Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[123321]

So can certainly understand people having sex before marriage and I don't attack others who do.

 

I agree, I do attack people who claim to be Christian and at the same time claim that it's OK to have sex before marriage. Hope that clears things up.

[FredRutherford]

123,

Take a look at some of the comments at the end of this blog.

More Than Fine: Premarital Sex: Where Christians Get It Wrong

Note the post by the Christian woman teaching at her church and is involved in all sorts of religious activities by day, but look at the sex she has with her non-Christian BF....

 

There are similar stories. That's what I'm talking about.

Premarital sex is a big problem and not something so easily dismissed.

 

 

Here's a direct link to the comments I was referencing:

More Than Fine: Premarital Sex: Where Christians Get It Wrong

[KathyM]

This is neither the time nor the place - but suffice to say i am as convinced as you are in your way, that this is complete, total and utter rubbish.

You've made it very clear before that you don't believe in the Bible or in Christianity. You are entitled to your beliefs. Why do you continue to attack Christianity and the Bible? Can't you just chose for yourself not to believe it and allow others their right to their religious beliefs? I don't attack your beliefs in Buddism. You're entitled to believe as you want. So am I. This thread is about how Christians deal with their temptation concerning pre-marital sex.

[KathyM]

Look at the context. It's about infidelity.

God hates both divorce AND infidelity. The Bible is pretty clear on that, and I think we can all agree on that, can't we?

[TaraMaiden]

You've made it very clear before that you don't believe in the Bible or in Christianity. You are entitled to your beliefs. Why do you continue to attack Christianity and the Bible? Can't you just chose for yourself not to believe it and allow others their right to their religious beliefs? I don't attack your beliefs in Buddism. You're entitled to believe as you want. So am I. This thread is about how Christians deal with their temptation concerning pre-marital sex.

 

That's a fair comment.

You're quite right.

Please forget I mentioned it.

[FredRutherford]

This thread is about how Christians deal with their temptation concerning pre-marital sex.

Actually, it was about how they deal with it after the fact, in terms of seeking forgiveness, contrition, not having more sex outside of marriage, etc.

But dealing with temptation is also valid to prevent said "fornicating,":o as an earlier poster called it.

 

Again, I'm not ENDORSING or condoning sex before marriage.

Aren't pointing fingers at those who engaged in it.

 

In my early 20s, as a new Christian, it wasn't something I think I'd ever consider actually doing outside of marriage with a sweet Christian girl, which I really wanted but was so far out of reach...

 

Wanted a "godly, Christian virgin woman..."

As I got older, realized that "preference" wasn't so valid as a woman (or man) can be the first two without being the latter....

 

Things change as you get close to 30 and are like some of these "frustrated inexperienced men" posters here on LS who lament how they can't get a GF....

 

That's a fair comment.

You're quite right.

Please forget I mentioned it.

 

Good.

Glad you two ladies are gettin' along.

Edited April 4, 2012 by FredRutherford

[123321]

God hates both divorce AND infidelity. The Bible is pretty clear on that, and I think we can all agree on that, can't we?

 

Yes, the point I was trying to make is that there are legitimate grounds for divorcing and while the Bible says God hates a divorcing it does not say God flatly proscribes it in all cases, on the other hand fornication and a few other things ARE flatly proscribed.

 

A lot of "Christians" seem to forget this when it's convenient. In fact things like homosexuality are lumped right in with fornication in the Bible.

[BetheButterfly]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

I think many religious people do feel guilt. However, one awesome and very important thing about faith in God is that it does not include just a set of rules. God is not mean dictator out to make people feel miserable and zap anybody with a lightning bolt who misbehaves. God made rules out of love, because He loves us. Sexual purity's purpose is not to make His people not be able to feel pleasure, but rather is a way to protect against unwanted pregnancy (sad to say, many women get pregnant each day and do not want to be at the moment), sexual diseases (the world in which we live in includes death and diseases), and heartbreak (many people feel an intense connection with a person they have sex with)

 

So, those who feel guilty should realize the following:

1. They are human. Humans are prone to errors.

2. God is not a mean dictator. God made rules to protect people, not hurt them... like a Dad who tells his child not to run in the street or touch the stove.

3. If you fall, get back up. People fall everyday (physically and spiritually and emotionally) but the good part is getting back up.

4. God forgives. Ask Him, and then don't beat yourself up. Rather, just strive not to fall again... like ice skating.

5. Remember life is a journey that has trials and tribulations but also joys and victories. Celebrate victories and learn from defeats, and enjoy life!

 

Peace and God bless

[Eve]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

I was not raised in the Church as such and did not make my committment to Our Lord until my early twenties. Prior to this sex was sex and I came very close to considering it over rated at one point. Waste of time.

 

So I did not feel any guilt as such but wanted a deeper connection.

 

Met Hubby and then felt that it was somehow not right to be sleeping with him without being married to him, even though we had a long period of getting to know each other without sex and lived together for 6 months prior to getting married. Doesn't really make sense as we were actually fine .. I was not witholding or anything - but everything felt perfect once we had received Gods Blessing and were joined.

 

Overall, the difference with Hubby is that we do experience a strong sense of being joined and both can recognise the presence of God as a real tangible aspect of our marriage. I am really grateful to have been led to him and to now have this aspect alive within myself. I think this is what I wanted all along but could not voice it, or even imagine it to be honest.

 

Only had this feeling/knowing with him.

 

I did have other lovers after being Baptised. The connection did not grow though. I suppose sex was seen to be something that came with the relationship and I accepted this - but I cannot say that I really was happy or connected to them.

 

So for me it is about connection and faith being one and arriving at that place.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[FredRutherford]

I think many religious people do feel guilt. However, one awesome and very important thing about faith in God is that it does not include just a set of rules. God is not mean dictator out to make people feel miserable and zap anybody with a lightning bolt who misbehaves. God made rules out of love, because He loves us. Sexual purity's purpose is not to make His people not be able to feel pleasure, but rather is a way to protect against unwanted pregnancy (sad to say, many women get pregnant each day and do not want to be at the moment), sexual diseases (the world in which we live in includes death and diseases), and heartbreak (many people feel an intense connection with a person they have sex with)

 

So, those who feel guilty should realize the following:

1. They are human. Humans are prone to errors.

2. God is not a mean dictator. God made rules to protect people, not hurt them... like a Dad who tells his child not to run in the street or touch the stove.

3. If you fall, get back up. People fall everyday (physically and spiritually and emotionally) but the good part is getting back up.

4. God forgives. Ask Him, and then don't beat yourself up. Rather, just strive not to fall again... like ice skating.

5. Remember life is a journey that has trials and tribulations but also joys and victories. Celebrate victories and learn from defeats, and enjoy life!

 

Peace and God bless

 

My biggest life regret was getting sexually involved with my HS GF @17-18.

Wasn't a Christian then, but wasn't ANTI-Christian or an atheist. Just didn't know anything about it.

 

Really, was content hugging and kissing. But one night at the drive-in movie in my car, she told me "I never tried anything...."

So I started exploring and after awhile, we found ourselves having sex.

 

Only did that maybe 3-4X and it always felt yucky.

She (a Catholic) and I both felt intense guilt, so I knew it was wrong.

A condom scare and guilt made me stop to think if I really wanted to be parent, so asked her if we could stop.

 

It was all on me, though, and I still feel guilt over it.

God... I could have been a better man to her....

 

A year or so ago, felt this need to "apologize" to her so sent her a Facebook PM. Said I wasn't the man I should have been and how she deserved better and asked her forgiveness.

 

Had read her FB page (we're not FB friends) and saw how she's big into Catholicism, wanting prayer in schools, etc., which I agree with, so thought Christian forgiveness was in order.

 

Her response?

"Please don't contact me again...."

 

Even 30 yrs. later, can vividly remember what happened that first time, her reaction, etc.

 

Guys/gals, it's true.

You NEVER forget your first time. NEVER.

[KathyM]

Yes, the point I was trying to make is that there are legitimate grounds for divorcing and while the Bible says God hates a divorcing it does not say God flatly proscribes it in all cases, on the other hand fornication and a few other things ARE flatly proscribed.

 

A lot of "Christians" seem to forget this when it's convenient. In fact things like homosexuality are lumped right in with fornication in the Bible.

The Bible DOES say that God hates divorce, but there are different interpretations of what the Bible says is grounds for divorce. Some people's interpretation is that only infidelity or abandonment are grounds for divorce. There is more than one interpretation of what the Bible says on the subject of divorce. I'm kind of curious, though. I remember you as someone I debated in a thread about prostitution, and you were in favor of it. Have you had a change of heart, or why are you now chastising the previous poster about divorce?

[123321]

The Bible DOES say that God hates divorce, but there are different interpretations of what the Bible says is grounds for divorce. Some people's interpretation is that only infidelity or abandonment are grounds for divorce. There is more than one interpretation of what the Bible says on the subject of divorce. I'm kind of curious, though. I remember you as someone I debated in a thread about prostitution, and you were in favor of it. Have you had a change of heart, or why are you now chastising the previous poster about divorce?

 

I'm simply saying that someone who says they are Christian should hold to Christian beliefs and not cook up their own.

[FredRutherford]

Originally Posted by KathyM

The Bible DOES say that God hates divorce, but there are different interpretations of what the Bible says is grounds for divorce. Some people's interpretation is that only infidelity or abandonment are grounds for divorce. There is more than one interpretation of what the Bible says on the subject of divorce. I'm kind of curious, though. I remember you as someone I debated in a thread about prostitution, and you were in favor of it. Have you had a change of heart, or why are you now chastising the previous poster about divorce?

I'm simply saying that someone who says they are Christian should hold to Christian beliefs and not cook up their own.

 

Of course.

It's inconsistent or hypocritical to do otherwise, like a Christian man or woman advising others against extra- or premarital sex, drinking, etc., but secretly indulging in that (not in the past, but a current practice).

 

On divorce, I am a child of that and a result of the "Sexual Revolution's" effect on marriages during the 1960s.

My parents divorced when I was 5. My little brother and I had to endure a physically abusive stepfather.

In some ways, it's hard to forgive my mother for putting us through that, and she initiated the divorce.

She tells us that's her biggest regret, staying with that SOB.

 

 

On my premarital sex, should forgive myself and "let go, let God..."

Thought I had, years ago.

 

A year ago, hearing music from my senior year of HS, just the opening lines of a couple of songs that played on the radio in the car during the late 1970s/early 80s, brought back all these feelings and memories....

Was like it struck me.....

 

Getting close to turning 50, and some other problems like having a "Christian" spouse who regularly withholds intimacy --- all I think about is sex ---

LM? What's that?

Once every 1-3 mos. should be enough, right ????

 

.... it all added-up to almost a mid-life crisis....

(Some people here know my situation).

So I have issues I need to move past...

Edited April 5, 2012 by FredRutherford

[FredRutherford]

When I lost my viginity..oh so many moons ago:rolleyes:, I was a believer but I didn't have a relationship with God. I was also young and foolish enough to beleive I was in love and that he loved me, nothing wrong with that right? Now that I know differently, my choices have been different and I am okay with it.

 

Bent,

That's exactly the kind of response I was seeking.

Thank you for contributing.

 

Have seen your posts and appreciate the help you provide others.

 

Sorry I steered this thread a little off-course with my personal issues...

[pureinheart]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

If so, how did you deal with the guilt?

 

Understand it's a touchy subject, but am curious how you may have "dealt" with the loss of innocence.....

 

This is a difficult question to answer without giving a little background. I was raised Catholic and walked with God from the time I can remember. After being molested at 8 years of age, and then several attempts from my stepfather 15-17 years of age, my views of sex were greatly distorted. I felt my innocence was already destroyed. Therefore guilt had been in existance from the age of 8, I just didn't understand that it was in fact guilt.

 

At 27 my walk with God deepened greatly, and I began to deal with all of the stuff that had happened to me from the age of 8. There has been much progress made, I don't blame the perpetrators, although the guilt is still there subconscioucly.

 

My first encounter was horrible and I detached and am not sure to this day why I allowed it to happen, the only thing I can figure is what was mentioned in the first paragragh. I still "feel" like it never happened, so I am clearly still in denial.

[123321]

It's inconsistent or hypocritical to do otherwise, like a Christian man or woman advising others against extra- or premarital sex, drinking, etc., but secretly indulging in that (not in the past, but a current practice).

 

Just to assist your reading comprehension, I clearly said I wouldn't call my life now Christian, and I also clearly said that anyone who claims to be Christian while writing their own rules is a hypocrite.

[123321]

ten letters

Edited April 6, 2012 by 123321

[FredRutherford]

This is a difficult question to answer without giving a little background. I was raised Catholic and walked with God from the time I can remember. After being molested at 8 years of age, and then several attempts from my stepfather 15-17 years of age, my views of sex were greatly distorted. I felt my innocence was already destroyed. Therefore guilt had been in existance from the age of 8, I just didn't understand that it was in fact guilt.

 

At 27 my walk with God deepened greatly, and I began to deal with all of the stuff that had happened to me from the age of 8. There has been much progress made, I don't blame the perpetrators, although the guilt is still there subconscioucly.

 

My first encounter was horrible and I detached and am not sure to this day why I allowed it to happen, the only thing I can figure is what was mentioned in the first paragragh. I still "feel" like it never happened, so I am clearly still in denial.

 

Am not a counselor, Pure, but FWIW, I don't think you needed to feel any guilt when you became an adult.

You were an innocent child who was preyed upon.

 

Your "first encounter" you reference, that's @8 years old, right?

Or as an adult? Want to make sure I understand clearly.

 

Not sayin' a child wouldn't naturally feel guilt after such experiencing such traumatic things, but as you didn't have a choice in ending your virginity, there's nothing to be ashamed of here.

A child can't give consent, just like an elderly person with dimentia or someone mentally incapacitated is not in his/her "right mind" to make important decisions.

 

You didn't have a "choice" in the matter. It was robbed from you.

 

This issue, the question of this thread, really isn't something you need to worry yourself over.

 

May God help you and I hope you sought counseling.

Edited April 6, 2012 by FredRutherford

[pureinheart]

Am not a counselor, Pure, but FWIW, I don't think you needed to feel any guilt when you became an adult.

You were an innocent child who was preyed upon.

 

Your "first encounter" you reference, that's @8 years old, right?

Or as an adult? Want to make sure I understand clearly.

 

Not sayin' a child wouldn't naturally feel guilt after such experiencing such traumatic things, but as you didn't have a choice in ending your virginity, there's nothing to be ashamed of here.

 

A child can't give consent, just like an elderly person with dimentia or someone mentally incapacitated is not in his/her "right mind" to make important decisions.

 

You didn't have a "choice" in the matter. It was robbed from you.

 

This issue, the question of this thread, really isn't something you need to worry yourself over.

 

May God help you and I hope you sought counseling.

 

Hi FR, what a cool response:), I should be more specific, there was never any penetration, although my head was still messed up.

 

My first was at 17 and horrible, now remembering it was on my 17th birthday. I remember being in a fog that day, very confused. It's still difficult to talk about. Yes I did get counseling at age 32.

 

At that time, and until I was past 27, there was a lack of understanding and a sort of not caring attitude about saving myself for marriage. LOL, being a sixties baby, free love and all, and growing up in an area in which this was definitely not practiced or taught.

 

I feel guilt in the fact that I didn't seek truth sooner, and used of method of detachment, but like saying prior, there has been that subconscious guilt....thanks FR, and want you to know that your thread has caused me to face an issue that has plagued me for years, bringing to light a very dark issue that even years of counseling was unable to uncover:)

[zengirl]

Religious people:

Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity if you lost it outside of engagement/ marriage?

 

No, I felt no guilt. Catholic shame never stuck to me. My mother made sure it wouldn't, and I'm thankful for that certainly. Funnily enough, I would've waited till marriage had circumstances not conspired as they had (my HS sweetheart and fiance died 13 days before our wedding was to happen -- I was in college by then, and he had just graduated and was going to go to medical school). We had a pact to do so. When you are young, that seems normal, I suppose. It wasn't a morality thing for me -- perhaps it was for him; he was quite conservative and Jewish -- but just something to look forward to. Of course now I wish we'd done it a million times, because we never got to.

 

This thread is about how Christians deal with their temptation concerning pre-marital sex.

 

Is it? I carefully read the first post, and it says religious people. To change that to "Christian" seems intolerant to me.

[KathyM]

No, I felt no guilt. Catholic shame never stuck to me. My mother made sure it wouldn't, and I'm thankful for that certainly. Funnily enough, I would've waited till marriage had circumstances not conspired as they had (my HS sweetheart and fiance died 13 days before our wedding was to happen -- I was in college by then, and he had just graduated and was going to go to medical school). We had a pact to do so. When you are young, that seems normal, I suppose. It wasn't a morality thing for me -- perhaps it was for him; he was quite conservative and Jewish -- but just something to look forward to. Of course now I wish we'd done it a million times, because we never got to.

 

 

 

Is it? I carefully read the first post, and it says religious people. To change that to "Christian" seems intolerant to me.

True, his first post refers to religious people, but since the OP is Christian and his second and subsequent posts refer to Christians, I think my statement is in keeping with the OPs discussion. But there are several religions, probably most, that discourage premarital sex, so if you want to discuss the topic of premarital sex from the point of view of your preferred religion, feel free.

[quankanne]

did I feel guilty? Nope. I figured I was ready and I refused to be ashamed of the fact that I'm a sexual being ... being Catholic, there's always the fact that I could seek forgiveness for my transgressions if I was truly repentant.

 

HOWEVER, 20-something years after the fact and with some Monday-morning armchair quarterbacking, I will say this: I wish I'd have found someone who actually cared about me when I gave him my virginity, because the man who "got it" was a self-absorbed jerk who didn't deserve that gift. I also wish that my self-esteem wasn't so low that being sexually active was "answer" ... wasted a lot of time chasing after nothing, and it wasn't until I met the man I eventually married that the whole sex/love thing came together.

 

as Eve said, the difference with Hubby is that we do experience a strong sense of being joined and both can recognise the presence of God as a real tangible aspect of our marriage. I am really grateful to have been led to him and to now have this aspect alive within myself. I think this is what I wanted all along but could not voice it, or even imagine it to be honest. I think it's what we all want, deep down ... someone who is our "other part" who makes the sexual experience more meaningful because of that connection.

[thatone]

Religious people can rationalize anything. So no they dont feel guilty. They could rape children, kill people and do some of the sickest crimes. Yet there is always a way to flip it so they make it seem like its nothing.

 

not entirely accurate, there's two basic types...

 

a) those who use religion as an excuse

b) those who use religion as a crutch

 

type B thrives on personal guilt and uses religion to explain the existence of said guilt. type A removes the personal guilt by justifying their actions with religion, passing both self respect and blame to some other imaginary being.

 

opposite sides of the same coin, but still opposites.

 

that's the genius of religion, it can be whatever you want it to be.

Edited May 15, 2012 by thatone

[FredRutherford]

not entirely accurate, there's two basic types...

 

a) those who use religion as an excuse

b) those who use religion as a crutch

 

.......

 

that's the genius of religion, it can be whatever you want it to be.

Only 2 options?

Doesn't make sense.

 

Of course, you've nothing to do with religion (as you've posted) so we must consider the source...

[Radu]

Yes, the point I was trying to make is that there are legitimate grounds for divorcing and while the Bible says God hates a divorcing it does not say God flatly proscribes it in all cases, on the other hand fornication and a few other things ARE flatly proscribed.

 

A lot of "Christians" seem to forget this when it's convenient. In fact things like homosexuality are lumped right in with fornication in the Bible.

 

This is why i dislike religion and especially western Christians.

You are slippery as hell, you have a Bible that was translated tons of times, who you claim is the word of God but which you manipulate to fit whatever feelings you already have on this subject without regard for it and impose your views on others.

Arguing with the likes of these is an exercise in futility.

 

You are not a Christian, you are something else.

 

If you truly believe in the word of God, believe in it and don't twist and turn it around like you are a freaking lawyer.

 

At least sects are more honest, they have a new religion and they stick with a general dogma.