Motivation and procrastination issues.

[kpa]

I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm not happy with my life. I need to make some changes. I know what I want and I know what must be done to do get it, but I cannot seem to build the motivation to actually make some changes. I know its all in my head but I seem to be in a cycle I cannot break.

 

I am such a procrastinator. I have so many things I need to do but I find the act of getting organized about something and trying to make something happen difficult. I continuously promise myself I'm going to do things, often time mundane unpleasant but definitely necessary tasks, but I always end up making excuses to myself and putting stuff off and never doing it. I'm not completely lazy -- its not so much of a problem once I get into the groove of something, but just the act of starting something is so impossible for me.

 

From the outside most people think I'm doing alright. I've a good job, I have some good friends. Haven't really had much luck finding a girlfriend though, but I have no doubt I could do better in that department. For the most part friends and family think I'm a successful happy person.

 

I feel as though my life is a house of cards, held together with chewing gum and string -- about to fall down. I seem to only do enough to just keep things from falling apart.

 

One huge problem I seem to have is maintaining my space. My apartment is an absolute mess. I mean it is quite disgusting in here. Why? Not sure, I just seem to have trouble maintaining it. I can keep track of all the crap I've lying around. I've never been a big fan of having too much stuff, I like to only have what I absolutely need. I'm trying to reduce my clutter and lighten my load a bit but of course, I procrastinate and procrastinate and I've not done anything about it yet. I've actually had to make up excuses to girls who wanted me to take them home with me because I was so embarrassed about what a mess my place was! How lame is that?

 

I feel as though I am so not living up to my potential. I could be doing a lot better in a lot of areas of my life. Yet I'm trapped in this pattern.

 

I guess I don't really understand how I can know so clearly what I must do but I still manage to convince myself to not do it!

[capitald]

Sounds like you enjoy skating on thin ice. Proceed with caution.

[moimeme]

There are several reasons people procrastinate. When you add having a messy house and 'not living up to your potential' there could be another reason.

 

Go borrow a couple of books on procrastination from the library (and return them ON TIME! ). If none of the explanations seem to fit, look into the symptoms of adult AD/HD - because those you mention are several of them.

[Kimber]

I am so like that,

This is what I do to get myself to do things,

 

I make a list of what I have to do,

only 1 thing at a time,

then i set the time to do it

and i reward myself for doing it,

 

I like this because I have a hard time spending money on myself,

 

So I go and buy myself something that I like but on a normal day I would not buy

even something small, candle, something sexy, fake nails, hair cut, whatever i want

 

so try this,

1 thing , put it on the fridge taped to the fridge, then just jump into it and get it done, do not ever do to much though, first thing that comes to your mind and make it something small that will take a few minutes, then next thing has to be bigger then bigger, and soon you will find that you are doing things cuz you know they have ot be done

 

I hope this works

 

Kimber

[johan]

I procrastinate on things I honestly don't care about. I feel guilty when I think I should care or when someone I know cares is around. But that doesn't actually make me care. It just makes me want to avoid the situation. I used to get so frustrated with myself because I didn't perform in school or at work or I was letting things at home get bad. One time I really thought about it and realized that I never procrastinated on things I really cared about. And I just felt bad about the rest. And actually I wasn't really procrastinating. I was just choosing for myself. I got to be kind of proud of it, because I realized some of my choices weren't so bad.

 

Maybe you can lighten up on yourself a little bit. Like you said, you're actually doing ok, you just can't figure out why you don't care. Don't worry about it, just do the things you care about as well as you can. And at least try to have good hygeine if you aren't going to clean your house.

[kpa]

I've tried making lists and being more organized -- thats not it.

 

I just seem to convince myself it is ok to procrastinate.

 

moimeme -- I'm curious as to why you think ADD. You are not the first person to mention this. Could you explain further?

 

I just can't seem to focus enough to get things done sometimes -- could this be a sign of ADD?

 

Thank you all for your comments!

[moimeme]

moimeme -- I'm curious as to why you think ADD. You are not the first person to mention this. Could you explain further?

 

Here's a self-test. You don't diagnose yourself with it, but it will give you a good indication about whether you should explore the possibility further with medical experts.

 

http://www.amenclinic.com/ac/addtests/

 

I can give you some links on AD/HD, but I have to go clean them up first so it'll take a few days. I'm hoping to have it done by the weekend.

 

I just can't seem to focus enough to get things done sometimes -- could this be a sign of ADD?

 

Absolutely!!!! It is THE major symptom of AD/HD, in fact.

[johan]

Definitely skip the practical advice. You want to go straight for the diagnosis. There is certainly a clinical name for what you're going through, ADD or AD/HD or whatever. Just find out which pill you need and you'll see things get better right away, or soon anyway.

[kpa]

Originally posted by johan

Definitely skip the practical advice. You want to go straight for the diagnosis. There is certainly a clinical name for what you're going through, ADD or AD/HD or whatever. Just find out which pill you need and you'll see things get better right away, or soon anyway.

 

Skip the practical advise? Straight for the diagnosis?

 

So I should just take a pill and make everything better?

 

I guess I'm not understanding your comments.

 

I'm not looking for a magic fix -- I'm looking for some honest examination of my behavior by some caring anonymous people.

 

This are things I can't talk to my friends or family.

[moimeme]

There are a lot of people who refuse to accept that people have disorders and that disorders are no scarier, odder, or worse to have than any other ailment - for instance, diabetes. Some people who criticize people for taking pills for ailments of the brain would never dream of criticizing people for taking insulin or heart meds.

 

Pay no mind, kpa. Unfortunately, it's taking far too long for people to understand that the brain is just another organ which can get ill like all the other organs. I know real humans who suffered YEARS because of having AD/HD and were so grateful and relieved to finally get diagnosed and treated. Maybe you don't have it but you have several symptoms so it's worth looking into.

 

What people don't get is that you can talk the ear of someone with AD/HD off with 'practical advice' which they will not be able to implement because the very nature of the disorder prevents them from doing so. It would be wonderful, of course, if people were to inform themselves about these things before spouting off their opinions.

[johan]

I hope you didn't take my comments seriously. I was being sarcastic. I believe in what I said in my first post.

 

I believe we over-analyze, over-diagnose, and over-prescribe in this society. Some people don't seem bothered by that. Some people seem to think it's actually a good thing. It bothers me.

 

I understand that the brain is an organ, as prone to sickness and injury as any other. And I am completely convinced that it is even more able to heal itself than any other organ in your body. Just like any other organ you can aggravate it and keep it from healing. Destructive thoughts and beliefs and pent-up emotions are the primary problem. I'm not sure pills, amateur diagnoses or acronyms are the solution for everyone. Maybe they aren't even the first solution that should come to mind.

 

I know that you are suffering and I sincerely hope you overcome it soon and however you find works best. You won't be hearing any acronyms, diagnoses, or pharmaceutical suggestions from me. I wouldn't think of discouraging you from getting help from a counselor though. And I encourage you to use your personal resources to overcome this and build your character and belief in yourself, because I believe you can. I wouldn't say that to everyone. I really don't think you have a serious problem. Or if you do, then I have it, too. Good luck and please post updates.

[moimeme]

Destructive thoughts and beliefs and pent-up emotions are the primary problem.

 

Well, that's what we used to think. Fortunately, science has made great strides and it has proven that these conditions exist and are medically based. If you really care, go to Amen's site and look at brain SPECT scans of people with different disorders.

 

But, hey, continue to say that people can fix their ailments by 'thinking right'. It's a great way to stigmatize people who have been landed with biochemical conditons through no fault of their own. People who tell them to just 'think better' make them feel that their ailments are their fault.

 

They also denigrate others with stuff like 'I really don't think you have a serious problem' when they have no clue about the true state of the posters' health.

 

Don't let these sorts - and their numbers are still, sadly, huge - dissuade you from trying the test and going for a diagnosis if it suggests that's necessary. In fact, you may want to see a psychologist anyway for tests if you are finding your lack of motivation is hindering you from conducting your life the way you'd like.

[johan]

Well, in that case, you want to go straight for the diagnosis. There is certainly a clinical name for what you're going through, ADD or AD/HD or whatever. Just find out which pill you need and you'll see things get better right away, or soon anyway.

 

They also denigrate others with stuff like 'I really don't think you have a serious problem' when they have no clue about the true state of the posters' health.

 

I will leave it to moimeme to assess the true state of your health. I believe she has tons of information you can browse and she's studied these things much more than I have.

 

I would say that her initial advice to go get a book on procrastination is good, because they may help you start to identify the root of your problem. When I struggled with the same problem, I didn't find books helpful. They focus more on the symptoms. I found, like I said before, that I procrastinated mostly because I didn't truly care about some things. The books don't really say that. It's an "afraid to fail" thing, but I went farther: "afraid to fail in the eyes of others." When it's something I care about, I don't really care about what others think and I have no fear of failure. When it's something I don't care about, then I'm harder on myself and I worry more about how others are going to judge my performance, because I know I'm slacking off.

 

For instance, right now my yard looks like hell, because I just didn't care to go work on it this spring. In the past, I would have been really hard on myself for it. I would have been telling myself, "get out there and do it" "what would mom or grandpa or whoever think" "what do the neighbors think". I would have dreaded their criticism and I would avoid even starting. It would really bring me down and make me wonder what my problem is. I'd wonder, "why can't I get going?" Now I just figure it's my yard, and I'll do it when I want to, when I care. Right now I have other things to do. Fact is, those other things are going very well. Just by looking at my yard, you'd think I was a huge slug. If you saw how my life as a whole was going, you would think the opposite.

 

When I assess for myself whether to do something or not, I do a test: If I was all alone here on Earth, would I really weed the garden? No. I'd do something much more interesting. If you were all alone on Earth, would you clean your apartment? Maybe sometimes when it got on your nerves, but you definitely wouldn't worry about it. I think procrastination is your brain's way of keeping charged up, or guiding you to follow a path more suited to you. If you spend all your time doing the dumb little mundane tasks, would you have time or energy left for the things you care about? Some people do those things. I tend to outperform them on most everything else.

 

Just consider that. Moimeme's warning that it could be something more interesting could easily be true. She's probably right, I'm a caveman. But I do OK at solving my own problems. Like I said before, good luck. I know how you feel. I once lost a girlfriend because I was so down on myself all the time about things I wasn't doing. Sorry to ramble.

[Matilda]

Ah, a fellow procrastinator, it's so nice to meet you! I am the queen of procrastination.

 

I have been trying to work on this problem a little bit. I went to therapy, for help with my depression, and my therapist recommended I read a book by a David Burns, called "The Feeling Good Handbook". It is about cognitive therapy, and how to change negative thinking patterns. It helped me a lot with my depression, although I also must say I have had chemical help in the form of an anti-depressant.

 

Anyhoo, there are a couple of chapters in this book about dealing with procrastination. So when I first got the book, I was like, "Great, maybe I can figure out what to do about my procrastination problem when I read those chapters." Well, I'm sure you can guess what has happened, I have procrastinated reading them. (Hmmm, now what does that say about me?)

 

I did manage to read one of them the other night. (Yeah for me! ) It did give some useful advice, basically telling you to think differently about the things you are procrastinating about. Instead of going around saying "I should" do this or that, and then not doing it, and feeling guilty about it. You should make a list of the pros and cons of doing said thing, and then realize that you "want" to do whatever it is because it will be a good thing to do. Or maybe, you realize, that for you said activity is not important to you, and so it isn't something that needs to be done.

 

Also, like Kimber said, he advised breaking down chores into smaller increments. Say to yourself, "I am going to work on this for 15 minutes, and then I will do something else."

 

Well, I am sure there is more advice in the other chapter, maybe I will try and read it today. If I learn anything great I will let you know.

 

"I feel as though my life is a house of cards, held together with chewing gum and string -- about to fall down. I seem to only do enough to just keep things from falling apart"

 

I am a little concerned about this statement though, this sounds like something more might be going on than a simple procrastination problem. I am a procrastinator, but I don't feel like my life is falling apart, although I did when I was depressed. Now, I am not depressed, but still procrastinating. But I don't really feel bad about myself because I procrastinate, except if my mother is coming to visit. I would just like to be able to go ahead and do that housework, instead of walking around saying I should do it, and then feel bad because I didn't.

[moimeme]

For household procrastination, try http://www.flylady.net

 

Lots and lots of people swear by Flylady to help them keep their places in order.

[Matilda]

You know, someone else recommended the flylady site to me, but of course I have procrastinated about going there. But since you have so kindly supplied the link, I am going to do it right now.