Has your ex ever contacted after long NC?

[budley12]

I have read on here that sometimes your ex may contact you after a long period of NC. I am secretly hoping for this day, and was just wondering how long did it take for them to do so? If your ex did not contact you (yet) after NC please feel free to post as well so I can get a sense of how common it is to happen.

 

I am at 2months of NC from a 4month BU. Ex is with a new guy and seems very happy with him. It hurts but I am slowly [trying] to move on. I asked him not to contact me and he has done so. Sometimes I wonder if he cares about me or thinks of me, or if he truly has moved on and isn't looking back. I know that I have to give up hope to move on, however I still feel that he is "the one". With that being said I am starting to focus on myself and find what truly makes me "tick"

[Nohbody]

First time at about 5 months, then at a year. When you get it, it's going to suck. Then maybe you'll start to feel better.

[budley12]

First time at about 5 months, then at a year. When you get it, it's going to suck. Then maybe you'll start to feel better.

 

Im actually wanting him to contact me. I miss him being in my life, but while he is with someone else it is too painful. We are both studying abroad next semester so I doubt he will contact me then(unless he sees me on skype)... that is if he ever does contact me. Should I be the one to contact him since I asked him not to contact me?

[gibson]

Didn't matter if I was the dumper or the dumpee, every Ex from a LTR I have been in has contacted me. Most of them were years later and this was before the internet even existed. Some contacted my parents, some through my home phone and even a few through mail.

 

With email, texting, Facebook, etc... you more than likely will hear from them at some point.

 

My aunt who is 60, just had an Ex profess his love for her via Facebook. She dated him over 40 years ago.

Edited April 6, 2012 by gibson

[Mr Scorpio]

First time, about after a year of NC. Then again a year after that. Then, after reconcilling and getting dumped again, about 14 months later. Lesson? Be careful what you wish for.

[TaraMaiden]

Im actually wanting him to contact me. I miss him being in my life, but while he is with someone else it is too painful. ..... Should I be the one to contact him since I asked him not to contact me?

 

no, trust me, you do NOT want him to contact you.

why would you want that?

He's moving on, and nothing he could possibly say will make you feel better for that.

 

and no - absolutely not, should you ever, ever get in touch with him.

Read the NC guide in my signature

it's all there.

the why, why not, and wherefore of everything you've asked here.

and don't forget - the guy who wrote this, had to work in the same office as his ex-.

[Reddice]

Broke up with my ex about 2 months ago. Went directly on NC, but had to contact her again after 1 month, because I wanted her to pick up all her stuff she had left at my place. We had brief contact for a few days and she explained she did not want to come back to me, but she wanted to stay in touch. Told her I wan't interested in being friends. Have been on NC since then. She contacted me last Friday to congratulate me for my birthday, but I haven't replied. Though I miss her a lot and think about her constantly, I realize that there is nothing I can do or say to change her mind. She is not coming back, period. Therefor, I have no need to contact her. I suggest you do the same.

[fucpcg]

I dated a girl for a year that I really fell for hard, was ready to ask her to marry me, but when getting to that point she started to pull away, saying she needed some space. We separated as friends, told her go figure out what she needed to, and know that I love her and hope that she comes back to me. After about 1.5 years of separation, 1 year of NC basically, she contacted me. However I had moved away from the city I was living in, so there went that. 15 years later I still miss her, but she is married and living in UK now, so a life of friendship is all we have left.

 

My first love I dated from 21-25, on and off, and we had a firey relationship. Best friends when together, but being young and also both coming from rougher childhoods, things got very turbulent as well. When we finally split for good, we went NC, however I always thought about her and missed her. 15 years later she finds me of FB and messages me. I actually found her about a year earlier, but I didn't know if she would want to hear from me, so I didn't write. We are back to being great friends, and I am sure we would be dating if we didn't live about 1,000 miles from each other.

Edited April 6, 2012 by fucpcg

[Ajax]

As far as exes coming back after long periods of NC, I'll tell you my two stories... a "Tale of Two Exes" if you will. I'll try to keep it brief. Hopefully it'll provide some perspective.

 

Five years ago I was in an on again off again relationship with a girl I worked with. She was a few years older than me, in that mid-late twenties age when so many people are confused. I was smitten with her, but every few months she'd leave for another guy she was hung up on, I'd be crushed, and sulk. Then he'd always mistreat her, she'd leave and bounce back to me. I was too young and idealistic to stand up for myself.

 

This went on for a year until eventually I had enough, and when she came back the next time I ignored her advances. She left the company. I went about my life. A couple years later She sends me a Christmas card and asks if we can get together. I acknowledged the card, but by this time I wasn't willing to risk going through the roller coaster relationship again. We never met up.

 

Now she's married and has a daughter. She still sends me Christmas and Birthday cards. We're on good terms and catch up occasionally, but by the time she came around I just wasn't interested in her anymore. I'd had enough.

 

 

Then my last ex came along. This was two years ago. I was convinced I was going to marry her. She was a couple years younger than me, again in that mid-twenties "confused" period. She left saying she needed to figure herself out and couldn't be in a relationship. I found out later that she had started dating someone as soon as we broke up, maybe even while we were together. But during the breakup I told her that I wouldn't bother her, but if she wanted to talk I'd be there.

 

I waited a few months. Nothing. I waited longer. Not a word. To this day I have never heard from her. Someone who I felt closest to in the world cut me out of her life as easily as I throw away a worn out sock. Never looking back.

 

But I wasted months waiting for something to happen that never would. I set myself back hoping she'd come back. It truly was time wasted that I'll never have back. I could have been using it to recover and mend my broken heart, but all I could do is wait for that phone to ring or get that Facebook message.

 

After about 9 months I accepted the fact that I would never hear from her. That's when I started to live my life again. I started feeling okay. Now if she contacted me it really wouldn't matter. I might respond. I might not. Either way, it won't affect my life. She lost her chance to be a part of my life, and that's okay.

 

In the end, one ex contacted me, one didn't. Same effect. It doesn't matter.

 

The moral of the story is that I hope you won't waste your time waiting and hoping your ex will come around. If it happens it doesn't mean it will be good. If it doesn't, it's not the end of the world. The longer you pine for this boy who hurt you, the longer you'll be in pain.

[Nohbody]

Should I be the one to contact him since I asked him not to contact me?

 

You have to do what you have to do, but it probably won't go well for you if you contact him. I'm not saying it definitely won't, but I have seen too much, and experienced too much to think that trying to get back into contact will be a positive thing in your life.

 

So my opinion:

Don't ever contact him.

 

What you do:

up to you.

[budley12]

thank you all for your replies. I understand that I need to move on in order to truly live life, but I will always have a place for him in my heart. I fear I will always have the "what if" in the back of my mind preventing me from finding someone else, and me always comparing my ex to others. I have that hope that one day he will contact me and we can become friends or more, but while he is dating someone else any contact with him would just hurt me more. From what I have read on the forums it seems that in most cases an ex will have contact with you again, however it seems that it more of just a "checking up on your life" contact. I understand that every situation is different, and unfortunately in my case our breakup was caused due to very heart breaking reasons. It was a rough breakup, and that is what sort of scares me that my ex and I will never have contact again, however my ex did say "i dont want you out of my life" -but from what I understand dumpers tend to say these lines without true meaning but rather to lessen the blow.

[TaraMaiden]

thank you all for your replies. I understand that I need to move on in order to truly live life, but I will always have a place for him in my heart.

That's fair enough... providing it's not 'pride of'....

 

I fear I will always have the "what if" in the back of my mind preventing me from finding someone else, and me always comparing my ex to others.

Well, i hope not.... he dumped you and you don't want that again do you...? This shows the classic 'in love with the memory of what was, not what is'.... and 'what is' - is that he dumped you....

 

I have that hope that one day he will contact me and we can become friends or more, but while he is dating someone else any contact with him would just hurt me more.

the only way you can ever truly be friends with him, is when you see him in the arms of his bride and you think "Aw, that's so great, I'm so happy for them!"

 

From what I have read on the forums it seems that in most cases an ex will have contact with you again, however it seems that it more of just a "checking up on your life" contact.

Yeah, usually something along the lines of, "Hi, how you doing? Just wanted to see how you were...."

 

I understand that every situation is different, and unfortunately in my case our breakup was caused due to very heart breaking reasons. It was a rough breakup, and that is what sort of scares me that my ex and I will never have contact again,

Don't let it scare you. It's something you should actually hope and pray for....if it was a bad break-up, then contact with him will just open the wound, and you want that to heal....you need to work on yourself without thoughts of him, until you feel indifferent....

 

however my ex did say "i dont want you out of my life" -but from what I understand dumpers tend to say these lines without true meaning but rather to lessen the blow.

... lessen the blow to themselves.

Placatory words of this kind are usually said to make you feel better - in order to make themselves feel better.

They think that by promising to stay in touch, you'll think they're so kind and generous, as to not want you out of their lives completely.... it's breadcrumbs. It's just 'white noise' to make them feel less culpable...

 

Read the NC guide, it will open your eyes.....

[lizardking8610]

In my experience they always come back! Right now that is what you are truly wishing for I know! I wished for it too and by the time I stopped wishing for it she was calling me about some book shelves she wanted back so she could move in with her new boyfriend.

 

I gave her back the bookshelves but it didnt stop there she started contacting me daily and I felt that she wanted me back, which I found out that she did.

 

After taking her back in no short order do she proceed to drop me on my head and leave me again, this time it felt worse than the last time.

 

You deserve someone who wont leave you and this person has already played their cards and showed you what their going to do when their in doubt....LEAVE

 

My advice is try try and try again to move on!

 

Rob

[ThatDudeXO]

Hey man...like you, I do secretly want my ex back and hope they call...but that's not gonna happen.

 

An ex is only gonna contact you until you are over them. I don't know why or how this works but it seems to be the way it works.

 

So just try your best to move on and get over your ex, stop waiting for a call and stop hoping for reconciliation.

 

Like you, I would take my ex back but she ripped my heart into pieces and didn't even feel bad, she just ignored me and went out partying. So the only way I would take her back is if she begged me for it. She won't do any better than me, she's missing out on a caring and loving boyfriend that is hard to find these days.

 

So evens if your ex contacts you, ignore them until they're 100 percent serious about getting back together and that's what you want. If they're not willing to try their hardest to get you back, then it's not worth getting back together.

 

So basically, don't worry about her getting in contact with you at all just focus your energy on moving on!

[BewitchedandBothered]

Trying to remember now...He contacted me 3 months after the breakup to say 'best wishes' when he found out I had cancer. Then he tried to pick a fight. I was in recovery and in no damned mood for his immature ways. I ignored him after that. He then contacted me again 7 months after (August, 2011) via text to tell me there was a storm coming and the wind chimes I bought him are really moving in the breeze. Followed by another text asking how I was, using a cute nickname he had given me (stopped using this when the abuse started) and finally another text wishing me well and said he was just checking in. He really wanted to see if I was behind 2 people blocking him. I was not. But anything that went wrong, he felt I was behind it. I often joke and say if he had a hemorrhoid, I was responsible for it, LOL!!!! Nothing since then; he is with someone new.

[BewitchedandBothered]

Hey man...like you, I do secretly want my ex back and hope they call...but that's not gonna happen.

 

An ex is only gonna contact you until you are over them. I don't know why or how this works but it seems to be the way it works.

 

So just try your best to move on and get over your ex, stop waiting for a call and stop hoping for reconciliation.

 

Like you, I would take my ex back but she ripped my heart into pieces and didn't even feel bad, she just ignored me and went out partying. So the only way I would take her back is if she begged me for it. She won't do any better than me, she's missing out on a caring and loving boyfriend that is hard to find these days.

 

So evens if your ex contacts you, ignore them until they're 100 percent serious about getting back together and that's what you want. If they're not willing to try their hardest to get you back, then it's not worth getting back together.

 

So basically, don't worry about her getting in contact with you at all just focus your energy on moving on!

 

Hi, ThatDude!!! When mine contacted me, I was far from over the situation; felt my heart was ripped out. But somewhere I had the strength to ignore him during those attempts. I often wonder, though, when he is 100% out of my system if he will try again===that is just curiosity though. Not wishing it or hoping or wanting it.

 

As for you, LOVE what you said about her missing out on a loving and caring boyfriend. I used to say I was the best my ex ever had, but...starting to believe that is wrong.

[mike588]

I have read on here that sometimes your ex may contact you after a long period of NC. I am secretly hoping for this day, and was just wondering how long did it take for them to do so? If your ex did not contact you (yet) after NC please feel free to post as well so I can get a sense of how common it is to happen.

 

I am at 2months of NC from a 4month BU. Ex is with a new guy and seems very happy with him. It hurts but I am slowly [trying] to move on. I asked him not to contact me and he has done so. Sometimes I wonder if he cares about me or thinks of me, or if he truly has moved on and isn't looking back. I know that I have to give up hope to move on, however I still feel that he is "the one". With that being said I am starting to focus on myself and find what truly makes me "tick"

 

I think I've already posted to one of your threads but anyway my ex. of 1 year dumped me for her ex. 8 months ago.

 

After a week of back and forth emails I went strict N.C and was convinced I'd NEVER hear from her again.

 

I too hoped and prayed that she would contact me...to say she made a mistake and wanted to see me again.

 

I almost broke N.C. a million times but stayed strong and never gave in then after a few months I was sure she wouldn't....that she was happy without me.

 

6 weeks ago she contacts me several times (emails) filled with sorrys...regrets..acknowledging how well I treated her...that she thinks about me every day blah blah blah.

 

What ever you do Don't break N.C....I'm soooo glad I never did...I'm sure it was difficult for her to contact me but it showed me that she did care...that she did love me by her own desire/need to contact me...not me breaking N.C. and her simply replying or giving her the option to reply.

[gibson]

I know that I have to give up hope to move on, however I still feel that he is "the one".

 

"The One" is a myth!

 

There are many, many "Ones" out there.

 

My Mother passed away when she was 41 and my father later met another "One" and remarried. My father and step-mother are going on 20+ years now and they couldn't be happier.

 

My father loved my mother and still does but he found another one of his many "Ones" and so will you.

[ThatDudeXO]

Hi, ThatDude!!! When mine contacted me, I was far from over the situation; felt my heart was ripped out. But somewhere I had the strength to ignore him during those attempts. I often wonder, though, when he is 100% out of my system if he will try again===that is just curiosity though. Not wishing it or hoping or wanting it.

 

As for you, LOVE what you said about her missing out on a loving and caring boyfriend. I used to say I was the best my ex ever had, but...starting to believe that is wrong.

 

I should have mentioned to ignore an ex if you're not over them and they don't want reconciliation. My bad.

 

Why are you starting to believe that is wrong? Curious to know.

[mike588]

I should have mentioned to ignore an ex if you're not over them and they don't want reconciliation. My bad.

 

Why are you starting to believe that is wrong? Curious to know.

 

Yeah your right. When my ex. contacted me she didn't mention anything about wanting to try it again...just a ton of ..I'm sorrys..regrets and I was puzzeled on what she wanted....maybe she was waiting for me to bring it up??

 

If they don't want to get back together it's best that they DON'T contact you!!

[budley12]

again thank you all to your heart-filled responses. I really dont think my ex will contact me again, but as you said TaraMaiden -i will just pray for it and if it happens it will be more special (hopefully).

 

It is a hard concept to wrap my head around that there is more than "the one" because I have only fell in love once. We did everything together including living together since freshman year, traveling the world, and so much more. I say to myself "I will never find anyone like that to share these same experiences in the same way". This is true, however I then need to try and think positively and say "I will have new and better experiences with this new person". I am young (20), so I have a few more years to hopefully find the next "one", however at this point in time nobody will be able to top my ex. I have quite high standards and my ex was perfect in almost every way. I also realize though my ex is not the same person he used to be, hes not the same person I fell in love with. I need to "live in the present" rather than reliving the good past memories.

 

TaraMaiden - i was wondering if you could email me I have some questions for you and I couldn't figure out how to PM. [email protected]

[mike588]

again thank you all to your heart-filled responses. I really dont think my ex will contact me again, but as you said TaraMaiden -i will just pray for it and if it happens it will be more special (hopefully).

 

It is a hard concept to wrap my head around that there is more than "the one" because I have only fell in love once. We did everything together including living together since freshman year, traveling the world, and so much more. I say to myself "I will never find anyone like that to share these same experiences in the same way". This is true, however I then need to try and think positively and say "I will have new and better experiences with this new person". I am young (20), so I have a few more years to hopefully find the next "one", however at this point in time nobody will be able to top my ex. I have quite high standards and my ex was perfect in almost every way. I also realize though my ex is not the same person he used to be, hes not the same person I fell in love with. I need to "live in the present" rather than reliving the good past memories.

 

TaraMaiden - i was wondering if you could email me I have some questions for you and I couldn't figure out how to PM. [email protected]

 

Your still so young...this is all a learning and growing experience. We all felt the same way...that he or she "was the one" they were SO special and could never be replaced...well they can and will!!

 

It's completely NORMAL for you to feel this way...again we ALL did!!!

 

Learn from this and do the best you can to move on....I know how extremely difficult it is but you WILL survive this...you will get over this and come out a stronger person...believe me you WILL!!

 

It's going to take some more time....more tears and heartache but in the long run you will be ok!!

[LogicallyIllogical]

One of my ex's who I dated for 2 years cheated on me, brokeup with me and told me never to contact her again. She blocked my number, email, etc. After about a year or so, she reconnected with me via Facebook. We messaged back and forth and eventually agreed to see each other. She made it clear pretty quickly that she was still attracted to me and wanted to rekindle what we had. You'd think that I was on cloud nine and got everything I wanted, right? Wrong. It didn't click like it did in the past, and although I was still attracted to her, I didn't want to be with her again.

 

In my experience, I've spoken to, seen and spent time with both of my ex's after periods of NC. With my current ex, only time will tell. Usually by the time they reach out, you're already over them, or at least that's how it's been for me.

[BewitchedandBothered]

I should have mentioned to ignore an ex if you're not over them and they don't want reconciliation. My bad.

 

Why are you starting to believe that is wrong? Curious to know.

 

Hey there:) Well, I used to think I was the best he ever had/will have, but found out that the new girlfriend is a successful veterinarian who has traveled the world. She is a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed girl who he seems to be proud to show off. I am none of these things and wasn't show-off worthy to him. Before I blocked mutual contacts, I saw he tagged everyone in his latest fb cover picture and in this picture was of her in a lovely water fall setting. I figure he struck gold, they are together since January. Compared to her, I am 5 feet tall, auburn hair, not successful in a career; didn't do the phi beta kappa thing as she did; could not afford to finish college, yet her career is amazing; I'm just average and have not travelled. It made me feel that maybe she is the best he ever had and I am just a goofy shmuck who fell for his charm once upon a time and somehow provoked his abuse.

Edited April 7, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered

[HollyBolly]

Hey there:) Well, I used to think I was the best he ever had/will have, but found out that the new girlfriend is a successful veterinarian who has traveled the world. She is a beautiful blonde haired, blue eyed girl who he seems to be proud to show off. I am none of these things and wasn't show-off worthy to him. Before I blocked mutual contacts, I saw he tagged everyone in his latest fb cover picture and in this picture was of her in a lovely water fall setting. I figure he struck gold, they are together since January. Compared to her, I am 5 feet tall, auburn hair, not successful in a career; didn't do the phi beta kappa thing as she did; could not afford to finish college, yet her career is amazing; I'm just average and have not travelled. It made me feel that maybe she is the best he ever had and I am just a goofy shmuck who fell for his charm once upon a time and somehow provoked his abuse.

 

I admire you.