into some pretty bad places...my choices though...no one can be blamed for them....

 

 

 

i have no shame about losing my virginity any more i am not a demon seed or devils child ro cursed or bad.......and it is possible for those who have shame to have an absence of shame as well.....god doesnt want us to go through life feeling shameful and dirty ...he washes us clean......if we let him..he wants us to live a good and true life......one without fear of judgement and definitely free from shame .....what a blessing..deb

Edited October 17, 2013 by todreaminblue

[Queen_Sophie_Anne]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

 

I realize this thread is over a year old, but I just had to chime in

 

I've a late twenties virgin who up until very recently had thought I would wait until I got married to have sex. I'm now of the opinion that I will sleep with someone I'm in love with...we don't even have to be engaged.

 

I just think the whole WTM thing is great for teens and young adults in their early twenties, because more often than not, they will be married by 25 (at the latest). Older than that and it seems a little ridiculous/embarrassing. It's very very very difficult to put aside sexual temptations for so long, and now that I've come to that decision, I actually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So here's hoping I can find another Christian man who feels the same way

[Queen_Sophie_Anne]

The entire Bible is the inspired word of God--not just parts of it. The New Testament was written mainly by Christ's diciples and is also inspired by God. As far as divorce, the Bible is very clear that God hates divorce. He hates adultery. He also expects people to remain pure until marriage. With that said, Christians are not saints. They are sinners. We have all fallen short. The fact that we are sinners does not mean that we are not Christians. Christians are defined as followers of Christ. We are expected to obey God's laws, but God knows that we are not perfect, and we fail on a regular basis. But, as Christians, we are expected to strive towards purity in mind and body. As Christians we are not supposed to pick and choose the comandments we want to follow and discard the rest. We are expected to follow all of them. But God knows we will fall short of that at times, because we are weak. To say that people are not Christians because they are sinners is false. All Christians are sinners. But to purposely reject God's laws as being inapplicable, and to pick and choose what you want to believe or to practice from God's laws is not following God's will.

 

I believe that there are some 'commands' in the New Testament that were based on the culture of the time..such as forbidding women to become pastors (there are lots of wonderful godly women who are pastors nowadays!) I think the Bible is greatly open to interpretation, which is why we have so many different denominations, and I actually really like being able to discuss and learn about different interpretations of theology.

[skydiveaddict]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

Yes I did

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

I went to confession

[ThomasD]

yes i felt dirty, used and confused . . .

In Christian theology, God created all things good and pleasurable. What you experienced was bad and painful. There is no credible excuse or apology for it.

 

In Christianity, God is not only creator but also RE-creator. He wants to restore things to the original, good and pleasurable purposes, that He had in mind . . . or maybe make them even a little bit better.

[123321]

Eh, I'm a Christian ...

 

But that hasn't kept me from having sex, threesomes, or simply enjoying my attraction to women.

 

I guess that's a definition of "Christian" I'm not aware of.

[123321]

Well, now you are.

 

No, now I'm pretty sure you're not a Christian.

[123321]

Why?

 

Because it's unlikely you are following the teachings of Christ; your (professed) lifestyle is at odds with being a Christian no matter what ELSE you do or how bad the rest of humanity is. There is no scriptural basis for believing God grades on a curve on this.

[123321]

Then scratch off the greater GREATER majority of Christians, because rarely any of them share the Word of God with others. Even though all Christians are supposed to.

 

Sex is not the only thing mentioned in the Bible. If you actually read it, then you'd see how little Christians actually follow it.

 

I agree, and I used to read it front to back at least once a year, for years.

 

Not saying they (and you, and I) are not good people, but words mean things and just calling myself an Emperor (or Christian) won't make it true.

[todreaminblue]

In Christian theology, God created all things good and pleasurable. What you experienced was bad and painful. There is no credible excuse or apology for it.

 

In Christianity, God is not only creator but also RE-creator. He wants to restore things to the original, good and pleasurable purposes, that He had in mind . . . or maybe make them even a little bit better.

 

 

thanks thomas, i really do have hope in this regard.....theres a reason things happen good and bad.god cannot just give agency to choose the right.....soem choose the rotten stuffed up ways....been there done that..my life has had that betterness...... some wonderful and good and right things to have happened for....many things have felt that way, right and true....peopel i have met who reneforce my sense of hope...even some posters on love shack... since i lost shame...my life has changed....for the better....just to note.......i feel no pain when i write or share what i do...havent for quite a while......deb

[SimplyMeee]

I just think the whole WTM thing is great for teens and young adults in their early twenties, because more often than not, they will be married by 25 (at the latest).

This scenario fits me & my husband, we met when I was 15, he was 18...I was trying to live as a christian, I vowed at a young age to wait until my wedding Day...(I watched my Mother mess her life up sleeping with various men after the divorce, and I wanted no part of walking her path)....

 

I figured ....the boys who wasn't willing to wait -were after one thing, I didn't want this type of man...I was very blessed to meet my husband at such a young age, he respected me more for how I felt...

 

This however , didn't mean we were as pure as the driven snow, I had no desire on this earth to be THAT GOOD, this would have sucked the life & pure enjoyment out of having a Boyfriend .... so we touched each other...we knew all about orgasms but we never had our privates touch, no fusion, or being naked before we took our vows.... we grew together emotionally, we weren't going crazy with lust.....and we still had something new & beautiful to bring to our wedding day... I never needed Birth control.. I did struggle with some guilt over what we did as the church would likely say that was wrong too.... but in my conscience, I felt GOOD about our boundaries... we would do it all over again the same.

 

Older than that and it seems a little ridiculous/embarrassing. It's very very very difficult to put aside sexual temptations for so long, and now that I've come to that decision, I actually feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. So here's hoping I can find another Christian man who feels the same way

I firmly believe that had I not met Mr Right by the time I was 22 ish.. I would have changed my views on waiting till marriage... as I always had a healthy sex drive...very Romantic...but as a young girl, I figured I had time to hold out for one special man... Edited October 25, 2013 by SimplyMeee

[123321]

This however , didn't mean we were as pure as the driven snow, I had no desire on this earth to be THAT GOOD, this would have sucked the life & pure enjoyment out of having a Boyfriend .... so we touched each other...we knew all about orgasms but we never had our privates touch

 

 

I firmly believe that had I not met Mr Right by the time I was 22 ish.. I would have changed my views on waiting till marriage... as I always had a healthy sex drive...very Romantic...but as a young girl, I figured I had time to hold out for one special man...

 

Not saying this makes a person bad, but it's certainly not living up to the standards of the Bible with regard to fornication. Fornication does not require "fusion" or whatever.

[SimplyMeee]

Not saying this makes a person bad, but it's certainly not living up to the standards of the Bible with regard to fornication. Fornication does not require "fusion" or whatever.

 

I realize many believe & expect us to be as pure as the driven snow... and how many can live up to this?? I've sat in on one of those "Silver Ring thing" programs... I feel these set our kids up for a Fall - with such black & white thinking (that's just my opinion).....

 

I know of a woman from my "Mops" group...who her & her BF (both Preachers's kids) waited for their 1st KISS on their wedding day...

 

My mouth dropped to the floor with that... I just looked at her and told her I could never do that , amazed how they managed....for me... it would make having a BF utterly tormenting & no joy at all... but a living frustration to not share in some touching intimacy...

 

I've read a few stories on christian forums where the guilt & shame over their sex drives caused them to feel Satan had a hold of them (I'm going to say this is crazy, it's not Satan, it's testosterone).... they prayed for God to take this away....so they could adhere to the scriptures ...only to become so sexually repressed, they lost their sex drives altogether... then had no feeling for their husbands when they married.. and needed therapy to get back in touch with it...

 

I found those stories horribly sad...

 

As for us...we have a very unique story... after the vows, he couldn't penetrate me and after 3 months of this crazyness (hurt like he** and he didn't want to hurt me...very wonderful loving man I married)... made appointment with the OBGYN....do you know how embarrassing it was to say>> "Hey Doc, my husband can't get it in!? ... feet up in the stirrups, he looks at me, pauses....and says "Yep you have a rigid one alright "... proceeds to tell me he was scheduling me for a "hymenectomy"...

 

I started crying sitting there, couldn't believe this was happening to me... I did not want surgery - how terrifying....he hands me a strict to rule out pregnancy... a couple days later... I get the phone call, I was with child... I still had my hymen - Doctor confirmed - when I married...no surgery now (our 1st son saved me!)...... so we kept at it..

 

I will happily call myself a dirty Virgin , tained... whatever, throw it at me...

 

I would have passed the Old Testament test & kept from being stoned anyway.... Hey, that is something to smile about ! It took us another 5 months ( 8 months married) before he fully penetrated me -and broke up that rigid hymen of mine.... (he feared hurting the baby- of course I was concerned too!).....

 

When we felt the breakthrough, we went out & celebrated..one could say this was our 1st little dilemma in marriage.. so happy I waited for my husbnad .... .had this been some other boy, he might have found me defective, and threw me away. Plus the guilt I would have had over that !

 

I'll keep our story...just as it is.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

Well by tradition I was always sent to church even though my parents didn't go. Most Caribbean families are like this; adults may not go but they want you to learn about God as early as possible. To be honest when I lost my virginity I had a shallow relationship with God and didn't even know what fornication meant so I didn't feel guilt.

 

A few years later I got "saved" and then I dated my first love again and he was supposedly "saved" too. We did well for just over a year but the first time we dated it was 24/7 wild, crazy, fun and we were each other's best lover. He was also older than me by like 5 yrs. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and we had discussed marriage so we convinced ourselves (or at least I convinced myself) oh, well, he's is going to be my husband anyway so what difference does it make? (Of course that cookie crumbled).

 

I am still praying for the strength to go cold turkey with my next love who is hopefully my husband. I've gone 2 yrs max (at a time) since being "dedicated" without caving in but sometimes something in me just craved it and I scratched my "itch." I am not really proud of these moments, per se, but like Paul said there is a "war" in his members. To be honest since becoming Christian except my last partner who was a friend I knew for a year and slept with like 4 times, I've never really "rocked" anyone's world and put my all into sex because subconsciously I know it is wrong AND I can very easily fall into nymphomania because I have a high libido and a great taste for adventure so I consciously tried not to be unbridled. I am working on this. I have only slept with a few people but I am not proud of my liaisons hurting my creator.

 

I will say this though; whenever I date Christian guys who wont even as much as kiss before marriage, it keeps me in order and I would never want to be his stumbling block so this makes it easier for me to abstain. I have only had one actively "Christian" partner. The guy I like now agrees to the same boundaries as I (ideally) which is to avoid things like sleepovers that heighten temptation. But he lives in a another country for now so that makes it quite easy. I would be the first girl he dated and have not slept with as he's been "saved" for a little over two years and single for 1 1/2yrs. Lord give me strength.

[FredRutherford]

whenever I date Christian guys who wont even as much as kiss before marriage, it keeps me in order and I would never want to be his stumbling block so this makes it easier for me to abstain.

 

I have only had one actively "Christian" partner. The guy I like now agrees to the same boundaries as I (ideally) which is to avoid things like sleepovers that heighten temptation. But he lives in a another country for now so that makes it quite easy. I would be the first girl he dated and have not slept with as he's been "saved" for a little over two years and single for 1 1/2yrs. Lord give me strength.

 

Great to hear you're dating Christian men.

Too many good Christian girls go after the wrong type of men, the 'bad boys,' or the pagan fornicators, surrendering their Christian innocence to such jerks.... and end up with big regrets....

..... apparently oblivious to the many good Christian men in their midst ( I was one of them, those men they'd never consider).

 

whenever I date Christian guys who wont even as much as kiss before marriage, it keeps me in order and I would never want to be his stumbling block so this makes it easier for me to abstain.

Good to hear you're a 'reborn virgin', which I totally respect.

I was one of those too in college after making some big mistakes sexually last year in high school before becoming of faith next year in college.

 

Hey, if women can call themselves 'reborn virgins', so can men

 

Thread now officially re-opened !!!

[janedoe67]

I lost my virginity on my wedding night.

 

However, I also strayed in my marriage, and THAT guilt will never go away.

[irc333]

I'm 30 f-ing years old.

 

How long did God expect me to wait?

 

I had this line of thought probably in my mid to late 20's. I was serious about waiting until marriage, for some reason, I figured I'd be married ....like my friends were married....around that age range. My friends were in college, and by their senior year they had their wedding the same summer they graduated college.

 

A lot of them met in college, coupled up, dated throughout their college days and upon ending college...they wedded.

 

I didn't however.

 

So there I was , 25/26...never had sex in the "wild days" of college, because I wasn't of the fraternity mentality.

 

Some college friends told me, "Dude, we need to get you laid or at least find you a woman!" and they'd attempt to get me out to some fraternity party where a lot drunks were going crazy.

 

I only had a tight group of male friends I was hanging out with pretty much it.

 

In the "good ol days", people that married young were willing to wait a couple to a few more years of abstaining from sex after high school because "loosing it" was just around the corner. People married young and married QUITE early. Now that people are marrying a later age, the likelihood of partaking in pre-marital sex has gone up.

 

Some people feel, regardless of one's beliefs that there's something inherently wrong with a person if they are in that state. That they have social issues or problems getting close romantically. It's some kind of radar that scares them off that they've "never been close".

 

Though, I often wondered about Christian engaged couples that remain engaged for a year....you mean they are not even touching each other for that year? *shrug* dunno. That's them , we don't know what they are up to. lol

 

Though this bodes the question I've heard some people say, "Never marry the FIRST woman you loose it to" either. Apparently its a bad idea.

Edited April 20, 2014 by irc333

[irc333]

Though, I have known Christian couples to have done the "deed" prior to marriage, but they felt they made it right by getting married. It's not like having done so prior to marriage was detrimental to their couple hood in the future. But at least they held off as long as humanly possible.

[irc333]

 

Bein' good doesn't get one to heaven.

 

Hm, I would say it doesn't help to get you into heaven if you're not good. As a Christian, I never really believed in the whole "Oh, good deeds won't get you into heaven"

 

There's something about "faith, without works, is dead".

 

But that's a whole diff. conversation.

[FredRutherford]

Originally Posted by FredRutherford

Bein' good doesn't get one to heaven.

Hm, I would say it doesn't help to get you into heaven if you're not good. As a Christian, I never really believed in the whole "Oh, good deeds won't get you into heaven"

 

There's something about "faith, without works, is dead".

 

But that's a whole diff. conversation.

 

Should've stated it thusly:

Bein' good [ alone ] doesn't get one to heaven.

 

In a Christian chat room, a woman went-after me for not attacking the evils worldly people do, like promiscuous sex, abortion, getting drunk, etc.

 

I don't support those things but we can't control what others do.

 

Need to ask her if an atheist/ agnostic who's a virgin into her/his 30's, has never gotten drunk, avoided all the "bad" sins, is that person going to heaven merely based on good behavior?

 

Ironically, that atheist, who is on LS, she's living a more moral life than many Christians.

 

I admire your stance btw & honestly, don't want to "promote" sin.

You make sound points.

[irc333]

 

Ironically, that atheist, who is on LS, she's living a more moral life than many Christians.

 

Yes, quite ironic when you hear it.

 

Makes me wonder if I should start hangin' around those tree huggin', hippie atheists? LOL (sorry, but in my experience, they kind of have the appearance of that stereotype...

[irc333]

I've read a few stories on christian forums where the guilt & shame over their sex drives caused them to feel Satan had a hold of them (I'm going to say this is crazy, it's not Satan, it's testosterone).... they prayed for God to take this away....so they could adhere to the scriptures ...only to become so sexually repressed, they lost their sex drives altogether... then had no feeling for their husbands when they married.. and needed therapy to get back in touch with it...

 

Some people think, that if you wait until marriage, the likelihood of your marriage lasting, "Till death do you part" is likely to be achieved more so than someone who didn't wait.

 

Though, back in the old days people married probably right out of high school, so they could wait a few more years. Kind of a "Hurry and get married, so having sex will not be considered a sin anymore!!" situation.

 

But do you honestly think once or twice divorce, newly Christian singles (ironically referred to as Christian because they were divorced two times), are going to stay celibate until marriage number 3? Esp. at the age of 40 or 50?

[FredRutherford]

*** bumping to keep open ***

 

Interesting topic here & it developed into areas even more insightful.

 

How you doing, IRC ??