Religious people: Did you feel any guilt when you lost your virginity?

[123321]

It's to me a simple matter of doing what you say you think is right. Of course that may change over time, I know my views have evolved, but any man who is a man should be strong enough to do what he professes to be the right thing.

 

If not, then admit the wrong and the weakness that caused the malfunction.

 

But to deny the act or the wrongness is adding weakness to weakness.

[FredRutherford]

I never regretted being a virgin till marriage. The only thing I wish is that I had met my second husband before meeting my first husband and that I had lost my virginity to my second husband who, if I had met him 12 years ago, would ideally have been my first and only husband, with no second husbands in the picture! So, I only regret who I lost my virginity to, in that I wish I had lost my virginity to the man I am married to today!

 

This is a very good post, Butterfly, and the kind of thing I wanted to hear when I created this thread.

Thank you for your contribution.

 

Now, my first marriage did not work out but that was not because I was a virgin when we got married. (He had been a mujeriego... womanizer... very sexually active and most definitely far from being a virgin, before meeting me). We did enjoy a very active and for the most part great sex life. (I just didn't like anal.) What we mostly had a hard time with was living together when we were not having sex. We were both too different with different expectations.

 

You state your EX was far from a virgin, while you were a virgin.

I hope he was patient and didn't pressure you.

 

Lemmee ask you a personal q., Butterfly:

Was he one of those "bad boys" Christian women sometimes go for?

 

They ignore or "overlook" the "Good Guys" in their midst and seem to only have eyes for the wrong type of guy.

 

Now, I don't know if your EX was a "bad boy," but judging from his sexual experience....

 

Was that the case?

And if so, why go for those kind of guys, esp. if they're not Christians?

 

And yes, I kinda suspect "good Christian women" "overlooked" me when I was a young Christian in my early 20s in college & immediately after... something I've recently read about.

Still kinda smarts... and something that may have kept me single into my early 30s -- something I didn't want -- when I'd almost given-up on dating "Christian" women.

Edited October 9, 2012 by FredRutherford

[123321]

I've been pondering this and I have to ask; Why is the illicit sex that one had to lose their virginity any more guilt making than the illicit sex that nominal self identifying "Christians" have every day?

 

There are literally MILLIONS of people who identify themselves as Christians but who for instance live with someone they are having regular sex with without being married, or who have someone they are having regular sex with without being married. This is much more premeditated and chronic than someone who messes up once and loses their virginity, shouldn't it generate more shame?

 

Or is the so called "Christian" culture so far gone that it's past shame about that?

[TheFinalWord]

I've been pondering this and I have to ask; Why is the illicit sex that one had to lose their virginity any more guilt making than the illicit sex that nominal self identifying "Christians" have every day?

 

There are literally MILLIONS of people who identify themselves as Christians but who for instance live with someone they are having regular sex with without being married, or who have someone they are having regular sex with without being married. This is much more premeditated and chronic than someone who messes up once and loses their virginity, shouldn't it generate more shame?

 

Or is the so called "Christian" culture so far gone that it's past shame about that?

 

Their conscience is seared. If we willfully engage in sin and folly, our conscience becomes desensitized to sin over time. Humans have a natural ability to justify their actions when it suits them. Losing virginity w/out being married is fornication. But after it's done, if we continue to engage in it, the conscience can become seared. It stops feeling wrong and we begin to justify it using carnal reasoning.

 

"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron."

 

If we find ourselves engaging in sin that used to make us feel conviction, the answer is to turn to God. Repent means to "turn away". Repent from it, and renew your mind in Christ.

 

King David in the bible is a good example. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and she became pregnant. In an attempt to cover it up, he had her husband (Uriah) sent out to the front lines of battle to be killed.

 

David (Part 2) - [1/9] - YouTube

 

Psalm 51, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet went to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

 

Psalms 51:

 

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit.

[BetheButterfly]

This is a very good post, Butterfly, and the kind of thing I wanted to hear when I created this thread.

Thank you for your contribution.

 

 

 

You state your EX was far from a virgin, while you were a virgin.

I hope he was patient and didn't pressure you.

 

Lemmee ask you a personal q., Butterfly:

Was he one of those "bad boys" Christian women sometimes go for?

 

They ignore or "overlook" the "Good Guys" in their midst and seem to only have eyes for the wrong type of guy.

 

Now, I don't know if your EX was a "bad boy," but judging from his sexual experience....

 

Was that the case?

And if so, why go for those kind of guys, esp. if they're not Christians?

 

And yes, I kinda suspect "good Christian women" "overlooked" me when I was a young Christian in my early 20s in college & immediately after... something I've recently read about.

Still kinda smarts... and something that may have kept me single into my early 30s -- something I didn't want -- when I'd almost given-up on dating "Christian" women.

 

Yes my ex-husband was a "bad boy" before he became a Christian.

 

I think many Christian women like the excitement and the danger and the adrenaline rush.

 

My advice is for Christian guys to up the adrenaline... take the girl on a breathless hike that gets the heart pumping for example or on another breathless journey if she's not into nature/fitness... also work out, muscles are really sexy.

 

I think one of the issues some Christian men face is they seem to "good" and do not have an element of mystery to them. Mystery is very intriguing.

 

Also, some Christian women seem to want to tame a "bad boy." That was also my experience... a cool challenge. However, it burned me and wasn't all that fun for him either.

 

Now thank God, I have a wonderful Christian husband who yeah was a bad boy too before he became a Christian, but we are soulmates.

 

My Mom though married Dad who was never ever a "bad boy" except he had issues with pornography (which started when he was a kid) which hurt her. However, out of love for God and her, he gave it up! His daughters helped with that, since he didn't want us to be like the girls on the magazine covers.

 

One of my sisters also married a "good guy" and they have 5 children and are very happy! Another is going to marry a "good guy" soon.

 

So, it really depends on the woman. However, yeah some Christian women go for "bad boys" because of the adrenaline rush and also the desire to help "tame" him.

[taiko]

I've been pondering this and I have to ask; Why is the illicit sex that one had to lose their virginity any more guilt making than the illicit sex that nominal self identifying "Christians" have every day?

 

There are literally MILLIONS of people who identify themselves as Christians but who for instance live with someone they are having regular sex with without being married, or who have someone they are having regular sex with without being married. This is much more premeditated and chronic than someone who messes up once and loses their virginity, shouldn't it generate more shame?

 

Or is the so called "Christian" culture so far gone that it's past shame about that?

The vigin question I believe is not hiding from God but from other men and how they will treat you. While a virgin preference is a fraction of what it used to be, to the point where attracking an actual virgin may be more in the realm of fantasy then reality, it still exist and even the bible commands Jewish priest to only marry virgins or the widows of other priest.

 

Today men care less about it, for many as long as she did not actually work as a prostitute

[Hawaii50]

I've taken a couple.. and they were very scared and kept screaming "oh god, oh god, oh god"

 

-couldn't help myself.

[FredRutherford]

I've taken a couple.. and they were very scared and kept screaming "oh god, oh god, oh god"

 

-couldn't help myself.

I know you're laughing, but that's not really that funny, particularly if they were Christian virgin women.

 

It's not something most would smirk about. Many come to that with great apprehension and guilt.

Edited October 10, 2012 by FredRutherford

[123321]

Their conscience is seared. If we willfully engage in sin and folly, our conscience becomes desensitized to sin over time. Humans have a natural ability to justify their actions when it suits them. Losing virginity w/out being married is fornication.

 

But, to use your word, each subsequent act of fornication is in no way discounted to a bargain rate in the eyes of god, right? I mean, even a serial fornicator is guilty of fornication every time he fornicates, right?

 

 

The vigin question I believe is not hiding from God but from other men and how they will treat you. While a virgin preference is a fraction of what it used to be, to the point where attracking an actual virgin may be more in the realm of fantasy then reality, it still exist and even the bible commands Jewish priest to only marry virgins or the widows of other priest.

 

Today men care less about it, for many as long as she did not actually work as a prostitute

 

What about men who have illicit sex repeatedly? It's viewed as not as bad in some circle but really Biblically they have just as much to "be ashamed of" every time they have illicit sex right?

[Hawaii50]

What if they were heathens?

[123321]

What if they were heathens?

 

Well you have to define heathen I guess. It's mostly used to refer to non-Christians in a derogatory way, usually by Christians. It can also mean someone who is outside ANY mainstream religion.

 

I would say that if whatever belief system a person holds defines sex outside marriage as wrong then they should be ashamed of themselves if they do it or for that matter any other proscribed activity.

 

Indeed this thread is not titled "Christians" but "Religious people" so I guess it's OK to talk about Hindus and Muslims, etc here.

[BetheButterfly]

What if they were heathens?

 

That's even worse!

 

Fred, the thing is that many "modern" Christian women are not helpless innocent creatures that are taken advantage of by big bad guys. Although some are, the vast majority learn about sex as a teen through experimentation.

 

I didn't, but my hubby likes to joke that my family is Amish. (They're really not, but they were really strict... they wouldn't even let me go to a co-ed dance at a Pentecostal church. Some Baptists think dancing is a sin.)

 

I'm not mad at my parents. I love them very much and know they wanted what's best for me, but it is true that many Christians today learn through experimentation. Many do feel guilty afterward, but they don't just experiment with Non-Christians. Many experiment with Christians.

 

For example, one of my good friends when I was 15 got pregnant by her boyfriend. She was 16; her boyfriend was 18. They got married. I have no idea if they are still together today. They were both leaders in the church youth group.

 

My parents were very strict though and the first time I had sex was on my honeymoon with my first husband. I love sex now and for me it is important to have a very healthy and exciting sex life with my current husband!!!

 

 

About Hawaii's comment, I think he was just trying to be funny. That's another thing about some Christian guys... sometimes they get really serious when sometimes Christian girls just want to laugh and have fun.

 

I am not meaning anything bad at all about you Fred. I am just trying to explain and I think it's fine to be serious. I am too though I have to admit that Hawaii's comment was funny to me, just cause it's something some of my friends would say. They like to joke around. It also takes me awhile to figure out if someone is sarcastic or not. I don't know if you have that issue but I do.

 

Have to go now.

[123321]

That's another thing about some Christian guys... sometimes they get really serious when sometimes Christian girls just want to laugh and have fun.

 

I'm pretty sure that little "Christian" hottie from Texas was actually saying something like that but it was hard for me to hear her with her legs clamped on my head like that.

 

She was certainly saying something really loud though.

[FredRutherford]

Thanks, Butterfly.

Once again, your thoughts are spot-on.

 

I was a new Christian in my early 20s in college.

For example, one of my good friends when I was 15 got pregnant by her boyfriend. She was 16; her boyfriend was 18. They got married. I have no idea if they are still together today. They were both leaders in the church youth group.

Yup. Good Christians have sex too.

 

 

Fred, the thing is that many "modern" Christian women are not helpless innocent creatures that are taken advantage of by big bad guys. Although some are, the vast majority learn about sex as a teen through experimentation.

 

... it is true that many Christians today learn through experimentation. Many do feel guilty afterward, but they don't just experiment with Non-Christians. Many experiment with Christians.

 

You're right. I am a little too serious on the sex issue.

Am thinking I looked at sexuality completely wrong.

 

Not that I would have tried to bed all the women I dated in my 20s, the ones that let me date them, that is, but if I were suddenly transported back to that horrible time in my life, I sure wouldn't feel so "uptight" about sex.

I now realize that's a normal part of life and as you point out, even "Christian" women (and men) have sex outside of marriage.

 

That's another thing about some Christian guys... sometimes they get really serious when sometimes Christian girls just want to laugh and have fun.

Being that I only had sex all of 2X throughout my 20s after losing my virginity in HS, am seeing the issue much differently and now view Christian women differently.

 

They're not really "more special" than other women, like I once thought.

Trying to have sex with them, somehow I thought that would offend God.

Fred, the thing is that many "modern" Christian women are not helpless innocent creatures that are taken advantage of by big bad guys. Although some are, the vast majority learn about sex as a teen through experimentation.

The "bad boys" issue I knew nothing about and now feel "neglected' by "good Christian women" I could've dated then -- or more accurately, tried to date.

 

Here I was a Christian man but couldn't get into a relationship with a "good Christian girl."

Of course, I had sexual feelings in my early 20s, but wanted a relationship first and sex later, after marriage.

 

During a particularly lonely time in my life @25-26, I "fell" a couple of times with some casual sex "opportunities" which I really regretted and learned not to do that again... only have sex with someone you had feelings for... and did some other sexual stuff short of the ultimate.

 

A never-married, non-virgin (but limited experience, like me at the time) Christian woman in her mid-30s I dated 1.5 yrs. @27-28, she was conflicted about it so didn't wanna go all the way, which I understood.

And I didn't press her, though I wanted her.

However, didn't mean we didn't do "other things.":p

One night, she told me she wanted me.

 

But like a fool, and knowing her stance and afraid of what she'd think of me (thought we might get married) and afraid she'd had too much wine... I questioned her.

See what a great "gentleman" I was?

Even when "invited" in, I wouldn't accept.

 

I am not meaning anything bad at all about you Fred. I am just trying to explain and I think it's fine to be serious. I am too though I have to admit that Hawaii's comment was funny to me, just cause it's something some of my friends would say. They like to joke around. It also takes me awhile to figure out if someone is sarcastic or not. I don't know if you have that issue but I do.

The good news is I "loosened" a little by my 30s and when met future wife @30, let's just say I wasn't shy about physical intimacy, though we didn't "live together."

 

Do agree with you I've had a distorted view of sex, Christian sex and Christian women.

But am changing or moderating my views on it.

 

I would do things soooooo much differently now @50 if I suddenly found myself single.

 

May say more later, as this is getting long, but I hope it helps convey my views.

Edited October 10, 2012 by FredRutherford

[TheFinalWord]

But, to use your word, each subsequent act of fornication is in no way discounted to a bargain rate in the eyes of god, right? I mean, even a serial fornicator is guilty of fornication every time he fornicates, right?

 

Not sure what the point of this question is?

 

Not what I say, only what the Word says. What I say is meaningless. My opinions are no more valid than the next persons. "Let God be true and every man a liar" - Romans 3:4

 

All of this sounds like a way to blame others to justify ourselves. Don't look to another person as a scape goat. It doesn't matter what they did. Only what we as individuals have done matters on Judgement Day. "Yeah what I did was bad, but they are way worse", "Everyone is doing it!". Those types of excuses won't work b/c we have to stand based on our own actions, not what Joe or Jane Doe did.

 

Christ is the only valid scape goat we have, not other people. Christ took our blame for us and the only one that if we put our blame on Christ that God will say "I'll accept that". That's why judging others is fruitless. The bible is a mirror for our own life. We need to look at our own lives and not worry about what others failings ours. Why? Their failings won't justify us, only coming to the saving foot of the cross will justify us. Accept Christ friend. The bible says fools make a mock of sin. The Word also says, God will not be mocked. What we sow, we will eventually reap. If we sow in sin, we will reap destruction. If we sow to the spirit we will reap life. I did it for a long time, used the bible for joint paper or to do lines of coke, mocked God, mocked Christians, used women, tired to find loopholes in God's word to justify myself. It was all a waste of time and life.

[TheFinalWord]

I was 16 when I lost my virginity. At the time, I didn't believe in God, or at the very least, didn't give Him much thought at all. So, at the time, I didn't feel any guilt at all about what I had done.

 

I say I didn't feel any guilt but what I really mean is-I didn't feel any religious guilt. My life was "godless" and thus, I had no one to answer to. Oh, sin was completely different then

 

Nine years down the line, and after being saved, I think of it all differently. I wish I'd have found Jesus sooner, before I made the mistakes that I made. However, I can't dwell in what has been done, only in what I do now. I feel religious guilt now, a little belated I think. , but I've vowed with myself and with God, that I shall wait for marriage before doing it again.

 

You are awesome!!!! Such a blessing to this forum!!!

 

[BetheButterfly]

Thanks, Butterfly.

Once again, your thoughts are spot-on.

 

I was a new Christian in my early 20s in college.

Yup. Good Christians have sex too.

 

Yep!!!

 

That's one thing that I think sort of got brushed to the side in the past which really needs to be addressed. Sadly, some Christians got the impression that sex is a no-no, whereas that's not true. Sex is an awesome YES; the only thing is that Christians believe God has guidelines for sex! Guidelines are not bad. Just as there are guidelines for sports, so there are guidelines for sex.

 

You're right. I am a little too serious on the sex issue.

Am thinking I looked at sexuality completely wrong.

I think many Christians have seen sex as a taboo or something and that has hurt many Christians with being able to freely open up and enjoy sex with their husband or wife.

Not that I would have tried to bed all the women I dated in my 20s, the ones that let me date them, that is, but if I were suddenly transported back to that horrible time in my life, I sure wouldn't feel so "uptight" about sex.

The problem is that in many Christian churches back years ago, they didn't talk about how awesome sex is but rather seemed generalize sex as "unclean." This I think has hurt some Christians' marriages too, because when kids are taught "Sex is bad." then even when they stay "pure", become adults and get married, they continue to think "sex is bad" when actually sex is Awesome... there are just guidelines from God that we are to follow, like how in sports we are to follow the rules in order to play.

 

 

I now realize that's a normal part of life and as you point out, even "Christian" women (and men) have sex outside of marriage.

Oh no you totally misunderstood my post. My post was not excusing Christians who experiment outside of marriage. Rather, my post was to show that many (not all) Christian girls are not victims of "bad boys" stealing their virginity. Rather, many Christian boys and girls experiment. I am not saying that is good to do... that is actually going outside of the guidelines and I believe that leads to heartbreak, especially among girls who feel used and then cast aside for a "better model."

 

Being that I only had sex all of 2X throughout my 20s after losing my virginity in HS, am seeing the issue much differently and now view Christian women differently.

 

They're not really "more special" than other women, like I once thought.

I personally think all women are special and should be treated special, not just Christian women.

 

 

Trying to have sex with them, somehow I thought that would offend God.

Going outside of God's guidelines for sex is like going outside a sport's guidelines. For example, if you go outside the guidelines of soccer, be prepared to get a card and a scolding from the ref. If you believe in God and go outside His guidelines for sex, be prepared for any consequences.

 

The "bad boys" issue I knew nothing about and now feel "neglected' by "good Christian women" I could've dated then -- or more accurately, tried to date.

Dating does not equal sex. I think it's very important to understand that having a boyfriend or girlfriend does not mean having sex with them. When I was 15, I had my first boyfriend. We didn't even kiss. I wasn't even allowed by my parents to be alone with him, and you know what? I'm grateful for that because I was not emotionally ready to have a sexual relationship with him at that time. My hormones were ranging and I was learning about myself and I was very vulnerable. However, my parents I think did a great job in protecting me from being taken advantage of by a guy just as clueless to true love between a man and a woman as I was!

 

Here I was a Christian man but couldn't get into a relationship with a "good Christian girl."

Of course, I had sexual feelings in my early 20s, but wanted a relationship first and sex later, after marriage.

God's guideline for Christians is marriage and sex together. Now, if your wife is not having sex with you, then I personally feel that is grounds for divorce. Marriage is not for asexual people.

 

During a particularly lonely time in my life @25-26, I "fell" a couple of times with some casual sex "opportunities" which I really regretted and learned not to do that again... only have sex with someone you had feelings for... and did some other sexual stuff short of the ultimate.

I understand. I fell too. However, God is forgiving.

 

A never-married, non-virgin (but limited experience, like me at the time) Christian woman in her mid-30s I dated 1.5 yrs. @27-28, she was conflicted about it so didn't wanna go all the way, which I understood.

And I didn't press her, though I wanted her.

However, didn't mean we didn't do "other things.":p

One night, she told me she wanted me.

 

But like a fool, and knowing her stance and afraid of what she'd think of me (thought we might get married) and afraid she'd had too much wine... I questioned her.

See what a great "gentleman" I was?

Even when "invited" in, I wouldn't accept.

I think God will reward you for that. Please remember that Joseph, a young and incredibly handsome man, was tempted by Pharoah's wife, yet he refused. That is integrity, in my opinion.

The good news is I "loosened" a little by my 30s and when met future wife @30, let's just say I wasn't shy about physical intimacy, though we didn't "live together."

 

Do agree with you I've had a distorted view of sex, Christian sex and Christian women.

But am changing or moderating my views on it.

 

I would do things soooooo much differently now @50 if I suddenly found myself single.

 

May say more later, as this is getting long, but I hope it helps convey my views.

Again, I think you misunderstood my post. I am not excusing Christians going outside of God's guidelines. Christians have the responsibility to obey God. However, the reason I wrote to you about Hawaii's comment is because you seemed to take offense to it, like he was a bad guy when in all actuality, many Christian girls do experiment. Now, does that make it ok in God's eyes? No. However, God forgives.

 

God forgave me after I had sex outside of marriage after I divorced. I repented though. I asked God for forgiveness and decided not to have sex again until getting married. I also asked God for a wonderful husband who loved God and who loved me and who I could enjoy an amazing sex life with following His guidelines! God answered my prayer.

 

Now, my responsibility before God as a "modern" Christian woman includes the following in regards to sex:

 

1. Be faithful to my husband. That means NO sex with anybody other than my hubby. Now, some people might think that's stifling. However, I see God's guideline of faithfulness to my husband to be a means of protection from pregnancy by another man, from sexual diseases, from confusion, and from heartbreak.

 

2. Be sexy and hot for my husband. Sad to say, this has been shoved to the side by many Christians because for some reason many Christian ladies do not understand how crucial and important this is. I wonder if you have this issue with your wife? It is so important for Christian woman to hold on to and protect and enrich their sexiness for their husband, not cast it to the side.

 

3. Blow my husband's mind sexually, which I love to do Again, this is an an important area of life that has been cast aside by some Christian ladies. It is so important for Christian ladies to love and enjoy making love to their husbands... I can't stress that enough.

If a Christian lady is not into sex, I don't think she should marry a Christian man who loves sex.

[Eve]

H'mmm... . Based on the Issac and Rebekah love story, I taught my children that the act of sex is akin to marriage, so they should choose carefully. Basically Issac and Rebekah had sex and that was that - but the whole thing was based on being lead by faith to each other. They knew they were right for each other straight away.

 

So, I don't personally follow that sex before marriage is wrong. Rather I follow that being joined with a person occurs through sex; I have noted that we do seem to take on parts of our partner once we begin a sexual relationship. Hubby and I wanted Gods Blessing mainly because we felt He had lead us to each other and so had the formal wedding service.. as you do.

 

That's that really. The whole fornication bit is for those who were never being lead by God in the first place. I don't think Christians should be so hard on themselves regarding this issue.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[FredRutherford]

H'mmm... . Based on the Issac and Rebekah love story, I taught my children that the act of sex is akin to marriage, so they should choose carefully. Basically Issac and Rebekah had sex and that was that - but the whole thing was based on being lead by faith to each other. They knew they were right for each other straight away.

 

So, I don't personally follow that sex before marriage is wrong. Rather I follow that being joined with a person occurs through sex; I have noted that we do seem to take on parts of our partner once we begin a sexual relationship. Hubby and I wanted Gods Blessing mainly because we felt He had lead us to each other and so had the formal wedding service.. as you do.

Eve,

This is very good perspective and something I hadn't thought of.

 

A never-married 40-something Jewish woman I've communicated with on another board told me she sees so many in the Old Testament having sex outside of marriage, so she doesn't think it was really that big a deal.

The whole fornication bit is for those who were never being lead by God in the first place. I don't think Christians should be so hard on themselves regarding this issue.

It's the person you're with, being right for each other.

That is very profound and helps me a lot here.

 

Your response, Eve, is something I was looking for, ways to get over my perceptions on sex and Christian women. This has really helped.

 

 

Oh no you totally misunderstood my post. My post was not excusing Christians who experiment outside of marriage. Rather, my post was to show that many (not all) Christian girls are not victims of "bad boys" stealing their virginity. Rather, many Christian boys and girls experiment. I am not saying that is good to do... that is actually going outside of the guidelines and I believe that leads to heartbreak, especially among girls who feel used and then cast aside for a "better model."

Butterfly,

Thank you too for again providing valuable insight.

Your latest posting has also helped.

 

No, I didn't mean "loose," promiscuous "no consequence" sex, which I wasn't ever into.

 

I know some Christians do that too. I unfortunately had a couple of "casuals" in my mid-20s, as posted.

So I certainly don't want to encourage illicit sex.

 

The girl later told me

"...as Christians, I know that wasn't something we should have done, but Fred, it was the sexiest night of my life...."

Didn't know she was a "Christian" (or much else about her, really).

You think that fact fills me with regrets, some 30 yrs. later?

 

She also told me I didn't need to use a condom, and could "just pull out in-time" like her EX did...

Though a "near-virgin" with very little experience, wasn't that naive...

 

You also touched on some things that problematic in my marriage, the sexless deal, which I hate and has driven me to all these postings on sex. It's all I really think about anymore.

 

Have more to say on this topic but will save that for next posting.

Appreciate your chiming-in here, Butterfly.

[Eve]

Eve,

This is very good perspective and something I hadn't thought of.

 

A never-married 40-something Jewish woman I've communicated with on another board told me she sees so many in the Old Testament having sex outside of marriage, so she doesn't think it was really that big a deal.

 

It's the person you're with, being right for each other.

That is very profound and helps me a lot here.

 

Your response, Eve, is something I was looking for, ways to get over my perceptions on sex and Christian women. This has really helped.

 

 

 

I wouldn't worry about it Fred.

 

Making the sweet sweet love is good for you, with the one who you are lead to. The rest does not even matter.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[123321]

 

I wouldn't worry about it Fred.

 

Making the sweet sweet love is good for you, with the one who you are lead to. The rest does not even matter.

 

Take care,

Eve x

 

Is that the Bibles word on it?

[Eve]

Is that the Bibles word on it?

 

The quoted part of your post is not all that I said!?

 

Fred was more than ok with the Biblical reference (which you did not reference) and the fact that I care .. that's all that matters to me.

 

 

Bye.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[BetheButterfly]

H'mmm... . Based on the Issac and Rebekah love story, I taught my children that the act of sex is akin to marriage, so they should choose carefully. Basically Issac and Rebekah had sex and that was that - but the whole thing was based on being lead by faith to each other. They knew they were right for each other straight away.

 

Agreed with that. To me, how Isaac and Rebekah met is an interesting love story, since Abraham sent his servant to find the right wife for his son and the servant prayed and asked God for help, and for reasonable and beautiful signs.

 

I think Rebekah is a great role model for women who want to get married because of the following traits:

 

1. She was very beautiful. (Genesis 24:16) I believe God blessed her with a natural beauty. Plus, I believe she took good care of herself. That's important.

 

2. She was a virgin. (Genesis 24:16) She took care of her sexual purity, possibly for God's glory.

 

3. She was kind and cared about strangers. (Genesis 24:17-18)

 

4. She was kind and cared for animals. (Genesis 24:19-20)

 

5. She was a hard worker and physically fit. (Genesis 24:19-20)

 

6. She cared for her family and was close to them; she doesn't seem bitter or a spoiled brat. (Genesis 24:20-30)

 

7. She had faith (in God, I believe) that everything was going to be ok, even though she had not met Isaac in person before deciding to marry him. (Genesis 24:57)

[FredRutherford]

That's one thing that I think sort of got brushed to the side in the past which really needs to be addressed.

 

Sadly, some Christians got the impression that sex is a no-no, whereas that's not true.

 

Sex is an awesome YES; the only thing is that Christians believe God has guidelines for sex! Guidelines are not bad. Just as there are guidelines for sports, so there are guidelines for sex.

.........

I think many Christians have seen sex as a taboo or something and that has hurt many Christians with being able to freely open up and enjoy sex with their husband or wife.

The problem is that in many Christian churches back years ago, they didn't talk about how awesome sex is but rather seemed generalize sex as "unclean."

This I think has hurt some Christians' marriages too, because when kids are taught "Sex is bad." then even when they stay "pure", become adults and get married, they continue to think "sex is bad" when actually sex is Awesome... there are just guidelines from God that we are to follow, like how in sports we are to follow the rules in order to play.

 

Agreed.

 

I now realize that's a normal part of life and as you point out, even "Christian" women (and men) have sex outside of marriage.

Oh no you totally misunderstood my post. My post was not excusing Christians who experiment outside of marriage.

 

Rather, my post was to show that many (not all) Christian girls are not victims of "bad boys" stealing their virginity.

Rather, many Christian boys and girls experiment.

 

I am not saying that is good to do... that is actually going outside of the guidelines and I believe that leads to heartbreak, especially among girls who feel used and then cast aside for a "better model."

 

Butterfly,

I realize that.

My post wasn't necessarily to excuse sin or encourage illicit sex, something I'd never do.

 

Recently, as I approached 50, felt the need to "apologize" to my HS GF who I had sex with @17-18 before I became born-again next yr. in college.

Apologizing to HS GF for sex - Christian Forums

 

Honestly, wasn't really interested in having sex with her. Was quite content holding hands, kissing and "making-out."

But one night, in my car at the drive-in theater, she made the mistake of telling me I "never tried anything..."

So I started "trying" stuff and pretty soon we found ourselves on a cliff...

 

We only did it 2-3X, but I know both of us felt tremendous guilt.

A condom scare also made me question if being a parent was something I really wanted to do, so asked her if we could stop.

 

Notice some of the responses to my thoughts in that thread.

Never felt so beaten-up or slapped in the face.

 

Odd how some of the nonbelievers, pagans, agnostics and atheists were more understanding than some of the so-called "Christians."

One recently apologized to me in a PM for the way they posted toward me.

May say more later, as this is getting long, but I hope it helps convey my views.

 

Something must be wrong with me. Felt the need to contact the girl (privately) and apologize.

But good Catholic she is, pro-life and conservative like me, figured some Christian forgiveness might be in order.

 

Nope. Wrong again.

Got a cold, stern response.

 

Obviously, I had some odd ideas on Christians and sex and seem pretty screwed-up in that arena.

 

Your post, however, has helped me "lighten-up" a little.

[domenicosal]

To lose your virginity is just to get a membrane broken due to your first sexual intercourse. If it was a pleasant experience you don’t have any reason to bother in any way. If it was an unpleasant experience maybe you should be very careful before repeat the same situation, but the same way there is no reason to feel in any way guilty. It is a question of free will and its free use over your own body. It is no intrinsically goodness on being virgin or evilness on losing it. It is a plain personal decision. There must be no religious influence on how do you feel after your first experience. Any woman who takes into account religion on this situation is a dumb woman or maybe she should never had sex in her life because sex is mixed with guiltiness in her mind, and this is a very sad misinterpretation of a natural human function.