Life Person Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Hi everyone, My life has not been going all that well at the moment. I guess things started more or less a year ago, when I started to gradually become disinterested in stuff, and started to worry about what path in life I should take, what job or career I should focus my attention to… that made me worry more than I should, and I started to have depressed days with some regularity. This trend continued for some months but got really bad once I started my masters – it’s not that I don’t like what I study, but I also don’t feel really connected to it, despite already having some work experience in the area. I feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do and like, not what I really do. The problem is I don’t really know what I do like anymore… Call it “first-world problems”, I know, but it has been bothering me a lot, as a person who used to be very interested in learning about stuff, not liking to do or learn about anything is hard. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. I just feel empty. Then, just a few months after things got really downhill, my girlfriend of 4 years emotionally cheated on me with and dumped me for one of our best-friends… at the time when I most needed her, at the time when she was pretty much the only thing I really enjoyed in my life. I’m also a shy person, with low self-esteem, so this has done a great deal to drag me through the mud. Not to mention I have some family problems that make it a bit hard at home… I’m now seeing a therapist, and it has helped a good deal, but this week I seemed to hit bottom again. I’ve been having some good days, but I still feel like life just goes by… day after day. I wake up, I go to university, I eat, I try to socialize and have a good time with people, but that’s it. Next day I wake and it’s like starting over. I have no goal in life. I know life is supposed to be tough, but I don’t really have anything that keeps me going right now. Not that I want to end things, but also don’t really feel like going on. Not desperation, just a huge void. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I've found that what helps is to go out and try to bring joy to others. It allows you to see that you can make a difference and in my opinion there is no greater joy than bringing happiness to another. Make your goal to be the best person you can be. Everything else tends to fall in line when we are working to find happiness and contentment within ourselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Finding a purpose and a passion in life is an important thing to a healthy existence. This is something your therapist should be helping you with--establishing goals for your life and a plan on how to achieve those goals. When we have no goals, we may feel confused, pointless, in limbo, and unmotivated. Tell your counselor that you want help on establishing goals in your life and motivation, and to develop a plan on achieving your goals. Hopefully, your therapist is also helping you with your depression and self esteem issues. And I would fully agree with the poster above who said that investing your time in helping others will help to lift your mood. When you focus on bringing joy to others, and start living your life not just for yourself, it does help to give your life purpose and meaning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted April 5, 2012 Author Share Posted April 5, 2012 My therapist has been helping me a lot, though work has been focusing mainly on getting on my feet after the break-up and socializing more - and it has helped on those fronts. However, I'm not sure if that is going to help me in the big picture, as I still feel without a direction. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 My therapist has been helping me a lot, though work has been focusing mainly on getting on my feet after the break-up and socializing more - and it has helped on those fronts. However, I'm not sure if that is going to help me in the big picture, as I still feel without a direction. Tell your therapist that you are feeling like you need to establish goals and direction in your life, and a plan for achieving those goals. Your therapist should help you with that. She may be working on one thing at a time, and working on getting you past the break-up and becoming more social, but developing and establishing goals in life is also something that therapy can guide you in. Tell your therapist you want to start working on that. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 Lately, I've been believing more and more in the power of just doing. Your masters is a means to an end. While it's a speciality in a chosen field, the fact that you will have a masters will give you more employment options in general. And if anything it will also give you some breathing time to figure out what you want to do with your life. You don't need to decide right now. You just have to know what you're doing for the short to medium-term or until your masters is complete. Studying, especially at masters level and above can be a lonely and isolating experience. With the breakup, you're probably feeling even more alone and isolated. I agree that you need to have something else besides your study to give you some time off. Even a few hours volunteering at the weekends will give you a breather. My masters was probably one of the toughest years of my life. But I'm glad I did it and survived it. And you will too. Just start small. Do what you have to do to keep your head above water until things ease up and you can start swimming towards the shore. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I have an incredibly full life, yet I struggle with the loss of my ex a year ago nonstop. I don't think keeping busy ever solves breakup pain. The one thing I know that always affects my mind state, or even mindset, is volunteering. As Einstein once wrote "only a life lived for others is a life worth living". Spend a day with underprivileged kids, or at a local animal rescue, and it WILL have a positive impact, on you and on them. One of the groups I just got involved with is ChemoPal, where you become a friend to a child who is about to go thru chemotherapy, and you help them thru it in a way that the parents might be too distraught to do. When you look at what they must survive and deal with, honestly I feel like such an ass crying over my ex. Give something like this a shot. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I know exactly how you feel. It takes time and practice but you will feel better soon. Find a Hobby. Something that you DO like to do. make yourself a busy busy person. and take a day or two to sit alone somewhere and think of exactly where you want your life to go. I went and sat down by the beach the other day and watched the sun go down. I felt at the right place at the right time. when you feel that... you will know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted April 6, 2012 Author Share Posted April 6, 2012 Thanks for the tips everyone. I have found new stuff that I enjoy to do, but they feel more like temporary distractions that distract me from my core issues. However, I am aware that the best way to make one happy is to start appreciating the smaller pleasures, like those small hobbies, but I've been finding it a bit hard to really take pleasure in them. My problems when thinking of emplyment stem from a disproportionate fear of failure... I always feel like I would suck in any job I might get, even though people tell me all the time I have many good qualities. I am aware these fears are not realistic, but I can't seem to shake them off - however, now it is a bit better, last Fall I was having anxiety attacks over trivial things. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted April 6, 2012 Share Posted April 6, 2012 My problems when thinking of emplyment stem from a disproportionate fear of failure... I always feel like I would suck in any job I might get, even though people tell me all the time I have many good qualities. I am aware these fears are not realistic, but I can't seem to shake them off - however, now it is a bit better, last Fall I was having anxiety attacks over trivial things. I can totally identify with this. I also am studying at the masters level, and I constantly worry about the debt that I am racking up and how in the world I will ever be able to pay it off. As a result, pretty much all I do is study. People say "don't worry about that stuff now, you've got three years to figure it out". But the way the economy is these days, I can't help but fixate on it. I feel like the best years of my life are almost certainly over with at age 32 and that there is virtually nothing I can do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 If you're staving off depression, I can't recommend exercise or sports highly enough. Cheaper than therapy. I like the ideas about goal setting & service to others also. But the first thing I do to get me going when I'm not where I want to be is to start exercising and play tennis. The seratonin and endorphins get me more motivated from there. I've found when I don't do these things I get stuck in a mire of negativity which is hard to get unstuck from. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 If you're staving off depression, I can't recommend exercise or sports highly enough. Cheaper than therapy. And in my experience, more effective as well. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Volunteer somewhere on your days off. A shelter for homeless people, the hospital (visit sick children or elderly folks), be pro active that way and give. Sometimes doing things for others helps you put focus less on yourself. I understand that mind funk you're in, where nothing you do or think will change really gets you down. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.. You just can't see it yet. Ask your T (therapist) about CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) if you haven't done that type of therapy yet. It's so helpful. Exercise is good too. yoga, brisk walking and/or jogging. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted April 8, 2012 Author Share Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) Thanks for the tips. Part of what's getting me down is understanding that nothing that I do comes without effort. I don't know if it's low energy, or demotivation, but there's nothing (exercise, socializing, reading, learning, cooking, going for a walk) that comes without me feeling like a chore. Even if afterwards I enjoy it, next time around I don't feel much like it again. And this already happened before I became more depressed, it's something about me that's been getting more prevalent over time... I miss looking forward to do something. Last time I felt this was last year, before going on a long trip with my ex - at the time I was already starting to become depressed, so this feeling felt like a drug, it was so good... I think most people feel like this over something, either it is the weekend, vacations, concerts, film or games releases, sporting events, their hobbies... I used to feel like this, but I don't anymore. Edited April 8, 2012 by Life Person Link to post Share on other sites
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