perfectlyflawed459 Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I will try to keep this brief... So there is this great guy I have been talking to and things have been going great. He has been showing all the signs of liking me like texting me first asking me how my day was, how work was, approaching me and complimenting me, all that. So we were finally going to plan a get together for the weekend, which he suggested we do. When I give him my schedule he texts me saying that he doesn't want to have feelings for anyone right now and that if he hangs out with me, he knows for sure that he is going to get attached to me and "feel a certain type of way" for me. I told him that I respected that and that maybe we should just pretend none of this ever happened and go out separate ways, but then he did a 180 and said he doesn't want to do that at all and that he still wants to hang out with me and see me. I told him that would be counter productive because that would be fueling an unwanted flame and he said he is just really conflicted because he really likes me, but knows that right now isn't a good time in his life to have feelings for anyone. I just told him that I respect his wishes, but I do know what I want and that sometimes in life, second chances don't come around and it kills me to know that we could be potentially throwing away a great thing. He didn't reply back, which I didn't expect him to because I want him to think about it and give him space. A little background, I found out from my mom that he is wanting to go into the Navy and that he is leaving in about 11 months for that, but he has not told me that himself and I think that could be part of his internal conflict. He has a lot going on in his life and I just want to respect him and give him space so he can sort things out. So I would like some opinions on all this because I am confused on what I should do. Any advice or comments are greatly appreciated, thanks for reading and listening guys Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted April 5, 2012 Share Posted April 5, 2012 I have a couple of thoughts to go along with what you've already took a stab at. First is that he was burned in the past and not emotionally ready to start something new. Second is that his back and forth is because he has someone else he is interested in and his ups are when the other person seems like a lost cause, and the downs are when the other person is looking promising. He doesn't have all his eggs in one basket so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 He could be saying this because he knows he's leaving and can't get involved with anyone, for his sake and yours. He could be saying it because he was looking for a FWB relationship and nothing more. If you'd have agreed that you don't need a relationship with 'feelings' at the moment either, then he may have been entirely happy to have a sexual fling. Who knows what is going on in his head? I think if someone seems so conflicted, they are not good news. He is likely to mess you around - he already is doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Thank you for the insight guys. Like you said, it could be any number of reasons but in the end, only he really knows for sure what is going on in his mind. If it means anything, he has not laid a hand on me, tried to get in my pants, or disrespected me in any way so for that, I do respect him for not trying to hit it and quit it. I completely understand why he would not want to be committed right now if he is leaving in about a year, even though it does kind of suck how bad timing can be. Right now, I am just giving him his space so he can sort things out on his own and will remain friendly to him if I see him at work. It is just going to be hard on both of us to pretend like there are no feelings there. I do not really expect anything out of all this, but I do feel like it is the right thing to do to respect and allow him to have some space. We will see what happens I suppose, I will be okay regardless Link to post Share on other sites
eraco11 Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 I love your comment above about second chances. I feel like the situation I am in now mirrors what your situation could end up being and because of the fact that he is going away in 11 months, I think it will be so much harder. I think giving him space is your best bet - he will figure out what he wants to do and at least he knows where you stand. Everything happens for a reason, im a firm believer in that, so whatever ends up happening, know it was for the best. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts