jimtash Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Well after five months of not seeing or hearing from my ex, she contacted me about three weeks ago and we have been steadily keeping in touch with each other ever since. She is currently involved with someone else at the moment, but he is indisposed and out of town and probably will be for a few years to come (I'd rather not get into the details, but he's gone). Anyway, she and I have been out a few times and it was really good, we laughed, we held hands and talked although she is hesitant talking about us and told me that all she wanted is to be friends for now. Everytime we talk on the phone, it last for at least an hour and we laugh like you wouldn't believe. I know if she would give it another chance, when she is ready that we could possibly have something truly wonderful. I will say that I knew her for at least three years before we got together and when we did, the relationship progressed a little too fast for us and also a lot of external influences sort of doomed us, but I never stopped loving her. It was the first time I ever lived with a woman and I admit that I did a lot of stupid things that I really regret, but she did also. She finally moved out after about six months, but we still did see each other off and on. The last time I heard from her was a little over five months ago when she was beginning to date her current boyfriend. I figured that it was time to let her go and let her do her own thing so she could figure herself out, which she is still in the process of doing. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I did tell her I want her back, but this time to take it real slow and NOT to repeat our past mistakes like moving in together from the get go. I told her the next woman I move in with will be as my wife, not my girlfriend and she understood that. She says I'll just have to wait which is fine, at least she didn't say no. I currently have about a million emotions running through my head and all I do is think about her. I secretly do wish she contacted me a little later when she finally figured herself and situation out because then I would really know where I stand. That's the hard part for me, not knowing what she really wants to do with herself. In the meantime though I'm really going to show her that I love her by respecting her wishes and being her friend. I had to let her go once in the hopes of getting her back and hopefully she will come back to me to stay this time. Link to post Share on other sites
disguy Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Hmm no questions?.. I would just have to say well all you can do is wait it out and hope the outcome goes your way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 16, 2004 Author Share Posted June 16, 2004 This is just a way for me to vent I guess. I don't really want to discuss this with my friends because they don't understand what I really feel/felt for her. I know I love her, that's all I can say. Link to post Share on other sites
quasimoto Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 it's cool to vent...you've said your peace to her, so all you can do is keep you word and your mouth shut. best of luck man-may love be on your side. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I'm glad to see it may work out for you. I haven't heard from my ex in about the same amount of time. I haven't let go like you said you did in your situation. I'm trying to, it's been hard.It sounds like you know what you are doing. I am hoping for a reconciliation myself, your right about taking it really slow. I agree, I think if two people get back together after being apart it can be something wonderful. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 Hang in there Sid. Not hearing from her in five months actually helped me get my life back together and made me look back at the things that I should have done differently. Now I know and I won't repeat them, trust me. If your ex comes back into your life, just take it easy and don't pressure them into anything. I know it's hard but you need to be strong and ready to move foward without them. As for me, I'm prepared for almost anything with her and although I know she does still have feelings for me, that doesn't mean that I'm on easy street either. I'm just taking it one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 I don't know if you made the same mistakes that I did, I pushed and wasn't able to let go. I acted on emmotions and not on reasoning. I made matters far worse.Was there any anger on her part? I haven't seen her in five months, nor have I called. I guess I could have made even bigger mistakes. That's one thing I would never do, I have emailed her about every month, I don't get a reply. I think that I lucky I'm not getting negative replies so maybe she is just ready to talk to me, I don't know. I am no longer going to make any contact, I am going to believe that is my only chance. I love her so much, I can't believe the pain. reading your post will be my motivator to letting go as much as I can knowing that if it can happen to someone else after a long period of time, anything is possible. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 Hey Sid, here's a good one for you. Last night my ex calls me at 12 a.m. and tells me some bad news about something in her life. I told her to meet me in five minutes to pick her up and bring her to my house. Well anyway I try and comfort her and we start into us again and she tells me that she gave it a try and it didn't work out and that we are not compatible with each other due to different upbringing and that it would be best not to see each other anymore. I tell her that's bs and that this time around it would be different and the circumstances would also be but it didn't seem to register in her head which I think was mostly due to the bad day she was having and so I told her to think about it when she is able to. She also says that she doesn't want to have to make a choice right now between me and current boyfriend who is gone (and he's uncomfortable with the fact that we have seen each other according to her, so what does that tell you?) Anyway, I dropped her off at 4a.m. this morning and she tells me to call her. I'm sitting there thinking if we are incompatible like you said then what's the reason for me to call and just drag it out any longer? Now I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 Maybe if you agree with her and difuse the arguement it may help. Rahter than telling her that things would be different, tell her how you care and want her to make the choices she needs to make, maybe she won't feel pushed. I don't know just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 Yeah but then she starts saying that she hates this town and wants to leave. Then she says I'm "special". Well she's special to me too and deep down inside her heart is telling her to go for it while her hard head is telling her not, I know it. Link to post Share on other sites
quasimoto Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 jimtash- i think it's cool that you guys are getting to see each other, but i think you're on a pretty slippery slope right now. did you start into the "what about us" conversation last nite or did she? you have to put off that relationship talk, whether or not she brings it up or you do. i have been without my girl since february, and we haven't talked since the end of april. i know i'm going to see her at the end of july-now, if we talk when i see her and "it" isn't there, i'm gonna have to let it go. i'm going to take her word on it, even if it is an excuse the answer is still no. i can't make her like me despite what my desire is, and i think time is what's going to truly make the difference if there's one to be made-and i'm talking over a year, like "in the future" time. everybody plays their cards differently, and you have to lay the cards out if you want to play the game, but it seems you've got a losing hand from what you've said. it seems now that the the bf is out of town, she's coming to you because you are the next best thing to having a boyfriend. she likes the attention you give her because she needs someone. and she's not showing you anything that you want to see. i hope i'm wrong but i think you're gonna be dissatisfied in the end. best of luck on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 Well talk about losing hands, I called her today to see how see was doing and asked if it's alright to call her again later tonight and she said she didn't care and I can do what I want (ouch!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 19, 2004 Author Share Posted June 19, 2004 Last night I called her to tell her that I had something for her (totally unrelated) and that I would drop by next week sometime to give it to her and she ask me what I was going to do for the evening and I told her that I had plans to go shoot some pool at a friends house and if she wanted to give me a call in a few hours that it was fine and guess what, she did but I wasn't home so we'll see how tonight goes. I'm kinda glad I wasn't home to take it because she needs to realize that I do have a life and for the five months I didn't see her, I didn't lock myself up in my house and cry over her. Link to post Share on other sites
quasimoto Posted June 19, 2004 Share Posted June 19, 2004 keep down that path, holmes. start running in your own direction, and when you have your open evenings when everyone else is all booked up, when you're feeling low or wanting to talk to her, make something for yourself to do. go rent a movie that you think you can get involved in, read a book, but find time for yourself to stay occupied. that's not to say you should never talk to her again, but now you have momentum on your side and you should look busy & stay busy...and keep it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 Well I've tried to call her for two days now and every time she's either waiting on a phone call or has company over or some other excuse. Friday when I called her, she was nice and asking me how my day went and if I had plans for the night (which I did) and since then it's been downhill. Tonight she said that she is staying with "someone" overnight and she wouldn't be specific as if it were a man or woman but when she said it and I said OK she sort of paused and I think she was waiting on me to ask her with whom, but I didn't. Another person a few days ago told me that she said she won't get back together again with me because of my parents of all reasons and I called bull**** on that. I think that when I talk to her again, if I can get five minutes that I'm finally going to ask her what's really up and if she wants me to ever call her again. I'm a little hurt right now and I need to get my life back in order and this needs to stop, it's either going to go one way or the other but no more games, I'm too old and too damn tired for it. Link to post Share on other sites
estakado Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Dude, now that you got some momentum going and you have a spark, keep with the NC till she calls back, next when she does call just play it cool, kinda slip into ask if you can do something together and whatever you do, plan something real fun and at throughout the date just be fun but not mushy....play it cool if you can and at the end of the date dont do any lovey crap just act like you have something else to do then drop her off smoothly. Right now she expects you to be there for her anytime and that is weak. Right now you have to turn the tables. Also her answer is still prolly no on gettin back together with you. Either you can talk to her and get a final answer or you can go out with her and play it cool till you can feel that she can come back to you. What you gotta do is have her find a reason why she should go back to you...if her interest level drops or she is still undecided then its time to cut her off and then move on. You've been clear for 5 months now and you know you cant depend you her to be like she was before already soo play your cards close and keep her wondering about you instead of you wondering about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 21, 2004 Author Share Posted June 21, 2004 How am I supposed to go out on a date with her when I can't even get five minutes on the phone to even ask her out? Link to post Share on other sites
estakado Posted June 21, 2004 Share Posted June 21, 2004 Dude, I'm saying if she calls Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 26, 2004 Author Share Posted June 26, 2004 Well it's been almost a week and I haven't heard anything from her so I guess she's not calling. Oh well, I tried but it doesn't look like anything is going to happen anytime soon if ever. Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted June 27, 2004 Share Posted June 27, 2004 That's a good attitude. Nothing may happen for months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 29, 2004 Author Share Posted June 29, 2004 Well the ex called back Saturday night and I'm still trying to figure it out. Our conversation lasted over two hours and this is what I really got out of it. She said that she is going to wait on her current boyfriend to return (which I didn't believe) and brought up my parents again saying that she doesn't want to even try and get along with them. She said that I didn't do the little things that really mattered even though she lived under my roof rent free and I paid mostly for everything including a trip to the Bahamas. She said that since she and I have different backgrounds growing up that we are not campatible, but she did agree that the time we spent together was good. I did ask her what she was expecting when she first contacted me and she said a friend and then I asked what did she really find and she said someone who really cares about her. What do you think is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 29, 2004 Author Share Posted June 29, 2004 I forgot to add that the last time I spoke with her that she said she was thinking about leaving town and this time when I said that she should move to be closer to him her reply was "how do you know what I want to do?". I'm thinking isn't that what you said the last time I spoke to you lol. This is getting to be rediculous. Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawg Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 ok i'm currently on the same boat with everyone i got into an argument online and fought and said we should be friends but i was angry so i didn't speak to her she tried calling but i wasn't home and when i called it was to late she said she is friends with her ex boyfriend yeah rite give me a rbeak. ANyway today would be my first NC day and i have a date with a female friend of mine its kinda friendly but i'll be open to anything. I already started making plans for 4th of july and going on vacation in august i'm trying to keep myself occupied since i have sooooo much free time. i'm off school. she's enjoying herself and i'm not ha! lifes a bitch right.! but to be honest with you in your situation stop talking to this girl i dont think friendsship cuts it and she gives u mixed feelings like she does and she doesn't obviously shes confused and everytime u guys speak its like she has a hold on you. She knows that even tho your not together she still can dangle you on a wire. F her go out have fun and get a better person try thinking of all the ****ed up things she did to you. another thing wtf is it with going back with your ex this is the second time i got played for their ex boyfriend damn i'm confused anyone have insight i'm gonna play the games and ropes now f her Link to post Share on other sites
Author jimtash Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 She doesn't have any hold on me, in fact she's making me realize why we broke up in the first place and that's because she has the mentality and reasoning of a 15 year old. If she thinks that she's special enough to be supported by someone while she sits on the couch all day and drinks beer and complains, then I need to end this and quick. I really don't care at this point and I don't have time to teach her how the world really works. One thing I don't understand is why she keeps doing and turning to the same things that took everything away from her in the first place, I mean if she doesn't realize by now she never will and that's ashame because she has lots of potential. And the best part of it is that she has a great guy right in front of her and she doesn't even want to give him a second chance because of all things, his "parents". Not because I was mean to her or treated her bad, but my parents. I'm not sad or angry or feeling anything like that so don't feel sorry for me, I'm just considering her as lost. Maybe one day when she grows up a little and I am talking about a 31 year old here, we might start something but not now at this point in time. Link to post Share on other sites
fishman3226 Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Man are you dating my ex too... lol.... Makes you think sometimes... I gave everything to my ex and she is coming back into my life too at the moment - then I kind of expect her to move on away.. I got to the point too where I have met someone and was (am?) happy with the new girl. I never left mine but I miss her (and she has told me that she misses me too.) She has not dismissed me when I say that I have not dismissed an 'us' but at the moment we are only friends. I like what you said jimtash the question of "what did you find when you started hearing from me again?" Kind of ironic because when I read my ex online dating profile it is ME to a T. Hell, I know someone she was dating and he even looks like me. I reckon this whole thing shows something about human nature - the whole control thing. Having a backup I suppose in reality. I agree with you estakado - let the ex come to me. I have a 'date' as 'friends' coming up so that may proove a few things to me - like if she is worth it... It is like fishing - they reel you in to a point and once they have their bite they are happy and they 'release' you. Like a fisherman though, once they get it they go again. Reeling you on in... But a fisherman too if he dont get a bite he will either a. move on home cause he loses interest or b. starting casting lines again and wait to see.... I am going this time to play a bit 'harder' to get. I am a shark this time.... Link to post Share on other sites
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