Husband asks my female friends and sister if they think he is bi or gay..?

[worriedwife83]

Hello all,

 

I recently found out from one of my closest friends that my husband has been having lengthy conversations online with her, and quite a few other women. Apparently he has been asking them if they have ever wondered if he is gay or bisexual. I also recently found out he has asked one of my sisters. Should I be worried? It seems like he has done this alot with mutual female friends..

 

From what he tells me, he gets alot of gay teasing, especially at work. From his family members, and i have teased him before, but for good reason. I discovered he had been looking at the casual encounters ads on craigslist, searching for "bisexual couples". I also found out he has talked to A LOT of females, asking them what they think. The most recent one was my sister, who told him that girls he has talked to came to her, wondering about him..thoughts?

[xxoo]

Instead of talking about gay or bi, ask him this: do you have thoughts and desires of sex with men?

 

Try to approach the conversation in a way that he feels safe, not teased or judged. Try to get to the truth.

 

I'm betting the truth is "yes". Then go from there, asking him what he wants to do about it (does he want to stay married and monogamous? does he want freedom to explore?)

[Lauriebell82]

Yeah I agree with xoxo, that you need to have a serious talk with him without the teasing and joking. Straight up ask him what HE feels his sexuality preferences are (so more broad, not restricted to "gay" or "bi"), and how he wants to deal with them.

[jenwantsbabywade]

He has all KINDS of boundary issues, doesn't he?

 

He sounds like a closeted homosexual/bisexual to me, because staight guys DON'T spend their time asking women if they think they're gay. Straight guys really don't fixate on the subject of bisexuality or homosexuality like your husband is CLEARLY doing. At least, no straight guys that I've ever known have spent this much time worrying about their sexual orientation.

 

Hell, even YOU have teased him for having homosexual tendencies - and you said with darned good reason. Where there's smoke there's fire, in my opinion.

 

Lastly, he's now trawling Craigslist for bisexual hookups? It's only a matter of time before he's experiementing, but something tells me he may have already started.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't touch this guy with a 10 foot pole (no pun intended) or you're going to end up with something nasty.

 

I fully agree with 'Just A Poster', you absolutely need to ask him what is up. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if that was my husband. Just A Poster coined it perfectly when she said, " straight guys absolutely do NOT ask other women if they think they're gay "... straight guys are appalled or mortified if someone thinks they're into men, when their absolutely straight.

 

You might already know at a gut level, think about some of your 'intimate' times for example... Does he prefer the submissive/passive route, or particular positions that offer him the ability for instance to imagine umm a man/man type situation. Think about it. My instinct is you already know the answer if you're honest with yourself. Sexual identity crisis isn't something fixed through marriage counseling, this is a much deeper issue.

 

Good luck to you on this, this one is a big one.

Edited April 7, 2012 by jenwantsbabywade
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