gd1039 Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Ok, so I am one of those "good guys" looking for a "good girl". And yes, I know that they are not so easy to find. But, here is my problem. I have not been in a relationship for a couple years now. I have had some dates here and there (nowhere near as many as I would have liked to have had) but the majority never make it past a 2nd date assuming it got there in the first place. So, here I meet girls that I think I could date but then something goes awry. But my biggest problem is this... See, I don't drink or smoke or do drugs. So, I would obviously like a girl that is the same as me, or at least kinda similar. I mean, I'm open to giving it a chance with dating a smoker. A drinker, I just don't want someone that can't have fun without alcohol and is constantly drinking (which is seems is what nearly all college kids do). And drugs, well I dont think so. So, if I meet someone that seems to fit these qualities something happens like I mentioned and it never progresses like I would like it to. But, and yes there is someone I have in mind at the moment but she has a bf right now so I am not looking to break them up, if I meet someone that does the things I am not interested in (apparently heavy drinker, a smoker, etc.) then it seems that I really click with that person. Just for stories sake...there was a girl in one of my classes last semester I talked to in class that was a big drinker and smoker yet I was still interested in her. So why is it that I find myself attracted to and really clicking with the girls that are different on these "core things" I want in a girl? And to clear up the word attraction, I don't mean only physically. Attracted as in, they are attractive looking but also attracted to their personalities. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Nothing wrong with you. Lots of kids in college drink and smoke -- especially drink. So, it's hard to find a girl that doesn't do those things. Just raw numbers. Sure, there are girls there who don't do those things. But they're not wearing stickers on their foreheads. You've got to meet alot of girls, talk to alot of girls, to find them. Some girls might be reluctant to admit to these values, too, since it doesn't win them too many friends. You'll increase your chances by avoiding the party crowd (no bars, no Greek functions. Try places where studious and athletic girls go. Meanwhile, you meet girls you like who drink and smoke. That's not surprising. You might not like their behavior, but you like them. It's not like participating in these vices is a result of their being horrible people. They are acting out against parental rules, trying to fit in with peers, and turning to physical comforts when under stress. Normal human behavior, esp. but not limited to young people behavior. I'm sure you have your own ways of acting against parental authority, fitting in with peers, and giving yourself physical comfort. Only, your vices are what -- late night pizza and video games? Something, I'm sure -- just comforts you don't see as self-destructive. (And good for you on that.) Stick to your values. She's out there. You just might have to look more actively than you've been. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author gd1039 Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 uriel - thanks for the responce. I was having computer trouble so I haven't been able to respond until now. I definitly agree that its hard to find a girl that isn't crazy with drinking but to me the extra effort in finding one is worth it. See, I have no problem being friend and hanging out with people that drink and smoke, I do hang out at bars regularly and I can still have a good time. But, if all the people want to do is get smashed, I wouldn't have a good time with them and I'm sure they wouldn't have a good time with me. So, I don't really think these people that do these things are bad, but its just not my dig. My vices, well I rarely play video games, but I have a motorcycle that I spend a lot of time out on, I have other hobbies too but its more or less irrelvant. I agree that I should work harder at meeting girls because I probably notice and think about talking to 30 girls for every 1 girl I do talk to. Its not that I am shy either, I am extremely outgoing and I also tend to be very funny, so I do well with people. The thing that has me is that lately I seem to click more with the girls that I wouldn't want to date than the kind of girl that I really do want to date. Link to post Share on other sites
daisyg61 Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 you will no believe that i have the same problem i came to this site because i was going to post the say title as you did (What is wrong with me) that is why i came here for and them i saw the title and it was the same thin that i was having in mind. we have the same problem so your no alone. Link to post Share on other sites
uriel Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 That's just luck of the draw. You just need to meet more girls who have your values / meet your preferences. That's why I recommend active searching. She's out there -- you just haven't met her yet. -- uriel Link to post Share on other sites
Author gd1039 Posted June 22, 2004 Author Share Posted June 22, 2004 daisy - hahaha that is very ironic that you were going to post the same topic. lets just cut the chase and start dating each other uriel - damn the luck of the draw, but you are right. I know its hard to find someone with the same values as me, but its getting ridiculous. Other than those few things, I am not very picky about who I date. Tall, short, light hair, dark hair, a little older, a little younger, whatever. I would much rather have an average looking girl (I consider myself average as well) with a great personality than a perfect 10 with absolutely no personality. you are definitly right about active searching, I really need to step it up if I want to find someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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