fate/destiny??

[David]

I come here often and read the posts. These provide some comfort and solace as a lot of people have similar issues and problems as me. I am 28 and getting over a rather long-standing relationship. The common theme when one is trying to get over a particular person here seems to be that a human being will always forget. He/she will always fall in love again and that there is always another, maybe even greater love awaiting him.

 

As a romantic I find this notion both heartening and disheartening. Its disheartening mostly because I believe (or used to believe) in destiny. That there is one person who is totally right with you and one meets that person and lives happily ever after. This being challenged, my notion was shattered. It is heartening because it makes you accept your fallibility.

 

The fact that there are millions out there who could be right for you makes you cheer up instantly. But is this not only a truth one makes up for themselves so that difficult times do not seem as such?? I hope everybody thinks of these things and will provide me with their valued insight. Thank you.

[Tony T]

There is no evidence to disprove your theory that there is only one person out there that is your soul mate or who is right for you. As a matter of fact, your break up stands more as proof that your theory is correct than incorrect.

 

If you select and date a person who is incorrect for you, the relationship is not bound to last. If you fall madly in love with the wrong person and marry them, that union is not bound to last either. In America, more than fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce.

 

This is certainly evidence that many people are not finding, dating and marrying their soul mate or the person you speak of that is the one they are meant for.

 

If one finds, dates and marries someone with whom they are reasonably compatible, happy with, content, etc., then it can be said that they are, perhaps, meant for each other.

 

But to stay in a relationship where one or the other wants out would be insane and proof beyond the shadow of a doubt that this union was not meant to be, not of divine providence, and not of the universe's desire.

 

And when we make a hasty decision in love, yes, we are given additional chances to find that someone we are meant to be with. If we are smart, that will happen. But for that to happen, we must be physically and psychologically ready and open to it. We must be completely prepared in our minds and in our hearts for a relationship filled with love, sharing, forgiving, compromise and one devoid of blame, guilt, chaos, etc. So, while the divinely kind universe gives us many chances to find the right person...it does not guarantee this will happen. Stupidity and impulsivity is not rewarded by the universe.

 

When you are with the RIGHT person, you will know. And when you are with the WRONG person, you know as well. Too many people with the WRONG person try so hard to make it right. But if I use every tool in the garages in my neighborhood, I cannot convert my Volkswagen to a Rolls Royce, not in my entire lifetime.

 

So where is your problem and why are you shattered??? Are you saying that if you make a mistake or marry the person you were not meant to be that you should be cast into relationship or marital hell for all time?

 

I think the world treats us extremely fairly in love and gives us ample chances to find the love of our dreams. It is ourselves who screw that all up. We alone are responsible for the lot love casts to us. We control it totally. Unless a gun is at our heads, what we tolerate or enjoy in love is completely up to us.

 

Once you have used good judgement, good sense and combined that with your loving nature and all the other good things of your soul to find true love, who then is to say you have not found the person of your dreams, the person you were meant to be with? For if this was not meant to be, it would not have happened.

 

And yes, it is nice that there are a number of people out there to choose from, which makes it all the more special when we have found the RIGHT person for us.

 

So what's your point???

[bryan]

i think this guy is feeliing guilty about his split up with his girlfriend and thinks he might have blown his oppurtunity at happiness. ##### happens buddy. thats life. the fact that you guys are now not together further cements your own theory. you were NOT meant to be........

[bryan]

actually according to what tony says a person can blow his chance by being stupid /stubborn.....

[Deejette]

When we are in the rapturous throes of love we think that the person we are with is our destiny. When we lose them we think we will never love again. But I believe that we can go through a series of right people. They are right for us at the time. Nothing can guarantee that they or we won't change, develop other interests, grow in different ways.

 

When the difference becomes too apparent and the union is mostly miserable rather than loving, it is time to examine the relationship and have faith in love itself. This is faith that the love in your heart will find companionship in another heart and that together you can once again enjoy the adventure of love.

 

To tie yourself to one person for life can be like a prison sentence, if it is based on some carved-in-stone idea that we are only meant to be with one person.

actually according to what tony says a person can blow his chance by being stupid /stubborn.....

[Tony T]

actually according to what tony says a person

can blow his chance by being stupid /stubborn.....

Stupidity and stubborness can be a part of the equation would be only some of the components of our trials and tribulations towards finding the person of our dreams.

 

Deejette suggests that there is often more than one person of our dreams, that is, each great relationship we have is absolutely right for that particular time...until it goes sour. That is certainly a good hypothesis. None of this stuff came down from God through Moses so I guess we'll never know for absolute certainty.

 

Since little about love is logical, it's pretty difficult to speculate on this soul mate stuff in other than reality-based terms...and, you know, reality sux sometimes.

[Nina]

I'm reading a lot of cynicism here, not unfounded, but I think with matters like these the logic can be a bit fuzzy or nonexistant.

 

First of all, scientifically speaking there is no csuch thing as fate. but science is jsut a belief system like any others. There are certain tennants of science that we take on faith (base 10 number system, for example). ANd science falls short in certain areas.

 

Different religions tell you different things about love, procreation, and the propriety of the expression of attachment.

 

The Buddha said that we should not take anything on faith, nor should we believe what other people tell us to believe, religious doctrine or even our own logic (because human logic often falls short and we are very able to delude ourselves into believing whatever we want to believe). WE should only believe what our own intimate, personal invesigations of life have taught us.

 

I experienced fate first hand. I met my fiance through a series of unexplainable circumstances starting at age 7. When we met, we fell in love at first sight. We got together that very day adn spent the entire weekend together. We've been together ever since. We got engaged very quickly and have been together for over a year now, and we have a house, and a very stable, happy life.

 

I refuse to believe that all the circumstances, which I won't list, that connected our lives so thoroughly, were merely accidental.

 

I think in the end it depends on what you believe yourself. If you believe that there is "the one" then you'll find it. If not, you'll find someone merely compatible with your lifestyle.

[Taressa]

Hi David,

 

I'm sorry for the hurt you're going through.

 

We had an interesting discussion about a month back in which we were talking about soul mates. One poster, The Truth, made a great point that most people who believe in that fateful "one" also tend to believe in God.

 

I join the faith in one love and faith in one God group. I believe he has one best plan and one best person for us, David. Sometimes our hardheadedness can throw things off track, sometimes our impatience makes us settle for something less than that one best choice.

 

BUT, I believe any individual who is mature enough to love unselfishly can have an extraordinary marriage and beautiful love. I believe in second chances IF we take the lessons learned from the first.

 

Don't despair; you've a broken heart but you've not lost all.