Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[FredRutherford]

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Interesting topic here & it developed into areas even more insightful.

 

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[pureinheart]

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Interesting topic here & it developed into areas even more insightful.

 

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[casey.lives]

No, i didn't. I didn't value my virginity. That's not something my church or my family focused on. I was just a young fun free person and i never hurt anyone and i wouldn't hurt myself, so i felt responsible enough to feel out a situation. I think i did good..

[mightycpa]

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said

“This is now bone of my bones

and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

for she was taken out of man.”

 

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

When flesh was merged, the two became man and wife in God's eyes. All the other marriage customs were made up by man. So if you're religious about this, then it seems to me that really, there's no such thing as a fornicator. Only virgins, married people, widow(ers) and adulterers.

[pie2]

No, i didn't. I didn't value my virginity. That's not something my church or my family focused on. I was just a young fun free person and i never hurt anyone and i wouldn't hurt myself, so i felt responsible enough to feel out a situation. I think i did good..

 

What church (denomination or religious group) did you belong to? Do you read the bible?

 

 

When flesh was merged, the two became man and wife in God's eyes. All the other marriage customs were made up by man. So if you're religious about this, then it seems to me that really, there's no such thing as a fornicator. Only virgins, married people, widow(ers) and adulterers.

 

What does fornicator mean to you? The dictionary's definition is here, which defines fornication as voluntary sex between two unmarried people, or two people who aren't married to each other (seems to include adultery in the definition).

 

There are many bible verses about fornication here.

 

It's interesting that you would say there's no such thing as a fornicator. I really didn't get the logic of what you posted. But I'm slow about many things!!

[mightycpa]

What church (denomination or religious group) did you belong to? Do you read the bible?

 

 

 

 

What does fornicator mean to you? The dictionary's definition is here, which defines fornication as voluntary sex between two unmarried people, or two people who aren't married to each other (seems to include adultery in the definition).

 

There are many bible verses about fornication here.

 

It's interesting that you would say there's no such thing as a fornicator. I really didn't get the logic of what you posted. But I'm slow about many things!!

Yeah, well, that word has changed over the years. The first time you'll find it in the bible is Chronicles II, 21:11, and there it means idolatry... giving yourself away to a false God. Next, go to Ezekiel 16:29, and there it means the same thing. Also, many of the old religions used sex as part of their ceremonies and rituals, so it had kind of a double meaning. But the offensive part was the unfaithfulness to God, and that was represented by other Gods and the connection to unmarried sex, which was considered traditionally shameful in the Jewish culture.

 

After those two, you'll have to go to the New Testament, like your link, and in that collection of books, they go crazy with references to fornication. Remember, that by then, marriage by ceremony was pretty much an institution and this was in the time of the Romans. Rome conquered Greece, and that culture and language spread through the Roman lands. Used in either Latin or Greek, the word had become more about sex so you see the word used in conjunction with marriage, and Greek is the language that most/all of the New Testament was written in.

 

In addition, the Church is the bride of Christ, that is, that there is an unbreakable bond between Christ and his people while they are alive on earth (like marriage) and that anything that you do that betrays that bond, ie, sin (like fornication), is an evil thing and is to be avoided. If you read with a slightly different interpretation, you can see how the sin described in the passages you linked to can be interpreted to be about faithlessness, either against your wife, or your body or your own spiritual purity. The idea is both about how to behave, and metaphorical about one's union with Christ. To break that bond is like cheating on your wife. It's among the worst things you can do to yourself as well as to your spouse.

 

Way back when, if two people made a promise to God, even if it was in a haystack when they were 15, and they consummated that promise with a fleshy union, then that was enough. They were married. Society wanted to put an end to that unwise behavior, but they did not wish for their children to just start ****ing everything that moved, and besides, female children were pretty much valuable property. So, the idea of a marriage ceremony seemed very practical, and the value of the property increased if that property was never used vs. torn up by all the tribe's young men.

 

But originally, if you ****ed, you were instantly married, and thus, my comment that there are no such things as (modern definition) fornicators. It was a little tongue-in-cheek.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

Funny you mentioned this...wow, this thread is as old as 2012. I know a woman that was previously married, now divorced and on the singles scene, I know her in real life and seen her dating profile online.

 

SHe has 2 kids and she's very involved in her church (she's the organist and involved in her kids youth program activities).

 

She divorced a man, who was apparently "Christian" but beat the living crap out of her all the time and an alcoholic. She was 19 or 20 when she got married, DID wait for sex until after marriage, she did all the good things when it came to this.

But after years of abuse and alcoholism, she had to end it.

 

Now...her dating philosophy is to shack up before marriage and yes, this would involve being sexually active with someone before marriage. Said she would live a year with someone before marrying them as she doesn't want to fall into that trap again.

I asked her, "Well, with you being an active Christian, wouldn't this be considered wrong?"

 

She said, Yes, but considering what I went through last time and the things I didn't know about him, I don't want to experience that hellish situation ever again...and that situation is between me and God when I go to meet him."

 

This coming from an active Christian. Apparently her past horrid experience with her ex-husband launched her into a philosophy of what she believes now and nothing is going to change her attitude.

 

So great! She was a virgin before she got married! But apparently it had consequences. It seems back in the day Christians remained in miserable, abusive marriages throughout the course of their life due to their beliefs, now the modern day Christian is finding divorce MUCH easier now once their husband gives them a black eye or cracked ribs or brings back a disease from an affair.

[joystickd]

An Edomite asking about guilt lol. Why feel guilt when the Roman view of an Abrahamic religion encourages forgives for anything? Really think about that.

[Qboro90]

Yes, the point I was trying to make is that there are legitimate grounds for divorcing and while the Bible says God hates a divorcing it does not say God flatly proscribes it in all cases, on the other hand fornication and a few other things ARE flatly proscribed.

 

A lot of "Christians" seem to forget this when it's convenient. In fact things like homosexuality are lumped right in with fornication in the Bible.

 

Your interpretation of what God intended does not mean that it is 100% true and accurate. Hence why 10 people can have 10 different interpretations of the same passage. You saying that there are legitimate grounds for divorcing and that God knows that and is ok with it, is for lack of a better term... Complete bs... You can believe that for yourself but to condemn and scold others for their different interpretation of Gods meaning is about as un Christian as it gets. Never understood why the die hard Christians feel like they are Gods sheriff and need to police and punish those who don't share the same beliefs. Live and let live my man.

[GunslingerRoland]

If you flip to the back of the bible to see the picture and bio of the author, there isn't a picture of God there oddly enough. Did you know that he actually didn't write a single word of the bible himself... he used ghost writers he loosely translated too. It's like those celebrity biographies.

 

The bible was written by men, in a time long ago. Life was very different then. There was no such thing as engagement, or even dating back then. You got married as a teenager, had babies and worked, died before 40 usually. Kids weren't a burden that you spent hundreds of thousands schooling, they were cheap labor.

 

You didn't have to like your spouse, you barely saw them, you just needed compatible male-female parts to be a successful couple.

 

The world is a very different place now, and couples often take many years to find each other, and make sure they are right for each other. it's a long process. Marriages are arguably better then they ever have been in history. The side effect of this, is for people to wait for marriage for sex can be decades longer than it was when the bible was written. Waiting for marriage at 14 to have sex, is way different than waiting until your 30's when you finally meet that special someone, and then spend a couple of years engaged.

 

I'm not saying people can't wait if they really want to. But it's not easy to translate the bible into modern times and say what the rules are and should be.

[BC1980]

If you flip to the back of the bible to see the picture and bio of the author, there isn't a picture of God there oddly enough. Did you know that he actually didn't write a single word of the bible himself... he used ghost writers he loosely translated too. It's like those celebrity biographies.

 

The bible was written by men, in a time long ago. Life was very different then. There was no such thing as engagement, or even dating back then. You got married as a teenager, had babies and worked, died before 40 usually. Kids weren't a burden that you spent hundreds of thousands schooling, they were cheap labor.

 

You didn't have to like your spouse, you barely saw them, you just needed compatible male-female parts to be a successful couple.

 

The world is a very different place now, and couples often take many years to find each other, and make sure they are right for each other. it's a long process. Marriages are arguably better then they ever have been in history. The side effect of this, is for people to wait for marriage for sex can be decades longer than it was when the bible was written. Waiting for marriage at 14 to have sex, is way different than waiting until your 30's when you finally meet that special someone, and then spend a couple of years engaged.

 

I'm not saying people can't wait if they really want to. But it's not easy to translate the bible into modern times and say what the rules are and should be.

 

Very good point. I've often felt these exact sentiments. I'm a Christian, but I never once felt guilt over having sex. I find it interesting how Christians are so interested in sex and how they can regulate it. I remember growing up in youth group and being constantly told how premarital sex was wrong.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Very good point. I've often felt these exact sentiments. I'm a Christian, but I never once felt guilt over having sex. I find it interesting how Christians are so interested in sex and how they can regulate it. I remember growing up in youth group and being constantly told how premarital sex was wrong.

 

Right, what's interesting is, there was no dating or courtship advice back then in scripture. People just got married to whom ever proposed to them at the time, even at a young age.

 

Even in the recent years in the 1940s and 50s, men and women didn't play much games with men, weren't shallow or overly picky as they are now. Though they married between 18 and early 20s maybe. But there was this no changing boyfriends/girlfriends as often as they change their underwear.

 

This likely resulted moreso in sexual temptation. Engagements usually last a year for some couples and don't tell me they haven't done the deed during that time.

 

The only sexual sin I ever heard of is the one of adultery as listed in the commandments and that's obviously a biggie.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Also, some Christian people reach a point in age, where there WAS a time in their lives they wanted to save themselves for marriage.

 

Of course they are thinking of this in high school, college, then they get out of college into their late 20s and never wind up married to anyone. The whole abstaining before marriage was reserved for those

quite young and married considerably young. Even a 40 year old virgin male, even though Christian, would probably be considered a little odd for being as such by the members of the congregation.

 

Of course, some people in their church get married at 18, 19, 20...around college aged and were able to hold off.

 

But one gets to a certain age where they are like, "screw it" and at that point probably wind up poppin' their cherry with the next person they get involved with.

 

There is also this awareness of how relationships not lasting more than a couple or few years. Why be abstinent for 2 or 3 years in the relationship, then a break-up occurs?

[BC1980]

Does the Bible ever actually say that it's wrong to have sex before marriage? Maybe in the OT? I know that Paul says men should get married if they cannot remain abstinent, which seems pretty depressing. Only get married, so you can have a woman to have sex with is my interpretation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Does the Bible ever actually say that it's wrong to have sex before marriage? Maybe in the OT? I know that Paul says men should get married if they cannot remain abstinent, which seems pretty depressing. Only get married, so you can have a woman to have sex with is my interpretation.

 

Right, I heard something about "if you burn with lust, get married" basically, hurry up and get married so that sex before marriage isn't a sin for you!

[pie2]

Very good point. I've often felt these exact sentiments. I'm a Christian, but I never once felt guilt over having sex. I find it interesting how Christians are so interested in sex and how they can regulate it. I remember growing up in youth group and being constantly told how premarital sex was wrong.

 

Do you read the bible? Pray? Go to church?

 

If not, I would recommend starting all those things.

 

Does the Bible ever actually say that it's wrong to have sex before marriage? Maybe in the OT? I know that Paul says men should get married if they cannot remain abstinent, which seems pretty depressing. Only get married, so you can have a woman to have sex with is my interpretation.

 

Here are some verses you can pray about.

Edited August 16, 2015 by pie2

[BC1980]

Do you read the bible? Pray? Go to church?

 

If not, I would recommend starting all those things.

 

 

 

Here are some verses you can pray about.

 

Thank you for the verses, but, if you read my question, I was actually asking if there is a particular verse that condemns premarital sex. I read about half of the verses from the link, but I didn't see any verses speaking directly to premarital sex. If you know of a verse, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me.

 

The verses from Matthew were particularly interesting though. The ones that say don't divorce unless there is adultery involved. Why do we ignore that verse? Do Catholics allow divorce today?

[BC1980]

Do you read the bible? Pray? Go to church?

 

Yes and yes

[pie2]

Thank you for the verses, but, if you read my question, I was actually asking if there is a particular verse that condemns premarital sex. I read about half of the verses from the link, but I didn't see any verses speaking directly to premarital sex. If you know of a verse, I'd appreciate you sharing it with me.

 

Please continue to read the bible and pray to God for clarity in this matter.

 

Here are some additional links that may help you:

 

 

1. Billy Graham: What does the bible say about premarital sex?
   
2. Sexual Immorality
   
3. Bible Verses: Lust
   
4. More "What does the bible say about premarital sex"
   

The verses from Matthew were particularly interesting though. The ones that say don't divorce unless there is adultery involved. Why do we ignore that verse?

 

Who do you mean by "we"? Personally, I do not ignore that verse.

 

Obviously, non-Christian people do not pay attention to these verses, as they are irrelevant in their lives.

 

But Christian (Evangelical) believers sometimes also ignore these verses. I do not know why. I imagine that the desires of the flesh take over, and people lose faith that God has a better plan for their lives. We are given biblical instruction on how to best live for God's glory. But it's not easy, and it seems that people give up and lose faith in God's ultimate plan.

 

Nonetheless, God still loves brothers and sisters who have remarried. But I think we are instructed to honor the marital union: if a marriage failed in the past and someone remarried, it's now time to do everything possible to honor the current marriage.

 

Do Catholics allow divorce today?

 

I am not Catholic. But yes, at least some (most) Catholics allow divorce, as divorce is allowed in the bible (at least when adultery is involved).

 

Yes and yes

 

Yes and yes to which? You pray and read the bible, but don't attend church? If you do attend church, which denomination do you believe in (only answer if you are comfortable letting us know on the forum...no pressure ).

[taiko]

The verses from Matthew were particularly interesting though. The ones that say don't divorce unless there is adultery involved. Why do we ignore that verse? Do Catholics allow divorce today?

 

Yes Catholics allow divorce, what they don't "allow" is remarriage or sex with anyone else including the self through masturbation after a divorce. Most local dioceses will not even start the process of a church annulment to proclaim that there was not a "valid" marriage to begin with unless the state issues a civil divorce or annulment first

[BC1980]

Yes Catholics allow divorce, what they don't "allow" is remarriage or sex with anyone else including the self through masturbation after a divorce. Most local dioceses will not even start the process of a church annulment to proclaim that there was not a "valid" marriage to begin with unless the state issues a civil divorce or annulment first

 

Thanks for the info. So if a person gets a civil divorce and is not allowed an annulment, I would assume they can get remarried (just not in the eyes of the Catholic church).

[BC1980]

Yes and yes to which? You pray and read the bible, but don't attend church? If you do attend church, which denomination do you believe in (only answer if you are comfortable letting us know on the forum...no pressure ).

 

I just realized there were 3 questions. I meant to answer yes to all 3. I've been a member of the United Methodist Church for about 20 years, and that is where I currently attend church. I was actually raised in a Baptist church until I was 12.

[BC1980]

Please continue to read the bible and pray to God for clarity in this matter.

 

Here are some additional links that may help you:

 

 

1. Billy Graham: What does the bible say about premarital sex?
   
2. Sexual Immorality
   
3. Bible Verses: Lust
   
4. More "What does the bible say about premarital sex"
   

 

 

Who do you mean by "we"? Personally, I do not ignore that verse.

 

Obviously, non-Christian people do not pay attention to these verses, as they are irrelevant in their lives.

 

But Christian (Evangelical) believers sometimes also ignore these verses. I do not know why. I imagine that the desires of the flesh take over, and people lose faith that God has a better plan for their lives. We are given biblical instruction on how to best live for God's glory. But it's not easy, and it seems that people give up and lose faith in God's ultimate plan.

 

Thank you for the links. I will look at them.

 

In regards to "we," I just meant most Protestants. I guess different denominations have different views, but I know that the United Methodist Church allows divorce in cases of abandonment, adultery, and abuse. Abandonment could be defined broadly.

[pie2]

I just realized there were 3 questions. I meant to answer yes to all 3. I've been a member of the United Methodist Church for about 20 years, and that is where I currently attend church. I was actually raised in a Baptist church until I was 12.

 

What led you to the UMC (church)? Were there any specific practices you preferred compared to the Baptist church? I personally get very confused about all the denominations, and don't quite know the major differences.

 

I am encouraged that you attend church. If you're ever in need of guidance about these matters, it seems you have an outlet to talk to other Christian men/pastors about your Christian walk. And if you ever need prayer (for any matter), just let me know!

 

God bless

[autumnnight]

These are all very legitimate questions. I hear the "adultery only" things over and over...of course IN CONTEXT Jesus was addressing a very specific population with very specific practices of the time. And yet I have seen cases where a woman is being abused and ADVISED to STAY in the abuse, even told to "submit more." Really??? And yes, abandonment. If someone leaves you, you've been abandoned.

 

It is very easy in our comfortable pews to condemn the sins WE do not commit...which is actually a different sin, and one God hates (those are the exact words in Proverbs): haughty eyes and a proud heart.

 

I waited for marriage. I don't think that makes me a special snowflake Christian. Whoever keeps the whole law but stumbles at ONE POINT is guilty of breaking all of it, so I have no room for pride.