Frank13 Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 try this and see for yourself, that you're not necessarily correct... The guy that wrote that is like 18. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 (edited) so what? Are you implying that simply because someone is young they can't be hurt? Are you implying that simply because they don't have the experience you've had, that makes their experience more trivial? Are you implying that being 18 exempts you from being credible? Frank13, I've read some of your posts - it's a crying shame that you're holding back on giving more of yourself, because you actually would have so much to gain from doing so.... does your current GF know you're holding back? Edited April 7, 2012 by TaraMaiden Link to post Share on other sites
elfman Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hey Logik... don't worry about it... I know how it is... sometimes we feel like we're swimming in crap and sometimes we feel we're drowning in it... At one point or another I guess we will all deal with setbacks... Right now I have to believe there is hope in the sense that NO ONE deserves to be with a person that treats them badly and does not value them... I'm just sorry I have no way to protect my kids from the pain all of this will cause them... which is why I will never forgive my selfish/self-centered wife... Peace. E. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted April 10, 2012 Share Posted April 10, 2012 Logik Flashbacks and triggers are something you are going to have to deal with for the rest of your life. I am 30 years removed from my Ex. I have happily moved on in life. I am currently in a 16 plus year loving relationship with a gal who is the kindest, most caring, understanding woman that I have ever met. For Christmas she bought me a very large wide screen TV to watch my football, baseball games on, along with my NASCAR racing. And in the looks department, she is totally out of my league. She is a couple of years away from turning 60, but still maintains and hour glass figure and is still eye candy when she puts on her bikinni. Not a bad way to live if your retired. And she is totally mine. Other than wishing I was 20 years younger, I am totally happy with our shared lives. I couldn't ask for anything more. I have recently found a phot of the Ex on the internet. She looks to me to be approaching 200 pounds of ugly. Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me. And yet, there are occassions where the Ex will haunt me by coming back to me in a night mare. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 (edited) ...quite frankly aren't people allowed to have even a single thread in this place where we can express our true feelings post divorce without people coming in & labeling us as "bitter" or attempting to set us on the "correct" attitudinal course? I know you're feeling down about this, but I'm going to call you out on several points. First, if this was "your" thread, then yes, you might have a shot at a valid point, but it's not. Second, you want the right to say whatever you want, but also have the assurance that others will not exercise their right to say what they want? soserious - I'm not saying this to rag on you, but the whole point of this place, by definition, is support and help, so it's hard to expect what you're asking. However, within this place there is one forum - "Rants and Confessions" - which is specifically dedicated to barfing out whatever one needs to barf out, without the assumption that one is asking for help, responses, or attitude adjustments. That might be the place where it could work... Logik - I'm really glad you were on a down part of the rollercoaster. (Actually, that came out sounding funny - I'm not glad you were on the downside; I'm glad that maybe there's an upswing in sight...) I am a good 5 or 6 years out, and I have some down times too. Objectively, you could certainly measure my life now to be "worse" than it was before. When I was married, we lived in a succession of nice houses that we owned - now I live in an apartment, and not a particularly luxurious one at that. We have kids so I still have to deal with my ex on a regular basis. They are just entering their teens, so the ex and I have to deal with each other around difficult situations that can sometimes be contentious and loaded with communication difficulties. So you could say I lost all the good stuff about marriage, yet I'm still stuck with some of the rotten stuff! My earning power is somewhat suppressed, both based on where we are "stuck" living (because either one of us moving would be a huge disruption to the kids' lives) and the time and travel limitations of my being a "half-time single father". I chose to bypass some career opportunities early in our marriage, in the spirit of marital compromise, that in the long run, could arguably have turned out to be quite valuable. I, too, feel like romantically I'm "broken" and it's hard to imagine I'll ever feel like I could be in a long-term relationship again. But you know why it all works for me? Why "it's better"? Because I own it all. It's my life again. I live in my current life now - here in this moment - and I know that I own it. Not only do I know this, I insist upon it, and I hold myself to that responsibility. I don't give my ex or my marriage the blame for my life here and now, and by doing that, I remove their power to drag me down, too. My life - I may screw it up, or take it to the moon, or something inbetween, but when I do, I'm going to own it all. In spite of all my complaints in the paragraph above (which was just background for my main point here), I don't actually sit around looking backward, taking measuring sticks - calibrated in dollars, or houses, or cars - and comparing my previous life to my current one, and deciding that things will never be better. It's already better because I'm moving forward with my hands on the wheel, and I get to f***in' steer, and run the pedals too. I'm not even sure I'll be able to make it go somewhere super-fantastic - I'd like that, but like I said earlier, I may well screw it up - but whatever happens, I'm the one at the wheel, and I don't know exactly what's going to happen next, but that's just how it should be, as long as I'm looking out the front, and not spending all my time focusing behind me. OK, sorry, I kinda ended with lots of dopey metaphor there, and I know when you're feeling down you don't always resonate with this BS bumper-sticker kind of philosophy, but I really do feel this way. It's not just a lie I tell myself in the mirror to drag myself through another day. Edited April 11, 2012 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logik Posted April 11, 2012 Author Share Posted April 11, 2012 Trimmer. Wow dude. Thanks a lot. My thinking is EXACTLY how you explained it. Looking back and blaming. Looking at what I have now as opposed to what I had then... Sucks. The thing that kills me though is that my ex is living in a 3 bedroom apartment with a brand new car, while I stay in a cottage on the back of my parent's property and drive a 17 year old crap car because of the child support and school fees I pay. The feeling of it being unfair just creeps up on me sometimes. She still demands more money from time to time, saying that she can't cope, but still has enough to go away for long weekends, while I can't afford any luxuries. She says that I contribute basically nothing! Really? She gets her payments on time every month without hassle. Does she even know how most women struggle to get anything from their exes? I feel feel like an idiot. A doormat. Looks like her grass really is greener. She doesn't have to put up with me any more, since I'm SO horrible and am basically an axe murderer because of the way she left me, AND she gets everything else she wants. Sorry, I'm ranting again... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts