I have low/no maternal instinct

[RiverRunning]

You're 33? Yeah, your mind is more than likely made up by now. Your mind is not going to change.

 

Someone who's 20 or 25, I can believe that they might change their opinions. But by the late 20s I think people generally know if they want children or not.

 

To others posting here, I think it is a wonderful thing when people who recognize that they a.) don't want kids and/or b.) don't feel they would be ideal parents decide not to have kids. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, there is nothing at all wrong with choosing to be a parent, so long as you weigh your abilities to do so before you make the plunge.

[CarrieT]

Actually, a friend of mine is in her early 40's and has decided that she will never have children. She told me many of the same things. She never found kids cute, hated being around them, especially when they are screaming etc. Several people told her when she was younger that she would change her mind and she never did.

 

This is me. Even the thought of new-born babies makes me nauseous. My BF (who loves kids) told me that if I had had one of my own, my hormones would have changed and I would have loved it.

 

Thank goodness I'll never find out and I'm okay with that fact.

[FitChick]

My BF (who loves kids) told me that if I had had one of my own, my hormones would have changed and I would have loved it.

 

I'd ask him why so many mothers abuse, abandon and even kill their kids. Animals seldom do.

[xxoo]

I know many wonderful people who don't have children of their own. Some have played a role in my children's lives, and appreciate them so much. There is nothing wrong with deciding not to be a parent, and it doesn't mean that you can not be important in the life of a child.

 

The research has been consistent over the past few decades. It's always two-thirds of parents regret having had kids. I find that very interesting. Marriage satisfaction decreases with the birth of the first child and if the couple stays married, increases again when the kids leave the nest.

 

I am familiar with the research that shows marital satisfaction decreases with children, and increases again after children leave the nest. But do you have a link for 2/3 regretting having children?

[setsenia]

I'd ask him why so many mothers abuse, abandon and even kill their kids. Animals seldom do.

 

Exactly. My H's mom blamed her lack of being a mother to him on her lack of "Oxytocin" or maternal instinct. Simply birthing a child does not always give you that.

[HeavenOrHell]

I feel the same, always knew I didn't want kids, babies bore me, I literally don't know what to do with them if someone hands me one, which doesn't happen often as people know they're not my thing

I find baby birds or animals far more appealing/cute and far less annoying.

Kids I just find tedious, not sure why we're all supposed to find kids and babies cute just cos they're young humans naive/innocent I don't get it. Some are lovely of course, I just seem to have seen far more tedious/horrible ones than nice ones, same goes for adults actually

School didn't help either, plenty of horrible spiteful brats, and as an adult in my 40's I still get bitchy comments from kids and teenagers about my appearance, so this hasn't helped either.

I can't see any reason other than selfish ones to bring kids into this over populated world, and it's a harsh world, I wouldn't want to bring kids into it.

 

It's pretty normal to not find having kids appealing, and it it wasn't normal, who cares?!

 

This is something that I have always felt. On a base level I have very low desire to have children. I want them in some abstract sense, like the ultimate "ending" to people being in love is getting married and having kids. It's something that my mum desparetly wants and something that is considered "normal" by society standards. I am certainly not against kids and I want to still have that as an option. That's why I feel upset at getting older, but that's about it.

 

I never have a desire to look at babies, baby pictures etc. I never look at little kids on the street and go awww. However, I do it with animals all the time I feel awkward around kids and for the most part consider them loud and annoying. I never feel envy for pregnant woman.

 

Having said all that, once I had a pregnancy scare when I was with my ex. My period was late. I did a pregnancy test and when I discovered it was negative, I did feel a distinct sense of disappointment.

 

When I was with my ex, I always said how I want kids. He wanted them and I felt like I kind of did too. He noticed how I never point out babies to him like other women supposedly do and how I look bored when he shows me pictures of babies (he was constantly looking at babies). I would always reassure him that I do like kids and want them. He was always picking at the fact how he doesn't feel like I naturally want to be a mother and how he is worried that I would be selfish once we had kids

 

Anyhow, I am wondering, are other women like this? I somehow feel that once I had my own baby, my feelings would change. I never quite got pregnancy desperation and obsession though.

[HeavenOrHell]

Yes, far too many kids already needing homes!

 

 

BTW I am 33. I have always felt that way. People were telling me that I will change my mind.

 

Idea of adopting or fostering appeals to me more, mostly from the humanitarian prospective.

[Ross MwcFan]

I feel the same, always knew I didn't want kids, babies bore me, I literally don't know what to do with them if someone hands me one, which doesn't happen often as people know they're not my thing

I find baby birds or animals far more appealing/cute and far less annoying.

Kids I just find tedious, not sure why we're all supposed to find kids and babies cute just cos they're young humans naive/innocent I don't get it. Some are lovely of course, I just seem to have seen far more tedious/horrible ones than nice ones, same goes for adults actually

School didn't help either, plenty of horrible spiteful brats, and as an adult in my 40's I still get bitchy comments from kids and teenagers about my appearance, so this hasn't helped either.

I can't see any reason other than selfish ones to bring kids into this over populated world, and it's a harsh world, I wouldn't want to bring kids into it.

 

It's pretty normal to not find having kids appealing, and it it wasn't normal, who cares?!

 

I totally agree with you there HOH.

[shorty7]

Some are lovely of course, I just seem to have seen far more tedious/horrible ones than nice ones, same goes for adults actually

 

You're right--terrible kids usually come from horrible parents. I think it's a matter the will or desire to actually parent a human being. I'm probably the minority in the thread who wants to have kids, but I get that it's perfectly okay for others not to want to.

 

And really, I think HOH hit the nail on this one; don't bring any more unfortunate kids into this already over-populated world. If you don't want kids, don't have them.

 

 

I see kids and parents of all kinds, the happiest of both are the ones being born to parents who wanted to have kids and to be parents.

 

Side note: I think this is largely one of the reasons that gets me really upset about the current issues evolving around women's right to fair/equal access of birth control, or women's health care issues in general. Some people just don't want kids. It's not a matter of having sex without consequences on tax dollars, it's about being responsible of taking preventative measures and the government ensuring there's equal and affordable access for everyone to those options! The fact that people just don't get that makes me very :mad::mad:.